Who Are You? What Are You Doing Here?

Kolleen Lucariello is one of my favorite writers because she is funny and factual (biblically), practical and passionate (about God's Word). In this special UPLIFT, she writes about her dad, and a precious lesson she learned about herself while observing his life.

"'I don’t mean to be blunt, but who are you and what are you doing here?' my father repeated to the unfamiliar face joining my mother and I at the kitchen table.

"I’d given him the information," Kolleen said, "but with Alzheimer’s holding him hostage, he asked again, 'Who are you and what are you doing here?'"

It's not hard for me (Dawn) to understand that scenario. I remember how brokenhearted I felt one evening when I spoke to my mom and sister on FaceTime. My mom peered at the image on her screen and asked my sister, "Who IS that?" I wiped away a tear.

I'm glad Kolleen goes on to share a sweet lesson she learned after her dad asked those questions.

Kolleen continues . . . 

I reintroduced the new home health aide to my dad. 

“A home health aide? Well, what do we need one of those for?” Dad continued.

 “Help. Sometimes, we just need someone to help care for us.” I replied.

His rebuttal held little doubt of his confidence that they needed no help, when he turned to the aide and again asked, “Who are you and what are you here for?”

When I’ve replayed that moment countless times over the months since, inevitably two thoughts enter my mind.

First, sorrow floods me with my front row seat of this awful disease that is stealing my dad from us.

My second thought is to pause and reflect on his question: Who are you and what are you doing here?

The answers to these questions evaded me for many years of my life, causing such inner turmoil and conflict that I often found myself wrestling with dis-ease.

If you had asked me to answer my dad’s simple questions a few years ago, you might have heard something like,

I am Kolleen, and I am here to make other people happy.

I have since discovered that a heavy weight of dis-ease was created when I conditioned myself to believe my sense of identity and purpose could only be found when I felt others’ approval and acceptance.

A near emotional breakdown led me to the realization that we were only meant to live for the approval of the One who created us. 

I am so grateful John took notes the day Jesus spoke these words to the crowd:

“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me” (John 15:4 NLT).

It is through my remaining, or abiding, in Christ that I become the most authentic version of myself. However, whenever the familiar nudge to win approval sneaks in desiring to hold me hostage, I am the only one who can decide if I’m willing to participate.

It still catches me from time-to-time when I shift my focus and allow my heart to wander from that place Jesus invites each of us into—the place of abiding. 

It doesn’t take too long before those who know me best recognize that shift of focus and help me find my focus again. We need to be in relationship with others who help us live in the identity and purpose God has for us. They help bring an upgrade in our life. 

So, who am I?

• I am the most authentic representation of my true self when I remain in Jesus, for it is in Christ that I am blessed, chosen, and alive.
• I am even a masterpiece in the Father’s eyes (identity) created to do the good work He prepared for me to do (purpose) (Ephesians 1:3, 2:1,10).

And if this is who I am in Christ, it’s who you are too. After all,

“God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us” (1 Corinthians 12:6 NLT). 

What are we here for?

We are here to reveal the character of Christ to everyone through every encounter so good fruit is produced and brings glory to the Father (Matthew 5:16).

What might happen if we no longer lived according to our own plan and purpose and instead asked God to show us His?

Imagine if whatever we do or say, we “do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:17a NLT). 

In Christ, we no longer live life just “to please ourselves” (Romans 15:1). Instead, we “patiently embrace others” with our goal being “to empower others to do what is right and good for them, and to bring them into spiritual maturity” (Romans 15:2 TPT).

Paul empowers every New Testament believer to know who they are so they can live a life of purpose and identity. He gives us detailed descriptions of who we are in Christ in the book of Ephesians.

I think it’s time for you to be released from the effects of dis-ease by living in the identity Jesus died to give you.   

Now, I don’t mean to be blunt, but I must ask: Who are you and what are you here for?

Kolleen Lucariello, #TheABCGirl, is the author of #beYOU: Change Your Identity One Letter at a Time and is the Co-Director of Activ8Her, Inc. She is passionate to every woman realize her identity in Christ and live accordingly. Kolleen and her hubby, Pat, make their home in Central New York. She’s the mom of three grown children and Mimi to six incredible grands. For more information about Kolleen, visit www.speakkolleen.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of ar130405 at Pixabay.

Differences Keep Marriage Interesting

In this Marriage UPGRADE, Dianne Barker opens up about her own marriage and what she and her husband learned about their “differences.”

“I tiptoed through the marriage minefield,” Dianne said, “until an epiphany changed everything.”

I (Dawn) think every marriage has a minefield, something that can explode into anger and bitterness, so I was eager to hear about Dianne’s “epiphany.”

Dianne continues . . .

Marriage is hard—for everybody. It’s that opposites attract thing.

My husband and I are as different as two people can be. He’s a perfectionist and totally focused while I tend to be disorganized and forgetful.

After checking the oil in my car, he said, “Next time you’re out, stop at the gas station and have one of the guys add a quart of oil.” A few days later he asked about the oil.

“I forgot—but I’ll get it when I’m out.” The thought never crossed my mind again.

The next week I stopped by his parents’ house, where he was working on their lawnmower. As I started to leave, he said, “Go to the gas station and get a quart of 10-W-30 oil.”

“Sure!” I said cheerily and went on my way. Two hours later he came home, agitated and snappy.

“What happened to the oil?”

“I had it put in the car.”

Given the preceding events, who would’ve thought the oil was for the lawnmower! Scowling his disapproval, he stomped out the door to take my car for a complete oil change—perfectionists don’t mix brands and weights.

Personality differences caused contention in our marriage from the beginning.

We had different perspectives about almost everything, and decision-making often ended in deadlock. To solve the matter, I’d agree to James’ decision, but struggle with lingering bitterness, feeling my opinion had received little respect.

Adding two children to the mix increased the frustration. We had to agree, even on small matters, concerning our kids. I couldn’t walk away and pout. Like a soldier in battle, I tried to dodge the minefield—issues that could prove explosive—until an epiphany changed our marriage:

Our conflicts mostly resulted from temperament differences, not malicious intent.

It’s as hard for my spouse to accept my differences as it is for me to accept his.

Although James and I had no training in conflict resolution, we had two factors in our favor. We loved the Lord and we wanted to please Him.

The epiphany led us to four choices that transformed our relationship.

1. Acceptance.

We determined to accept each other AS IS. Marriage requires living with another person’s strengths and weaknesses. Because I need God’s transforming touch, I can be patient with my husband’s imperfections. Acceptance reduces tension and builds friendship.

2. Appreciation.

Learning to appreciate our differences, we noticed the strengths of our opposite personalities actually balance and enrich our relationship. One personality isn’t superior.

God designed us with differences and brought us together to accomplish more for His kingdom than we could do alone. Verbalizing appreciation minimizes irritations and builds respect.

3. Application.

Applying Scripture to our daily walk, we practiced biblical relationship principles.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

“Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).

Extending unlimited forgiveness and unconditional love brings healing and restoration.

4. Acknowledgment.

Recognizing our contribution to the conflict or misunderstanding, we learned to humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness. Christ said if we go to worship and remember someone holds an offense against us, we should go and be reconciled (Matthew 5:23-24). He didn’t mention who’s at fault.

Assuming responsibility and seeking forgiveness can nip bitterness before it takes root.

Pleasing our Lord has top priority. That takes care of many smaller issues.

What has top priority in your marriage?

Dianne Barker is a conference speaker, freelance journalist, radio host, and author of eleven books, including the 1986 best-seller Twice Pardoned. Her 2014 book, I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life, won the Christian Authors Network Golden Scroll third-place award for non-fiction book of the year.

This post is adapted from Help! I’m Stuck and I Can’t Get Out! The Maximum Marriage Maintenance and Repair Kit, available soon at www.diannebarker.com.

T-shirts in adapted graphic designed by daleos.net.

4 Steps to Contentment

Lina Abujamra, a pediatric ER doctor, wrote a powerful book for singles, and in this Attitude UPGRADE, she helps singles deal with discontentment. But there’s a message here for all of us!

“I like to fix things,” Lina says. “Give me a problem and I’ll give you a solution.”

I (Dawn) think most women are “fixers” at heart—part of that nurturing trait God gives us. I love how Lina uses scripture to help us “fix” a serious spiritual problem.

Lina continues . . .

Fixing things isn’t unusual for an ER doctor, and the more I read about Paul’s approach to life, the more I am convinced he’d be a great fit in the ER too.

In 1 Corinthians 7:17-24, Paul moves from the problem of discontentment to give us four simple steps for developing an attitude of contentment.

Here’s how:

1. It’s a matter of OBEDIENCE.

Consider 1 Corinthians 7:17, 24: “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him . . . So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.”

Paul isn’t suggesting contentment as an option. He uses the active verb “let” to strongly point to the necessity of exercising our will in this matter. The verb let means “to make” or “to cause to.” Contentment is not simply a suggestion.

Accept the life that God has called you to. If you’re married, be married. If you’re single be single. But whatever you do, put your heart and mind into it and actively embrace it by faith.

God cares about your obedience. When you embrace the attitude of contentment, you are willfully showing your obedience to the Lord. It is an attitude that is based not on your circumstances being what you desire them to be, but on what the Lord has provided for you today.

2. It’s a matter of ACCEPTANCE.

I like to say it another way—want what you have. We’re so much like Eve, with closets full of stuff, but always yearning for the one thing we don’t have.

Eve had no contentment despite all God had given her. She went after the one thing she didn’t have and fell strait into the pit of sin. The only way out was God’s saving grace.

If you’re living your life with a nagging desire for the one thing you don’t have, maybe it’s time you call it what it is—sin—and confess it right now. Ask the Lord to forgive you and give you the grace to embrace the life He’s called you to live.

3. It’s a Matter of WORSHIP.

It’s time for a perspective check. This God we call “Father” is the One who called the world into existence. He is bigger than your biggest imagination of Him He is higher than your highest thoughts of Him.

He is also the God who has called you to your life as you know it. I know this to be true because God repeats different forms of the word called seven times in 1 Corinthians 7:17-24.

Your singleness is not a mistake. It is God’s plan for your life today.

Will you choose to exalt God for who He is? Will you worship Him no matter what? When you do that, you will find that contentment will come a bit easier and more naturally for you.

4. It’s a matter of ENDURANCE.

In 1 Corinthians 7:20 and 24, Paul instructs us to “remain.” To remain means to stay. To stay, when you feel like leaving, is not always easy. It takes mental toughness and spiritual tenacity … eyes focused upward … determination … grit. It takes the Lord standing by your side—which is why I love Paul’s whisper to us at the end of verse 24: “remain with God.”

With God makes all the difference. With God frees you to be who you were meant to be. With God is the answer to all your fear.

God’s presence with you is how you can remain when you feel like moving. God’s presence near you is how you can rejoice when you feel like crying. God’s presence with you is how you can remain content in the calling God has given you.

Contentment is satisfaction with God’s sufficient provision. He is adequate to meet all of your needs.

Which of these four steps to contentment would make you a more content person today—whether you are single or married?

Lina AbuJamra is a Pediatric ER doctor, author, and speaker. Her passion is to apply her life-saving, decision-making, and hope-giving skills from the Emergency Room to rescue and recover people from spiritually deadly situations. She has written two books:  Thrive: The Single Life as God Intended, and Stripped: When God’s Call Turns from Yes to Why Me? You can connect with her daily at livingwithpower.org.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of anankkml at FreeDigitalPhotos.net