Focus in the New Year

Morgan Farr, who ministers with a group for military women and wives, is an inspirational and Word-driven woman of God. A great deal of her ministry revolves around being intentional. In this New Year's UPGRADE, she encourages us as we look forward to what the Lord might do in our lives in 2023.

"Nearly 80% of New Year Resolutions," Morgan says, "are abandoned by February!"

Oh, I (Dawn) believe that! Like Morgan, I have tweaked the whole concept of resolutions into something more manageable and, I think, God-honoring.

Morgan continues . . .

I learned long ago that goals and resolutions didn’t work for me.

I start strong, but then life happens, and I get frustrated.

Instead, I make a simple focal point for the year. To make that happen, I choose a word and a verse to go with it. I use that word and Bible verse to help me make choices throughout the year and decide where to focus my resources.

This is what that has looked like, practically, in the last seven years:

2016—Focus

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV).

2017—Prepare

“But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect" (1 Peter 3:15 ESV).

2018—Tenderness

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6 ESV).

2019—Forgiveness

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 ESV).

2020—Boundaries

“I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it” (Psalms 101:3 ESV).

2021—Reclaim

“See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ” (Colossians 2:8 ESV).

2022—Emerge

“Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him,  rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving” (Colossians 2:6-7 ESV).

I can look back at my words and see what God was teaching me at that time.

In 2018, I had three kids, three years old and under. My husband is active duty military, so I was often solo parenting and overwhelmed. Tenderness and loving my kids well was a big goal that year.

In 2022, I was working on stepping out in faith in new ministry positions. I can confidently say that I emerged in 2022.

F - O - C - U - S

I challenge you to make a focal point for 2023 by using the acronym FOCUS.

1. Find the Issue

Play detective. Where are you struggling? What are you working towards or moving away from? What are your personal needs in the coming year? What are the needs of your family?

2. Own Your Word

Narrow down the list to what you can focus on. Instead of sticking with a word like “blessed” or “love” go to thesaurus.com and look at some of the incredible words that might help you narrow down your topic a little better. Some words are richer than others.

3. Claim Your Verse

If you already have a verse in mind based off of your word, use it!

If not, I like to use BlueLetterBible.org to search for the word or its synonyms.

4. Use Creativity

Get your verse and your word on the walls in your home. Stick it up on the mirror in your bathroom. Put it on an index card in your car. You can do this as big or as small as you like, but you are 42% more likely to achieve your goal if you write it down.

5. Start the Work

Now that you have your word and your verse it is time to live it out. As you make choices in the year and as you interact with loved ones check back on your word and verse often.

If you type “New Year Goals” into google, you'll get a shocking 5,170,000,000 results.

I have set a great many goals and resolutions over the years. Almost all of them were forgotten by spring.

The goal of a focal point is that:

• It is self-driven.
• It is small and manageable.
• It is created by your personal walk with the Lord.

What will your focal point be this year?

Morgan Farr, an Army wife, is a succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Morgan homeschools her four young children and trains her working dogs while leaning heavily on Jesus. Morgan is the Director of Publishing at Planting Roots, a ministry for military women and wives. You can connect with Morgan on all major social media channels using her handle: morgandfarr.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Simon/USA Reiseblogger at Pixabay.

Don't Confuse Being Responsible with Being Faithful

Debbie W. Wilson is both biblically sound and creatively practical. In this Christian Living UPGRADE, she shares the biblical way to deal with a misunderstanding about responsibility."Do you carry an over-developed sense of responsibility?" Debbie asks.

"When I feel overwhelmed or weary, I usually discover I’m feeling responsible for something beyond my control."

Oh, ouch! I (Dawn) know exactly what Debbie means. Why is it such a hard lesson to learn?     

Debbie continues . . .

My desire to do a good job can subtly turn into pressure to make someone happy.

The desire to do good work is admirable. However, the goal to make another person happy is beyond my control.

The Difference Between a Goal and a Desire

In order to help us understand where our responsibilities end and other people’s begin, some thought leaders have delineated between a goal and a desire.

A GOAL is something you want, and you control the means to reach it.

A DESIRE is something you want, but you don’t have control of all the variables to reach it. You need the cooperation of other people or circumstances to achieve it.

For example, let’s say you plan a special picnic for your family.

• You get up early to shred cheese for their favorite pimento cheese sandwiches. 
• You hum as you spread your concoction onto slices of homemade bread.
• The picture of your family enjoying the fruit of your labor brings a smile as you pack a lovely quilt and colorful paper goods.

An hour before you leave, your son’s friend calls to invite him to the pool. He’s spent time with his friend, but not with the family.

You tell him he can go next time. Today is family time. Disappointment oozes out of his pores.

His body comes to the picnic, but not his heart.

You take a deep breath and hand out lunch on fanciful paper plates.

Your daughter whines, “I don’t like this kind of bread.”

You sigh. At least you have homemade chocolate chip cookies.

But when your son grabs the bag of cookies, the ones you stayed up to midnight baking, he shrieks, “They’re alive!”

To your dismay, the seal on the bag is not tight and ants found your cookies.

Now you’re ready to cry!

Did you fail? Was your effort a complete waste? That depends.

• If your goal was to make them happy, then yeah, you failed. They aren’t happy.
• But if your goal was to love your family, then, well done! You are a success.

Learn from Jesus

“Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls’” (Matt. 11:28-29 NLT).

Be gentle with yourself. Jesus is gentle with us. If we learn from Him, we’ll be kind with ourselves too.

Jesus doesn’t hold us responsible for things that lay outside our control.

So, neither should we.

Any goal that requires someone else’s cooperation can be blocked by those people. God doesn’t hold us responsible for what we can’t control. He asks us to be faithful to Him.

God doesn’t measure success by how things appear, but by how we live.

Faith pleases Him (Hebrews 11:6). When we love God and others through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can leave the results to God and know He is pleased with us.

And who knows, our faithfulness to trust God in the presence of disappointment may be our greatest witness to a watching family and world.

Are you feeling responsible for something beyond your control? What would it look like for you to exchange being responsible with being faithful?

Debbie W. Wilson—drawing from her walk with Christ and decades as a Christian counselor and Bible teacher—mixes insight and encouragement to inspire readers to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Give Yourself a Break, and Little Women, Big God. She and her husband Larry founded and run Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling, coaching, and Bible study ministry. Her two standard poodles spice up her life with affection and fun. Find free resources to refresh your faith at debbieWwilson.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Charles MacArthur at Pixabay.

Are You Struggling with Your New Year Goals?

Counselor Kate Hagen encourages women in a number of topics, including faith, parenting and grief. In this Goals UPGRADE, she encourages women to ask three golden questions to overcome struggles regarding their goals.

"Did you make goals for 2020 that you’re struggling to keep? If so," Kate says, "you're in good company! I have been there.

"But, I've learned some really helpful questions to make goals I will be more likely to reach."

I (Dawn) didn't make any New Year's goals this year, but Kate's ideas would have helped, if I had!

Kate continues . . .

Here are three simple ways to improve your chances of reaching your goals.

1. Make Positive Goals.

Often we focus on what we don’t want.

As I was thinking about my desires for 2020, I knew what I didn’t want. I knew I didn’t want to see people as a means to an end—whether that be in business, or just to get their friendship and approval.

So, I asked myself THE GOLDEN QUESTION:

What do I want to experience I’m not currently experiencing? 

I sat with this, and then it came as clear as day. I want to be sincere in everything I do. 

"Love must be sincere…" (Romans 12:9).

Now I had a positive goal: live with sincerity.

Do you see how it switched from the negative—I don't want to see people as a means to an end—to the positive: I want to live with sincerity?

2. Make Measurable and Observable Goals.

I had my positive goal, yet:

• How would I know if I was living with sincerity?
• What does a sincere life look like to me?
• What does it feel like?
• What will I be saying and doing that I’m not right now? 

THE GOLDEN QUESTION:  

If I had a video of what I would be doing two months from now, if I felt more sincere, what would I see myself doing?

Since my 2020 goal is a character trait instead of an action, this was an important step for me. I had to get quiet with my journal before God and answer these questions. 

• A sincere Kate would feel free and honest.
• I would be saying only what is true to me (being silent when appropriate), and not saying what I think the other person wants to hear. (I would choose to let people be disappointed in me, if it meant I was honest.)
• The "video" of a sincere Kate would show me honestly speaking up with a desire to give love instead of get love and approval. 

Now that I had a positive, measurable and observable goal, I needed to break it down. 

3. Set Micro-goals that Move You Forward.

These must be simple and doable. 

"The plans of the diligent lead to profit, as surely as haste leads to poverty...." (Proverbs 21:5).

THE GOLDEN QUESTION:

What’s the next right thing?

Have you heard of the concept of the 3-foot toss? Here is the idea.

In basketball, if you want to make a basket, it’s nearly impossible for the average person to score from half-court. Of course, if you did, it would feel amazing. But, most likely you will miss the points if you try.

This is how we often view our options. We have a goal and we try to make it happen from half-court. But, that’s usually not possible. 

What if we went for a 3-foot toss instead?

What if we stood at half court, yet there were multiple baskets every 3 feet until the final goal? We could try for the glory of a far shot, or we could take that easier—yet still forward progressing—3-foot toss.

So, for me, in my goal to be sincere, I have a 3-foot toss to make today. What’s my next right thing?

I won’t be sincere every moment of every day. But, I can make small progress.

I can ask God to help me be sincere as I write this post. My next 3-foot toss can be to choose to speak sincerely in the business phone call I have later today. And so on. 

In a 2011 Harvard Business Review article, researchers reported finding that “ordinary, incremental progress can increase people’s engagement in the work and their happiness during the workday.” 

In the NY Times, Tim Herrera wrote, "For any task you have to complete, break it down into the smallest possible units of progress and attack them one at a time... break down the very first steps you have to take and keep slicing them up into tiny, easily achievable micro-goals, then celebrate each achievement." 

Celebrate each achievement!

I love the reminder to make sure to celebrate each micro-goal you reach! So, when I’m done writing this post, I will celebrate!

Taking your positive goal, breaking it down into smaller measurable goals, then getting practical with micro-goals IS going to get you closer to reaching your goal.

It's almost guaranteed. 

How have your New Year goals been going so far? Does this inspire you to change them in any way?

Kate Hagen has a Master’s Degree in Biblical Counseling and has written, spoken and counseled women about mothering, faith and grief.  She enjoys creating a safe space for women at the day retreats she co-hosts. At her website, you can find upcoming retreats, schedule a coaching session and read her writing about parenting, grieving and sincere faith.

5 Excuses that Hold You Back

Kathy Carlton Willis is not only an encouraging cheerleader for writers and speakers, her practical wisdom as a life coach helps people move forward in faith. In this Goals UPGRADE, Kathy identifies five excuses that hold us back.

“How would your life be different," Kathy asks, "if you could ditch excuses for good?"

As a long-time excuse maker, I (Dawn) understand the distraction and loss that comes from living with excuses. In fact, my goals mantra has become, "There may be reasons, but not excuses."

Kathy continues . . .

One of my biggest blessings, but also biggest struggles as a life coach, is to recognize what causes someone to feel stuck, and to strategize biblical ways to help them be free of those restraints so they can function in freedom. It is challenging because some prefer to stay stuck rather than step out in faith into unfamiliar territory.

Faith gives us the bravery we need to move forward, one foot in front of the other, until we get to the destination God has for us.

Are you feeling stucik? What’s holding you back from pursuing the goals God has for you?

First, let’s look at the typical excuses we give.

5 Common Excuses

1. I don’t have time.
2. You don’t know my story, my hang-ups, my trials.
3. I can’t afford it.
4. I have a broken relationship.
5. It’s out of my control.

You make your own list. What’s holding you back? Why can’t you or won’t you take the next step needed toward your goal?

6 Ways to Ditch the Excuses for Good

1. Is it an excuse or a reason?

• If it’s an excuse, learn not to listen to it.
• If it’s a true reason, learn a “work around” so the reason is merely a detour rather than a dead end.

2. What fear is attached to your excuse?

If you find yourself in a place where you aren’t comfortable moving forward, usually it’s because there’s a fear holding you back.

What do you fear might happen if you move toward the goal God has for you?

• Fear of failure?
• Fear of success?
• Fear of change?
• Fear of what others think?
• Fear of it costing something you hold dear?

3. Kick the excuses to the curb and use godly self-talk instead.

Evict the excuses out of your head and heart. Then learn a new truth statement to repeat to yourself instead.

You can find what God thinks about you in Scripture and can apply it to your situation.

4. Make moving forward a priority.

Don’t wallow in stuckness.

Don’t give your excuses permission to have control over you.

Determine what God wants for your life and don’t let anything hold you back from it.

Even if you have to wait for something out of your control to happen, you can have “active waiting” by learning how to adopt the right thinking so it’s in place when you get the green light to move forward.

5. Spend as much time seeking the solution as believing the excuse.

Evaluate what it would take to tackle the problem.

Decide if you were aiming for the wrong destination—maybe the solution is a different destination or outcome. Seek God for that direction and then ask Him to help the next step become apparent to you.

6. Embrace the work of change.

Many people don’t move toward their goal because they’re comfortable where they are and don’t want to put in the extra effort necessary to get to where they wish they could go in their lives.

Sweat equity isn’t just for house projects—it’s for life projects.

We might get a little uncomfortable moving to the next step. That’s okay if it’s a temporary discomfort. And hey, that’s one reason Jesus sent the Comforter, right? He knew we’d be uncomfortable living out the deeds of His will in our lives.

“You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for he is the one who called you to freedom” (Galatians 5:7-9 NLT).

Would you allow a thin rubber band wrapped around your middle to hold you back from rescuing a child from a burning building? Of course not.

Don’t let a thin excuse hold you back from what God wants in your life—from what you know to be a desire you have as well. Risk the momentary pinch or snap of that rubber band as you disable it from holding you back, and then all of a sudden you realize there’s less resistance than there was before.

What’s holding you back today?

Kathy Carlton Willis, God’s Grin Gal, shines the light on what holds you back so you can grow. She’s a speaker and author with over a thousand articles online and in print, as well as her Bible study, Grin with Grace. Her popular blog, Grin & Grow with Kathy is featured on CBN. She just released a training manual for speakers called, The Ultimate Speaker’s Guide. Kathy and husband Russ are trying to raise seven-month old Hettie the Boston Terrier—but in truth, she’s training them.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Geralt at Pixabay.

Busy, Busy

Insightful and practical, Susan K. Stewart challenges women to consider what they're doing in light of God's Word. In this Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, she asks us to consider the busyness in our lives, and if there might be a better approach to goals.

"By the end of 2016, I was tired," Susan says. "I accomplished many of my goals. I had a stack of check-offed to-do list. I had been busy. Why did I feel as those I hadn’t accomplished anything?"

Oh, I (Dawn) know a lot about checked off lists. I've lived by them since I was a child. But Susan makes me think—is there a better way?

Susan continues . . .

I had accomplished a lot that year:

• published an award-winning book,
• spoke at national conferences,
• taught classes online,
• and many other achievements, which say "success".

I met my goals for the year.

That’s was the problem. I had met my goals.

Each year we are bombarded with resolutions, goals, and focus words. We are encouraged to plan out our year for success.

Midway through the year, just as we begin to think we’ve failed, more articles and podcasts land in our email boxes telling us how to pick up the goals we haven’t finished and move forward.

Even Christian material tells us how to make plans and we can accomplish them. It might be a three-step list or a twelve-step program. The point is, “make a plan and work the plan.”

This can seem like a circle of life—no, more like a race track of life with no finish line.

I needed not just a pit stop; I needed off the track.

Here are some of the ways I’ve conquered the busyness.

1. Don’t buy a planner.

If you already have one, put it at the bottom of the bottom drawer.

We can become slaves to the lists and boxes. It can steal our joy in what we do.

I choose to have a plain calendar. Once a box is full, I don’t schedule anything thing else for that day.

2. Nix the goals and resolutions.

Instead, determine your priorities for the year. And it’s fine if you have the same priorities each year.

Some people tell me priorities are the same as goals. I don’t think so.

The month of July, my priority is my granddaughter’s visit. It’s not a goal; she comes every year. Those tasks take second chair to my priority.

3. Limit the number of items on a to-do list.

I have sticky pad to-do lists. It has space for four items. That’s truly manageable, there’s no space to keep adding on.

I don’t take the top sheet off until I’ve completed the tasks on it. I do add items to the next pages, but I don’t see them until I get there.

Long term projects get their own four-item to-do lists, which I pull out only when I’m working on that project.

Without a long to-do list I don’t feel overwhelmed, and I have a sense of accomplishment with each sticky note I pull off.

These are some tangible ideas how to not be bogged down in the endless cycle of resolutions, goals, and failure. They help me keep perspective on my day and my life. I feel more in control.

But this list in not the real answer.

Henry David Thoreau said, "It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?"

I answer this question each time I get bogged down in accomplishments, when I think I should be doing more, when I’m tired of being busy. Yes, it happens even with the above steps.

Jesus was busy about doing good and His Father’s will.

• Yes, He got tired.
• Yes, He needed to draw away from the daily tasks to rest.
• Yes, He needed to spend time with God the Father.

We are told by Jeremiah God has a plan for us, a plan for good.

God's plan doesn’t require to-do lists and goals, and it doesn’t leave us exhausted.

God’s plan also has hope and future. What more do we need? (Jeremiah 29:11)

The reason 2016 was so exhausting and lacked fulfillment is I was working from MY goals and plans. I was busy about busy work, instead of doing good and God’s will.

For those of us who need a final step, it is this:

4. Seek His kingdom first (Matthew. 6:33), and make it your priority.

God will add what you need to your to-do list.

Which of these action steps could help you get off the busy-busy treadmill right now? What can you do to seek the Lord and do more of His will?

Susan K. Stewart teaches, writes, and edits non-fiction. She is known for practical solutions to real-world situations. Susan is senior nonfiction editor with Elk Lake Publishing, blog content manager for Mount Hermon Writers Conference blog, and has published five books. Susan lives in Central Texas with her husband, Bob, three dogs, three cats, nine chickens, and two donkeys. Discover more about Susan's ministry at www.practicalinspirations.com.