Five Ways to Speak God's Love Language

Debbie W. Wilson always has a fresh perspective on familiar Christian truth. In this Relationship with God UPGRADE, she reminds us that there are ways we can learn to "speak God's love language."

Debbie says, “My husband doesn’t show me love,” the distraught woman who sat before me complained.

I (Dawn) think that nearly every married woman has thought that from time to time. We just want more and more love—and not only from a spouse! But remember, when we "speak" someone's love language, it isn't always with words.

Debbie continues . . .

This woman’s husband provided for her financially, maintained her car without being asked, vacuumed the house, and cleaned up after supper. But she longed for quality time and deep conversations.

Because acts of service were not her love language, this woman had overlooked her husband’s demonstrations of love.

A hunger to express and experience love runs through the human DNA.

Considering this made me wonder if that need extends to our relationship with God. If so, what are some ways to enhance this love relationship? Does God have a love language?

Hebrews 11:6 says faith is God’s love language.

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him” (NIV).

Did you catch the reciprocal nature of faith as described in this verse? Those who believe in God also believe God rewards them for seeking Him.

Loving Jesus enables us to receive His love. John 14:21 says,

“Those who love me will have my Father’s love, and I, too, will love them and show myself to them” (GW).

Let’s look at ways to enhance our love relationship with God.

5 Ways to Speak God’s Love Language

1. Pray

Prayer demonstrates a relationship with God and faith that He is good.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened… Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matt. 7:7-11 NIV).

2. Demonstrate Trust through Thanksgiving

Gratitude demonstrates faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty. It shows I believe He is bigger than my mistakes and the wrongs I’ve endured (Rom. 8:28).

Faith allows me to pray with thanksgiving before I see God’s answer (Phil. 4:6-8).

A large ministry fired an honorable young man without cause. His mother wrestled with God over this betrayal. Before the year was out, a scandal hit the press concerning those who’d mistreated her son.

“God spared my son,” she said. “And I’d thought He’d forgotten him.”

“Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God’s will in Christ Jesus that you do this” (1 Thes. 5:18 GW).

3. Worship

Worship shows we believe He is worthy of our devotion and reminds us He’s bigger than anything clamoring for our time and attention.

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long, loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything” (Ps. 46:10 The Message).

4. Obey

Obedience demonstrates love and faith (Jn. 14:15-16).

“Whoever knows and obeys my commandments is the person who loves me” (Jn. 14:21 GW).

“In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome” (1 Jn. 5:3 NIV).

5. Live Clean

Receiving and appreciating our forgiveness shows faith in Jesus and increases our love for Him (1 Jn. 1:9, Titus 2:14).

“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love” (Luke 7:47 NLT).

Through faith we express our love to God and experience His love in return.

Every step we take in faith causes God’s heart to sing. 

Does your relationship with God need a boost? Consider the list above. Which one needs your attention?

Debbie W. Wilson, Bible teacher and former biblical counselor, combines insight and encouragement to inspire people to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Little Women, Big God, and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband Larry founded Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling and Bible study ministry. Debbie enjoys dark chocolate, a good mystery, and the antics of her two standard poodles. Find free resources and connect with Debbie at RefreshingFaith.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Kalhh at Pixabay.

When We Feel Like Jesus Doesn't Care . .

Kathy Collard Miller makes hard truths understandable and simple truths powerfully motivating. In this Faith UPGRADE, she reminds us that God is working in and for us in our most difficult storms of life because He deeply cares about us.

"We’ve all experienced times when our circumstances seem to indicate Jesus doesn’t really care," Kathy says, "We may feel overwhelmed, or our prayers aren’t being answered as we would like."

Yes, I (Dawn) have experienced that feeling many times. Once, I remember asking, "Lord, where are you? Do you see me?"

Of course, I knew He was present and He saw me. Years of trusting Him taught me that. But feelings in that moment threatened to rule over my faith. I'm glad Kathy is addressing this important issue.

Kathy continues . . .

A story in the Bible, in Mark 4:35-41, exactly addresses our heart’s longing to be cared about.

In this passage, Jesus and the disciples are in a boat crossing the Sea of Galilee, and the storm is so extreme the disciples fear they will die.

God Cares about You in Your Struggle

1. Everyone, even the disciples, questioned whether Jesus cared about them.

You are not alone.

They ask, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” Why do they ask? Because Jesus is asleep on a cushion.

I’d say that’s really uncaring and inattentive.  

The fact that these hardened fishermen are expressing feelings like wanting to be cared about is incredible and fascinating. Most men hide their feelings, but here they express their deepest longings:

Please! Someone! Care that we are going to die!

2. Our storms feel overwhelming when there’s no instant solution.

I can surely understand the disciples’ terror. They may have even thought nothing bad would happen to them because they are with Jesus.

But there truly was a reason for fear. Even though most of them were seasoned fishermen, this storm was obviously way beyond their comfort zone. They knew fishermen who had perished in storms like this.

The Sea of Galilee was famous for sudden windstorms. The boat was not just taking on water—it was “swamped.”

As they looked around for help, what did they see? Jesus asleep on a cushion. The man who should have been the first to take care of them was completely oblivious to their need and fear.

We, like them, can see the dangers of the storm hitting us, and it seems like Jesus is oblivious.

He isn’t answering our cries for help—the way we want Him to.

3. We interpret the 'silence' as 'Jesus doesn’t care.'

When the disciples can’t stand it anymore, they “woke him” (vs. 38).

• Did they jostle him? The boat was already being jostled.
• Did they call to him? The sounds of the wind were already screaming.
• Did they grab him and shake him? That’s what I would have done. Out of terror and feeling abandoned.

We can be tempted to express our terror and abandonment through emotional outbursts because we’re afraid we’ll hear, “No, I don’t care because you don’t deserve it” or some other lie.

I’ve been guilty of getting angry at my husband Larry, and only later realizing my heart was crying out, “Show me you love me! Maybe my anger, distress, or craziness will get your attention.”

I think we can have the same reaction to Jesus which expresses itself through doubt, distrust, and ungodly reactions.

4. Even when it seems Jesus doesn’t care, remember who He is.

After Jesus calms the storm and the danger is past, the disciples are filled with wonder and awe. They rightly ask, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!” (Mark 4:41-42).

If they had asked each other at the beginning—“But remember what He’s already done for us?”—they might not have wondered if Jesus cared about them.

That’s most likely exactly why a story like the Sea of Galilee storm is included in the Gospel account.

I wonder how many times the disciples—who became the Apostles—said things like, “Remember that time Jesus was sleeping, but He woke up and immediately calmed the storm? We had to wait but He came through. He’s going to do the same thing for this challenge.”

We can do the same thing.

• We can reflect on his nature of omniscience: “This is no surprise to Jesus. He knows everything.”
• We can reflect on His nature of perfect love: “Even though He seems to be asleep on a cushion, He hasn’t stopped loving us or caring for us.”
• We can reflect on His power: “This storm is no problem for Him.”
• We can reflect on His wisdom: “We can trust whatever reason He is allowing this. He will solve it at the right time.”

Remembering the truth brings glory to God.

5. Jesus is compassionate even as He invites the disciples to have more faith.

When have you wondered if Jesus cares? The good news is He didn’t give up on the disciples even as He gently called for greater faith.

I wish I could have seen the expression on His face. I think it’s not one of frustration but compassion. And since He knows the future, He knows He will continue to strengthen their faith until they become powerful witnesses for the Kingdom.

Can you hear Him say to you, “Child, I do care! Trust me. I know exactly what I’m doing and it’s for your good and my glory”?

The next time it seems Jesus doesn’t care, what will you remember He already done and how it revealed His nature?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 59 books and speaking in 35 states and 9 foreign countries. She is a wife, mother, grandmother living in Boise, Idaho, with her husband, Larry of 52 years. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com. Kathy’s newest book is a women’s Bible study on courage: Heart of Courage: Daughter of the King Bible Study Series. This post is adapted from Pure-Hearted: The Blessings of Living Out God’s Glory.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Dimitris Vetsikas at Pixabay.

A Resolution Worth Keeping... More Vibrant Faith

Debbie W. Wilson has a big God, and she wants other to know Him too! In this Faith UPGRADE, she encourages us to take stock of our lives and determine whether our faith walk with the Lord is growing.

"After the holidays, diet centers and gyms fill up," Debbie says, "If our temporal bodies are worth investing in, what about our spiritual life?"

I (Dawn) think this is a good question. This January, instead of focusing on diet plans, I focused on spiritual truths that will build my life—and ultimately affect other things. That's Debbie's focus too. She  encourages spiritual growth in a key area—FAITH.

Debbie continues . . .

Some of us use the beginning of a new year as an opportunity to reflect on where we are in life and where we want to go. 2020 tested the faith of many of us in ways we couldn’t have previously imagined.

I lost a prayer partner who was also one of my closest friends. Many of my friends lost loved ones, not to COVID, but to accidents and other illnesses.

Add to this our national unrest. The hate and deception I saw in my country sickened and saddened me.

More than ever, we can no longer stand to limp along with weak faith. It’s time to strengthen the limbs that are weak.

Soft may be desirable in pillows and toilet paper, but soft faith won’t hold up in the times we find ourselves.

The Bible says, But the righteous will live by his faith (Habakkuk 2:4 NASB).

What are some of the rewards of strong faith? Recognizing the perils of fragile faith and the benefits of firm faith motivates me to persevere in strengthening my flabby faith muscles.

In what kind of condition is your faith?

Consider which traits on the following lists best describe where you are today.

Fragile Faith:

• Worries, frets, and forgets our Father already knows our needs (Matthew 6:30, Psalms 23:1);
• Is timid and fearful (Matthew 8:26);
• Is easily distracted (Matthew 14:30-31)
• Quickly forgets God’s history and character (Matthew 16:8-10);
• Has limited spiritual power (Matthew 17:18-21);
• Lives confined by more restrictions (Romans 14:1-2); and
  
• Lives by feelings and sight (Hebrews 10:38).

Firm Faith: 

• Believes what God says (Matthew 8:5-10);
• Heals body and soul (Matthew 9:2, 22, 29, 15:28; Mark 2:6);
• Restores our sight — literally in this passage, but also spiritually (Luke 18:35-43);
• Grows stronger in impossible circumstances (Romans 4:19-20);
• Expands our personal freedoms (Romans 14:23);
• Is demonstrated through obedience (Romans 16:26, Hebrews 11);
• Is based on God’s power, not man’s wisdom (1 Corinthians 2:5);
• Has Christ as its object (Galatians 2:20, Hebrews 12:2); and
  
• Is bold (2 Timothy 1:7).

In what areas are you doing well? In which areas do you need improvement?

Just as our bodies require fuel and exercise, so do our souls. Studying the Bible feeds our faith, but we must exercise that faith through obedience to stay strong and continue growing.

We need to create a plan to renew our minds daily and we must practice what we learn in order to exercise those faith muscles.

• WHEN will you read your Bible? — If it helps, write it on your daily calendar.
• WHAT will you read? — Choose a book of the Bible or a Bible study book that you will work through.
• WHERE will you meet with the Lord daily? —  Keep your Bible, journal, pens, and highlighters there.

Like all living things, faith requires constant care. Just as physical health requires good nutrition, rest, exercise, and daily hygiene so vibrant faith requires effort.

No one brushes her teeth and says, “Good, I never have to do that again!”

So it is with faith.

Moment by moment, opportunity by opportunity, we must choose to walk by faith, or, by default, we won’t. My desire this year is to consciously CHOOSE faith!

Let’s pray for each other, that this year will be a year of strong faith—faith that says, “Wow, what a Savior!”

Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well (3 John 1:2).

I don’t know what 2021 will bring. But those who are planted on the rock never need fear the storms.

Our rock never fails.

What is one habit you want to add or change in order to strengthen your faith this year?

Debbie W. Wilson, drawing from her walk with Christ and decades as a Christian counselor and Bible teacher, mixes insight and encouragement to inspire readers to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Give Yourself a Break, and Little Women, Big God. She and her husband Larry founded and run Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling, coaching, and Bible study ministry. Find free resources to refresh your faith at debbieWwilson.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Free-photos at Pixabay.

The Secret to Doing Hard Things

Kathy Carlton Willis is amazing. I've watched her go through a series of tough circumstances over the last few years, and she always manages to choose biblical responses as she teaches others how to deal with struggles as "God's Grin Gal." In this Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, she shares her secret for doing hard things.

“I’m usually self-sufficient but lately I’ve realized more than ever that I’m not Wonder Woman,” Kathy says. “The demands of life not only highlight my weaknesses, but spotlight God’s strength.

Now I (Dawn) just shared how amazing Kathy is, but if you read her opening statement, you'll realize how humble she is before the Lord, always trusting His sovereign purposes. 

Kathy continues . . .

Everyone’s been talking about what a hard year 2020 has been. My personal worst day of an already bad year happened the day before Hurricane Delta hit our area.

My family sold our forever home to move to an area where my husband’s job landed him, and we dealt with many unknowns at once—more like didn’t deal with them.

The day finally came to load the last POD with belongings and hit the road.

Sometimes you gain life lessons through the worst experiences!

Here’s what I learned.

Don’t believe what they say a POD storage unit holds. 

We packed to the ceiling, but still had items that wouldn’t fit. So we had to leave behind multiple pieces of furniture. This day was a day of many mini goodbyes.

Packing and loading a POD with your mate will show you how well you work together and love each other. 

Russ and I passed that test!

I also learned I’m still strong physically and on the inside. Grateful for that strength to come through when I needed it.

One time when we flipped a heavy desk upside down to stack it on top of the washer and dryer, I turned to Russ and said, “We did this. We did this. We did this!

Sometimes you have to celebrate the immediate accomplishment before the entire goal is even completed.

Moving the day before a hurricane hits is not wise. 

Loading a POD while it’s lightly raining wasn’t great. But driving in a three-car caravan through almost zero-visibility on highways packed with merciless aggressive drivers evacuating the area is a nightmare.

My husband drove lead and went faster than we were comfortable following. He made a couple of turns not in the plans.

Mom drove in the middle and had a hard time seeing or keeping up with Russ. I was the caboose and my main job was to keep an eye on Mom and go where she went, even when she lost the lead car.

This meant pulling over three times for regrouping and calling Russ to reconnect. The phone map app in remote locations wasn’t reliable.

We truly got to the destination as a grace of God—I’m sure of it.

God can be trusted. 

When we were just two minutes down the road, physically exhausted from loading the POD, emotionally exhausted from saying goodbye to my forever home, and mentally exhausted from dealing with multiple challenges in addition to the weather, I whined to God.

I can’t do this.

God said, “Can you trust Me?”

Yes, Lord.

He said, “Don’t focus on what you can’t do, focus on trusting Me, and I’ll take care of the rest. I’ll get you there.”

Okay Lord.

For the 2.5 hour trip, I prayed . . . and prayed. 

You can do hard things. 

After enduring the above issues and getting to the destination, we had three vehicles to unload in the pouring down rain, making about twenty trips into our temporary dwelling place.

I was perfectly willing to get soaking wet and exert more physical energy and lifting compared to driving in those awful conditions.

Perspective can help you deal with yucky stuff by remembering something far worse.

Storms are called storms for a reason. 

The physical storm of Hurricane Delta was horrendous. Way worse than predicted. And going through it in a strange place was difficult.

We had three worn out frustrated people who craved space, all situated in tight quarters. Not ideal.

But we were safe. Safe in the storm.

 How to Do Hard Things

1. Trust God.

Without trusting Him, we’re actually trusting in ourselves. And sadly, we don’t have what it takes apart from God to get it done.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take (Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT).

2. Do the first thing.

Don’t try to tackle it all. Just do the step immediately in front of you. God will show you what it is.

The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving (Psalm 28:7 NLT).

3. Keep going when it’s hard.

It might not get easier until it is OVER.

“The Lord says, ‘I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name’ (Psalm 91:14 NLT).

4. Celebrate when to-do becomes ta-done.

In our eagerness to be productive, we often forget this step before moving on to the next thing.

This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24 NLT).

Your choices in hard times can spotlight the Lord’s strength and faithfulness.

What hard thing does God want you to do this week?

Kathy Carlton Willis is God’s Grin Gal. She writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Over a thousand of Kathy’s articles have been published and she has several books in her Grin Gal brand. Look for 7 Trials Every Woman Faces, coming soon. Kathy is active as a book industry pro, and her coaching group, WordGirls, propels women toward their writing goals. She graduated with honors from Bible College and has served 30+ years in full-time ministry. Check out her Grin & Grow Break video devotions on social media. www.kathycarltonwillis.com

Graphic of PODS Storage Unit at Mobile Attic.

Graphic adapted of Hurricane Delta, courtesy of Wikipedia.

Hold On! Help Is on the Way!

Sally Ferguson is a practical encourager. She writes to help people deal with everyday struggles from an eternal perspective. In this Perseverance UPGRADE, she writes about the importance of faith energizing us to help us deal with the tough times—and not give up.

"The urge to quit hits every cycle of life," Sally says. "Parents experience it. Employees go through it. And entrepreneurs struggle with it.

"What gives a person staying power?"

I (Dawn) know a little about "staying power." I never liked the circumstances that built the character trait of perseverance into my life, but now I can thank God for those tough times.

Sally continues . . .

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed for a different plan. If Jesus wanted an out, then who am I to think I’m any different?

My Glossary says perseverance is to “persist in exercising faith in Christ.”

When I look in the Hebrews Hall of Fame — often called the "Hall of Faith"— I find Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and others who persisted.

• They overcame torture, jeers, and flogging. (I’m a wimp when it comes to pain.)
• Stones were thrown at them. (Ouch!)
• They felt the teeth of saws. (Razor sharp!)
• And they wandered without homes. (I like my security!)

But Hebrews 11:34 says, their “weakness was turned to strength.”

At first, I’m prone to say, "What? How can weakness be strength?” Then, I consider an outing we had last weekend.

We made arrangements for family to stay with Dad, while hubby and I went away for two nights to Erie, Pennsylvania. A short jaunt away from our home, it was the perfect getaway. We packed our swimsuits and bicycles and headed for Presque Isle State Park.

I don’t get on my bicycle very often, so you can imagine the muscles groaning against the new motion. I felt wobbly-weak. But, muscle memory returned and three days of bike riding turned into new confidence and pleasure. My weakness turned to strength.

This strength also happens when our faith-muscle is exercised. We push against atrophy and receive renewed determination to persevere.

James refers to this in his letter, chapter 1, verse 3: “the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” I’m all about persevering, but not so keen about the testing.

Let’s look at another example.

Hebrews 12:1 says to run with perseverance, and that takes me back to my days in high school track.

I ran the mile. Actually, I dragged myself through a mile of torture. (Why does anyone sign up for track, anyway?) I was always in last place, but a fellow runner told me he was inspired, because I never gave up.  That one piece of encouragement has carried me through miles of disappointments, discouragement and defeat over the years.

Never give up!

What kept me going in track?

• Teamwork
• Cheering from the sidelines
• Accountability

What keeps me going in life?

• Teamwork — When you partner with others, it lightens the load. (Philippians 4:2-3)
• Cheering from the sidelines — Everyone needs a cheerleader! (Acts 15:32)
• Accountability — Others are watching. (Galatians 6:1-5)

How about another example of perseverance?

Have you ever spent the day in the kitchen and felt like wilting? Maybe canning beans, zucchini or peaches on a hot summer day, making multiple pies for a holiday feast, or kneading dough to rise?

Every time I make turkey frame soup, I mentally declare it will be my last.

The bones boil in water to release meat and flavor. Then, using forks to separate meat from bones, I go through each piece on a cookie tray. It’s a tedious process that leaves my bones groaning!

But what keeps a cook going when the feet want relief? The tasty reward of success!

I remember I am feeding my hungry family with pleasing flavors and hardy meals. I anticipate the oohs and aahs of contentment, and feel the satisfaction of a job well done.

That’s what we can look forward to, when our Father calls us home. (Hebrews 10:35-39)

Let’s go back to our friends in the Hebrews Hall of Fame. What kept them strong?

We can find their secret in 11:1-2. They exercised their faith muscles and then trusted God to supply the rest.

God’s power enables us to follow Him (2 Peter 1:3-11), and that is what I count on when I’m out of breath and ready to quit. He equips me with His power.

Wow—I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that one, but I cling to it anyway. And that is where my weakness becomes strength. I acknowledge my inability to measure up, press on, or comprehend, and God replies, “My strength is perfected in your weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

How about you? Do feel like giving up? Have you had enough of interrupted plans and rearranged schedules?

Bring your cares to the Lord and let Him carry you. He will give you strength when you focus your eyes on Him and the eternal glory yet to be seen!

How will you stay focused on Jesus?

Sally Ferguson is a caregiver for her dad and her grands. She lives in western New York with her hubby of 33 years. She is the author of What Will I Be When I Grow Up? and How to Plan a Women's Retreat. Look for her words at EzineArticles, AlmostAnAuthor, Upgrade with Dawn, Amazon and sallyferguson.net.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigital.com.