Women Who Love Lavishly

With her book Fantastic after 40!, Pam Farrel encouraged me years ago as I entered my "seasoned" years, but this Relationship UPGRADE is a message for women at any age!

"Women who know how to love lavishly, heartily, fervently, faithfully and artfully are women people want to be around," Pam says.

That phrase "love lavishly" captured my (Dawn's) heart. What woman doesn't want to know how to love lavishly?

Pam continues . . .

As we learn to love lavishly, over and over again, we will find it changes us; and as we look into the mirror, we'll find we like the woman looking back in our reflection.

Let's take a closer look at love through the eyes of three angel reminders: Faith, Hope and Love.

1. The Angel of Faith

Women who love lavishly have an ability to see the potential, the positive and the promise—not the problem.

Hebrews 11:1:

"Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses" (Amplified).

Faith is like a post-dated check. We can't get our hands on the money yet, but we know one day we will.

In the same way, a woman of faith sees the promise as good as reality. Her faith helps her function in the realm of "what can be."

Your vision is focused by faith-colored glasses, and those glasses help you look better too, my dear!

1. The Angel of Hope

Hope can be hard to nail down. What does hope look like? What does hope act like? What would be a working definition of hope?"

When I am trying to grasp a big picture principle or wrap my mind around a difficult-to-understand truth I often will read about it: (1) in context of the entire passage of scripture it is in and (2) look at many translations or paraphrases of the Bible of that same verse.

Galatians 5:5-6 says:

"For we through the Spirit by faith, are waiting for the hope of righteousness. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything, but faith working through love" (NASB).

In The Message, Eugene Peterson interprets these same verses this way:

"Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit, for in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love."

Women who love lavishly have a hope that waits expectantly.

• Hope is the feeling you had as a kid on Christmas Eve, the day before the last day of school, or the morning you went school shopping for that fresh box of crayons and new outfit for the class picture.
• Hope is excited about life. Hope is enthusiastic. Hope is energetic.
• Hope throws confetti before the parade begins.
• Hope sends out the party invitations months before, or sometimes years before, the celebration will be held.
• Hope holds on and holds out for life's best.
• Hope looks for the creative way to keep a promise of love.

3. The Angel of Love

Love is easy to define and hard to live out. But at least God provided a model for us (Romans 5:8; Ephesians 2:4-5; 1 John 4:9-11; John 3:16)

Love is always others-centered. Love chooses to give rather than take. Love is the fuel injected into another's dream.

Love seeks to understand, give compassion, guidance or boundaries—whatever is necessary for the person who is the recipient of love to reach her God-given potential.

Lavish love is like infinity; it just keeps extending all that is good, kind and true forever, not because a person deserves it, but just because it is right to be loving.

Which role of an "angel" is easiest for you? Which is hardest? Select one—faith, hope or love—and think of a creative way to express that action to someone in your world this week.

Pam Farrel is a challenger, cheerleader and coach. With her husband Bill, the Farrels are international speakers, and authors of more than 40 books including Pam's newest, 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman. Other books include: Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti; Woman of Influence; 10 Best Decisions a Woman Can Make;10 Secrets to Living Smart, Savvy and Strong; and Becoming a Brave New Woman. The Farrels are relationship specialists who help people become “Love-Wise ."

This post was adapted from Chapter 7 in Fantastic After 40!

The angel in the graphic is "Angel of the Heart," by Susan Lordi for Willow Tree / Demdaco, 2000.

Are You Flirting with Burnout or Action Addiction?

Joan Webb encourages women to breathe. She knows the stress our constant struggle for perfection can do to harm us, as she notes in this Attitude UPGRADE.

“Have you dreamed of slowing down,” Joan says, “but keep hearing your internal-bully whisper, ‘There’s no stinkin’ way you can do that!’”

      

Oh my. Joan, you’ve nailed one of my (Dawn’s) personal struggles. And you are pointing us to our true source of help.

Joan continues …

Perhaps you’re one of many in service-related careers or ministries who are on the fast track to burnout.

Just in case you wondering, here’s a good definition of burnout. 

Burnout is the type of stress and emotional fatigue that occurs when a series of (or combination of) events in a relationship, mission, way of life or job fail to produce an expected result.

Awareness is an important step in changing this self-defeating lifestyle of overworking, overdoing, over-helping and over-committing.

The following questionnaire can help you identify your need:

• Do you have a difficult time relaxing?
• Are you crankier than you used to be–even though you try hard to keep it to yourself?
• Do you rush from one project to another?
• Are you tired on an ongoing basis?
• Do you feel increasingly depressed, anxious or hopeless?
• Are you increasingly angry and don’t know why?
• Do you spend less time with friends and family or in doing what you previously enjoyed?
• Do you work hard and long, but accomplish less?
• Is life (and/or your ministry) becoming a drag?

If you answered “yes” to several of these, you may be headed in the opposite direction of real life.

I know the prospect of changing is frightening and overwhelming, yet there is a way. Really.

The Bible says, “He [God] gives strength to the weary … those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength” (Isaiah 40:29, 31).

I felt positive that my commitment to hard work would bring me what I desired and was flabbergasted when I ran out of energy, enthusiasm and faith. Disillusioned, I asked: “Is there any hope for renewal?”

“Yes, Joan! Assured my loving Creator. “Though you stumble, you’ll one day soar on wings like an eagle, run and not grow weary, walk and not faith. Trust Me. I’ll renew your lost strength.”

I didn’t feel it or foresee it. I didn’t even have the strength to believe it, but since I couldn’t do it anymore, I stopped trying and left my stuff with God.

Miraculously, when I stopped striving, God took over.

There is HOPE … in the Lord.

(1) Admit your need.

(2) Ask God for guidance and insight.

(3) Seek help and resources.

(4) Take active steps to reshape your thoughts and behavior.

Then show someone you love (preferably a healthy, supportive person!) your responses to the questionnaire, above. Get honest, and then don’t back down.

God honors truth-telling, even if that truth—the reality facing you—feels negative.

There is life on the other side of burnout!

What do you do, where do you go—who do you seek—when you’re experiencing burnout? Have you sought the Lord, the source of hope?

Joan C. Webb is a speaker and author who has written thirteen books including The Intentional Woman (co-authored with Carol Travilla), The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right and a four book devotional series for children. As a Life Coach who specializes in working with writers and communicators, Joan helps set people free to become who they were designed to be and from what holds them back. For more information about becoming an intentional woman, visit Joan's website.

Note: Part of this post is an excerpt from It’s a Wonderful (Imperfect) Life, p. 24.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

New Hope for the New Year

Pamela Christian writes about the victorious life and living with confident hope. In this pre-New Year's UPGRADE, she encourages us to stretch our "hope," just as we would stretch our faith.

"I don't know of anyone who would refuse a miracle that made their life better," Pamela said. "Do you?"

Not me. I (Dawn) am open to God working in my life in any way He wants! I know God gives good gifts to His children (Matthew 7:11). The question is, are we ready to receive? 

Pamela continues . . .

When you come up against hardships that reveal the full extent of your human limitations, don’t you secretly wish that some way, somehow, you could get the help you need?

Would you refuse a miracle if it remedied your situation, even if you don’t believe in miracles? 

I doubt it.

Maybe it’s this innate, universal desire we humans share—that there is help beyond us—that inspired the adage Hope springs eternal.

I have pursued hope and discovered that it is real and it is certain. Hope is most definitely something every person can attain, if they so desire.  

There is no circumstance, no situation beyond hope.

• Biblical hope is not wishful thinking.
• Biblical hope has no measure of uncertainty.
• Biblical hope is found in God.
• Biblical hope is blessed assurance based upon the revealed character, will and intentions of God.
• Biblical hope is beyond us.

I learned long time ago that God’s love is unconditional, but His promises aren’t.

God loves all human beings without condition. There is nothing we can do to earn, increase or decrease God’s love for us. It’s a given.

However, to receive God’s gifts, blessings, or promises, requires that we first believe. We must believe in the character, will and intentions of God.

Hebrews 11:6 states,

“And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him” (ESV).

It brings the Father pleasure to give good things to us. But if we willfully or passively reject the prospect of Him giving us anything, then we impose upon the Father’s pleasure—we superimpose upon His inclination.

Matthew 13:57-58 reveals that Jesus did not perform many miracles in His own home town, because of the unbelief of the people. It wasn’t that their unbelief overpowered Jesus’ ability. Rather their unbelief superimposed upon His inclination.

In the same way that we don’t want to do nice things or give good gifts to people who reject them, neither does God.

As we enter into a new year, it’s my desire for you to enter into a new and profound hope—a greater measure of hope than you’ve ever known . . . in a hope that is able to produce the greatest results you have ever experienced! You can, providing your hope is in Christ.

Openly believe God for His Word—all of His promises concerning you beginning with the first miracle of redemption by faith—and eagerly expect Him to act consistent with His character, will and intentions in your best interest in every aspect of your life.

What are you hopeful God does for you in your life? Scriptures teach that we receive according to what we believe. Will you believe?

Pamela Christian is a speaker, author, and media personality who devotes her ministry life to helping others discover and live in same life-giving truth she’s been blessed to find. Her newest book in her Faith to Live By series is, Renew Your Hope! Remedy for Personal Breakthroughs. Learn more at www.pamelachristianministries.com

When the Ache Won't Go Away

With the wisdom of a story-telling sage, Cynthia Ruchti leads women to the Source of grace and hope:

“Like an abscessed tooth, the memory of Darren’s betrayal kept Marika from chewing on that side of life,” Ruchti said. “The pain throbbed through her entire being. She thought she was doing fine until she’d chomp down on something hard—like her daughter’s fatherless recital—and restart the cycle of pain.”

Her words are more than one woman’s story. It’s a lesson to help us UPGRADE our attitudes as we deal with life’s hurts.

Ruchti continues ...

I pray you don’t identify with Marika’s stabbing distress. But I know better than to assume you don’t. Or that you don’t care about someone walking her path.

We’ve heard the stories too often—the husband who walks away from his family, who chooses to ignore his responsibilities and his marriage vows in favor of the adventure of someone who comes packaged with no responsibilities but a good time, someone who treats him like a pubescent boy rather than the man he’s supposed to be.

He gets a condo in the city. The Marikas in the story are stuck with an impossible mortgage, the full weight of raising their children, an awkward or no social life, leaky gutters, a mini-van with an ailing transmission, and an abscess-like sense of rejection.

Or the situation is flipped, an all-too frequent occurrence. She and her girlfriend decide to leave their husbands and kids and share a condo in the city, a place that allows them a freedom that comes at the cost of their marriages and their children’s happiness.

Referring to fractured families like Marika’s, a quote from Ragged Hope: Surviving the Fallout of Other People’s Choices says,

“The spittle of parental hostility always lands on the children. A feud between Mom and Dad is as hard to breathe through as secondhand smoke.”

As a gossamer, balm-laced overlay to that picture, though, is this unshakable truth that cuts through the pain:

God doesn’t just care; He understands.

We lean on His power, His ability to hold us, His tenacious love for us, no matter which part of the abscess equation is ours. But this too is true—His understanding has no limit.

His love is limitless. His forgiveness is limitless. His compassion knows no bounds. His mercy is limitless. We cling to those promises. But here’s a holding-on place for trying times that gets less attention than others. The Bible assures us there is no limit to His understanding (Psalm 147:5).

He understands how deeply betrayal cuts. He understands our insomnia, our frustration, our weariness, our battle to keep from letting bitterness dictate our reactions. He understands it all.

          He doesn’t just know. He understands.

          He doesn’t just see. He sees why.

          He doesn’t just react. He creates.

          He doesn’t just care. He shows it.

          He doesn’t just love us through it. He gets it.

He understands exactly how fast our world is spinning and how close it’s tiptoeing to the edge.

He understands how ragged and worn we sometimes feel.

          He understands it all. All.

Fill your lungs with that bracing breath of life today. No matter what we face, Someone understands.

Now, there’s something to hold onto while we wait for the pain to subside!

When has God’s understanding encouraged you to hang on and persevere?

Cynthia Ruchti is the author of Ragged Hope: Surviving the Fallout of Other People’s Choices, a book that takes a look at the realities of the consequences we face because of another’s wrong, hurtful, misguided, or sinful decisions. Filled with stories of those who responded admirably and with uncommon grace, the book also addresses those of us who walk beside people caught in the aftermath of someone else’s bad decision. You can connect with Cynthia on her website or Facebook Reader Page to find out more about this book and others she’s written.