The Great Divide

Kathy Carlton Willis is one of the most faithfully joyous women I know. In the midst of difficult situations, she looks for the God of joy, peace and wisdom. In this Relationships UPGRADE, she encourages Christ-followers to engage with our growing cultural divides through the powerful grace of God pouring through our lives.

“Now more than ever, I’m feeling the pressure of the great divide all around me,” Kathy says.

“There are so many issues where people are taking sides, and they assume I’m on their side or they judge me if they assume I’m on the other side. They do this, without even asking my view or my reasons!”

I (Dawn) can relate. I squirm in discomfort when there is conflict. And it seems to be everywhere these days!

Kathy continues . . .

To be honest, I’m more of a “Why can’t we all just get along?” kind of gal. I don’t want there to be sides. We can be mature enough to respect people who have a different viewpoint than us.

Do we have to match in opinions to make relationships work? I would hope there’s space for grace.

There are so many differing opinions these days:

• Masks or no masks?
• Self-isolating/social-distancing or back to normal?
• Republican or Democrat?
• All Lives Matters or Black Lives Matter?
• Homeschooling or public education?
• Big churches, small churches or home church?
• Technology-centric or simple-focus?

What do I do when people make a wrong assumption about me? Or worse, they judge me because of that assumption?

What can you do?

Don’t label fear in someone unless you know their brave story.

Be devoted to one another with [authentic] brotherly affection [as members of one family], give preference to one another in honor (Romans 12:10 AMP).

How to Engage with Grace, not Disgrace

1. Ask yourself if the battle is more important than the relationship.

2. Will the issue matter five years from now? If it’s temporary, you can get past it.

3. Start conversations by acknowledging how you value the other person.

4. Tell stories rather than discussing facts. Your experience is more important to the other party than something you’ve read.

5. Resist stirring the pot by making divisive statements.

6. Ask them for permission to discuss it before bringing up subjects that divide.

7. Decide in advance what you will do if the conversation gets uncomfortable.

8. Don’t drag others into the dispute. No one likes being put in the middle of someone else’s battle.

9. Avoid making personal accusations to make your point. In debate, we were taught you can tell when a side is losing when they start to attack the person rather than debate the issue.

10. Don’t make it your life mission to change people’s minds on things that don’t matter for eternity.

So I, the prisoner for the Lord, appeal to you to live a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called

[that is, to live a life that exhibits godly character, moral courage, personal integrity, and mature behavior—a life that expresses gratitude to God for your salvation], with all humility [forsaking self-righteousness], and gentleness [maintaining self-control], with patience, bearing with one another ^[a]in [unselfish] love. 

Make every effort to keep the oneness of the Spirit in the bond of peace [each individual working together to make the whole successful] (Ephesians 4:1-3 AMP).

Some things I’m doing:

• I’m listening more and talking less.
• I’m evaluating why certain opinions matter so much to me that I’d be willing to hurt a relationship to be right. The answer is, nothing matters more to me than people.
• I ask Jesus to show me the hearts of others as he sees them. Usually he shows me they are hurting, not hurting me.
• I’m learning to appreciate diversity. Differences can be beautiful, like a garden filled with various flowers.
• I’m finding common ground rather than fixating on our differences.

Today what will you do to be part of the BRIDGE and not part of the DIVIDE?

Kathy Carlton Willis, God’s Grin Gal, writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith, whimsy and wisdom. She coaches others to remove the training wheels of fear and not just risk, but also take pleasure in the joy ride of life. She is known for her debut book, Grin with Grace, and for her grinning Boston terrier, Hettie. Her new book, The Grin Gal’s Guide to Joy is inspiring Joy Sightings everywhere. Learn more about God's Grin Gal.

Graphic adapted, courtesty of Klimkin at Pixabay.

The Gift of Joy

Kathy Carlton Willis is wise and witty, and she never fails to encourage readers to choose joy. In this Christmas UPGRADE, she says not to be overcome with stress, but rather, to be overcome with joy!

“You won't find joy gift-wrapped and under the Christmas tree, but it is a gift indeed,” Kathy says.

I (Dawn) have thought much about gifts over this year. Some gifts, we don't really want, but they ultimately bring us the peace we so desire. Kathy reminds us of a gift we all would like to have—the wonderful gift of true, God-given joy.

Kathy continues . . .

Without the birth of Christ which we celebrate at Christmas, there would be no authentic joy.

There might be temporary bursts of happiness, controlled by surrounding circumstances, but there would not be joy.

"These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full” (John 15:11 KJV).

In times of crisis and conflict, joy produces a calm that cannot be explained. It allows a person to be more than just content, but actually excited about living life "out loud."

Joy gives its recipient an assurance that any unpleasant circumstance is only a temporary inconvenience that can be overcome victoriously.

Overcoming Joy Robbers at Christmas

1. Plan well.

One reason joy evades us is because we feel swallowed up in Christmas chaos. Taking time to discuss holiday plans will help prevent meltdowns.

2. Simplify.

We increase our potential for that Christmas chaos because we want to do “all the things” and there’s no way to do it all well. And sleep. We can all admit sleep is pretty important!

So simplify your “want to do” this Christmas season.

3. Reduce expectations.

One reason joy leaves a home is because expectations have entered in. We have unrealistic expectations for others and self. We have unmet expectations because we hope others will read our minds and we avoid communicating needs and wants.

Discuss expectations or eliminate them.

4. Make it about others.

If you want to thwart the joy robber, activate your security system. What is the best prevention of joy theft? Serving your way through the holiday season. It’s not too late to make Christmas special for someone else.

Being others-minded is the best way to bump up your joy quotient!

Joy to the World—and to Me?

When was the last time you sang “Joy to the World” and wondered if that included you too?

Joy can be elusive as challenging circumstances crowd our hearts. Yet, if there’s any time to be joyful, it’s at Christmastime. It celebrates such a gift of love!

Allow the joy of the Lord to fill you so that you are moved to worship Him, surrendered completely.

Our joy increases as we focus on God’s attributes and good works. In the presence of His majesty, we experience the awe of joyful adoration.

The Christmas carol, "Joy to the world, the Lord is come!" is so accurate. Joy came to the world in the form of the baby Jesus. Anything before that time was just an anticipation of the Christ Child's appearance.

We who live after His birth get the full picture—the gift of grace and mercy—rather than having to offer our own sin sacrifices like God's people did in the Old Testament. Christ's life and death give us the completion of God's gift to us, His beloved.

How can we not be joyful, when we consider this?

Earlier I mentioned the KJV version of John 15:11. Look how the NLT words it—“I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!”

Let’s break it down.

• When we focus on what Jesus told us in Scripture, we can be filled with joy.
• We will be filled, not with just any joy, but with Jesus’ joy. We get to experience the same joy Jesus experiences. Let that thought sink in!
• Our joy will be so full, we cannot contain it. It will overflow from our lives. One evidence of a joy-filled life is a joy-shared life.

Joy can only come from the One who guarantees salvation, because with that, there is eternal peace of mind. When Christ becomes real in our lives, we begin to pick up His mannerisms, and if Christ is anything, He is joyful.

It is one of those character traits I'm most thankful for receiving. The Holy Spirit living in me whispers joy to my heart and my mind when the outside world seems to be yelling negativity to me.

Joy to the world, and that includes you and me!

Are you overwhelmed with parties, guest lists, gift wrapping, and tinsel this season? Or are you overcome with joy?

Kathy Carlton Willis, God’s Grin Gal, writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Not many funny girls also have Bible degrees! She coaches others to learn how to remove the training wheels of fear and not just risk, but also take pleasure in the joy ride of a life trusting in God. Her newest book, The Grin Gal’s Guide to Joy, releases in January 2020.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Couleur at Pixabay.

Discovering the Courage in DisCOURAGEment

Kathy C. Willis has been a huge encouragement in my life over the past few years, and she even reached out to help my mom and sister in a time of great difficulty. And she does all this from a deep well of courage in facing her own trials. I couldn't wait to get this Attitudes UPGRADE.

Kathy asks, “Do you find yourself in a season of discouragement? Let’s see what we can do to turn this around so you can enter springtime with renewed hope.”

Yes, I (Dawn) need encouragement right now, and maybe you do too. I love her imagery of entering spring with "renewed hope," because sometimes our hope needs a super-boost just to get through another day.

Kathy continues . . .

My personality doesn’t easily get discouraged, but after back-to-back-to-back setbacks, I found myself weary and stuck.

My self-talk leant itself to defeat.

“Why bother? Something outside my control will interfere with my good intentions and cut me short of the goals I believe God has put in my path.”

No, I knew that wasn’t true. If God wanted it done, He’d make sure nothing got in the way. But this messy middle between start and finish was interfering with my usual optimistic energy and drive.

It was time for me to apply the same advice I give others who struggle with discouragement.

1. How Do You Feel?

The first step is to hone in on the actual emotion.

Am I:

• Disappointed?
• Depressed?
• Dismayed?
• Blue?
• Hopeless?

2. Create Your "Hit List."

Whatever the emotion, it’s good to evaluate the source of the feeling.

I ask myself questions to isolate the instigator. I call this my HIT LIST, because it’s ways I tend to get hit. Your hit list might be different.

I ask myself:

• Am I letting what someone else said or did cause me to lose track of my joy and peace?
• Am I falling into comparison traps?
• Do I have unrealistic expectations of myself?
• Does God feel far away?
• Do I have any health issues or fatigue that is impacting how I feel?
• Am I in a toxic relationship that drains me or influences me in a negative way?

Once you’ve identified your hit list, it’s time to determine the best steps to move away from discouragement and back into the land of encouragement.

3. Move from Discouragement to Encouragement.

1. Determine what helped you prior times. What caused the discouragement to diminish or go away?
2. Practice biblical self-talk. Speak to yourself in a way that aligns with Bible principles and with how God views you. Not how you view yourself or how you think others might view you.
3. Lean in to God. Focus on His character and attributes. It doesn’t matter so much if you measure up to the “ought to’s.” Instead, it’s all about trusting the holy God, knowing He’s got this!
4. Hunker into God’s love. Even when you’re discouraged, God wants to be with you. Your Papa God wants to encourage you! “But God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus.” (2 Corinthians 7:6 NLT)
5. Anchor your focus on a Bible verse. Meditate on the meaning of that verse as you go about your day. Let it be a part of you, just like a song sticks with you all day long.
6. Find a worship song with lyrics that encourage your heart.
7. Get more sleep, but not too much sleep. (I bought a Fitbit designed to help me evaluate my sleep, so I could see not only how little sleep I get, but that I don’t get enough deep sleep.)
8. Find a project to be a part of that benefits someone else. It’s difficult for a servant mindset and discouragement to coexist for very long.

“Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again— my Savior and my God!” (Psalm 42:11 NLT)

Give yourself time.

It takes a while for feelings to catch up to reality, and sometimes our feelings even lie to us.

It’s more important to cling to the truths of God’s Word. These will never let us down.

What will you do to seek encouragement or seek to encourage someone else this week?

God’s Grin Gal, Kathy Carlton Willis, shines the light on what holds you back so you can grow. She’s a speaker and author with over a thousand articles online and in print, as well as her Bible study, Grin with Grace; and she is featured on CBN. She and her husband Russ live in Texas with their new puppy, an adorable Boston Terrier named Hettie.