Gathering Friends in a Post-Pandemic World

Sally Ferguson is the kind of woman you'd want for a friend: Wise, fun, and life-building. In this Friendship UPGRADE, she meets us where we are—post coronavirus and hungry to gather with friends.

"More than ever, we need connection," Sally says, "especially when it's hard with social distancing. But, women are finding creative ways to engage ladies that take us beyond covid limitations!”

I (Dawn) have sooooo missed connection with friends. Sally taps into that isolated feeling we've had and encourages ways to gather in the days ahead.

Sally continues . . .

Women’s Ministry mentor, Cyndee Ownbey says there’s a physiological response when women get together. We feel better and interact with life better.

Biblical examples of friendships include Naomi and Ruth, Jonathan and David, and Paul and Barnabas. Each relationship symbolized the camaraderie that comes with traveling through life together, and the lightened load of isolation.

When the covid lockdown began, author Kathy Carlton Willis faced the cancellation of 21 speaking engagements. Kathy pivoted to focus on coaching writers through online retreats.

The result was better than expected, and resulted in the production of a book called 7 Trials Every Woman Faces, as well as one with her WordGirls group, called Wit, Whimsy & Wisdom.

Kathy says, “I had the choice of giving up and giving in when the pandemic hit, or giving God space to reinvent my work. He didn’t change my purpose or my passion, but He gave me time to publish two books and to pour into the lives of others. The changes to my calendar didn’t mean I was closed for ministry.

“One of the special outcomes of the pandemic," she said, "is that more people are familiar with the technology of video groups and more willing to use it. Because of that, I’ve been able to meet with several different groups without even leaving home.

"7 Trials Every Woman Faces was also picked up by some small groups to do either in person with covid precautions or on Zoom.”

Zoom meetings became the new norm this past year.

While we may not be past the pandemic yet, it gave us ways to engage others.

We’ve all learned we need social interaction in order to thrive, but covid limitations continue to urge caution.

How did you swivel to meet changes this year?

We found some gals more willing to participate on Zoom from the security of their own homes. Others preferred to ride it out without the headaches of technology.

In an interview with Marnie Swedberg, Peg Arnold said the forced quarantine gave us the opportunity to reframe our perspective and learn new strategies to stay connected socially.

It reminded me of the car parades organized to celebrate birthdays, weddings, and seniors graduating from high school.

Our church’s children’s pastor planned Scavenger Hunts for families to do around town, from the safety of their own cars.

Jean Brown says, “The first hunt was Easter 2020 and went way beyond our wildest imagination. People found out about it on our Facebook page and signed up to join us, including other churches and a preschool. It became a big hit in our community as they posted enthusiastic and happy pictures.”

While Jean was brainstorming a way to follow up, she saw a shift in ministry focus to reach more than the kids, but to become family oriented with a family service and an innovative drive-thru VBS.

“We began to think outside the box," Jean says, "and now we know we can!”

Going forward, ministry leader Kathy Bruins recommends hybrid events where traditional attendance blends with live-stream viewing.

Her advice for a successful event?

• Have the recording available for 30 days to those who want to purchase it.
• Keep joy forefront (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
• Have a mission statement to guide your event.

Remember our friends from the Bible?

• Naomi knew she needed to get to her hometown support system (Ruth 1).
• David relied on Jonathan’s insight for safety (1 Samuel 20).
• Barnabas brought Paul home to the believers’ fold (Acts 11:25-26).

There’s a common thread that says:

We need others to not just survive, but to thrive.

What will you do for your next event? Summertime brings outdoor options.

One of my favorite from years ago, was a prayer retreat at a local park. We brought sack lunches, lawn chairs, and a desire to dig into God’s Word together.

Whatever you do for your gals, make sure you:

• Follow COVID requirements with sanitizer, distancing and masks;
• Communicate safety, to put minds at ease;
• Pre-box foods and keep wrapped separately for minimal handling; and
• Bring humor.

You can instigate a fun-filled, future for your women’s group in a post-pandemic world, and reach gals who are starved for friendship. You’ll benefit, too!

How will you offer hospitality and reassurance to hurting people, while social distancing?

Sally Ferguson is a caregiver for her dad and her grands, and writing a Bible study for caregivers. She lives in western New York with her hubby of 33 years. Look for her words at EzineArticles, AlmostAnAuthor, and Upgrade with Dawn. Her coloring book, What Will I Be When I Grow Up? (Warner Press) and ebook, How to Plan a Women’s Retreat are both available on Amazon. For more information about Sally, visit her website.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Joel Muniz at Unsplash.

Connection 101: Girl-friendship Is a Gift

Deb DeArmond cares about relationships—all kinds of relationships. In this Friendship UPGRADE, she offers insight to help us cultivate our friendships with other women.

It’s the test," Deb says, "of any friendship: the vacation without husbands, kids or other friends to cushion the shock of 24 hours together. On the ocean. In a cabin. For seven days."

That sounds heavenly to me (Dawn), but I'm sure there could be challenges. It's important we learn to grow up in our friendships.

Deb continues . . .

It was a bit on the early side of the Alaska cruise season, so Cindy and I landed an incredible upgrade with spacious digs, attentive staff, and a week of total luxury.

Fabulous meals, beautiful ports, and interesting folks on board.

And a lot of togetherness.

Girl-friendships, even for Christians, have often been challenging.

“Am I her favorite? Does she like me best?”

Remember in third grade, when the “new girl” was introduced to the class? We eyed her nervously, concerned she’d replace us in our bestie’s heart. We worked for that position and protected it fiercely. 

Step back, newbie. She’s mine.

We may be adults, but women still compete for that top spot—and the enemy will try to use these relationship needs against us if we’re not careful. 

I’m blessed to say it’s something Cindy and I have not struggled with.

Why not?

She and I are an unlikely twosome. Californians, now living in Texas. Close in age, married 40+ years. Adult kids and grandbabes. But that’s about it.

We’re wired differently, choose different hobbies, and we think differently; our needs and preferences are dissimilar. We’re an odd couple.

But that doesn’t mean we aren’t compatible—we both love God and His Word fiercely.

God created us to need others.

• Read Genesis. Even though God was with Adam from the start, He saw the need and created Eve.
• The disciples numbered twelve, but three—Peter, James, and John—were those Jesus held close in the best and worst of times.
• David and Jonathan.
• Ruth and Naomi.

It’s a biblical pattern. We need relationship.

Cindy and I discussed our friendship on the cruise. That it’s risen to the level of importance it holds in our lives is surprising.

Here was our Alaskan epiphany: we don’t compete. With one another or for one another’s affection, time, and that all-important top spot in one another’s life.

We’re never fearful the other is “cheating” on us with other friends.

We have other friends. Close friends. And we’re grateful for each of them: colleagues, neighbors, quilting buddies, and writing partners.

We don’t see one another as often as we’d like. But we do life together, just not usually in the same place.

We don’t live in one another’s pockets. We can’t. She recently moved three hours away, but the distance has deepened our relationship.

We’re more intentional about staying connected.

So maybe that, too, is a gift. If we need one another—for any reason, day or night—we’re available and fully present.

We’ve confided in one another, knowing it’s “in the vault.”  Trusted. No judgment. A genuine gift from the Lord.

How do we do it? Here are three tips we discovered.

1. We have healthy expectations of one another.

She doesn’t need me to provide what only God can deliver. I’ve not made her the center of my emotional well-being—that’s His job.

Sometimes when women are lonely or need encouragement they turn to their bestie instead of God. Not in addition to God, but instead. If that one gets mixed up, it’s a quick trip to trouble.

2. We rely on one another—for companionship, truth telling when needed, mercy (always needed) and the joy of experiencing life with one who helps to make the other better.

I can count on her to sharpen me, challenge me and pray for me. She depends on me for the same.

3. We are champions for one another.

Because we don’t compete, we can genuinely celebrate the other’s success. Everyone needs a cheerleader!

God expects us to grow up, and that includes our friendships.

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things” (1 Cor. 13:11 NLT).

I’d like to have the energy and youthfulness I had in third grade or the calorie burning ability of days playing hopscotch. But I’ll take grown-up God-given relationships over those schoolyard alliances any day!

Which of those three tips need improving in your own friendships?

Deb DeArmond’s passion is family—not just her own, but the relationships within families in general. Her first book, Related by Chance, Family by Choice: Transforming the Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships explores tools and tips to building sound relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Book #2, I Choose You Today, helps couples strengthen their marriages. Deb's newest book on marital conflict, Don't Go to Bed Angry, Stay Up and Fight! was co-authored by her husband, Ron. They live in the Fort Worth area. For more about Deb, visit her "Family Matters" site.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of RawPixel at Pixabay.