A Safe Person

Kathy Carlton Willis has a unique identity—she's "God's Grin Gal!" and she models how we can trust God with the tough circumstances of life. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, Kathy points to places of safety for our lives—special friends and the Lord Himself.“Do you ever feel like running or retreating for respite from stress?” Kathy asks.

Yes, I (Dawn) have often needed a safe place. But it hasn't always been easy to find one. Kathy makes that a lot easier with her biblical insight.    

Kathy continues . . . 

It means a lot to have a safe place when I need to escape.

When I was a young married woman, my place was about fifteen minutes from home. Far enough away to give me time in the car with music blaring to decompress.

I bolted to the Mohican River. When I arrived there, a quaint old bridge transitioned me from chaos to calm. I tuned in to the sound of rippling water. Nature showed off in every season. God met me there.

I realized I wasn’t running away from something—I was running to Someone.

A safe place led to a safe Papa.

“This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him” (Psalm 91:2 NL).

A Safe Person

My friend Laurie felt safe reaching out to me for prayer on several small issues that happened in the same time period. They were pushing all her buttons—even ones she didn’t know she had! She felt ashamed to admit the struggles.

But as soon as she reached out for prayer, she said it started getting better. It released the pressure.

She then stopped fuming and had some devotional time. That always helps.

By the end of her ordeal, she was even able to laugh at the things that annoyed her and could greet the button-pusher with sincerity and open arms.

I am truly grateful for our friendship. There are times I reach out to her for similar support.

When we discussed why we feel comfortable doing this, we decided it’s because we have the safety net of unconditional love.

Yes, when we take our burdens to someone, the best one is God. But sometimes—as the little girl famously said—“Sometimes I need someone with skin on.”

That’s where a good friend comes in. How do we find someone who is safe with all our “stuff”?

Finding a Safe Friend

Who is a safe friend?

1. Someone who doesn’t gossip about others to you. They will be more likely to not reveal your secrets to others.
2. Someone who recognizes you have a need without your expressing it.
3. Someone who listens to your struggles without having to fix the problem or fix you until you ask for help.
4. Someone who doesn’t make you feel ashamed when you confess flaws.
5. Someone who doesn’t always have to bring their story into the conversation when you confide in them.
6. Someone who loves God and is growing in their spiritual maturity.

Think about friends who care for you in these special ways.

A friend will take care of you—body, soul, and spirit.

1. BODY

I used to joke (with all truth) that I picked my closest friends based on if I wasn’t embarrassed to ask them to take care of me physically, when needed.

• The one who would tweeze my chin hairs if I couldn’t do it or couldn’t see them.
• The one who would transfer me from the wheelchair to the potty chair or shower chair.

Not many friends fall in this category. Can you think of the ones you’d be comfortable serving you in this way?

2. SOUL

Friends who nourish my inner being are extra special.

These are the ones who dive deeper. The ones who know what I’m probably thinking (even if they disagree).

Yet they don’t jump to conclusions because they want to give me a safe space to express myself.

They listen in a way that makes me feel seen and heard.

3. SPIRIT

What friends spur on your spiritual growth?

They don’t have to be further along in their faith journey to help you with yours. They simply need to love Jesus and the Bible and want to respond in ways that make you feel closer to God.

A Safe Papa

I told Laurie, if we feel safe sharing with each other, just think how safe our words are with God!

We might be shy or ashamed to tell Him about our frustrations and flaws, but God's unconditional love means we can go to him without being afraid of being scolded.

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love” (1 John 4:18 NLT).

God is the believer's SAFE PAPA!

Who is your safe person?

Kathy Carlton Willis is God’s Grin Gal. She writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Over a thousand of Kathy’s articles have been published and she has several books in her Grin Gal brand. Her latest book is 7 Trials Every Woman Faces. Kathy is active as a book industry pro, and her coaching group, WordGirls, propels women toward their writing goals. She graduated with honors from Bible College and has served 30+ years in full-time ministry. Check out her Grin & Grow Break video devotions on Facebook. Discover more about Kathy on her website.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Pexels at Pixabay.

The Gift of Joy

Kathy Carlton Willis is wise and witty, and she never fails to encourage readers to choose joy. In this Christmas UPGRADE, she says not to be overcome with stress, but rather, to be overcome with joy!

“You won't find joy gift-wrapped and under the Christmas tree, but it is a gift indeed,” Kathy says.

I (Dawn) have thought much about gifts over this year. Some gifts, we don't really want, but they ultimately bring us the peace we so desire. Kathy reminds us of a gift we all would like to have—the wonderful gift of true, God-given joy.

Kathy continues . . .

Without the birth of Christ which we celebrate at Christmas, there would be no authentic joy.

There might be temporary bursts of happiness, controlled by surrounding circumstances, but there would not be joy.

"These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full” (John 15:11 KJV).

In times of crisis and conflict, joy produces a calm that cannot be explained. It allows a person to be more than just content, but actually excited about living life "out loud."

Joy gives its recipient an assurance that any unpleasant circumstance is only a temporary inconvenience that can be overcome victoriously.

Overcoming Joy Robbers at Christmas

1. Plan well.

One reason joy evades us is because we feel swallowed up in Christmas chaos. Taking time to discuss holiday plans will help prevent meltdowns.

2. Simplify.

We increase our potential for that Christmas chaos because we want to do “all the things” and there’s no way to do it all well. And sleep. We can all admit sleep is pretty important!

So simplify your “want to do” this Christmas season.

3. Reduce expectations.

One reason joy leaves a home is because expectations have entered in. We have unrealistic expectations for others and self. We have unmet expectations because we hope others will read our minds and we avoid communicating needs and wants.

Discuss expectations or eliminate them.

4. Make it about others.

If you want to thwart the joy robber, activate your security system. What is the best prevention of joy theft? Serving your way through the holiday season. It’s not too late to make Christmas special for someone else.

Being others-minded is the best way to bump up your joy quotient!

Joy to the World—and to Me?

When was the last time you sang “Joy to the World” and wondered if that included you too?

Joy can be elusive as challenging circumstances crowd our hearts. Yet, if there’s any time to be joyful, it’s at Christmastime. It celebrates such a gift of love!

Allow the joy of the Lord to fill you so that you are moved to worship Him, surrendered completely.

Our joy increases as we focus on God’s attributes and good works. In the presence of His majesty, we experience the awe of joyful adoration.

The Christmas carol, "Joy to the world, the Lord is come!" is so accurate. Joy came to the world in the form of the baby Jesus. Anything before that time was just an anticipation of the Christ Child's appearance.

We who live after His birth get the full picture—the gift of grace and mercy—rather than having to offer our own sin sacrifices like God's people did in the Old Testament. Christ's life and death give us the completion of God's gift to us, His beloved.

How can we not be joyful, when we consider this?

Earlier I mentioned the KJV version of John 15:11. Look how the NLT words it—“I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!”

Let’s break it down.

• When we focus on what Jesus told us in Scripture, we can be filled with joy.
• We will be filled, not with just any joy, but with Jesus’ joy. We get to experience the same joy Jesus experiences. Let that thought sink in!
• Our joy will be so full, we cannot contain it. It will overflow from our lives. One evidence of a joy-filled life is a joy-shared life.

Joy can only come from the One who guarantees salvation, because with that, there is eternal peace of mind. When Christ becomes real in our lives, we begin to pick up His mannerisms, and if Christ is anything, He is joyful.

It is one of those character traits I'm most thankful for receiving. The Holy Spirit living in me whispers joy to my heart and my mind when the outside world seems to be yelling negativity to me.

Joy to the world, and that includes you and me!

Are you overwhelmed with parties, guest lists, gift wrapping, and tinsel this season? Or are you overcome with joy?

Kathy Carlton Willis, God’s Grin Gal, writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Not many funny girls also have Bible degrees! She coaches others to learn how to remove the training wheels of fear and not just risk, but also take pleasure in the joy ride of a life trusting in God. Her newest book, The Grin Gal’s Guide to Joy, releases in January 2020.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Couleur at Pixabay.

5 Excuses that Hold You Back

Kathy Carlton Willis is not only an encouraging cheerleader for writers and speakers, her practical wisdom as a life coach helps people move forward in faith. In this Goals UPGRADE, Kathy identifies five excuses that hold us back.

“How would your life be different," Kathy asks, "if you could ditch excuses for good?"

As a long-time excuse maker, I (Dawn) understand the distraction and loss that comes from living with excuses. In fact, my goals mantra has become, "There may be reasons, but not excuses."

Kathy continues . . .

One of my biggest blessings, but also biggest struggles as a life coach, is to recognize what causes someone to feel stuck, and to strategize biblical ways to help them be free of those restraints so they can function in freedom. It is challenging because some prefer to stay stuck rather than step out in faith into unfamiliar territory.

Faith gives us the bravery we need to move forward, one foot in front of the other, until we get to the destination God has for us.

Are you feeling stucik? What’s holding you back from pursuing the goals God has for you?

First, let’s look at the typical excuses we give.

5 Common Excuses

1. I don’t have time.
2. You don’t know my story, my hang-ups, my trials.
3. I can’t afford it.
4. I have a broken relationship.
5. It’s out of my control.

You make your own list. What’s holding you back? Why can’t you or won’t you take the next step needed toward your goal?

6 Ways to Ditch the Excuses for Good

1. Is it an excuse or a reason?

• If it’s an excuse, learn not to listen to it.
• If it’s a true reason, learn a “work around” so the reason is merely a detour rather than a dead end.

2. What fear is attached to your excuse?

If you find yourself in a place where you aren’t comfortable moving forward, usually it’s because there’s a fear holding you back.

What do you fear might happen if you move toward the goal God has for you?

• Fear of failure?
• Fear of success?
• Fear of change?
• Fear of what others think?
• Fear of it costing something you hold dear?

3. Kick the excuses to the curb and use godly self-talk instead.

Evict the excuses out of your head and heart. Then learn a new truth statement to repeat to yourself instead.

You can find what God thinks about you in Scripture and can apply it to your situation.

4. Make moving forward a priority.

Don’t wallow in stuckness.

Don’t give your excuses permission to have control over you.

Determine what God wants for your life and don’t let anything hold you back from it.

Even if you have to wait for something out of your control to happen, you can have “active waiting” by learning how to adopt the right thinking so it’s in place when you get the green light to move forward.

5. Spend as much time seeking the solution as believing the excuse.

Evaluate what it would take to tackle the problem.

Decide if you were aiming for the wrong destination—maybe the solution is a different destination or outcome. Seek God for that direction and then ask Him to help the next step become apparent to you.

6. Embrace the work of change.

Many people don’t move toward their goal because they’re comfortable where they are and don’t want to put in the extra effort necessary to get to where they wish they could go in their lives.

Sweat equity isn’t just for house projects—it’s for life projects.

We might get a little uncomfortable moving to the next step. That’s okay if it’s a temporary discomfort. And hey, that’s one reason Jesus sent the Comforter, right? He knew we’d be uncomfortable living out the deeds of His will in our lives.

“You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth? It certainly isn’t God, for he is the one who called you to freedom” (Galatians 5:7-9 NLT).

Would you allow a thin rubber band wrapped around your middle to hold you back from rescuing a child from a burning building? Of course not.

Don’t let a thin excuse hold you back from what God wants in your life—from what you know to be a desire you have as well. Risk the momentary pinch or snap of that rubber band as you disable it from holding you back, and then all of a sudden you realize there’s less resistance than there was before.

What’s holding you back today?

Kathy Carlton Willis, God’s Grin Gal, shines the light on what holds you back so you can grow. She’s a speaker and author with over a thousand articles online and in print, as well as her Bible study, Grin with Grace. Her popular blog, Grin & Grow with Kathy is featured on CBN. She just released a training manual for speakers called, The Ultimate Speaker’s Guide. Kathy and husband Russ are trying to raise seven-month old Hettie the Boston Terrier—but in truth, she’s training them.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Geralt at Pixabay.

Making Space

Kathy Carlton Willis is a highly-motivated woman with resilience and vision. She has come through many tough experiences and shares lessons from her heart. In this Priorities UPGRADE, she writes about making space for what matters.

“I learned how to make space for what’s important.” Kathy explained. “It’s not about stuff, but people.”

I (Dawn) thinks this is a lesson all of us need to learn, and Kathy shares the truth about "space" in the most personal and appealing way.

Kathy continues . . . 

One of my big life lessons is regarding how I fill my existence. My time. My relationships. My home.

Do I cram it full or allow space for margins?

My husband has always liked our home to be neat and orderly. More stuff equaled more stress, especially if it was out of place. I guess you could say he has a disorder with disorder.

On the other hand, I come from a hoarder background, and have to put the brakes on wanting more of everything. More seemed to equal happiness and prevent feeling deprived.

But I was wrong.

It took a series of situations to show me the peace of less.

We went from having a 4,000-square-foot home plus a two-story carriage house to finding happiness in just 550 square feet. Once we adjusted, God gave us our forever home—a spacious 2,300 square foot Mid-Century Modern home.

During the early part of the transition, we said goodbye to most of our belongings to pare down.

Do you know how odd it is to watch your possessions going out the door with someone else at your living estate sale? 

“I called to the LORD in distress; the LORD answered me and put me in a spacious place” (Psalm 118:5 Holman Christian Standard Bible.

Now we have room to fill back up, but we don’t have the desire to acquire.

Instead we want to fill our home with people.

That’s what it all comes down to. Whether it is our home or our lives, we make space for people, not stuff.

• My mom moved in with us.
• We started a small group who meets weekly in our home to do life together.
• We carved out extra space in our schedules, not to do more, but to do life more—especially with others.
• We set up our home to be a welcome haven for others.

This transition has also caused me to evaluate and eliminate unnecessary demands on my time and energy. It allowed me to regain focus on what really matters.

We don’t take our stuff to heaven with us when we die, but we do take the effects of how we spend our time with others.

People matter, not stuff.

How can you go through a similar reduction in order to fill up with what’s really important?

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. What is my goal with minimizing stuff, reducing debt, or lightening the demands on my schedule?
2. What do I want to make space for?
3. What causes these things to keep piling on?
4. Is there something I need to say “No” to, in order to simplify?
5. Is there something I need to sell, in order to minimize?
6. Is there a stress I need to let go of, in order to find greater peace?
7. How will simplifying my life make space for what I want—and more importantly—what God wants?

One way I make space for what matters is to live healthfully.

This means a balance of wellness for heart, soul, mind, and strength. Eliminating what detracts from that goal.

A simple life is a satisfied life.

Mom had a funny experience of too much of a good thing recently at a cafeteria-style restaurant.

She requested carrot salad. The server scooped on a big heap of the salad, but then started pouring what she called “the marinade” over the carrot salad. It wasn’t a flavorful marinade or a dressing. Just a watery mess.

The server thought she was doing mom a favor by adding more and more. Instead, there was a spill on the way to the table, and things went downhill from there!

Just because something is good doesn’t mean more of it is better.

A perfect example of the cliché, LESS is MORE!

How will you make space in your own life for what really matters?

Kathy Carlton Willis,  God's Grin Gal, writes and speaks with a balance of whimsy and wisdom. She graduated with honors from Bible College and has served for 30+ years in ministry. Kathy shines the light on what holds you back and inspires lightbulb moments. Over a thousand of her articles have been published, as well as her Bible study, Grin with Grace. Kathy and husband Russ share their mid-century modern home with Kathy’s mom.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Brimstone Creative at Lightstock.