Love Notes

In this Valentine's Day and Parenting UPGRADE, Morgan Farr—a mom with young children who transitioned from feminism to biblical womanhood—encourages parents to share the true Source of love with their children through "love notes."

"Each day I strive to instill a good work ethic, teach self discipline, and most importantly, demonstrate godly character to my sons," Morgan says, "but it isn't always easy."

Like Morgan, I (Dawn) have two sons. I remember those challenging days when I wondered whether anything I taught and modeled was "getting through" to them. But I'm sure of one thing: they knew they were loved.

Morgan continues . . .

This Valentine's Day, I want my sons to learn more than just paper hearts and candy.

This year, I will write three love notes for my sons to read when they are older. These notes will help them to see what real love truly is as they deepen their understand the perfect love of God.

Today I want to share these notes with you.

First and most importantly, I want my boys to know that the Creator of the universe made them by hand.

"For you created my in most being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (Psalm 139:13).

Long before I knew my boys where there, God knew. He formed each and every part of them, to His exact specifications.

Second, I want my boys to know that it is alright for them to stand strong.

"Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the works of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 15:58).

Many things in this world will try to pull them away from the work of God. Many things from this world will try to undercut and downplay their role as men of God.

I want them to know that they can stand firm in His unwavering love.

Third, I want my boys to know that once they accept Christ as their Lord and Savior, they are reborn with a commission—a great one, in fact.

"Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Fatger, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, even to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:19-20).

Christ has a calling for each of my son's lives. They may not have a garage gym ministry like my husband and I do. They may be mechanics, professors, senators or translators.

Whatever it is that they do on this earth, I want them to remember the real work to be done for the kingdom of God.

Charles Swindoll wrote:

"Each day of our lives, we make deposits in the memory banks of our children."

These love notes are the deposits I am focusing on this month.

What love notes will you focus on with your family?

Morgan Farr is an Army wife currently stationed at Fort Bragg in Fayetteville, North Carolina, with her wonderful husband Brian and their two sons. She is a homemaker who dedicates her free time to ministering to other Army wives through Bible studies, one-on-one interactions and physical training. Morgan writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood on her blog. You can find her training programs on her blog, FarrFunctionalFitness.blogspot.com.

I Choose You Today

Deb DeArmond's new book, I Choose You Today, is a perfect read for couples—and not just for Valentine's Day. But I asked her to share her heart for this special Valentine's Day UPGRADE for married couples.

"He drove in the pouring rain for eight hours to surprise me for Valentine’s Day," Deb says. "Best upgrade ever."

Don't you love Valentine's Day surprises? I (Dawn) love the way Deb's hubby, Ron, showed his romantic side; but I love even more her emphasis on the choice they made to strengthen and bless their marriage.

Deb continues . . .

When you’ve been married for 40 years, you’ve “celebrated” a lot of February 14^th’s together. Some involved hauling kids to ball practice and music lessons or a doctor’s appointment for an elderly parent. Not quite A+ in the romance department.

We usually exchanged cards, but that was often the extent of the energy devoted to making the day special.

But 12 years ago, my Valentine chose to upgrade my day in a way I never expected—and will never forget.

We lived near San Francisco at the time. I was scheduled for two weeks of work 400 miles south in Los Angeles, which meant I’d straddle the weekend and miss Valentine’s Day. I hated to be away, but we made plans to celebrate on my return. Luckily, my sweet mother-in-law lived nearby, so I planned some shopping and a Valentine’s Day dinner as a treat.

Just as we were headed out to a favorite restaurant, there came a brisk knock. When I opened the door, I was stunned to see the face of my sweet man. He was holding a dozen beautiful roses and beamed a “gotcha!” smile.

I was shocked. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been. After all, Ron’s the romantic one in this duo.

Not long after we married, he began to say, “I Choose You Today.”  Not every day, but several times each week, he spoke those words. I soon began to follow suit with my own declaration, adding a specific focus such as “I choose to love you today” or “I choose to support your goals today.”

Whether we said them aloud or just held them in our hearts, our behavior began to align with those choices.

Sometimes the words are exchanged with a hug and a kiss. Sometimes it’s through gritted teeth.

It’s on the days I least feel like choosing him that it’s most important that I do.

Our feelings cannot be the foundation of our commitment. Feelings are subject to change. The foundation of our life together must be based on God’s Word, which never changes.

Those four little words, I choose you today, have had a dramatic impact in our life, in ways I never imagined all those years ago.

James 3:5 tells us “A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything —or destroy it!” (MSG)

And in the middle of every CHOICE there’s a hidden message:

O-I-C or Oh, I See!

Choose to look ahead and you’ll never look back.

Here’s how:  

O – Open your heart (and your mouth) often to renew your commitment to one another. It reminds you of the day you stood together facing the future with little knowledge of what life would demand. It’s unifying.

I – Ignite the fire in your marriage often by making purposeful choices that support your relationship, choosing to honor, respect, and romance one another.

C – Create a connection that aligns your marriage with the Lord at the center. Focused on God is how we started life together and how we must continue if we want to finish strong. And that is our plan.

Life’s all about the choices you make. What will you choose today?

Deb DeArmond’s newest book, I Choose You Today: 31 Choices to Make Love Last, is based on the principle that marriage and love is always a choice—one that benefits from a daily renewal of our commitment. It offers inspirational stories, scriptural foundations, and thought-provoking questions so readers can explore their choices and commitments to each other . . . every day of their marriage. Married nearly 40 years, Deb and Ron live near Fort Worth. Their tribe includes three sons, three daughters-in-love, and six perfect grandboys. Find Deb, her books, and her speaking schedule at www.debdearmond.com.

Is Your 'Valentine-Love' Maturing?

Joan Webb, a recovering workaholic and perfectionist, continually communicates a message of freedom and renewal. In this special Valentine UPGRADE, she shares one way to bring freedom to our relationships.

“Ahhh. It’s LOVE week,” Joan says. “All is well. Or is it?

In my 40 years of marriage, I (Dawn) discovered healthy relationships require both SPACE and GRACE!

We learn to practice the one anothers of scripture—like “Be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving toward one another” Ephesians 4:32)—and we give our partner room to grow.

Joan continues …

If you’re like some lovers, you may sense that one or both of you are trying too hard to control how the other one expresses love. Instead of increasing intimacy, it pushes you apart.

So what’s up?

Okay, no one is perfectly loving 24/7. Yet, you can grow in your Valentine-Relationship when you both commit to developing these God-honoring characteristics:

1. Allow for individuality.

Differing talents or temperaments do not threaten true love. Feelings and thoughts can be expressed without fear.

2. Avoid trying to change the other.

We may not like everything about our partner, yet when we consider the total picture we are able to be more accepting.

3. Care with detachment.

Healthy love cares, listens, and responds; yet does not try to fix or remove the uncomfortable feelings of the lover.

4. Affirm equality of self and partner.

A mature relationship treats the partners as equals. There is no sense of competition or one-upmanship.

When you practice mature love, you accept what the other person is able or willing to give.

You allow each other space to grow and develop. 

Perhaps you could pray this prayer: 

“Lord, teach me to love authentically…with joy and fun. I don’t wish to make inappropriate demands—and force my own way. Help me to be honest about what I want. And also listen to understand my mate’s needs and desires. You had a good idea when You created romantic love. Thank you.”

Although no one is perfect, which one of the four points could use some work in your own relationship?

Joan C. Webb is a speaker and author who has written thirteen books including The Intentional Woman (co-authored with Carol Travilla), The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right and a four book devotional series for children. As a Life Coach who specializes in working with writers and communicators, Joan helps set people free to become who they were designed to be and from what holds them back. For more information about becoming an intentional woman, visit Joan's website. 

Graphic Adapted: Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

His Plimsoll Line

Pam Farrel, a relationship specialist with her husband Bill, often uses examples to help couples understand how to better love each other. In this early Valentine’s Day Marriage UPGRADE, she begins with a short history lesson.

“In the late 1800s,” Pam said, “Samuel Plimsoll discovered that nearly 1,000 sailors a year were being drowned on ships around British shores because ships were being overloaded.”

What’s that got to do with love? Stay tuned. I (Dawn) think Pam’s example is excellent!

Pam continues . . .

Plimsoll headed up a campaign to require that vessels bear a load line indicating when they were overloaded. The Plimsoll line is a mark located on a ship’s hull that indicates the maximum depth to which the vessel may be safely immersed when loaded with cargo.  

Your husband has a “Plimsoll line.” Load him up too much and his life or health or your relationship will sink.

You are the dock guard checking his “waterline” to keep him free from overwork, over commitment and over-the-top stressors.

One of my favorite verses of the Bible is a tiny phrase Boaz says to Ruth—a woman he is interested in romantically. Boaz said, “. . . all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence.”

This word “excellence” can be translated virtue, valor and valiant, and it’s the same word used of David’s mighty soldiers.

You are a warrior wife! God has called you to be a defender of your husband, your marriage and your family. 

There are three ways you can be a Warrior Wife:

1. Upgrade Your Attitude

How well do you know your husband’s stress? Is he carrying stress about his work (or lack of it), the kids, your finances, his health, your health, the church, the headlines and plight of evil in our society, those under his leadership, the community, the extended family, or a country or mission God has laid on his heart?

Colossians 3:12 encourages us to care:  “Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.”

2. Upgrade Your Understanding

To build empathy, often we need a better understanding of how our husband might process the stress of life.

In Men are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, we layer on God’s foundational truth of Genesis 1:27—God made us male and female—and share that biology explains that men and women process stress differently.

We women talk our way through stress. When I am stressed my sister knows it, my mom knows it, my best friend knows it—the clerk at the grocery store will know it!

Men on the other hand, when they are stressed, the go to their favorite easy box to rest and recharge. But God helped us girls out so we can recognize these recharger boxes, most are actually shaped like boxes (like on a waffle): the TV, the garage, the football field, baseball diamond, basketball court, tennis court, pool table, soccer goal, the computer, the refrigerator and the bed!

In fact the bed box, that intimacy box is a favorite box for men to go to when they are all stressed out. It is kind of like the free square in the middle of a BINGO card—they can get there from every square on their waffle! 

3. Upgrade Your Creativity

Since Bill and I started teaching this, we developed a new code word for expressing our desire for intimacy. One of us might ask, “Want to play some Bingo?” (Just seeing a BINGO card in his brief case or on his desk lowers Bill’s stress!)

So, where does your man like to go when he is stressed:  Fishing, hunting, for a run, TV or a movie, sports, a hobby, the garage, surfing, boating? Some choices are healthier for managing stress than others. If you offer to schedule some R and R with some physical activity he enjoys, it might keep him away from the burger and fries—or another unhealthy habit that could put him in an early grave.

Ask him about his favorite pursuits, then schedule a visit to his “favorite boxes.”

Resources can help us focus. In Red-Hot Romance Tips for Wives, there are 26 traits to help you become a more loving wife, including this “virtuous” warrior for my man attitude.

Or join the Red Hot Wives Challenge. I will send you a daily inspiration for 26 days to arm you with more romantic ideas and ways to help when your man’s load is approaching the dangerous Plimsoll level. (See resource links at the end of this post.)

God is aware the life of a leader is stressful; and if we pray, God will give each of us the discernment we need to give the encouragement our man needs. 

Take a few minutes to think about the stresses your husband may be facing today. Is there anything you can do to lower his Plimsoll level?

Couple-Building Resources:

• Book - Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti
• Book - Red-Hot Romance Tips for Wives
• Challenge - Red Hot Wives Challenge.

Pam Farrel and her husband Bill are relationship experts, international speakers and authors of more than 40 books including Red Hot Monogamy: Making Your Marriage Sizzle; The Secret Language of Successful Couples; and Red Hot Romantic Tips for Women.” Visit their website, Love-Wise, for more information and resources, or Pam's blog.   

How to Share Love in America (for Valentine's Day)

Stacie Stoelting is a Jesus-focused patriot who, with her sister, is on a mission to call America back to God. She and her sister are national recording artists, authors, and repeat "Fox News" guests. I thought she’d be perfect to share a special UPGRADE for Valentine’s Day!

“Every Valentine’s Day, the culture tries to shift our focus onto ourselves,” Stacie writes. “For instance, it tends to make us think, ‘How am I going to be happy on Valentine’s Day?’ That kind of focus is not what we, as believers, need to embrace.”

I (Dawn) appreciate Stacie’s redirecting of our thoughts here. I have personally encountered at least three people, just this week, who need a touch of God’s love—far beyond the “sentimental” love of Valentine’s Day.  

Stacie continues…

“Valentine’s Day can be a time to share God’s love with others and share Jesus with America…one neighborhood at a time. It’s an opportunity from God to do great things!”

Valentine’s Day presents major opportunities to share Jesus’ love at a prime time!

You see, as we know, Valentine’s Day catalyzes acute cases of loneliness at an epidemic rate in America.

The sufferers include a wide range of people:

• widows and widowers,
• divorced people,
• singles,
• military men and women serving away from home,
• unhappily married people, etc.

Again, this is an opportunity for Christians to share Jesus’ love and comfort!

I love this passage from II Corinthians 1:3-5 (ESV):

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”

The best way to love America is to love Americans with Christ’s love and love the Lord, who allowed America to be founded.

Look around you. In America, a lot of people’s hearts ache today. Be the deliverer of Christ’s comfort.

Let’s cover the main heart health troubles in America and answer them with God’s Word.

1. Are you lonely?

Jesus is with you.

In Matthew 28:20, Jesus Christ Himself said, “I am with you all the days (perpetually, uniformly, and on every occasion), to the [very] close and consummation of the age.”

2. Are you persecuted and rejected?  

He will help you shake the dust off your feet and enter new territory for His kingdom.

Jesus said, “And wherever they do not receive and accept and welcome you, when you leave that town shake off [even] the dust from your feet, as a testimony against them.” (Luke 9:5)

3. Are you afraid?

Let the Lord draw you close to Himself and carry you.

“Even to your old age I am He, and even to hair white with age will I carry you. I have made, and I will bear; yes, I will carry and will save you.” (Isaiah 46:4)  

4. Have you been forsaken by a person or group of people?

Embrace Christ and realize that He will never forsake you.

“…He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]” (Hebrews 13:5, AMP)

And now it’s your turn. Ask the Lord to bring someone to mind that needs to hear from you. 

• Perhaps it’s a veteran.
• Perhaps it’s a military family.
• Or could it be one of your loved ones with whom you’ve lost touch?

With prayer, share the truth in the preceding points and Scriptures with that person or group of people. Let us share about the One who binds up the wounds of the brokenhearted!

Again, to love America well, each of us must love our fellow Americans and our Lord, who allowed America to be founded in the first place.

Now, the real question remains: Near Valentine’s Day, will you share Christ’s love in America?

Stacie Ruth Stoelting and her sister, Carrie Beth Stoelting, are recording artists and authors of the book Unite the USA, recently endorsed by Mike Huckabee, Pat Boone, Rick Santorum (Patriot Voices), Tony Perkins (Family Research Counsel), and Mathew Staver (Liberty Counsel). To receive prayer or learn more about how to know God, go to www.PrayingPals.org (“Know God” page). To learn more about the Stoelting sisters’ Christ-focused, patriotic mission, visit UnitetheUSA.org.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of supakitmod at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.