The 'Trick to Treating' Fear Until It Disappears

Kathy Carlton Willis, an author and speaker, shares an Attitude UPGRADE today about fear. Halloween-time seems to be all about spooking people. As Kathy shares a memory from her growing-up years, she substitutes Kathy’s “trick-or-treat” with a “trick for treating” fear until it disappears. 

“When I was a young girl, I had quite an imagination, and just as many fears,” Kathy says. “For example, I was convinced there was a monster under my bed. I just knew he had several knives positioned to pierce my sleeping body at any moment. I’m not sure how many times my mom reassured me that there was nothing under my bed but a little dust!”

I (Dawn) think all of us had some sort of imaginary monster fear in our childhood. But it’s those grown-up fears that really do a number on us. I love Kathy's remedy for sending fears packing.

Kathy continues . . . 

I like using an acronym for fear to remind myself why I should not worry about “what ifs.”

False

      Evidence

            Appearing

                  Real

Whenever we struggle with fears, it is important to realize that our feelings often lie to us, and we must override our heart with our mind at times by trying to focus on facts.

The Spirit within us is often a still small voice. In order to hear Him we must first quiet the loud fears to listen to the real truths. Truth is always there, we just don’t see or hear it because truth gets covered up by our fears.

Truths are comforting; fears are overwhelming.

Truths never change; fears are always changing.

You can be certain God isn’t orchestrating your fears and confusion. And if you feel powerless, like no one loves you, or like you might lose your mind, see what Scripture says:

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV).

Journaling can help us deal with our fears. It helps us put into words the dark clouds we sometimes struggle explaining to someone else.

We can overcome our fears by clinging to the promise that God is always with us. Prayer and meditation give us wisdom and strength to deal with fears outside of our own abilities to cope.

Some people are more fearful than others. Perhaps this is due to personality traits. Or baggage we carry from our life experiences. But all of us deal with a certain amount of fear.

When we face our fears head on, we can deal with them in productive ways. At most, ten percent of our fears become reality. Isn’t it sad to spend so much time worrying about something that likely will never come to pass?

Fears are like monsters under the bed.

They aren’t really there, but they scare us so much we are often too paralyzed to get up and look under the bed to prove to ourselves the monsters are merely figments of our imagination.

Is there a monster under your bed?

Consider this:

"For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs" (Zephaniah 3:17 NLT).

How can the reality of God's love help calm your fears?

Kathy Carlton Willis writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Not many funny girls also have Bible degrees! Kathy’s a pastor’s wife, which gives her plenty of opportunities to grin with grace. She shines the light on issues that hold women back and inspires their own lightbulb moments. Almost a thousand of Kathy’s articles have been published in books, magazines, newspapers and online publications. Her books, Grin with Grace and Speaker to Speaker: The Essential Speaker’s Companion are receiving rave reviews. Kathy lives with her pastor/husband, Russ, in Rockdale, Texas. Kathy’s website tagline describes her best: Light & Lively: His Reflection/Her Laughter.

6 Ways to Grin When You'd Rather Grit Your Teeth!

I met Kathy Carlton Willis at a writer's conference and was so impressed with her life, not just her teaching. She shines for Jesus! And in this Attitude UPGRADE, she shares one way we reflect God's light  too.

"Most of us deal with situations that make us want to grit our teeth on a regular basis. Or at least bite our tongues!" Kathy says. "Here are six ways you can grin with grace instead."

I (Dawn) have watched Kathy endure trial after trial over the past several years and noticed how she smiles despite the circumstances. So I’m curious how she’s learned to grin with grace instead of grimace—which is our natural human tendency. Let’s see what she has to say.

Kathy continues . . .

As I sat down to write this piece for you, I started out as an “expert.” I’m the Grin with Grace gal. I’ve studied all the grace words in the Bible. Written a book. Put together a script and performed a 7-session DVD. I should know it all when it comes to grinning with grace, right?

But before I could even organize my thoughts for this article, I received a note that derailed me. Someone cancelling a commitment with almost no notice for me to come up with Plan B. And two days ago the surgeon told me I needed surgery. So I should be doing less, not more. Here’s a perfect opportunity for me to live what I teach—am I really going to grin with grace in this situation?

What often works for me is to laugh. Yes, laugh! It releases negative energy and helps me develop a healthy perspective on the situation. It acknowledges that the problem itself stinks, but it’s not the end of the world.

It’s temporary. I’ll get past this.

And who knows, the outcome might be even better because sometimes my Plan B is God’s Plan A all along.

So I want to share with you some of the words I found in Scripture that partner with grace to help us through life’s messes. And I’m certainly an expert in that—I tend to get in a lot of messes. Some of my own making. Some that I trip into backwards, never seeing the puddle before it’s too late.

Grace partners with glory, peace, mercy, kindness, eternal comfort, and wonderful hope. Each pairing is a vital life partnership.

How do we grow these virtues in our lives so that we’re prepared when a Life Mess happens? Oh—and it’s gonna’ happen!

#1 – Mercy

"Grace, mercy, and peace, which come from God the Father and from Jesus Christ—the Son of the Father—will continue to be with us who live in truth and love" (2 John 1:3 NLT).

Ask yourself these questions:

• How do I acquire God’s mercy in my life?
• Do I need to remind myself that it’s there for my everyday needs and not just for my salvation?
• How does tapping into God’s mercy in my life help me grow closer to Him?
• How does it empower me to provide mercy to others even when I don’t feel like it?

When you pair mercy with grace, you’re equipping yourself to grin despite the life mess going on around you.

#2 – Love 

(See 2 John 1:3.) Love is like a spring—it must continue to circulate. New love coming in (from God, from others, from self), and your love flowing out. If love doesn’t circulate, it stagnates.

How is love at work in your life right now, and how does it help you receive and deliver God’s grace? 

#3 – Truth

(See 2 John 1:3.) These six virtues that pair so well with grace aren’t merely self-help strategies. They are built on a foundation of truth. God’s Word is truth.

How can you know truth and trust truth more in your Christian walk now than before? Why is truth necessary to help you grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord?

#4 – Peace

"May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace" (1 Corinthians 1:3 NLT).

Peace seems to elude us when we need it most. Like in the middle of a Life Mess.

Why do we find it so difficult to experience God’s peace? What gets in the way of peace—worry, doubt, confusion, or chaos? All of these? How can you convince your heart and mind to believe the message of peace and receive its calm assurance? 

#5 – Comfort

"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope" (2 Thessalonians 2:16 NLT).

Jesus knows us well enough to know we need a Comforter—and that is why He promised not to leave us comfortless. It’s human nature to need the soothing reassurance of a nurturing presence, especially in the middle of a Life Mess.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Are there any areas in my life right now where I could use some extra comfort?
• What best helps me experience the soothing comfort of God’s grace?
• Does anything blind me from seeing the comfort He sends or hinder me from receiving it?

#6 – Hope

(See 2 Thessalonians 2:16.) Hope is vitally important to help us through our days. Even days filled with blessings still need hope . . . but those days filled with trials . . . I don’t need to explain why we need hope during our Life Messes!

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I tend to be a skeptical person or a hope-filled person?
• What sort of light at the end of the tunnel has helped me hold on to hope?
• What happens when I’m paralyzed in a funk of dark clouds, with no sign of light?
• How can I find hope enough for even those no-sign-of-light days?

In music, grace notes are melodic and compliment the rest of the musical score. All these traits that pair well with grace are like the harmony parts, but grace is the key. Play the musical notes of these six virtues, add in God’s grace notes, and see what song develops.

If that doesn’t make you grin with grace, it’s time for you to check your heart to make sure it’s still beating!

Which of these six virtues might help you grin when you'd rather grit your teeth?

Kathy Carlton Willis writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Not many funny girls also have Bible degrees! Kathy’s a pastor’s wife, which gives her plenty of opportunities to grin with grace. She shines the light on issues that hold women back and inspires their own lightbulb moments. Almost a thousand of Kathy’s articles have been published in books, magazines, newspapers and online publications. Visit her website, and check out her latest project, the Grin with Grace Bible Study, published by AMG Publishers.

Article: ©2015, Modified Excerpt from Grin with Grace, AMG Publishers.

Graphic adapted: Image courtesy of Feelart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Be On Purpose!

Last year, Kathy Carlton Willis shared how to set true D.R.E.A.M. goals. She continues in that theme with this encouraging New Year UPGRADE.

“Most of us set goals for 2015 at the start of the year,” Kathy says. “How many of you are already struggling to stick with the plan? Or was there even a true plan to begin with? It’s possible you had more of a wish list of destinations rather than a roadmap for how to get there!”

Do you have a roadmap for 2015? I (Dawn) think we all need one. Otherwise, how will we know when we’ve arrived at our destination?

Kathy continues . . .

January is National “Be On Purpose” Month. What a terrific time for us to evaluate where we were, where we are, and where God wants us to be, operating in the purpose He has for planting us on earth.

We’ve all heard how important it is to place ourselves in the passenger’s seat and allow God to be in the driver’s seat. (Remember calling out “shotgun” as kids, when we ran to the car at the beginning of a road trip? It was the best seat in the vehicle!)

The next best thing so we can get to our destination is to have that roadmap I mentioned earlier.

Live life on purpose, not random accidents.

Today, someone from out of town called asking for directions to our home. She was quite directionally challenged. I told her to go west and she asked if that was left or right. We realized she worked better with landmarks (such as Dairy Queen) rather than measuring blocks, or watching for street names.

Jean’s problem was, she didn’t have a step-by-step GPS to direct her. She had a map that took her to a dot on the map for our town. She had our street address. But she had nothing to connect the dots from the city limits sign to our home.

Life coaches teach the principle of intentionality.

Setting specific intentions allows life travelers to measure progress.

This is the opposite of the guy on the old donut commercial who arose from bed, still half asleep, and said, “Time to make the donuts.” He went from one task to another, with no extra effort or thought, zero passion, and nothing new to show for his work than the day before.

Donuts.

Intentionality allows you to fulfill God’s passions in your life. It puts steps to your goals.

 God’s blessings don’t rely on our work. But He is pleased when we acknowledge His purpose in our lives.

Think of each intentional choice as a step of obedience. Another mile marker on our journeys.

We don’t get to our destination by accident. It’s living life on purpose.

What Living Life on Purpose Isn’t:

• You can’t wish it here.
• You can’t fake it ‘til you make it.
• You can’t procrastinate it into existence.
• You can’t hope someone else takes care of your business for you.
• You can’t skip some of the steps to try to speed up the process.

Your upgraded life requires intention. It takes plans. It works best when you operate within your strengths and giftings. It takes strategy. It requires setting up some steps between departure and destination to act as landmarks so you know you’re going in the right direction.

“Set up road signs; put up guideposts. Mark well the path by which you came” (Jeremiah 31:21 NLT).

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• What does God want me to accomplish in 2015? What is God’s big picture for my five-year plan, my ten-year plan, my life-plan?
• How does God lead me to use my natural and spiritual gifts, strengths and personality type to best fulfill these end results?
• What are the biggest challenges and obstacles in getting to the destination? What detours can I pre-plan to avoid the roadblocks?

Define Your Landmarks:

1. Think of the steps to get from departure spot to destination. Seek God’s wisdom, allowing Him to be a Vision-Caster in your life.

“If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who ‘worry their prayers’ are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open” James 1:5 (MSG).

2. Write down your plan.

“Then the Lord answered me and said: ‘Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it.’” (Habakkuk 2:2 NKJV).

3. Get to work! A dream can’t come true without putting effort into it—not just talk.

“For a dream comes with much business and painful effort, and a fool’s voice with many words” (Ecclesiastes 5:3 AMP).

 Follow the directions, step by step.

What will you do today to live life on purpose, rather than simply going through the motions of making the donuts?

Kathy Carlton Willis writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. She shines the light on issues that hold women back and inspires their own lightbulb moments. Almost a thousand of Kathy’s articles have been published and she has several books releasing over the next three years, including Grin with Grace (release date 3/20/15) with AMG Publishers, CBD and Amazon. She and her husband/pastor, Russ, live in Texas. Learn more at: www.kathycarltonwillis.com/.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of Naypong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Upgrade My Life with Grace

At Christmastime, we are reminded of God's incredible grace to us in sending His Son, Jesus. Kathy Carlton Willis reminds us to extend that grace in this Christmas UPGRADE.

"God’s grace isn’t merely for the pre-believer to come to faith in Christ," Kathy says. "It is for every day of every soul’s life."

Ever heard the phrase, "give her some grace"? I (Dawn) have, and it usually means someone is doing something wrong and I need to be more patient. But Kathy is using the words "give them grace" in an entirely different way.

Kathy continues . . .

As we enter this holy season, let’s look at this very special Christmas gift—grace.

I remember the Christmas I grew up. Under the tree I found a box smaller than a breadbox that weighed more than the bowling ball I tried to throw down the lane during our Girl Scout outing. What could it possibly be? The tag said the gift was from my brother and parents. Normally sibling gifts were purchased with our meager allowance, so I didn’t expect much.

Finally, Christmas Day came. As I ripped away the paper, first I saw a yellow cardboard box. It housed an entire paperback set of books by Laura Ingalls Wilder—Little House on the Prairie. For me? My very own library? One book would be a treat—but an entire set of books? Pure joy!

I was lavished with an amazing gift of great cost, which brought me great pleasure. This was the year I grew up. Books were my favorite gifts that year, not toys or dolls or games. And I think the reason why the experience matured me was not just because of what I received, but because of the way it impacted me.

This was an extravagant present—a generous gift.

My special gift made me realize how to receive love and to lavish love on others. This is grace extended. And isn’t that what the birth of Christ delivered to us all?

As we learn from the gift of His life, how can we give grace away? Give with Grace!

I have a confession to make.

Sometimes I say, “I’m at your service,” and I’m really not. I set out wanting to serve—but I want to do it my way. I have terms to the grace I offer others. If I volunteer hours, it has to be when I say it can be. If I offer to listen, it needs to fit around my schedule.

I realize as I write this, I’m not much of a servant at all. Sure sounds to me like I’m pretty bossy!

It’s human nature to want to be in control. If you’ve ever been on top of a horse who suddenly decides to go his own way, at his own pace, and make his own trail (where there isn’t one), then you know how it feels to not be in control. None of us like that feeling very much. So we hold tightly to the reins.

Part of acting in grace to others is not having to be in control—letting God lead us.

One example we can learn from is Mary, the earthly mother of Jesus. Mary was a godly young woman, open to receiving an assignment from God. Although many of us are older than Mary would have been, we aren’t that much different as we receive our assignments from God.

Let’s see how God used her.

Gabriel appeared to her and said, “Greetings, favored woman! The Lord is with you!” Confused and disturbed, Mary tried to think what the angel could mean. “Don’t be afraid, Mary,” the angel told her, “for you have found favor with God! You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be very great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David. And he will reign over Israel forever; his Kingdom will never end!”

Mary asked the angel, “But how can this happen? I am a virgin.”

The angel replied, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the baby to be born will be holy, and he will be called the Son of God. What’s more, your relative Elizabeth has become pregnant in her old age! People used to say she was barren, but she has conceived a son and is now in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.”

Mary responded, “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” And then the angel left her. (Luke 1:28-38 NLT)

God used Mary as an instrument of His grace, and He wants to use us today. Let’s look at several Give with Grace principles:

1. We have been gifted by His grace and God wants to use this grace in us for His purposes. The angel told Mary that she was the object of God’s favor. This is another term for grace—the grace of being chosen for His use.
2. God doesn’t look for experts, He looks for people who are willing to be used. Mary didn’t negotiate terms or offer up excuses. She was available for duty.
3. God is standing by to equip us when we are flexible with how the story ends. Mary was compliant with the angel’s message. She listened and didn’t make demands for more proof when she received the details.
4. God’s grace makes our weakness enough when paired with His power. Even though Mary was a virgin, that was not an obstacle for her to be pregnant with God’s Son. There will never be another Mary, and there will never be another you, which makes it even more important to listen for God’s custom-fit instructions for your life.
5. God gets the glory when we yield to receive and distribute His grace. We may not understand exactly why He selected Mary, but His reasons were perfect. We may not understand why He wants to use us, but it pleases Him to use us as ministers of His grace.

God has lavished His grace upon us. Will you extend that grace to others, especially during this Christmas season?

Kathy Carlton Willis writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. She shines the light on issues that hold women back and inspires their own lightbulb moments. Almost a thousand of Kathy’s articles have been published and she has several books releasing over the next three years, including Grin with Grace with AMG Publishers (at amazon: amzn.to/1wg6Nmh). She and her husband/pastor, Russ, live in Texas. Learn more at: www.kathycarltonwillis.com/

Note: Today’s article is an excerpt from the galley of Grin with Grace by Kathy Carlton Willis, AMG Publishers, 2015.

'You Matter to Me!'

Kathy Carlton Willis is a transparent, creative woman  of God. In this UPGRADE Your Worth post, she reminds us to embrace God's imput about our value, not the world's.

"October 7^th is 'You Matter to Me' Day," Kathy says. "Let’s celebrate by taking a look at a woman’s worth and we’ll see just how much we matter to God and each other."

Now I (Dawn) didn't know there is such a thing as "You Matter to Me" Day ... but I can think of all kinds of ways to celebrate that! Can't you?

Kathy continues ...

I’m getting ready for an all-alumni high school reunion next month. I haven’t seen my schoolmates in over thirty years. Definitely not enough time to lose a hundred pounds!

Why do I worry about what others will think about my weight-gain? It’s because I know how petty we humans can be. We notice when other women gain weight rather than paying attention to their hearts smiling. We are cruel to ourselves and to others.

What does God think of that?

God’s been showing me that I matter to Him—that I’m a woman of worth. You are too. If you feel out of touch with who you really are, think of this quote:

“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?” – Danielle LaPorte

Our Problems:

• Appearance. The world attempts to define us based on how we look and what we do. “A woman’s worth isn’t measured by her outer appearance,” says Jarrid Wilson, “but whether or not her heart is focused on The One who created her.”
• Busy-ness. After appearance, the next way women gain respect and clout is to have a successful career or be the SuperMother envied and resented by other moms on Pinterest. We hold up our to-do lists as proof that we matter. Who are we trying to impress? Others? Or are we trying to convince ourselves that we’re important? What does God think of that?
• Comparisons. We always judge ourselves unfairly when we compare. We think of our worst measured against their best. We can never win that comparison trap! I’m learning not to seek the answer of my worth by comparing myself to others.

What Does the Bible Say?

Proverbs 31 shows us how unique God wants us to be. This virtuous woman has amazing power and influence on others. Her value eclipses her looks. She is worth a great deal to God and to others because of who she is on the inside. Yes, because of that she has wonderful fruit: productivity, hard work ethic, and close-knit relationships.

"A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise:

“'Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!' Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God" (Selections from Proverbs 31, MSG).

Ten Evidences of a Woman’s Worth

1. Confident in Christ
2. Glows with grace
3. Loves and knows God’s Word
4. Close to God through prayer
5. Concerned and compassionate toward others
6. Cares for her family
7. Faithful to God, family and church
8. Pursues good health by being a good caretaker of her body
9. Tends to her resources responsibly, as gifts from God
10. Filled with the fruit of the Spirit

You matter to God and your worth is in Him.

Others matter too, and perhaps they struggle with knowing their worth. Who can you show value by letting her know she matters to God and to you?

Kathy Carlton Willis writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. She shines the light on issues that hold women back and inspires their own lightbulb moments. Almost a thousand of Kathy’s articles have been published and she has several books releasing over the next three years, including Grin with Grace with AMG Publishers. She and her husband/pastor, Russ, live in Texas. Learn more at: www.kathycarltonwillis.com/

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net