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Entries in Upgrade with Dawn (638)

Tuesday
Apr262016

Complex Carbs - and the Complexity of Burnout

Rhonda Rhea. Always leave it to this funny lady to link life's crazy moments to something life-changing. In this life and Ministry UPGRADE, she talks about carbs, coffee and where our real energy originates.

"I may look calm on the outside," Rhonda says, "But on the inside I’m frantically trying to digest ridiculous amounts of complex carbs without storing cellulite."

Carbs. Cellulite. Got my (Dawn's) attention there. Unfortunately. But what's Rhonda really saying?

Rhonda continues…

Time to up the metabolism, I’m thinking. Seems the logical fix would be coffee. That’s why I figure I’m helping things along if I drive through for a grande mocha latte with extra whip.

Someone told me that the average person drinks 22 gallons of coffee a year.

I’ve also heard it said that the average person walks about 8,000 miles a year just going about the regular routine of everyday life.

Surely that’ll work off that extra whip.

So it looks to me like we’re getting about 363 miles to the gallon. Talk about sustainability. Suddenly that four-dollar mocha is a responsible purchase, right?

Burning carbs is one thing. But burning out is another.

In the stresses of going about the not-always-so-regular routine of Kingdom work, it’s easy to become not just over-whipped, but over-worked, over-tired and overwhelmed.

Some of the complex warning signs of burnout?

  • A soul-weariness—tiredness that rarely goes away.
  • There’s a “spinning your wheels” frustration—feeling that though you’re running yourself ragged, you’re not really making a difference.
  • Resentment builds and starts replacing the joy once found in working for Jesus.
  • It’s difficult to love Him well and even harder to love His people.
  • You find yourself fighting a strong desire to isolate yourself.
  • Loneliness, negativity, cynicism and hopelessness creep in. 

What do we do when we feel “whipped”—in the non-creamiest way?

1. We run. We run to the only One who can heal a heart and refresh a spirit.

2. If there’s sin in the way, we get rid of it.

Spending time on our faces in prayer, getting truly honest with the Father, starts the healing.

3. We immerse ourselves in His Word. It’s there we find direction, strength, wisdom and restoration.

4. We determine to stay plugged into people and find a godly confidante.

We were designed with a deep need for that people-connection.

5. It’s also good to take a look at the schedule and get rid of clutter.

Get some rest.

The truth is,

God never calls us to do anything He doesn’t equip us to do.

In essence, He won’t give you more miles to walk than He gives coffee to get you there.

When we have more than we have time and energy to do, we’ve added to the to-do’s ourselves. As we pray through our schedule asking for direction, He is faithful to give wisdom in knowing where to back off and where to press on.

Our love and service for Him? In those we press on. Always.

I love the “press on” kind of encouragement found in Hebrews 10:35-36.

“Do not, therefore, fling away your fearless confidence, for it carries a great and glorious compensation of reward. For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away—and enjoy to the full—what is promised” (AMP).

“Enjoy to the full.” I do love that. Not only does it make me think of mocha, but it reminds me of the blessing in not giving up. He strengthens the tired heart. He’ll enable you to do everything you really need to do.

“He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24, ESV).

Knowing it’s all His strength—that’s invigorating! More energizing than the strongest mocha. With never a carb left over.

Ready, willing and revved up to press on? His Word and His presence does that! In what might the Lord be calling you to press on?

Rhonda Rhea is a humor columnist and the author of 10 nonfiction books, including Join the Insanity—Crazy-Fun Life in the Pastors’ Wives Club and Espresso Your Faith—30 Shots of God’s Word to Keep You Focused on Christ. Rhonda also coauthors fiction with her daughter, Kaley Faith Rhea. Their first novel, Turtles in the Road, releases soon with two more completed and coming soon. Rhonda speaks at conferences and events all over the country and she and her daughters host the TV show, That’s My Mom, for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ airing in mid-Missouri.

Graphic, "Dreaming Girl with Cup of Coffee," image courtesy of alex_ugalek at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Tuesday
Apr192016

Your Labels: True or False?

In this Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, Poppy Smith hit on a topic that plagued me for years. I was called "stupid," so I thought I was. Maybe you're wearing some labels too.

"I grew up with the label “Sloppy Poppy,” Poppy said. "My parents were very loving and it was a family joke that I tended to drop things, spill soup, or mess-up when tackling domestic chores such as cooking or sewing. I’m still that way."

I (Dawn) could talk about a relative who falls off chairs (but I won't). I'm sure every family has its share of members who do klutzy or kooky things, and labeling people as such certainly won't help them cope or change.

But it's an even deeper message Poppy has for us today.

She continues . . .

Some labels wound.

They sting.

They demolish confidence.

They limit your life.

Not all labels make us laugh. Nor are they attached with loving, good humor.

When I was in seminary getting my Masters in Spiritual Formation and Direction, a professor declared:

Let God label you, not others.

That was a life-changing truth for me. It was liberating.

And it’s something I love sharing with those who struggle with negative labels super-glued on their hearts and minds by parents, teachers, coaches or an abusive boyfriend or husband.

I'm talking about cruel labels such as, You're ...

Dumb

Ugly

A Failure

Stupid

Useless

A Mistake

Unwanted

They produce great pain. They also hold great power over you—limiting your joy, confidence and freedom to experience all God wants for you.

A close friend was constantly called “stupid idiot” by her parents, and “ugly wart” by a boy at school.  She was emotionally damaged for decades by her verbally and physically abusive parents—until she learned to recognize who she really was in God’s eyes and reject the lies that had held her in their grip.

It takes time to be “transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12: 2) but with God’s help, it can be your experience.

The Bible is full of wonderfully healing words that you can apply to your heart and replay in your mind. If you’re a child of God, let me encourage you to revel in these truthful labels and toss the others in the trash where they belong.

Here are three simple steps to help you do this:

1. Repeat these biblically-true words regularly:

I am precious and loved by God, chosen, adopted, forgiven (Ephesians 1:2-14)

I am created for a purpose and capable of doing all He plans for me (Ephesians 2:10)

I am valued by God. He is for me and works everything together for my good (Romans 8:28-29

2. Say them out loud and add to your list as you read Scripture.

3. Ask God for help.

His power is what enables you to change your thoughts, attitudes, and actions.

What negative labels persistently pop into your head? Ask yourself: Would Jesus call me that? Is this how God sees me?

Force yourself to look at the labels you think are not true, reject them and embrace the amazing truth that you are truly loved and accepted by God.

Poppy Smith is British, married to an American, and has lived in many countries. A former Bible Study Fellowship teaching leader with a Masters in Spiritual Formation, she is a multi-published author who speaks widely, challenging women to make their lives count by looking at their choices, attitudes, and relationship with God. Discover more about Poppy here

Graphic: Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Thursday
Apr142016

Thugs Are Trying to Kill Your Marriage

Dianne Barker INVESTS her live in women, encouraging them in their lives and families and teaching them how to live an abundant life. In this Marriage UPGRADE, she points out some nasty "thugs" trying to destroy our marriages!

"Watch out!" she says. "Snares, Tares, and Tumbleweeds are out to kill your marriage!"

Snares, tares and tumbleweeds? I (Dawn) wonder what she means? She certainly got my attention.

Dianne continues . . .

Who ARE those thugs?

Stress ... wearing many disguises.

And if you’re not careful, they’ll bludgeon your marriage to death.

Let’s remove the masks and see who’s there.

1. SNARES

Snares are things that entangle us or impede our progress—daily-living stuff that keeps us distracted.

(1) Job pressures.

When both husband and wife have high-stress careers, the pressure doubles—project overload and deadlines, continued training, personality conflicts in the office, irresponsibility or jealousy of co-workers, irritability when overlooked for promotion, indecision about changing jobs, hassles of a job search and moving to a new location. And don’t forget the stress of getting fired or laid off due to downsizing.

Physical and mental exhaustion come home from work with you, sit at your dinner table, and accompany you to bed.

(2) Financial pressure.

Living within our means may be an out-of-date concept. We don’t have to do that anymore, thanks to the availability of credit cards.

Overspending catapults us into deep water before we can say “credit score.”

When that bulging budget cannot be balanced, distress and dissension cast a permeating gloom over your home and family.

(3) Outside relationships.

Relationships with other people affect the marriage. When we’re angry or distracted over a disagreement or misunderstanding with someone else—boss, co-worker, neighbor, relative, child’s teacher, friend—we become preoccupied and irritable. And if your mother-in-law provokes you, those feelings of annoyance can spill over to your husband. He’s just like his mother!

Anger and resentment, like a contagious disease, ­­infect all who come in contact with you.

(4) Special circumstances.

Care-giving is inevitable in the later years of marriage. Elderly parents decline in health. Couples are stretched to the limit, trying to maintain normal life with added responsibility, possibly while dealing with health issues themselves. Many also find themselves rearing grandchildren.

There isn’t enough energy to go around…and the marriage becomes the sacrifice.

2. TARES

Tares are the work of our unseen Enemy whose goal is to destroy us, using every tactic he can come up with.

His favorite tools include misunderstanding, weariness, and negative thinking.  

3. TUMBLEWEEDS

Tumbleweeds are children, rooted in our family briefly then whisked by the wind to distant places. With immeasurable love, we pour out our lives for them.

Stress during their young years—teaching obedience and refereeing sibling spats—doesn’t compare with the stress of parenting teenagers. Be aware of the power of peer influence.

Stand firm, parents, or the kids will divide you.

Are snares, tares, and tumbleweeds weakening your marriage foundation and boosting your stress load to infinity-plus?

Don’t give up on the marriage. Evaluate. Eliminate the stress you can eliminate. Simplify. Do less. Say no.

Begin paring down your stress to what seems a manageable level. And then hand it to Jesus because you’re not able to manage it at any level.

He said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for our souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

He can handle those thugs!

A final question: How are you dealing with stress in all its disguises?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage TruckDown the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Christian Women in Media. 

(Post adapted from Help! I’m Stuck and I Can’t Get Out! The Maximum Marriage Maintenance and Repair Kit, available soon at www.diannebarker.com.)

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Pixabay.com.

Tuesday
Apr122016

Rely on God through Your Child's Difficult Phase

Cindi McMenamin is committed to helping women find strength for the soul. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she reminds us God can strengthen us during our children's toughest "phases."

“Most of our children’s difficult phases are temporary," Cindi says, "but how we choose to handle them can have more lasting impact.”

I think I (Dawn) was one of those blessed moms. I don't remember a difficult phase in my sons' lives. They were relatively "easy." But as I watched some of my friends' struggles with their kids, I also  observed how much they called out to God for help to "get through" those days. Wise words here from Cindi.

She continues  . . .

Most of the things we worry about come down to a phase our kids are going through. A phase that eventually ends and then our kids seem normal again.

As I wrote my book, 10 Secrets to Becoming a Worry-Free Mom I interviewed moms of children going through the “questioning” stage, the “testing” stage, and the “lack of motivation” stage, to name just a few.

In some cases the phase lasted only a few months. In most cases, it lasted about a year. But in every case I've seen or heard about, it was a limited time – a short season of a child’s life.

One mom summed it up like this:  

“Every phase my kids went through, whether good or bad, seemed to change over time. I spent a lot of time worrying about something that wasn’t even an issue a year later.”

  • Worry negatively affects our health.
  • Worry damages our relationship with our children by making them not want to tell us what is going on in their lives.
  • And worry models to our children a lack of trust in God.

So there has to be another way to deal with their difficult phases.

Philippians 4:6 commands us:

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" (NLT).

Here are some practical ways to keep this command to not worry—and keep your sanity—when your child is going through a difficult stage:   

1. Learn to Respond, Rather Than React.

When we react, rather than respond to our children’s behavior, it can escalate a situation between a parent and child, especially if you are reacting emotionally to something you don't understand (like your child's choice of dress or unusual request).

Instead of reacting to something your child might say from a bad attitude or an irrational thought, respond by calmly saying "Tell me more about that.”

2. Learn to Laugh.

It helps to have a sense of humor.  

See the “stage” as something to look back and laugh about later.

3. Learn to Count it Out.

One mom told me she "counts to ten" in every situation where she's tempted to blow.

Being patient by taking a deep breath and counting makes sure we are not as impulsive and emotional in our responses, as our children are in their actions.

4. Learn from Moms Who Have Been There.

God many times speaks to us through the wisdom of others. Talk to godly moms who are facing the same things with their kids and can offer sound biblical insight.

If you don't have a group of moms around you who can give you biblical advice, find a Moms in Prayer group at your children’s school or find a moms group at your local church.

5. Lean on God and His Word.

In Psalm 16:8, David said:

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

Life’s circumstances can shake us. Our children’s constant changes can take us by surprise and rattle us. But you can have the kind of confidence David had when he said “I will not be shaken.”

As you lean on God, who never changes, and His Word, which is rock solid, you can stand firmly and be a steady, immovable force in your child's life no matter what he or she is going through and no matter what changes are swirling around you.

Which step will you take to keep from worrying during your child’s difficult phase?

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker who helps women find strength for the soul. She is the author of 15 books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 125,000 copies sold), When a Woman Inspires Her Husband, and her newest book, 10 Secrets to Becoming a Worry-Free Mom.  For more on her ministry, books, or free resources to strengthen your walk with God, your marriage, or your parenting, see her website: StrengthForTheSoul.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Idahoeditor_Morguefile.

Tuesday
Apr052016

As Often As You Drink It

Gail Bones is one of the most caring people I know. Heart tender and oh-so-wise, she uses her words and music (like her new CD, Still) to offer women biblical truth as she calls them to hope in God. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, she focuses on a unique way to pray for those who do not know Him.

“Jesus calls us the ‘salt of the earth.’ Whose spiritual thirst are you meant to arouse?” Gail asks.

“Is there someone in your circle of loved ones who stands outside the circle of faith?

"Who can you enlist to form a prayer circle around this beloved unbeliever to pray regularly and systematically for their salvation?”


I (Dawn) have to admit, I never thought of this creative approach to praying for loved ones who have not yet met Jesus.

Gail continues . . .

At the Last Supper, Jesus raised his cup said,

“Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me” (I Corinthians 11:25). 

What if those you call together to stand in prayer for your loved one were to use the simple act of drinking a beverage as a guide and reminder?

1. COFFEE

The first step in making coffee is grinding the hard bean and crushing it to a usable powder.

Perhaps your loved one has a hardened heart toward God. As you enjoy your morning coffee, pray that the Lord will soften their heart toward Him and that they will sense his loving care as they experience trials in the daily grind of life.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (Exodus 26:36).  

Next, the ground coffee is placed in a filter, which removes both impurities and bitterness as the boiling water streams through it.

Ask God to work in your loved one’s heart to reveal impurities or bitterness toward Him or others that hinders their ability to repent and trust God.

Pray that they would find mercy and grace to turn to him for salvation.

As you stir in the sugar, ask the Holy Spirit to enable them to “taste and see that the Lord is good” (Psalm 38:4). 

When you pour in creamer, pray that they’d begin to desire the “pure milk of the word” (1 Peter 2:2).

2. TEA

As you cradle a comforting cup of tea, ask that your loved one would begin to experience the warmth and consolation of the Holy Spirit.

The teabag, when immersed in the hot water, transforms the water by infusing its color and flavor throughout. Ask God to give them eyes to see the rich color and flavor of the Lord in your life and to desire it in theirs. Pray that they would receive Him and be changed as their lives are steeped in the Holy Spirit.  

3. GRAPE JUICE or WINE

The fruit of the vine must be first crushed before it is drinkable. Jesus used the symbol of wine to represent His blood shed for the sins of mankind.

As you drink it, ask God to give your loved one a vivid sense of the sacrifice Jesus made, and to have faith to believe that Jesus died for their sins to bring them peace and healing. Pray that they would soon be able to come to the communion table to share in the fellowship of those who rejoice in the salvation that is found in Christ alone.

“He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).

4. WATER

As you take a sip, ask the Lord to give your loved one a longing for Jesus Christ, the Living Water, and to come to him so that they will never thirst again.

“On the last and greatest day of the festival, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice. ‘Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink’(John 7:37).

Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life” (John 4:14).

Drink by precious drink, let your beverages remind you to come to the Living Water today.

Who do you know today who needs to be drenched in prayer for salvation?

Dr. Gail Nelson Bones is the author of Living CrossWise: Hope and Help for Navigating Transition. She is a speaker, Bible teacher, singer-songwriter and worship leader. Her latest release, Still, features 10 original songs encouraging listeners to “Be still and know that He is God.” Her website is www.gailbones.com.