Courage When Christians Disappoint

Kathy Collard Miller always cuts to the heart of a matter. As she courageously speaks the truth of scripture into the toughest circumstances, her heart for women to mature in faith comes shining through. In this Spiritual Maturity UPGRADE, she addresses a difficult topic—Christians who dissapoint us.

"When Christians we respect disappoint us, we can be tempted to be discouraged and even give up serving God," Kathy says. "After all, won’t other Christians continue to fail us?"

I (Dawn) remember a situation when I was so hurt by Christians I served with—people I deeply respected—who made choices that hurt me and colored how I felt about Christians for a number of years. But I didn't want to stay bitter; I wanted to get "better" with God's help. He healed my wounded heart and taught me many things. Kathy says it takes courage to face down these kinds of disappointments in a biblical way.

Kathy continues . . .

We all know of someone whose service for God was weak and struggling. Even worse, it seems they have failed God.

What can we know about God that will help us courageously keep our eyes on Him and trust He has the power to help us?

First, God isn’t surprised by His children struggling.

One famous example from the Bible is in Acts 15:36-41. The Apostle Paul and his ministry partner, Barnabas, went different ways because they disagreed about whether Mark should continue serving.

But Paul thought best not to take with them one who had withdrawn from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And there arose a sharp disagreement, so that they separated from each other (15:37-38, ESV).

Barnabas took Mark with him and Paul took Silas. We can only speculate the hard feelings each one of these men held against the other.

Mark had disappointed them, yet his cousin, Barnabas—known for his encouraging heart—didn’t give up on Mark.

Even though Paul and Barnabas may have been surprised by all that was happening, God wasn’t surprised one bit.

In this case, more ministry was accomplished because the outreach was doubled.

Second, God wants us to remember that the final chapter hasn’t been written.

When Paul and Barnabas went their separate ways, most likely people were disappointed and discouraged. But the Apostle Paul later wrote to Timothy:

Luke alone is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is very useful to me for ministry (2 Timothy 4:11 ESV).

What? You mean Paul’s opinion about Mark changed? YES!

Mark matured and became increasingly valuable in church ministry.

And Mark wrote one of the Gospel accounts of Jesus’s life—the Gospel of Mark! Commentators believe he wrote it primarily based on the stories from Peter.

Third, God’s forgiveness and ability to restore are unlimited.

When we are in the midst of feeling discouraged because a Christian has seemingly failed us, we must remember God isn’t flummoxed or confused wondering how He’s going to bring glory to Himself.

• He never says someone can’t be forgiven or used for His glory.
• God will discipline and restore any repentant person to fellowship—and that applies to the person who failed you.
• Of course, he or she must choose to be restored, but God’s power to forgive is always available.

FOUR IDEAS for responding courageously when others disappoint you.

1. Take Your Eyes Off Fallible People.

If we are disappointed in someone, we “appointed” them as a kind of god who we expect will be perfect.

Only Jehovah God is perfect.

God never disappoints us, but people always will.

2. Focus on Who You Are Really Serving.

Sometimes our people-pleasing tendencies want the approval of other people. We feel let down when that person fails and is no longer giving us the attention we crave.

We must learn to more and more look to God Himself for encouragement. That doesn’t mean God won’t use other people to bless us, but He must be the main source.

3. Don’t Take Another Person's Failure Personally.  

If someone fails us, we could take it personally by thinking we failed them because we didn’t keep them in line.

We might blame ourselves, but the Holy Spirit holds accountable each and every person for their own choices.

Truly no man can ransom another, or give to God the price of his life (Psalm 49:7 ESV).

4. Evaluate Your Heart for Any Idols.

Sometimes we are discouraged because we’ve put another person on a pedestal. A spiritual idol is anyone or anything we value more than God.

Our discouragement may mean that person who turned away from God had become our idol. John’s last comment in his first epistle is, Little children, keep yourselves from idols (5:21 ESV).

When you feel discouraged by the actions of another Christian, ASK God for His provision of courage and greater trust in Him.

And of course, PRAY for that believer to return to full commitment to the Lord!

Can you think of anyone who you might be putting on a pedestal?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 59 books and speaking in 35 states and 9 foreign countries. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com. Kathy’s newest book is a women’s Bible study on courage, from which this post is excerpted: Heart of Courage: Daughter of the King Bible Study Series. Check out Kathy’s Amazon author page at: https://www.amazon.com/Kathy-Collard-Miller/e/B001KMI10S/

Graphic, courtesy of Liza Summer at Pexels.

When I Feel Forgotten by Jesus

Some people, like Debbie W. Wilson, continually draw out fresh applications from old truths. In this UPLIFT Encouragement, using the story of Lazarus, Debbie reminds us that our Savior will never forget us—even if we feel like He has sometimes.

And especially when He delays to come to our aid.                    

"My standard poodles’ big brown eyes melted my resolve," Debbie says. “'Ok. You can go with me.'”

I (Dawn) totally understand. My dog gets puppy-dog eyes—what else would I call them?—whenever I head for the door. "Pleeeeeeease don't leave me," he seems to say.

How can I say no?

Debbie continues . . . 

Max’s fluffy tail thumped excitedly. His sister pranced with anticipation. And I smiled.

I hate to disappoint pooches and people. Especially, my pooches and my people.

That’s why Jesus’ actions in John 11 astound me.

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days” (John 11:5-6 NIV).

Without divine intervention, Lazarus would die.

Jesus had the power to heal.

Lazarus’ sisters sent an urgent message to Jesus,

“Lord, the one you love is sick” (John 11:3 emphasis added).

As a close friend of this family, surely, Jesus would rush to the rescue. He would not disappoint those He loved.

But Jesus waited.

Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So…He waited???

That doesn’t compute.

Jesus finally arrived—after Lazarus had been in the tomb four days.

Jewish tradition held that the spirit left the body within four days.

Lazarus was gone.

Confusion complicated Martha and Mary’s grief.

• “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (vs. 21).
• Mary fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (vs. 32)
• Even their friends were confused, “But some of them said, ‘Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?’” (vs. 37).

And they were right. If Jesus had been there Lazarus wouldn’t have died. Jesus said so (John 11:14-15).

For me, being misunderstood ranks up there with not disappointing someone I love. Jesus wasn’t calloused to their feelings (see John 11:33-38). But He was willing to be misunderstood to bring about a greater good.

He allowed Lazarus to feel forsaken on his deathbed, Mary and Martha to feel forgotten in their grief, and the villagers to question His love for His friends.

Why?

Because the eternal benefit outweighed the temporary discomfort.

He wanted for them SOMETHING BETTER than relief.

He wanted them to gain unshakable faith.

No one doubted Jesus could heal. But no one had ever raised someone who’d been dead four days.

Has Jesus’ timing ever disappointed you? What answer are you still waiting for?What “no” pains and confuses you?

Take heart from Jesus’ delay.

Listen to WHY He waited.

• “It is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it” (John 11:4 NIV)
• “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him” (John 11:14-15 NIV).
• “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die” (John 11:25 NIV).
  
• “‘Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?’…‘Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me’” (John 11:40-42 NIV).
  
• “Therefore many of the Jews … believed in him” (John 11:45 NIV).

When it looks like Jesus has forgotten you, when He seems to ignore your needs, draw hope from this story.

Stretching our faith is more important than our comfort. It’s how we come to know God is bigger and better than we can imagine.

Let’s allow Jesus to smash the boxes we’ve confined Him to and not lose heart when He delays.

He hasn’t forgotten you.

"Dear Father, Your will and Your ways are always better than mine. Feel free to tell me 'no' when You have a better plan."

When has a bitter “no” turned into a better “yes” for you?

Debbie W. Wilson, Bible teacher and former biblical counselor, combines insight and encouragement to inspire people to trust Christ with their lives. Her books include Little Faith, Big God, Little Women, Big God, and Give Yourself a Break. She and her husband Larry founded Lighthouse Ministries, a nonprofit biblical counseling and Bible study ministry. Debbie enjoys dark chocolate, a good mystery, and the antics of her two standard poodles. Find free resources and connect with Debbie at RefreshingFaith.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Mediamodifier at Pixabay.

Painting of "The Raising of Lazarus" by Rembrandt, on Wikipedia. Part of the Google Art Project—Harmensz VanRijn.

4 Steps to Dealing with Disappointment

I have no doubt Kathy Carlton Willis is qualified to teach us on the subject of disappointment in this Biblical Thinking UPGRADE. I was on her prayer team last year when she experienced what she calls, “back-to-back-to-back disappointments.”

"I started the year in the hospital for a post-surgical infection," Kathy says. "It required additional surgery, going home with a PICC line, and a change in plans to allow time for recovery."

I (Dawn) think most of us would struggle with just that, but Kathy's tale of struggle and disappoint went on and on. And so did her commitment to deal with those struggles in a "grin with grace way.

Kathy continues . . . 

I was so disappointed in how that impacted my year. I had to cancel contracts with clients and postpone a writer’s getaway.

My diet and exercise plans were on pause, too. Everything just felt off kilter.

Then, when I finally got back in the swing of things, I had four disappointments hit almost simultaneously.

• I developed a urinary tract infection that wouldn’t go away.
• The antibiotic I took for it caused a tendon injury.
• Hurricane Harvey hit.
• And if that wasn’t enough, it flooded a home we had in contract.

Notice I said, “had.” Harvey nullified the purchase.

Oh, and somewhere in all of that, I received a book rejection from a publishing house.

I’m not going to bore you with all the other commonplace disappointments, but these were the biggies!

You’ve had years like that, right? How did you handle the disappointments? Maybe you are going through a frustrating setback right now.

I’ve learned it doesn’t work to ignore the loss, and it’s not healthy to stay stalled out.

Each disappointment requires a process.

Here’s my 4-Step Process for Dealing with Disappointment.

1. Rightfully MOURN the loss.

Joy has left our hearts; our dancing has turned to mourning. (Lamentations 5:15 NLT)

Disappointments stem from losing something we had or not getting something for which we hoped. Either way, we experience sadness.

Grieving is a painful process, but if we try to avoid it, we only manage to delay healing. When we mourn, the sadness subsides, and we are ready to move on.

2. Receive more of God's COMFORT and peace.

Look up the words "comfort" and "peace" in the Bible and you’ll see it is the Holy Spirit’s role to soothe your soul. Don't feel guilty for needing it—we all do!

Will you invite God’s Spirit to embrace you, rock you, and sing songs of consolation?

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NLT)

3. Ask God’s DIRECTION for something new or something to renew.

Once you’ve received God’s comfort, it’s time to look around to see what God has next for you, rather than continue self-reflecting.

It’s possible He will use your story to help someone else.

God helps you gain closure from your hurt so the pain no longer blinds you from your purpose.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT)

4. Move on with a RENEWED passion or project in something bigger than yourself.

There’s nothing like a new project to keep me going despite the let downs!

I anticipate seeing God at work, producing lightbulb moments.

That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NLT)

These are my four steps to deal with disappointment. Which step are you ready to take?

God’s Grin Gal, Kathy Carlton Willis, shines the light on what holds you back so you can grow. She’s a speaker and author with over a thousand articles online and in print, as well as her Bible study, Grin with Grace. She’s a bi-monthly columnist with CBN and a devotional writer for Todd Starnes. She and her husband Russ live in Texas with Jazzy, their hilarious Boston Terrier.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Geralt at Pixabay.