Finding Peace When Regret Cripples Your Heart

Dianne Barker is a positive author with a caring heart. In this Biblical Perspective UPGRADE, she reminds us where our peace comes from when our hearts are filled with regrets.

Dianne asks, "Are you looking back on what appears to be a colossal failure?"

I (Dawn) think we all have them—regrets about our failures. But we don't have to let regrets settle into our hearts. God made a way to confident peace, and Dianne helps us understand how that can change us.

Dianne continues . . .

Looking back on failure thrusts me into a reflective mood:

• wondering where I messed up,
• how I could have made better decisions, and
• what else I could have done to get the desired result.

The cliché hindsight is 20/20 is on target.

Sadly, we don’t have hindsight when we need it—BEFORE the colossal failure.

When it does show up, we beat and blame ourselves for not handling matters better, crying, "If only!"

A friend’s wise words helped me move beyond crippling regret.

I had arrived at our Bible study feeling discouraged and defeated after giving an angry response to someone I loved. Now my friend and I would teach other women about the Christ-filled life.

Feeling like a failure, I shared the situation with my co-leader, Amy, a precious and godly young woman who loved me unconditionally. 

She knew my angry response was out of character and that I would make amends. But at this moment, I needed to move beyond the incident and focus on the lesson.

With eyes communicating love and concern, she said,

“'Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.' If something happened five minutes ago, it’s behind.”

Learning to apply Philippians 3:13 in such a practical way changed me.

Our amazing minds do not forget, but we can choose to put a matter out of mind.

The top two reasons to forget the past: 

• It wasn’t very good.
• It’s unchangeable.

Why do we continue thinking about a disappointment that caused hurt? It’s past… unchangeable.

If we don’t put it out of mind, failure will rob our peace and joy going forward.

Maybe you had a colossal failure in a relationship. Maybe you made a devastating personal choice.

Here's how I've learned to deal with regrets:

1. Run to Jesus and confess the failure.

2. Accept His forgiveness.

3. Seek His wisdom and go in His strength to make amends, if amends are required. (Sometimes the issue is mine only).

4. Choose to put the incident out of mind and go forward giving praise to the Lord.

Our Enemy loves to berate us, reminding us of failure and pouring on regret.

Friend, it is past! Forgiven!

Actively trust in God's forgiveness, release the past to His grace, and surrender your life to walk in obedience.

King David had a colossal failure. Remember the Bathsheba-Uriah incident? He suffered unthinkable consequences for his poor judgment, but he confessed and received God’s forgiveness and blessing.

Let 1 Kings 15:5 encourage you:

“because David did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and did not turn aside from anything that he commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.” 

Is there a colossal failure you need to get past? When the Enemy pours on regret, how can embracing what God's Word says about intentionally "forgetting" your past—your regrets—give you peace?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host, and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Word Weavers International. Visit her blog for more information. www.diannebarker.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Foundry Co at Pixabay.

God Chose You, Sins and All!

Janet Thompson is an accomplished author of many books on many topics that point us to the goodness and faithfulness of God. In this Easter-is-coming UPLIFT post, Janet reminds us of the reason for the cross, and the joy of being chosen by the Lord for redemption from our past.

"Imagine an opportunity," Janet says, "to write your past sins on a slip of paper and nail it to a wooden cross. A symbolic visual that the purpose of the brutal crucifixion and glorious resurrection was to afford you and m, the opportunity for repentance and forgiveness!

"Yet still, we can’t imagine that anyone, even Jesus, could forgive our past."

I (Dawn) once attended a women's conference where the women did exactly that. On a file card, we each wrote some sins the Lord was speaking to us about, and then we nailed them to a tall, rough, wooden cross.

I was a spiritual mess at that point, and I remember thinking, "How many cards can I have?"

Janet continues . . .

Mary Magdalene was a woman with a tortured past. People, especially in her own town of Magdala, knew this Mary as the woman possessed by seven demonic spirits.

We don’t know what kind of life she led before we meet her in Scripture or how she became demon possessed.

Was she part of the occult or witchcraft?

Was she addicted to mind-altering drugs like opium or alcohol?

Somehow, some way, evil spirits overtook her mind, body, and soul. Evil oppressed and possessed her.

And then . . . Jesus came to town.

He saw her wretched life and took pity and compassion on her as He called her to Him, surprising everyone trying their best to avoid her. But He wanted to do something miraculous for them to see.

At the sound of His voice, all seven demons that had made their home in her body vanished. What a transformation! How could anyone deny He was who He said he was with such a dramatic example of His healing and restoring powers!

Set free from spiritual bondage and oppression, her eyes sparkled and a joyous smile lit up her face as she felt the surge of good replace evil in her spirit.

How could she ever repay this teacher and healer who cared enough about her to give her a renewed life?

She would devote herself to serving and following Jesus wherever He went, sharing her story with others living a miserable life, as hers was before Jesus. They too could overcome their past and become a new person with the help of Jesus Christ.

As she stood in the crowds that surrounded Jesus while He was teaching, she frequently told her story to whoever would listen. There’s no more compelling testimony than that of someone attesting to the bondage of living a sinful, burdened, afflicted, hellish life before meeting Jesus and then joyfully celebrating the peaceful person they’ve become.

“Look at me now!”

Mary Magdalene never wavered in her trust and belief in Jesus during his ministry, and so it was that she woefully suffered and grieved, watching her cherished teacher and healer tortured and crucified.

How could this happen to the man who gave her life back to her, who healed and helped so many?

Sunday morning after the crucifixion, Mary Magdalene knew she must go with the other women followers to the tomb where they buried Jesus to see him one more time and anoint His body with perfumes and oils after He was so brutally tortured and murdered.

But wait? He isn’t there? The stone is rolled back and the tomb is empty? Where did they take Him?

The other women ran back to tell the disciples.

Mary Magdalene, all alone and sinking to her knees outside the tomb, crying bitter tears, hears a man—probably a gardener—ask her, “Why are you crying? Who are you looking for?”

Thinking the gardener had taken him somewhere, she asks where he took Jesus so she can go get Him.

Then the “gardener” said to her, “Mary.” He called her only by her first name.

This once outcast-of-society, demon-possessed woman, who overcame her past afflictions and never wavered in her commitment to Jesus Christ, was the first person to see and hear Jesus’s resurrected body.

Then she realizes, “I have seen the Lord!”

He chose her.

Like Mary Magdalene, do you remember how it was when you first asked Jesus into your heart?

• When Jesus freed you from your past sins and spiritual bondage?
• How happy and grateful you were?

Your life radically changed. The old life exchanged for a new life in Christ.

If you suffered from effects of addictions or trappings of the past, people now saw joy on your face and a kick in your step. Your countenance was radiant and confident. You were a new creation and excited to tell everyone what knowing Jesus Christ did for you.

You’re still that new creation, so never lose your joy in Christ or tire of telling others about him.

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Colossians 1:13-14).

He chose you!

How does knowing God chose you and redeemed you encourage you today? Does His great love and mercy inspire you to tell others about Him?

Janet Thompson is a speaker and author of 20 books. Janet’s new release is Everyday Brave: Living Courageously As a Woman of Faith. She’s also the author of Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness; Forsaken God? Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten; Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?; Dear God They Say It’s Cancer; Dear God, He’s Home!; Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter; Face-to-Face Bible study Series; and Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry Resources. Sign up for her weekly blog and online newsletter at womantowomanmentoring.com. 

*Article includes excerpts from Everyday Brave.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of CongerDesign at Pixabay.

How Ready Are You to Celebrate Christmas?

Yvonne Ortega writes a lot about broken people, and to be sure, there are many broken people who struggle during the holiday season; but God desires to do beautiful things in their lives. In this Christmas UPGRADE, she asks us to examine our hearts before Christmas arrives.

“On a scale of 1–10, with 1 the lowest and 10 the highest," Yvonne says, "how ready are you to celebrate Christmas?”

I (Dawn) am one of those "ready early" kinds of people at Christmas, because I want Christmas week to be as peaceful as possible. But having a ready heart is not the same as a ready home.

Yvonne continues . . .

I’ve had people tell me, “I’m all set for Christmas. I bought the gifts in August, decorated the house, trimmed an artificial tree, filled the Christmas stockings with small treats, and mailed the Christmas cards.”

Others have told me, “I’m ready as can be. I did everything over the Thanksgiving weekend. Now, I can sit back and enjoy the Christmas lights, programs, and parties.”

From an earthly perspective, the person appears to be ready. However, as Christians with a heavenly perspective, we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.

Our readiness to celebrate his birth has nothing to do with Christmas decorations, a trimmed tree, gifts for family and friends, stockings filled with goodies, or Christmas cards.

These three steps will help you decide how ready you are to celebrate Christmas.

1. Have you forgiven family members, friends or co-workers who hurt you?

You don’t want anything standing between you and God.

Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (NIV).

Do you still feel unforgiven for past sins? Are you burdened with shame and guilt?

If you’ve confessed your sins, God forgave you. He didn’t make a mistake when he did that. You can do no less.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).

2. How often do you read your Bible, pray, and go to church—especially during the Christmas season?

If you do these things, how do you do them?

Do you do them on the run with an eye on your watch?

Do you do them grudgingly or cheerfully?

My late mentor often said, "You make time for what’s important to you."

In Matthew 22:37, Jesus said the greatest commandment is to "Love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (NIV). You show your love by how much time you spend with the Lord and get to know him.

Make time for the most important relationship in your life. It is one that will last for eternity.

3. How comfortable would you feel if your family, friends, and coworkers evaluated your trust in God?

Perhaps you’ve lost a job, a car, or a home. Maybe you received a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness or have a prodigal child in the family. You may have suffered a serious injury or lost a loved one. Any one of these situations can cause turmoil in your life.

It can also result in your questioning your faith and God’s character.

Rate your confidence in his promise in Philippians 4:19: “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

As I wrap up, I ask you the same question I did at the beginning:

“On a scale of 1–10, with 1 the lowest and 10 the highest, how ready are you to celebrate Christmas?”

Yvonne Ortega is a licensed professional counselor, a bilingual professional speaker, and the author of Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward (paperback, Kindle), Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer (Kindle), and Moving from Broken to Beautiful through Forgiveness, all available at amazon.com/books. She not only survived but thrived after a domestic violence marriage, breast cancer and the loss of her only child. With honesty and humor, Yvonne uses personal examples and truths of the Bible to help women move from broken to beautiful. Find out more about Yvonne at her website.

Graphic of candle, courtesy of Pixabay.

When Forgiveness Seems Impossible

In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, Yvonne Ortega addresses a crucial area in our walk with the Lord: forgiveness when it's hard and seems so impossible.

"For seven and a half years, I struggled to forgive an abusive former husband," Yvonne says. "I stomped and cried. Why should I forgive him? He didn’t ask for forgiveness, and he didn’t apologize. "

Oh, have I (Dawn) been there. I struggled with forgiving an abuser. For a long time, I resisted. So I know what Yvonne writes is true!

Yvonne continues . . .

Perhaps you wonder how I managed to forgive him. It wasn’t easy.

Here are three tips to forgive, especially when forgiveness is difficult.

1. I realized forgiveness is for my PHYSICAL health.

When I was filled with anger, bitterness and rage, I didn’t sleep well. I was tired most of the time. My lower back hurt, and I didn’t eat well either. My problems with digestion were so bad that I lost 20 pounds. I looked like a bag of bones—pale, thin, and tired.

I thought about 1 Corinthians 3:16 (NIV) which says: “Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s spirit dwells in you?”

I had to take better care of God’s temple.

What will you do to take care of your physical health?

2. I realized forgiveness is for my EMOTIONAL health.

I was caught up in an emotional prison of unforgiveness. Instead of thinking about how to improve my life, I went over and over the terrible things my ex-husband said and did to me and our son. That left me depressed.

I was fearful that he would repeat his behavior whenever we saw him or our son visited him. That made me anxious.

Philippians 4:8 (NIV) gave me a different perspective. It says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

What about you? Is your mind shackled to someone who hurt you? Does that leave you depressed, fearful, or anxious? 

3. I realized forgiveness is also for my SPIRITUAL health.

I ignored God’s command to forgive my ex-husband and that unforgiveness broke my spiritual communion with my heavenly Father.

My prayers weren’t prayers, but pleas for revenge.

I asked God to get him good and let me live to see it. When I read the Bible, it was to find a reason or an excuse not to forgive. My Bible study and prayer life deteriorated. So did my church fellowship.

Colossians 3:13 (NIV) says, “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

God had forgiven me thousands of times. Now I had to forgive as the Lord forgave me and get close to God again.

Are you as close to God as you once were? How thick is the wall that separates you from spiritual communion with him? How is your disobedience affecting your prayer life, Bible study, and church fellowship?

Today I have peace, freedom and a full life.

The Lord blesses me with peace (Psalm 29:11), and I am free in Christ, no longer burdened by a yoke of slavery to unforgiveness (Galatians 5:1). I’m living the abundant life Jesus came to earth to give me (John 10:10b). 

Will you forgive for your physical, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing?

Yvonne Ortega is a professional speaker, author, licensed professional counselor, World Class Speaking Coach, and the author of the newly-released Moving from Broken to Beautiful® through Forgiveness—available at Amazon.com along with two other books: Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward, and Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer. Yvonne has not only survived but thrived after a domestic violence marriage, breast cancer, and the death of her only child. With honesty and humor, she uses personal examples and the truths of the Bible to help women move from broken to beautiful. Visit www.yvonneortega.com.