Embrace Your Royalty

Doreen Hanna calls herself the "Queen of the Princesses" because she leads events to teach young Christian girls they are God's princesses. I could think of no one better to share this Relationship with God UPGRADE.

"Do you know you possess a royal status?" Doreen said.

Royalty. I (Dawn) enjoy watching kings and queens, princes and princesses on television. But I too often forget I am "royalty" too!

Doreen continues . . .

When Jesus dwells within your heart you are a Daughter of the King. Maybe you’ve never known this. If not, I am excited to be the one to tell you today.

I wish I was with you right now to place a crown on your head, proclaim your royal status, and impart a rich bless over you. 

Or, could it be that you have been a Christian for quite some time and you’ve lost sight of the riches that you possess as a Daughter of the King?  

Maybe you feel like your crown is slipping.

This is my day to help you reset your crown and have you take account of the wealth you have in Him.

I’d like to share with you one of my first discoveries of recognizing my own royal status.

At the time, my girls were six months and two-and-half years of age. I stood peering out the peek hole of my front door—praying—because I saw the water meter man getting ready to turn off the water to our home. We couldn’t pay the bill. 

Suddenly, he stopped and walked up to the door. I opened it and he said to me, “I came to turn the water off. But, I need to ask—Do you have any children under the age of two?"

I replied, “Yes, she is six months old.” 

He then stated, “Well then, we are not allowed to turn the water off! Have a good day.”

That afternoon, I laid down the girls for a nap and took a few minutes to read my Bible. The reading for that day was Psalm 66. The last two verses read,

“But God has indeed heard me; he has listened to my prayer. I praise God, because he did not reject my prayer or hold back his constant love from me” (GNT).

I was in awe.

The King of Kings—my Heavenly Father—had shown His attentive ear to my prayer.

He answered me. And in such a tangible way showed His loving care for me.

I felt like a little princess that day, picturing myself while in prayer, running into my daddy’s throne room, jumping up on his lap and thanking Him for giving me the desire of my heart.

And, that day was just the beginning of what has now been a life-time journey, continually discovering and embracing the royalty I possess as a Daughter of the King. I'm seeing my Daddy demonstrate His power, impart His wisdom and even, at times, give me a desire of my heart.  

I could go on and on about the riches that you and I possess in Him. But I’d like to ask:

Have you embraced the royalty you possess?

I encourage you today to start or re-start an exciting journey by:

• Reading God's Word.
• Being willing to pray and aks God to speak to you personally and answer your prayers.
• Being open to how He might speak to you in other ways--like through a song, through a friend, or even a billboard!

Keep your eyes, ears and heart open!

Doreen Hanna is the Founder & President of Modern Day Princess Headquarters. She is the co-author of Raising a Modern Day Princess and soon-to-be-released Raising a Young Modern Day Princess. Her passion is to Empower Women to Equip Our Girls today! Discover more about Doreen and her ministry.

Graphic adapted, Image, "Golden Crown," courtesy of digitalart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Women Who Love Lavishly

With her book Fantastic after 40!, Pam Farrel encouraged me years ago as I entered my "seasoned" years, but this Relationship UPGRADE is a message for women at any age!

"Women who know how to love lavishly, heartily, fervently, faithfully and artfully are women people want to be around," Pam says.

That phrase "love lavishly" captured my (Dawn's) heart. What woman doesn't want to know how to love lavishly?

Pam continues . . .

As we learn to love lavishly, over and over again, we will find it changes us; and as we look into the mirror, we'll find we like the woman looking back in our reflection.

Let's take a closer look at love through the eyes of three angel reminders: Faith, Hope and Love.

1. The Angel of Faith

Women who love lavishly have an ability to see the potential, the positive and the promise—not the problem.

Hebrews 11:1:

"Now faith is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses" (Amplified).

Faith is like a post-dated check. We can't get our hands on the money yet, but we know one day we will.

In the same way, a woman of faith sees the promise as good as reality. Her faith helps her function in the realm of "what can be."

Your vision is focused by faith-colored glasses, and those glasses help you look better too, my dear!

1. The Angel of Hope

Hope can be hard to nail down. What does hope look like? What does hope act like? What would be a working definition of hope?"

When I am trying to grasp a big picture principle or wrap my mind around a difficult-to-understand truth I often will read about it: (1) in context of the entire passage of scripture it is in and (2) look at many translations or paraphrases of the Bible of that same verse.

Galatians 5:5-6 says:

"For we through the Spirit by faith, are waiting for the hope of righteousness. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything, but faith working through love" (NASB).

In The Message, Eugene Peterson interprets these same verses this way:

"Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit, for in Christ, neither our most conscientious religion nor disregard of religion amounts to anything. What matters is something far more interior: faith expressed in love."

Women who love lavishly have a hope that waits expectantly.

• Hope is the feeling you had as a kid on Christmas Eve, the day before the last day of school, or the morning you went school shopping for that fresh box of crayons and new outfit for the class picture.
• Hope is excited about life. Hope is enthusiastic. Hope is energetic.
• Hope throws confetti before the parade begins.
• Hope sends out the party invitations months before, or sometimes years before, the celebration will be held.
• Hope holds on and holds out for life's best.
• Hope looks for the creative way to keep a promise of love.

3. The Angel of Love

Love is easy to define and hard to live out. But at least God provided a model for us (Romans 5:8; Ephesians 2:4-5; 1 John 4:9-11; John 3:16)

Love is always others-centered. Love chooses to give rather than take. Love is the fuel injected into another's dream.

Love seeks to understand, give compassion, guidance or boundaries—whatever is necessary for the person who is the recipient of love to reach her God-given potential.

Lavish love is like infinity; it just keeps extending all that is good, kind and true forever, not because a person deserves it, but just because it is right to be loving.

Which role of an "angel" is easiest for you? Which is hardest? Select one—faith, hope or love—and think of a creative way to express that action to someone in your world this week.

Pam Farrel is a challenger, cheerleader and coach. With her husband Bill, the Farrels are international speakers, and authors of more than 40 books including Pam's newest, 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman. Other books include: Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti; Woman of Influence; 10 Best Decisions a Woman Can Make;10 Secrets to Living Smart, Savvy and Strong; and Becoming a Brave New Woman. The Farrels are relationship specialists who help people become “Love-Wise ."

This post was adapted from Chapter 7 in Fantastic After 40!

The angel in the graphic is "Angel of the Heart," by Susan Lordi for Willow Tree / Demdaco, 2000.

8 Myths for Why Relationships Fail - Part 2

In Part 2 of this Relationship UPGRADE, Laura Petherbridge asks us to explore the last four myths for why relationships fail.

You might want to remember and consider what Laura said in Part 1: There are “hidden booby traps that often go undetected until the relationship dies.”

I (Dawn) don’t think any wise person wants his/her marriage to die. We want to expose those booby traps so we can work on the relationship! I still remember the day I realized I was believing Myth #6 (below) in my own marriage! I had to confront it and change … and in turn, it strengthened our marriage.

So let’s continue with Laura in Part 2 . . .

Myth #5: Pornography Will Not Harm My Marriage.

If I plopped a few drops of Clorox bleach into your morning coffee would you drink it? Likely not.

That’s how pornography affects the precious sweetness of the sexual union between a husband and a wife. It’s toxic and deadly.

It’s adultery. Period.

“My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins” (Psalm 38: 5 NLT).

Myth #6: It’s My Spouse’s Job to Meet My Needs.

When we expect a human to meet a need that can only God can fill, we are headed for disappointment and trouble. It is neither feasible nor wise to expect a spouse to meet all of my needs.

God is the only one up for the task. He intentionally created us to seek our significance and purpose through Him alone. He is our source.

“For in him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28a NIV).

Myth #7: Keeping Secrets from My Spouse Will Not Harm My Marriage.

Can your spouse look at your phone, computer, DVDs, gas mileage, receipts, credit card bill, closet, calendar or hiding spot at any time? If the answer is no, the immediate question is, “why not”? If the answer is because he/she is a manipulative bully and dictates your every move, than you have a different problem. But if it’s because you don’t want to be held accountable—that’s deception.

And lies destroy relationships.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” John 10:10 (NIV).

Myth #8: Divorce Does Not Happen to Good Christians.

I cringe when I hear a sermon where the pastor/speaker states that the way to keep a marriage alive is by “removing the word divorce from your vocabulary.”

Why? I have proof it’s untrue.

I removed the word divorce from my vocabulary. My former husband did not. I ended up ambushed by divorce.

The implication is a marriage will stay intact if a spouse decides to keep their vow. That’s incorrect because marriage involves two people. And it takes two people to get married, but only one person to divorce.

The phrase sets us up for failure because it implies you can control the actions and decisions of your spouse.

I hate divorce and desperately wanted my marriage to succeed.

And yet it didn’t.

Church attendance, Bible reading, salvation, prayer and reciting “I’ll never get divorced” do not automatically inoculate a spouse from divorce. Almost every person I’ve ministered to in divorce recovery said to me, “I can’t believe it. How did this happen? I never dreamed I’d be divorced.”

A wise Christian continuously works on strengthening his/her marriage, allows accountability, and discovers areas of weakness.

He/she fervently prays, learns, reads and grows as a spouse. All the while understanding, “The desire of my heart is to please God and be a steadfast, respectful compassionate and loving mate. I pray my spouse will do the same. God is in charge of controlling those things in my spouse. I can’t control the actions of another person.”

“Foolish dreamers live in a world of illusion; wise realists plant their feet on the ground” (Proverbs 14:18 MSG).

The reality is that marriage is not nearly as much about finding the right person as it is becoming the right person.

Do you see elements of the last four myths in your own marriage? What can you do today to improve your marriage? Do you have a wise, godly counselor who can help you work through tough issues? You don’t have to go through a difficult marriage alone.

Laura Petherbridge is an international author and speaker who serves couples and single adults with topics on singles, relationships, divorce prevention, stepfamilies and divorce recovery. She is the author of When “I Do” Becomes “I Don’t”—Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce; The Smart Stepmom—co-authored with Ron Deal; 101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom; and Quiet Moments for the Stepmom Soul. Visit Laura’s website, The Smart Stepmom.

Graphic adapted, image courtesy of stocksnapio.

8 Myths for Why Relationships Fail - Part 1

As a speaker, author, teacher and life coach, Laura Petherbridge builds bridges of hope for and has keen insight into why relationships fail. In this Relationship UPGRADE, she offers helpful tips to help all married couples “check up” on their marriages.

“After more than twenty-five years in divorce recovery ministry,” Laura says, “I’ve watched more marriages disintegrate than I can count. Why do these relationships fail?”

I (Dawn) so appreciate Laura’s willingness to reach out to those who hurt from broken relationships—often a forgotten topic in our churches. She offers help from the Word of God and her own experiences.

Laura continues . . .

Listening to people who are getting divorced has helped me to uncover some of the root causes. These aren’t the obvious signs such as an empty check book or separate bedrooms. I’m referring to the concealed explosives lurking beneath the tension and fighting. The issues hidden under the stuff we address in church such as: love types, financial stress, gender differences, communication skills, respect, and intimacy.

Because the couple, “doesn’t know-what they don’t know” they rarely recognize the undetected detonators that destroy a marriage which could have been saved.

The unique insight I’ve gleaned after years working with those divorcing propels me to help expose the hidden booby traps that often go undetected until the relationship dies.

Here are 8 myths we believe about falling in love, getting married and maintaining a relationship.

Myth #1: Leniency Is an Act of Love

Does God have any problem allowing us to suffer a consequence when we make an unwise or sinful choice? 

NO. (Disagree? Look up Adam and Eve, King David and Ananias/Sapphira.)

Then where did we get the crazy notion that loving our spouse means tolerating, ignoring, and making excuses for their harmful and sinful choices?

We certainly didn’t learn that perversion from the word from God—the Creator of Love.

He explains it clearly:

Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word” (Psalm 119:67 NIV).

Suffering, not leniency, was the action that brought the Psalmist to his senses.

True love allows a spouse to suffer a consequence when they repeatedly choose an unwise, destructive pattern.

The loving response is not done in disrespect or anger but rather a compassionate attitude of, “I love you too much to let you keep doing this without a consequence.” A harsh reality often provides the catalyst and motivation necessary for the spouse to come to their senses, make changes—and thrive.

Myth #2: I Can Change My Spouse.

I’m so grateful God is patient. It took the Holy Spirit some time and consistent nudging before I finally realized I was sinning and spitting in God’s face when I attempted to change or “fix” someone else—including my spouse.

God packed my husband’s personality luggage in the way He knew was best. I needed to stop trying to change him into what I think he should be—like ME!

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart” (Jeremiah 1:5 NLT).

Myth #3:  I’m Entitled to Be Happy.

As much as I love my country, being born today in the USA comes with one significant pitfall. The land of the “free and the brave” has morphed into “I deserve to have and do whatever I want.”

As a nation we spend a lot of time focusing on our “rights” rather than our responsibilities. And this self-glorifying attitude is killing our marriages.

If there was ever a person who had the right to claim His rights—it was King Jesus! Even his trial was illegal. However, this is not His focus. He teaches us to focus on responsibility rather than rights. Loyalty lifts our head and fills us with self-respect, character, and dignity. This is the foundation that builds a healthy marriage and family.

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3 NIV).

Myth #4: My Childhood and Previous Emotional Wounds Are in the Past. They Have No Effect on My Marriage.

Both the sins done to you and the sins done by you affect your marriage. Past destructive choices embed shame, fear and self-loathing. That’s why God hates sin, it shackles us to lies and darkness. And unless we confront those tormentors, and learn how they have perverted our thinking and actions, they fester.

We cannot heal and restore what we refuse to admit and acknowledge. 

Jesus forgives all sin and teaches us how to forgive others. The first step toward restoration is speaking truth and surrender.

“My father and mother walked out and left me, but GOD took me in” Psalm 27:10 (MSG).

Have you believed any of these myths so far? What is God saying to you about your marriage in relation to His truth?

In Part Two of this post, Laura will explore four more myths about relationships to help us understand why they fail.

Laura Petherbridge is an international author and speaker who serves couples and single adults with topics on singles, relationships, divorce prevention, stepfamilies and divorce recovery. She is the author of When “I Do” Becomes “I Don’t”—Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce; The Smart Stepmom—co-authored with Ron Deal; 101 Tips for the Smart Stepmom; and Quiet Moments for the Stepmom Soul. Visit Laura’s website, The Smart Stepmom.

Graphic adapted, i

The Multitasking Dance

Kaley Faith Rhea is a young woman with a heart for God and a unique perspective on life. (UPGRADE readers have read many posts by her mom, Rhonda.) In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE Kaley has an unusual take on multitasking.

"How to Multitask: In 3 Easy … What? Were you just saying something? Because if you were, I missed it," Kaley said. "Sorry—I was typing."

Oh, Kaley. You've nailed "multitasking" well. I (Dawn) recognize the craziness in that!

Kaley continues . . .

On one side we have our culture screaming at us to do more, better, faster, smarter, everything at once.

On the other we’ve got the experts telling us multitasking is physically impossible for our brains and will probably destroy us and all we hold dear. So…cool.

Maybe you’ve been here: You’re checking your e-mail or scrolling through Facebook or thinking through your massive to-do list, and someone begins to speak to you. Someone you love perhaps.

And you think you’re listening. You really believe it. You’re sure your brain can handle these two simple tasks at once. So when that person says, “Did you hear what I said?” you answer, “Mmhm.”

But then comes the dreaded, “Well, what did I say?”

And you realize you have no idea.

If you Google the word “multitasking,” you’ll get a whole host of articles and research studies and podcasts agreeing that when people call themselves “good multitaskers,” they’re fooling themselves.

Some of us may be able to switch from one thing to the next very quickly, but our attention can only truly be on one thing at a time.

Trying to do several things at once can leave you stressed, your tasks poorly or half done, your heart unfed, and your priorities out of whack.

Sort of like that Martha versus Mary thing (Luke 10:38-42).

I’ve done this dance so many times I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can admit my ability to multitask is garbage and move on. And ahh, I can tell you, that was a load off my mind. 

But then I came upon these verses in 1 Thessalonians 5:

Rejoice always (v. 16),

pray without ceasing (v. 17), 

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (v. 18).

Whoa, Lord, whoa! Hang on!

Rejoice always? Pray without ceasing? Give thanks in all circumstances? No, but I just accepted that I can’t do more than one thing at a time!

• How can I rejoice while I’m trying to explain to a six-year-old why he may not use that word?
• How can I pray while I’m talking to my boss at work?
• How in the world am I supposed to give thanks while I’m rushing through the store to find that last minute birthday gift I forgot?
• How could I ever have that kind of relationship with You?

That sounds like multitasking! I can’t multitask, Lord.

You created me. You know this.

…for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Of course He knows we can’t. We physically cannot. That is what’s so wonderful.

Almighty, Creator God who can know everything, all at once, has willed it to be so. In Christ Jesus. For us. Not against us. Not to knock us down or burden us. But for us. For our good.

Through His power, I can filter the chaos of my broken life through the perfection and the healing might of Jesus Christ. That doesn’t mean I don’t have to still deal with all the broken things. But what a difference knowing Jesus makes.

What a vast distance there is between my own, knee-jerk, selfish responses to people, and the way I can respond with His grace by His grace. That way He gets all the glory.

Father, knowing I can’t is initially stressful and intimidating. But it’s so freeing when I realize You can. I’m relying on You for the supernatural ability to rejoice and to pray and to give thanks in every moment, even when my mind feels too cluttered to even think straight. You are my Lord and my God. I believe Your promises, and I live for every glimpse of Your glory.

Do you ever feel as unequipped for life as your brain is for multitasking? What are some ways God has proven He can do what is impossible for man to do?

Kaley Faith Rhea is the co-author of Turtles in the Road, releasing soon, with two more novels in the works. Along with writing and teaching at writers’ conferences, she co-hosts the TV show, That’s My Mom, for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ in mid-Missouri. Kaley lives in the St. Louis area.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Morguefile photos.