Minister with 'Last-Days Leadership'

Many people are pointing to the "signs of the times" and concluding that Christians will soon meet their savior, Jesus, in the air (in the rapture of the Church). Whether that day is almost here, or many years away, we definitely are going to face troubling days ahead. In light of that, we need strong leaders. It's what I like to call "Last-Days Leadership." In this Leadership UPGRADE, I'll share five qualities that can help us lead well in tough times.

Jesus exemplified leadership as the perfect servant-leader. He trained a small team while drawing countless others to follow His message of light and life, forgiveness and freedom. (A good study might be to read the scriptures with this thought: "How can I lead like Jesus?")

There are as many kinds of leadership as there are roles in ministry. Also, as we lead, it's wise to be be a good follower / learner ourselves, asking, "How can I grow in my leadership skills?"

Here are five qualities that can help us lead well in tough times.

The Five C's of Last-Days Leadership

1. CONFIDENCE: Trust God in a Shaky World.

People are frazzled, fearful, and frustrated by the scary things happening in the world:

• the constant threat of nuclear disaster,
• the devaluating dollar,
• new diseases,
• unstable weather,
• strained and broken relationships,
• and stress like never before.

Christian leaders know that the only true source for the security and peace the world craves is God. Everything and everyone else can be taken from us or lost.

Have you heard this statement? "You just need to believe in yourself!" That and many other catchphrases from pop psychology and the culture-at-large can mislead Christians. It's okay to believe you have the ability to do this or that—when you actually DO have the ability—and we all need a measure of confidence to make choices or try new things.

But self-confidence is limited, and when our confidence is accompanied by hurtful pride and independence from God, it's sinful.

More than confidence in ourselves, we need God confidence!

When we need clear direction in a shaky world, the Lord of heaven is our help and resource. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust in Him and not lean on our own understanding. Other scriptures also caution about human confidence (like Proverbs 28:26 and Jeremiah 9:23).

It is wise to acknowledge God's right to control our lives.

Rather than trying to drum up more confidence, act in faith every day, and teach others the wisdom and value of confidence in God too. 

2. COMPASSION: Love People in a Needy World.

Effective ministry flows from personal interaction.

Leadership without genuine love and compassion will not help and change people; it will only keep “programs” going.

Jesus often met people’s physical needs before He dealt with their spiritual needs. Servant-leaders are wise to look at others through eyes of compassion and understanding. Offer your hands and heart to God.

If there are any problems in leadership, they usually come from the leader’s failure to connect with people in the group, so:

• take time to understand people’s needs and wishes,
• connect to needs by developing relationships,
• ask questions,
• and show sincere concern.

Compassion means “to suffer with”—sincere love that comes alongside others, as Jesus did (Matthew 9:36; 14:14).

If there are people in your group that you don’t know how to encourage or lead, take another look. See them through Jesus’ eyes!

Be aware of teachable moments that arise out of sacrificial ministry.

3. CONVICTION: Embrace Truth in a Confusing World.

Do you know what you believe, and why? Can you explain it to others?

As a Christian leader, you are responsible to guide others to the truth of God’s Word, and help them understand how His truth applies to their personal lives.

The Apostle Paul said, “I know whom [not just what] I have believed” (2 Timothy 1:12). That should be the confession of every child of God, especially Christian leaders. 

Know God’s Word to know Him!  

The world would like us to compromise what we believe—to water it down and tolerate lies—but it is only the truth that sets people free (John 8:32; 17:17).

The scriptures are profitable and powerful (2 Timothy 3:16; Hebrews 4:12). Embrace the Word, and seek the will of God daily. Your leadership will be rooted and fruitful (Psalm 1:1-3).

There is no substitute for the pure Word of God.

4. CHARACTER: Reflect Christ to a Watching World.

God chose each of us “to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last” (John 15:16). Ambassadors for Christ will serve Him with integrity and good character (2 Corinthians 5:20).

Leaders should model behavior they want co-laborers and followers to emulate, but even more is at stake: the world is watching to see if our walk lines up with our talk.

Reflect Christ. Bring glory to His name, not shame.

We want:

• to be holy because God is holy (I Peter 1:16),
• to discipline our lives  in righteousness (I Corinthians 9:27),
• and to love others sincerely (without hypocrisy) so the world can see God in us (I Corinthians 13:4-8; Romans 12:9; I John 4:12). 

People are watching—guard your heart and mind!

5. COURAGE: Stand for God in an Unbelieving World.

As our culture plunges deeper into sin, the light of holy Christians will shine brighter and brighter and people should see the difference (Matthew 5:16). 

But that's not all that will happen.

• The world despises those who follow Christ with a whole heart and believe in the authority of the unchanging Word of God (John 15:18-19), so expect tension between good and evil.
• You may even be called to suffer for His sake as you stand for truth (Romans 8:17-18; 2 Timothy 3:12; I Peter 4:15-16). 

How can you move forward in courage?

• Find strength in the joy of the Holy Spirit's presence (John 14:16-17). Jesus sent Him to be our helper and, especially when times get tough, He gives direction based in the truth.
• Cast a biblical vision of holiness in the fear of God, sacrificial service, and joyful ministry. Where there is no vision—no long-term plan based in the Word and will of God—people will either be destroyed or wander aimlessly. So help them see what God is doing (Proverbs 29:18 MSG).
• This is not a time to be fuzzy about our role as leaders! Stand alone, if necessary, for what is right. Be bold for God!

No matter where we are on the timetable of God, we still want to minister well. God can help us do that with confidence, compassion, conviction, character, and courage.

We don't need to worry about "success"—we only need to be faithful to what our Father in heaven has called us to do; and if he has called us to lead, let us do it to honor Him.

Are you a leader in some way? Are you practicing the five C's? If not, what can you do to improve?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Christina at Wocintechchat.com for Unsplash.

Courage for Resisting the 'Fear of Man'

Kathy Collard Miller's focus on the believer's identity in Christ has helped her navigate many issues in life, and she encourages others in that journey as well. In this Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, she encourages trust in God's love and concern for us rather than getting caught up in what others think—the "fear of man.""I suffer from the 'fear of man,' Kathy says. "Proverbs 29:25 says, 'The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe' (ESV)."

I (Dawn) am sure every one of us has been caught in that snare at some time in life, and some people have a greater tendency to get caught. It takes courage and intentionality to fight against the destructive fear of man.

Kathy continues . . .

I was recently surprised to find some powerful wisdom in Isaiah 51:12-13 (ESV) for fighting the fear of man.

Those verses say:

   I, I am he who comforts you;
       who are you that you are afraid of man who dies,
       of the son of man who is made like grass,
    and have forgotten the Lord, your Maker,
       who stretched out the heavens
       and laid the foundations of the earth,
    and you fear continually all the day
       because of the wrath of the oppressor,
    when he sets himself to destroy?
       And where is the wrath of the oppressor?

The fear of man—who may feel like an “oppressor”—comes from thinking other people are the best source of what we need.

In verse 12, God says He offers comfort to us. The Hebrew word “comfort” has the idea of expressing sympathy.

Quite often when we fear the opinions of "man," we are looking for understanding, approval, and affirmation from others.

When people seem to come through for us, we feel “comforted” in knowing we are a person of value.

How can we resist that snare and trust God instead based on Isaiah 51:12-13?

Truths to Consider

1. The comfort from other people is temporary, but God’s is eternal.

Someone may offer us what we want, but the next time she may fail us. Only God’s opinion of us never changes.

2. Only God is wise enough to truly know what we need.

If God wisely and powerfully created us, He knows our real, valid needs. He provided the demonstration of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins when we don’t deserve it. No one else can do that for us.

Ephesians 1:3-14 offers the fullest, most concise identifiers of believers in the Bible. God says because of our inheritance through Christ, we are identified as blameless, forgiven, blessed, holy, redeemed, loved, chosen, predestined, conformed, secure and other declarations of who we are in His view of us.

3. Recognize how the fear of man creates stress.

Living in God’s love brings love, joy, peace, and other fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

4. What we fear usually isn’t as bad as we anticipate.

In effect, God says through Isaiah, “Is it really as bad as you anticipated?” Sometimes it does feel as horrible, but when we see how God wants to affirm our worth and value, we can also see how we grow from the challenge.

Early in my marriage to Larry, I was afraid of his displeasure. I carefully tried to evaluate his every reaction and then change my behavior based on what I assumed he was “telling me.”

In time, I read about the “fear of man” and was convicted of putting Larry’s opinion of me higher than God’s.

One day, Larry seemed irritated. I boldly asked, “Larry, you look angry. Are you mad at me?”

He looked surprised and replied, “Do I? No, I’m not mad at you. I was thinking about work.”

From that day on, I learned to ask instead of assume.

Here are some practical suggestions for diminishing the fear of man.

• Memorize and meditate on Isaiah 51:12-13.
• Ask yourself exactly what it is you fear.
• Make a list of your inheritance in Christ as Ephesians 1:3-14 defines you. Put it in several prominent places in your home and work space.
• Forgive others who respond to you out of their own hurt and pain. Their reaction says nothing about how valuable you are and how loved you are by God.

How can you more effectively allow God to comfort you instead of a person’s opinion of you?

Kathy Collard Miller has long depended on her identity in Christ to grow in resisting the snare of the fear of man. God has used His journey for her through His opportunities to write over 60 books, speak in 9 countries and over 30 US states. One of her newer books is Pure Hearted: The Blessings of Living Out God’s Glory where she expands on knowing our identity in Christ. Kathy and her husband, Larry, of 52 years, are parents, grandparents, lay counselors, and live in Boise, Idaho. Visit her at KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Pexels at Pixabay.

Courage When Christians Disappoint

Kathy Collard Miller always cuts to the heart of a matter. As she courageously speaks the truth of scripture into the toughest circumstances, her heart for women to mature in faith comes shining through. In this Spiritual Maturity UPGRADE, she addresses a difficult topic—Christians who dissapoint us.

"When Christians we respect disappoint us, we can be tempted to be discouraged and even give up serving God," Kathy says. "After all, won’t other Christians continue to fail us?"

I (Dawn) remember a situation when I was so hurt by Christians I served with—people I deeply respected—who made choices that hurt me and colored how I felt about Christians for a number of years. But I didn't want to stay bitter; I wanted to get "better" with God's help. He healed my wounded heart and taught me many things. Kathy says it takes courage to face down these kinds of disappointments in a biblical way.

Kathy continues . . .

We all know of someone whose service for God was weak and struggling. Even worse, it seems they have failed God.

What can we know about God that will help us courageously keep our eyes on Him and trust He has the power to help us?

First, God isn’t surprised by His children struggling.

One famous example from the Bible is in Acts 15:36-41. The Apostle Paul and his ministry partner, Barnabas, went different ways because they disagreed about whether Mark should continue serving.

But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other (15:37-38, ESV).

Barnabas took Mark with him and Paul took Silas. We can only speculate the hard feelings each one of these men held against the other.

Mark had disappointed them, yet his cousin, Barnabas—known for his encouraging heart—didn’t give up on Mark.

Even though Paul and Barnabas may have been surprised by all that was happening, God wasn’t surprised one bit.

In this case, more ministry was accomplished because the outreach was doubled.

Second, God wants us to remember that the final chapter hasn’t been written.

When Paul and Barnabas went their separate ways, most likely people were disappointed and discouraged. But the Apostle Paul later wrote to Timothy:

Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry (2 Timothy 4:11 ESV).

What? You mean Paul’s opinion about Mark changed? YES!

Mark matured and became increasingly valuable in church ministry.

And Mark wrote one of the Gospel accounts of Jesus’s life—the Gospel of Mark! Commentators believe he wrote it primarily based on the stories from Peter.

Third, God’s forgiveness and ability to restore are unlimited.

When we are in the midst of feeling discouraged because a Christian has seemingly failed us, we must remember God isn’t flummoxed or confused wondering how He’s going to bring glory to Himself.

• He never says someone can’t be forgiven or used for His glory.
• God will discipline and restore any repentant person to fellowship—and that applies to the person who failed you.
• Of course, he or she must choose to be restored, but God’s power to forgive is always available.

FOUR IDEAS for responding courageously when others disappoint you.

1. Take Your Eyes Off Fallible People.

If we are disappointed in someone, we “appointed” them as a kind of god who we expect will be perfect.

Only Jehovah God is perfect.

God never disappoints us, but people always will.

2. Focus on Who You Are Really Serving.

Sometimes our people-pleasing tendencies want the approval of other people. We feel let down when that person fails and is no longer giving us the attention we crave.

We must learn to more and more look to God Himself for encouragement. That doesn’t mean God won’t use other people to bless us, but He must be the main source.

3. Don’t Take Another Person's Failure Personally.  

If someone fails us, we could take it personally by thinking we failed them because we didn’t keep them in line.

We might blame ourselves, but the Holy Spirit holds accountable each and every person for their own choices.

Truly no man can ransom another, or give to God the price of his life (Psalm 49:7 ESV).

4. Evaluate Your Heart for Any Idols.

Sometimes we are discouraged because we’ve put another person on a pedestal. A spiritual idol is anyone or anything we value more than God.

Our discouragement may mean that person who turned away from God had become our idol. John’s last comment in his first epistle is, Little children, keep yourselves from idols (5:21 ESV).

When you feel discouraged by the actions of another Christian, ASK God for His provision of courage and greater trust in Him.

And of course, PRAY for that believer to return to full commitment to the Lord!

Can you think of anyone who you might be putting on a pedestal?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 59 books and speaking in 35 states and 9 foreign countries. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com. Kathy’s newest book is a women’s Bible study on courage, from which this post is excerpted: Heart of Courage: Daughter of the King Bible Study Series. Check out Kathy’s Amazon author page at: https://www.amazon.com/Kathy-Collard-Miller/e/B001KMI10S/

Graphic, courtesy of Liza Summer at Pexels.

Finding New Freedom in the New Year

Dawn Wilson chose her word for 2021—Freedom. It's a word that is meaningful to her, but also a word we all can embrace no matter our "word of the year." In this New Year UPGRADE, she invites readers to consider whether they are living in freedom.

I had many thoughts for a "word of the year" as I approached the end of December. Certainly 2020 was a chaotic, disruptive and fear-inducing 12 months with COVID-19 and the Presidential election, but I didn't know whether to focus on an antidote to my feelings and attitudes in 2020, or to leave that behind and concentrate on a word to motivate change in the year ahead.

I considered words like Determination, Courage, Contentment, Joy, Focus, Mission, Passion, and Perseverance.

But the word that returned repeatedly to my thinking was "Freedom."

I found that, for me at least, it was a word that encompassed my struggles in 2020 and hopes in 2021.

• I wanted freedom from what held me back and kept me bound up in 2020.
• I wanted freedom to press forward with fresh dreams and motivation in 2021.

People all over the world crave freedom. In the United States, most people revere our Constitution with the Bill of Rights—the first 10 Amendments—that spell out Americans' rights and liberties.

I am a patriot, and I love America. I grieve when I see our freedoms watered-down or destroyed by those who either don't understand freedom's value, or wickedly desire to undermine it.

Here are two of my favorite quotes about America's freedom:

• "It does not take a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men." ~ Samuel Adams
• "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln

In 2021, I will continue to stand for freedom in America—the kind of freedom envisioned by our founders, not the fake "freedom" pushed by those who wish to destroy our country from within.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL . . .

In my personal life, I need to choose and embrace freedom in many areas.

Pursuing Freedom in 2021

1. Freedom from the TEMPORAL

With more freedom from the temporal I will develop COMMITMENT to eternal values.

It's so easy to get caught up in daily living and forget to live with eternity in mind.

When I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, it was a serious wake-up call. I realized how quickly we can pass from this world to the next. I began making new commitments about my time, treasures and talents.

And that commitment needs to go deeper.

Two helpful questions to ask:

• What fades away? Certainly earthly treasures do (Matthew 6:19-21), but also anything done for our own glory rather than God's (1 Corinthians 10:31). Even the "crowns" we will receive will likely be laid at Jesus' feet—for His glory. God created and chose His people for His glory (Isaiah 43:7; Ephesians 1:4-6), and we are to live in such a way and do good works that God gets glory. (We are so man-centered rather than God-centered. Here's a good article about God's zeal for His own glory.)
• What lasts? It's been said that only two things go from earth into eternity—the Word of God (Isaiah 40:8; 1 Peter 1:25) and people who will enter into either eternal life or eternal death, and will be judged in one of two judgments. So in light of what lasts, how do my priorities reflect these truths of eternity?

My life is short. I want to be more and more committed to eternity and the glory of God.

2. Freedom from TENSION

More freedom from tension means greater CALMNESS.

Part of my day job is gathering news articles online for various ministries, useful for Christian leaders' understanding, writing or speaking. This daily project seldom unnerves or aggitates me—but give me one hour of watching the news, listening to the hype, and I'm suddenly upset and tense!

Add to that voices telling me I need to fear the future, and anxiety can quickly rise.

I will find more freedom by listening to the Prince of Peace and voices of wisdom in the Word of God that bring calmness to my anxious heart, such as —

• Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. ... I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world (John 14:27; 16:33).
• You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you (Isaiah 26:3).
• Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God (Philippians 4:6).
• Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).
• And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts... (Colossians 3:15a).

The Lord wants to bring the freedom of sweet calmness into my life, and the more I saturate my life with His peace, the more I will experience that freedom.

3. Freedom from TIMIDITY

With freedom from timidity, I'll cultivate more COURAGE. 

I can't help but think of the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz—afraid of many things though meant to be the brave King of Beasts.

Christians are not meant to cower in fear or shrink back in timidity.

These are days when Christians need more courage. The power of evil increases daily, and we need to stay strong and stand strong.

• Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. ... so that you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand (Ephesians 6:11, 13).
• Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord (1 Corinthians 15:58).
• Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith... (1 Corinthians 16:13a).

Freedom from timidity means I will step out to obey the Lord, no matter how uncomfortable I feel.

And it means I will stand up against sin with courage, speaking truth compassionately and sharing the Good News of hope.

4. Freedom from TORMENT

With more freedom from torment, I'll discover greater CERTAINTY.

Satan loves it when we feel tormented. He wants to devour us and accuse us. Tormenting our thoughts about ourselves is one of His strategies. He is a tempter, liar, schemer, and trickster. Part of getting freedom is resisting the devil.

We all have temptations that are associated with our personal torment.

What brings me torment?

Thoughts about guilt over sins I've committed.

Feelings of not being enough.

I so easily forget that I am forgiven (Ephesians 1:7; 1 John 1:9), and that I don't need to be "enough" for God—and indeed, I cannot! I am saved by grace, not anything I've ever done (Ephesians 2:8-9; 2 Timothy 1:9).

The Word of God answers torment with two powerful words: "in Christ."

My identity in Christ answers a lot Satan might try to throw against me!

As Dr. Charles Stanley wrote, "Our true identity is defined not by our past actions, but by the Savior's."

God's forgiveness and salvation by grace are only two things I have because of being in Christ. I think that I will study who I am in Christ this next year. Here is an article that is a good starting point, and here is another article.

I believe knowing what it means to be in Christ will bring me greater certainty, greater assurance in my walk with God—and stop the torment!

5. Freedom from THINGS

With freedom from the pull of things, I'll develop more CONTENTMENT.

For the last couple of years I dabbled with rational minimalism, hoping to get rid of excess "stuff." I got more serious about it since Thanksgiving of this year. My logic was that I wanted to go through my Christmas decorations and get rid of everything I no longer thought I'd use. I ended up with four boxes to Amvets! And I still have a lot of Christmas stuff!

I am ready to get more serious about the things in my closets, on my shelves, and in my garage.

It's so easy to become enslaved to things. They can control our lives without our realizing it.

Notice what is on your calendar and how you spend your money—it's an indication of your priorities and what you love.

I know I also want to reduce my possessions for another reason. I don't want to leave lots of stuff for my children to have to weed through in the future.

It's not easy. But Jesus' words help me think with purpose:

"Watch out! Guard yourselves against every form of greed, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" (Luke 12:15).

I'm making a plan to keep reducing my possessions in this new year. I pray it will give me more freedom to act rather than always being tied up with managing more "stuff."

But I expect it will increase my level of contentment too, as the Holy Spirit teaches me to open my hand and release more. I anticipate more gratitude as I think biblically about what I already have.

6. Freedom from THIEVES

Freedom from "thieves" will spur greater CAPACITY.

What are these thieves?

We all have "time robbers" For some, it's mindless TV watching, even binge watching. For others, it's endless social media scrolling.

When these "thieves" are stopped, we'll have greater capcity, including more time, for creativity and productivity.

For example, I complain that I don't have enough time and strength (because of side effects from my daily chemo pill) to work on the book I want to write. Yet I allow an evening time robber plenty of license to destroy writing opportunities.

Somehow, I need to figure out how to wisely use the strength and time I have to get that book written. I need God's help to know what to do and what I can leave undone.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God... (James 1:5).

Also, instead of letting other people think for me or entertain me through various kinds of media, I need to spend more time in quiet meditation with the Lord, and to allow His Word to form my thinking and attitudes. I need to create more opportunity for godly imagination so I can use and explore my spiritual gifts in ways that will please Him.

I need God to expand my capacity to bring Him glory!

Freedom in the New Year can mean different things to different people. I'm excited to discover what freedom could mean in 2021—what it might encourage or change.

When you think about "freedom" in your own life, what thoughts or words come to mind? Maybe one of those words might be the springboard for your word for the year... or maybe you'll choose "freedom" too!

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, at Revive Our Hearts, a blogger at TrueWoman.com, writes wiki-type posts at  Christianity.com, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Daniel Reche / Fotorech at Pixabay.

When 'NO' Costs You EVERYTHING

Kolleen Lucariello is a funny, practical, godly woman. I've learned much from her posts and insights. In this Character UPGRADE, she points us to a woman worth emulating—and it's not the woman you might think.

"She said no. She was a defiant wife who had disrespected her husband in front of a bunch of influential men," Kolleen said."I assumed I knew all I needed to know about her."

I (Dawn) appreciate Kolleen's thoughts about this "defiant wife." She's the often-overlooked woman in another woman's story—but she had character and dignity. Her defiance was likely a product of caution and discernment.

Kolleen continues . . .

I’d skim over this wife's part in the story of Esther because that’s what I’ve always been taught. My assumptions would be challenged when I saw her name this time, causing me to pause and consider the woman who said no. 

Queen Vashti, the beautiful wife of King Xerxes, said no.  

She was married to a man who loved power, praise and partying, and referred to himself as, “Xerxes the Great” and “king of kings.” 

In the first chapter of the book of Esther, we read about the party he hosted lasting 180 days. His motive for gathering the powerful leaders from around his empire may have been to bring consolidation and gain political support. 

What better way than to accomplish this than to display the wealth of his kingdom. King Xerxes liked to show off his possessions.

One was his queen, Vashti, who was a very beautiful woman (Esther 1:11). During this time in history, she really was just a possession. Some suggest Vashti may have been the daughter of another king Xerxes had formed an alliance with.

She was his trophy wife. 

Following his big bash, the king hosted a banquet for all of the people in Susa, which lasted for seven days (Esther 1:5). During this banquet, Queen Vashti was hosting her own party for the ladies of the land in the royal palace.  

As we read in the first chapter of Esther, the drinks were plentiful, and each man could drink what he wished (1:8). Can you imagine? Seven straight days of binge drinking? 

Then, on the seventh day, when the king’s heart was “merry with wine” (1:10), he summoned his beautiful wife, Vashti, to come “to him with the royal crown on her head. He wanted the nobles and all the other men to gaze on her beauty, for she was a very beautiful woman” (Esther 1:11, NLT). 

And then it happened.  

She refused his invitation.  

When I stop to consider the circumstances, I wonder:

• Was she being obstinate? 
• Was her intent to dishonor and disrespect her husband? 
• Or was there more to the story? 

Imagine yourself in a room full of drunken men and you are the center of attention.

The men in the room may not have dared to touch her—she was, after all, the queen. But they were drunk.

Perhaps her no was a refusal to be exploited.

Perhaps it was to avoid the risk of being undressed—even with just their eyes.  

Or was her no intended to protect her husband from the shame of what could happen. 

Yes, her denial would have embarrassed the king; however, her denial also may have protected his reputation. 

And let’s not forget, she was busy! She was in the middle of hosting her own party.  

Rather than disregard Vashti’s no, perhaps there is something we can learn from it. 

Does God want us to be honoring and respectful? Absolutely. But perhaps we say yes when He knows we should say no.

God has granted us the freedom to say no to any person, place or thing that would bring dishonor to Him—or us.

The truth is, our no might be the motivation God uses to spare another from a horrible tumble into sin. It also could be the catalyst He uses to bring about His plan and purpose.

Vashti’s no opened the door for Esther. 

Without the necessary no, we may find ourselves: 

• Overcommitted. 
• Trapped in toxic relationships.  
• Overburdened financially. 
• And yes, left with shame and guilt.   

It’s quite probable that we fail to speak our no because we fear what it might cost us.

I don’t deny a no can be costly; Vashti’s no cost her everything. She lost her position as queen.

But, what if—in that moment of decision for Vashti—she recognized that her worth did not come from her position as wife to the king of kings? 

She knew she was royalty. Maybe, that’s what gave her the strength she needed to say no to his request.  

Now, what if—in every moment of indecision we face—we recognize we too are royalty and our worth comes from the TRUE King of Kings. Would that give us the strength to say “no” to what God would consider inappropriate or offensive? 

Your worth is never dependent on opinion, social status, family genealogy or your bank account. Your worth is found through your identity in Jesus Christ.  

You are royalty!

We are royalty because we are daughters of God! 

“But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12, NLT); and since we are His children, we are His "heirs" (Romans 8:17).  

Never be afraid to shout your no as you live to glorify the King of Kings. 

Regardless of the cost.  

Kolleen Lucariello, #TheABCGirl, is the author of thesoon-to-be-released #beYOU: Change Your Identity One Letter at a Time. Koleen is also Co-director of the women's ministry, Activ8Her: helping women to build confidence in leadership, become courageous in our faith, and create connection in relationship. Kolleen and her high school sweetheart, Pat, reside in Central New York. She's a mother of three married children and Mimi to six incredible grandkids. For more information about Kolleen, visit her website or activ8her.org.

Painting: "Vashti Refuses the King's Summons" by Edwin Long.