Mother Was Right—What My Mother Taught Me and Why It Matters Now

Janice Thompson is my sister-in-love. We share a love for her mom, Adele Wilson. In this Mother's Day UPLIFT, Jan shares some of the powerful lessons she learned from her mother—lessons all of us in the "Wilson clan" have come to love and appreciate—and I hope they encourage you as well.

"I vividly remember the day when as a young adult I said to myself, 'Wow, Mom was right!'" Janice says. "Perhaps you look forward to the day your child "gets it" too!"

Yes, I (Dawn) remember a moment of awareness. I'd thought my own Mom didn't understand the complexities of today's culture, but as it turned out, the principles that guided her life were timeless—much like those that guided Adele Wilson.

Janice continues . . .

Mom and Dad grew up together in a children’s home, each having lost a parent at a very tender age. Raised with 180 other children they called family, they both speak with gratitude of the care they received and the friends they made.

They also, however, determined when they married to try to create what they had missed—a welcoming home and intimate family life.

Mom is the first to admit they were clueless where to start, but God had His hand on them. They became Christ-followers shortly after marriage and immediately began to seek His wisdom. Between their study of Scripture and surrounding themselves with Christian families they wanted to emulate, they look back on their 72 years of marriage and trace God’s hand throughout their journey.

They are now enjoying the fruit of that dogged determination as they changed the course of their family’s trajectory and created a living legacy that has left a blessed imprint on three successive generations.

Mom gave me many gifts—including ones I didn’t always appreciate at the moment! I still marvel at how, without a mother’s role model, God gifted her with extraordinary wisdom.

She was undeterred during my adolescent years—that unpaved section of life—when I burst out in a tearful, “You don’t understand me!” She was on a mission, however, and nothing stopped her from standing firm on every value she held dear.

Here is my short list of what she taught me then and why it matters to me now.

1. Pursuit of God’s best. “If you’re going to do a job, do it right—the first time.”

If I were ever tempted to skim the surface, I’d best think again. I dreaded her white glove inspection of my half-hearted dusting chore. Good enough simply wasn’t. God deserved the best I could give, and I was never to short-change Him or her!

Gratefully, she was relentless, and that value served me well in my academic pursuit, career path, and raising my own children.  

2. Pursuit of Family Harmony. Conflict resolution was a non-negotiable. Frustration, even anger, were acceptable expressions as long as it wasn’t accompanied by disrespect, yelling, or fighting.

In Mom’s words, “There is enough fighting in this world; when you entered the doors of our home, it will be a place of peace, joy, and support.”

Mom had mastered conflict resolution skills that somehow allowed me to feel valued and heard even as I stewed in my anger. This led to a joy-filled home where my friends longed to be. Laughter was the norm, and my friends were always welcomed.

I found myself applying those same conflict resolution skills as we raised our children and in turn, enjoyed the blessing of being “mom” to many of our children’s friends as well.

3. Pursuit of Wise Stewardship. This one still amazes me as I see how much she taught me about God’s values concerning the use of time, talent and treasure. Let me start with...

TIME: Mom loved and served sacrificially. She worked long and hard, yet would always greet me with a cup of tea when I’d come home from a date no matter the lateness of the hour. She enjoyed sharing every detail of my experiences and used those late night chats to help shape my values.

I realized shortly after marriage how much she shaped my wishlist for my life’s partner and kept me from settling for less than God’s best. My husband is still my best friend, and I have Mom to thank for helping me understand that priority.

TALENT: Giving more than you take was another top priority. Mom taught me to always look for ways to contribute. If you are faithful with what God has put in your hand, He will, in turn, bless you with more to give.

I can’t begin to describe all the ways that value has played out in my life.

TREASURE: Wise financial stewardship was another non-negotiable.

Mom (and Dad) always put God first, spent less than they earned, avoided the use of debt, worked toward long-term goals, and were generous toward others. Those habits prepared them to live comfortably now.

That example also prepared me for a career helping others wisely steward their resources and their families.  

4. Pursuit of a Proverbs 31 Woman.  Mom was—and still is—a very beautiful and strong, independent woman. She modeled pushing through obstacles to achieve goals.

While always supportive, it was not her job to make life easy for me. She taught me to own my mistakes, minimize excuses, and figure out how to resourcefully get back on track.

She believed in me when I felt vulnerable and encouraged me to step into my calling even if it didn’t look “normal” or “traditional.” My subsequent career path landed me in what years ago used to be considered a man’s world. I ignored gender, however, and never allowed inferiority to keep me from starting my own company. Mom taught me to push through the hard stuff and count my blessings with every opportunity to make an impact.

Like my Mom, you have little control over the legacy you inherited, but a great deal of influence over what you leave behind.

Since a legacy is inevitable, I encourage you to make it intentional because wisdom is challenging to transfer without it. Experiences and how you leverage them can turn brokenness into a blessing even when it doesn’t look like it at first glance. You don’t have to be perfect; just authentic and tenacious.

We have the powerful ability ever day to leave a lasting imprint on those we touch.

Prov 31:30-31 says,

She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed….

Charm is deceitful and beautiy is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised....let her own works praise her in the gates.

Mom, you were right on every point and I rise up today and call you blessed.

What makes you unique because of the legacy you’ve received? What value or wisdom point can you change or build upon to make the biggest difference in future generations you influence?  

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children with three grandsons and one granddaughter. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Timeless Truths for Financial Health

Janice Thompson encourages women to manage the money maze. She helps them consider their attitudes about finances, and points them to the timeless Word of God.

"It is hard to go a day without hearing financial news that makes us want to run and hide, even in relatively good markets," Janice said. "But there are timeless truths that can help us weather any economic climate, no matter what financial language we speak."

In previous posts, Janice detailed the financial languages women "speak"—the Driver, the Thinker, the Partner, the Avoider, the Idealist, and the Overcomer. In this post, she offers timeless truth from the scriptures for all women.

Janice continues ...

I would like to outline some principles that can help you weather turbulent times. Whether the current news is bleak or positive, these truths are always relevant.

These truths answer the question:

"In light of what's going on, what should I be doing with my money?"

They are universally wise, applicable in all economic climates, and are rooted in God's Word.

1. Do Your Best to Rein In Spending.

I continue to see two extremes as I discuss this point with women.

• On one side, there are those who are guilt-ridden over every dollar spent.
• On the other side, there are those making foolish spending decisions with little thought to their long-term impact.

I encourage you to find a balance between these two extremes that provides true quality of life for you and your family both now and with an eye for the future.

2. Avoid the Use of and Eliminate All Consumer Debt.

In most cases, the eradication of debt provides an immediate tangible "return on your investment," not to mention a tremendous sense of financial freedom.

I am amazed at the number of widows who either have already paid off their mortgage or indicate that as a primary goal when we first meet. There are, in certain instances, wise ways to use debt, but these uses should be sparingly applied.

The wisdom of Solomon reminds us that "the borrower is servant to the lender" (Proverbs 22:7).

3. Build and Maintain an Emergency Cash Reserve.

Conventional wisdom tells us this should be equal to at least three to six months' living expenses. I would suggest targeting a minimum of six months' living expense as a goal, particularly if you are a single parent or self-employed.

Again, quoting Solomon, "The prudent see danger and take refuge" (Proverbs 27:12). History shows us that volatile times are always both painful and inevitable. We can be less fearful if we do our best to prepare.

4. Consider Both a Proper "Asset Allocation Strategy" as well as "Purpose Allocation Strategy" for Your Investments.

Where you put your money should be based on your time horizon and risk tolerance, and centered on your mission, vision, values and goals.

Keeping an eye on the purpose for your various assets can help keep you emotionally balanced when facing turbulent times.

5. Stick to Your Strategy.

Irrational or emotional financial decisions can be extremely detrimental to your long-term financial future. Keep a level head and stay focused on what lies ahead.

6. Create a Comprehensive Financial Plan.

This will keep you focused on your mission, vision, values and goals in life.

When you are crystal clear about these important elements and have a plan that can be modified as God takes you through the twists and turns of life, it helps you maintain the proper perspective through the highs and lows.

7. Focus on Giving More.

A myopic view of the needs around us does little to enhance our mental health or our financial position. There will always be those around us with needs greater than our own. You don't have to look very hard to see them.

Great joy and personal satisfaction can be found in rocky financial times by taking the focus off of ourselves and putting it on others.

By giving, I'm not just talking about writing a check. Volunteer work with those in need costs very little and can give you a reality check about just how blessed you are!

8. Attitude Determines Altitude.

Economic downturns are a natural part of our free market system. You see these cycles occurring throughout history and, while never pleasant and always stressful, they are included in the historical progression of slow and steady upward progress.

So, while we cannot control events, your attitude will play a major role in determining your emotional and financial health. Billy Graham once said, "If a person gets his attitude toward money straight, it will help straighten out almost every other area in his life."

Since there are no "silver bullets" or "magic formulas" when it comes to the economies of this world, prudence and wisdom must prevail. Money does not buy true happiness. Solomon wrote that those who focus on money will never have enough (Ecclesiastes 5:10-11).

Happiness through wealth accumulation is not the goal, but the joy that comes through the wise stewardship of what you have been given. The truth is, "An undisciplined, self-willed life is puny; an obedient, God-willed life is spacious" (Proverbs 15:32, The Message).

Are you heeding these timeless financial truths? What area needs attention or improvement?

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children and one grandson. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

'Financial Language' - Are You an 'Overcomer'? - Part 3

Janice Thompson addressed three financial tsunamis in her last post (disability, unemployment and identity theft). In this Financial "Overcomer" Upgrade, she discusses divorce, widowhood and significant wealth.

"Regardless of the circumstances that lead up to a dynamic change in your financial life," Janice said, "any of these life-challenging events can thrust you into a place where you must quickly adapt to a new way of dealing with your financial world."

Divorce and widowhood can crush a woman's spirit, but significant wealth—especially when it arrives unexpectedly—can be just as overwhelming. I'm thankful for Janice's helpful insight.

She continues ...

In each of these circumstances, I encourage you to be patient with yourself and the process ahead of you. Remember, "Tsunamis" can be a catalyst to a deeper, richer relationship with God.

1. Divorce

I have yet to see a divorce that doesn't expose raw emotion and inflict unbearable pain on all parties involved. Divorce is often complicated by the fact that finances can be a major reason for the breakup.

While money problems may only be symptomatic of deeper issues, they are clearly among the contributing factors.

I am in no way an advocate of divorce, for it is not God's ideal, but I do understand that divorce happens. It is important that women who find themselves in this situation be proactive in the midst of their pain. They must move forward, making appropriate plans and taking appropriate actions.

It has been said that a woman facing divorce experiences many of the same emotions of a woman who experiences the death of her husband. Add to that the understanding that in many cases she has been rejected, and it is no wonder the psychological, emotional and financial adjustments are overwhelming.

It is imperative that you surround yourself with trusted advisers and legal counsel as you go through this process. There are many important steps to take before the divorce is final that can help you better prepare for being single again.

Let me also encourage you to develop a spirit of forgiveness as you go through this process. It is a critical component not only for your financial well-being, but also for your ability to be truly free to become a whole person again.

2. Widowhood

Adjusting to life after the death of a spouse is an agonizing journey. Widowhood is often met with an intense need for grounding, stability and a sense of normalcy and emotional relief. Widows need emotional support and the reassurance there is life beyond this intense pain!

It is critically important to work toward the development of a long-term plan, stabilizing cash flow and minimizing major spending decisions during the initial months of loss.

If you are newly widowed, I encourage you to postpone major financial decisions until you can think clearly about long-term goals and plans. Surround yourself with people who understand the journey you're on and will be patient with you through the process.

While the level of pain diminishes with time, the passion to honor the memory of a spouse with wise financial decision gives them purpose amidst the pain.

Women who have lost their beloved life-partner don't want anyone to forget the memory of their spouse, so while they may resist being prodded to "move on," they seem to be able to respond to the idea of "moving forward."

3. Significant Wealth

I can still remember the time when my husband and I were having one of our many family financial discussions with our children. The discussion turned to the financial impact "if Daddy died," which in turn led to a conversation about life insurance.

When our eight-year-old daughter, Jamie, found out her father had a substantial amount of life insurance, she jumped up and ran to the kitchen and started calculating some figures. She proudly returned a few minutes later with a budget of how this money would be spent.

• She'd first tithe 10 percent,
• then buy her brother a Lamborghini (David was six at the time!),
• give me $50,000 (thank you, Jamie!)
• and then she outlined the rest of her wish list.

While she had one thing right—making the Lord the first priority—we still laugh about the rest of her perspective. She had a lot to learn about the responsibility of handling significant wealth.

Interestingly, I have since seen grown women initially respond just like my eight-year-old did when they come into sudden or unexpected money!

The sense of responsibility that accompanies an influx of wealth can be intense when the emotion wears off.

Women need to recognize the importance of stabilizing their physical, emotional, spiritual and financial well-being before making major spending decisions.

Since wealth can also intensify the potential for mistrust as you find new friends you didn't know you had, be cautious. Evaluate your inner circle carefully. It is not uncommon to feel stretched and strained by a life-changing circumstance that others might feel would solve all their problems. It can, in fact, feel downright lonely.

No matter your tsunami—disability, unemployment, identity theft, divorce, widowhood, significant wealth, or something else—take a deep breath and begin working on an immediate cash flow plan to ensure day-to-day needs are met. If possible, postpone major spending and investing decisions until you can think clearly.

There is a reason God has allowed this event in your life. Surround yourself with a trusted inner circle who will give you wise counsel and help you develop a strategic plan that incorporates His purpose in all your decisions. And by all means, pray and trust God for peace and direction (Philippians 4:6-7).

Are you going through a tsunami experience right now? How will you seek God for encouragement and wise counsel? He can help you!

In her final "Financial Language" post (August 26), Jan will discuss timeless truths for all Financial Languages.

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children and one grandson. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

Graphic adapted: Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

"Financial Language' - Are You an 'Overcomer'? - Part 2

In Janice Thompson's first post about being a financial overcomer, she encouraged women to prepare for tsunami-type events. In this "overcomer" post, she addresses three issues: Disability, Unemployment and Identity Theft.

"Although these events have the potential to destroy," Janice says, "when faced with courage, they can be the catalyst to a deeper, richer relationship with God."

I'm glad Janice looked to scripture for an example of courage: to Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who emerged unscathed from the fiery flames and, as a result, caused a king to praise their God (Daniel 3:28). God can also use our testimony of financial wisdom in a watching world.

Janice continues ...

We need to learn a new financial language in a financial crisis. Again, it is crucial to search out wise counsel and trust God with that which you cannot control, especially in these three circumstances:

1. Disability

A long-term disabling event can be devastating to your lifestyle. Not only are you dealing with health-related concerns, but for many women, serious social and financial challenges as well.

Even if there has been some financial preparation, there is still a steep adjustment that has to be made.

Patient persistence is a tremendous ally in this situation. Focusing on the immediate needs of your family helps to stabilize the household. Once the transition has been made and the household stabilized, long-term needs can then be addressed.

My experience with clients who have faced this tsunami is that, as they continue to find ways to honor and respect the disabled loved one in their life, they find a deeper sense of true fulfillment and purpose in their present situation. While the circumstances may, in many cases, be irreversible, the joy and peace they evidence as they adapt to their new reality is much greater.

2. Unemployment

Unemployment can strip you of your self-worth and give way to feelings of guilt or shame. The stress of prolonged unemployment, besides being financially devastating, can lead to panic and, in some cases, severe depression as confidence begins to wane.

It is important to remember that you are not alone, nor have you suddenly lost your intelligence, skills or worth.

It is important to maintain social contact to help keep your balance in life.

Resist the urge to blame yourself or others, and focus on making the tough decisions as it relates to your cash flow needs. Food, clothing and shelter need to be your main priorities. Consider putting other things on hold as you think "survival mode" during this period of time.

Finding a job equal to what you had may not be an option, so keep your mind open to other possibilities, even if it is not your ideal.

I have seen people from all walks of life emerge form periods of unemployment not only having acquired new skills as they explored new interest, but also developing a new value system that includes both spending decisions and relationships.

3. Identity Theft

Here is another unexpected event that can instantly stop you in your tracks and turn your financial world upside down.

While a number of years ago our focus was primarily on monitoring credit fraud, this unsettling issue has now escalated into sophisticated identity theft schemes. The ability to steal publicly available information—and thereby impersonate you—is readily available.

Having personally experienced my first brush with this growing concern, I have seen firsthand how much easier it is to take proactive steps to protect yourself from identy theft than to recover from it.

• Be diligent about reviewing your credit report on an annual basis.
• For a free annual report, see www. annualcreditreport.com.
• You might also consider subscribing to a credit monitoring service for a more proactive approach.

Have you ever dealt with any of these financial tsunamis? How did God help you deal with the process of recovery or survival?

In Part Three (July 17), Janice will cover surviving the financial stresses of Divorce and Widowhood, and also, how to deal with Significant Wealth.

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor™, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children and one grandson. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

Graphic adapted: Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

'Financial Language' - Are You an 'Overcomer'? - Part One

This is the final "Financial Language" discussion by Janice Thompson, to help us UPGRADE our Finances. We've already had the Driver, Thinker, Partner, Avoider and Idealist.*  Now we'll consider the "Overcomer" in a three-part series.

"While I would certainly prefer to counsel with women before a major upset occurs in their life," Janice said, "it is often what I call a tsunami-type event that forces women to come face-to-face with financial matters, many for the first time."

Yes, I [Dawn] identify with that. It took a financial meltdown for me to reconsider the scriptures about good stewardship. How much better to think through financial matters before a crisis comes.

Janice continues ...

Regardless of their natural language, women in financial crisis are immediately thrust into a foreign land with little emotional reserve to help them navigate.

Having traveled through a number of foreign countries, I understand the strange sensation of stepping off a plane in a different part of the world where everyone is going about their normal lives, eating their normal foods, speaking their normal language, and it is all so different from what you know.

It can be a bit unnerving until you adapt—but adapt you must!

Ruth comes to mind when I think of a woman adjusting to a foreign land and learning a new culture. Born in Moab, Ruth married a Hebrew man named Mahlon (Ruth 4:10). Ten years later, her husband died. Ruth then chose to relocate with her widowed mother-in-law, Naomi, to Bethlehem in Judah. Ruth declared, "Your people will be my people" (Ruth 1:16).

This is a profound statement from Ruth who would now be poor in a foreign land. Even the fact that she was a woman would add to her difficulties.

Scripture records the story of the care and concern that helped her mother-in-law, Naomi, overcome the challenges she faced. Ruth so loved Naomi that she was willing to change everything about her own life—the comfort of familiar surroundings, her culture and her language. She was willing to leave everything that brought her security, because she trusted Naomi and Naomi's God.

Ruth's story illustrates the triumph of courage and ingenuity over adverse circumstances. God would ultimately bless her with Boaz, a devoted husband.

In this, we find special significance for Christians. In the gospel of Matthew, five women were included in the genealogy of Jesus (Matthew 1:2-17), and Ruth was one of the five. God honored Ruth's courageous faith both with provision and an incredible place in history!

Sudden or unexpected life-changing events can make a significant difference in a woman's financial life.

If you find yourself in the midst of your own tsunami, perhaps you can have faith to believe that you can remain:

• objective in the face of fear or uncertainty,
• stable as you face a cascade of overwhelming emotions,
• balanced in the face of redefining who you are—and most of all,
• hopeful in the care of a loving God!

Women, through no fault of their own, can find themselves in relationships where they have little say or no control over their finances.

Women in this circumstance are perhaps in the most difficult position of all. Husbands to these women often proceed with risky investments without the collaboration or knowledge of their wives. They may be arrogant, viewing their wives as incapable in this area or simply hiding their willful decisions because of the dissension it may cause.

This is extremely painful to the woman who is aware that her husband is not practicing wise financial principles, and she is undoubtedly headed for a tsunami not of her own making.

Before I address the tsunami events in more detail in future posts, probably the best advice I can leave with you is this:

Be proactive where you can, continue to search out wise counsel, and trust God with that which you cannot control.

There are no easy solutions for this heart-wrenching situation, but we have a BIG GOD!

"And my God will meet all your needs acccording to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19).

Do you feel like you're facing a financial tsunami—perhaps of your own making; perhaps not? Do you believe God can help you become a financial "overcomer"?

In Part Two (June 17), Janice will offer help to survive and thrive in three Tsunami-type events: Disability, Unemployment and Identity Theft. In Part Three (July 17), she will cover surviving the financial stresses of Divorce and Widowhood, and the dealing with Significant Wealth.

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc, a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children and one grandson. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

* Previous Financial Language posts: the Driver, Thinker, Partner, Avoider and Idealist. Also Re: Finances: Are you Thriving or Surviving?