When Only a 'Pat' Will Do

In this Encouragement UPGRADE, Dawn shares what she's learned about a simple method of "communication" that helps us encourage others—beyond words, or even when words won't come.

Since my diagnosis, I've found that people don't always know what to say to me. Some find it awkward to converse about my health changes. Others even avoid me, not knowing what to say.

But my husband has taught me an important lesson. Over and over in my health "adventure," he knows he can't "fix" my problems, and he's a man of few words—unless he's teaching or preaching! But Bob reaches out and pats me on the arm if we're standing or on my knee if we're sitting.

It's as if only a "pat" will do at the time. But it is enough. And here's why.

1. A pat says, "I'm here."

There's simply nothing like "presence" to comfort and encourage.

I've heard of spouses who leave their mate in times of distress or tragedy, and that is horribly sad. But I've found great solace in knowing that Bob has been present with me throughout this myeloma journey and every "side trip" (like bronchitis this week).

Presence matters.

God's presence matters most of all. Sometimes, when life seems puzzling, I feel like Father God reaches down to "pat" me with His presence and give me peace. He might bring a scripture verse to mind, or give me some marching orders for my day. Most of all, it's comforting to acknowledge that He will never leave me (Hebrews 13:5b; Psalm 94:14).

God is with us in all our struggles and needs, and even if He feels far, far away.

2. A pat says, "I'm here and I care."

There's a certain tenderness that comes with a gentle pat of encouragement.

The one reaching out to us loves us, and out of that love flows compassion.

When Bob and I attended my Grandpa Webb's funeral—enroute from Michigan to our new home—my grandmother was surprised to see me. For a while, I watched as people began to offer condolences. (Some of the things I heard were not comforting at all!)

Weary, Grandma sat down. I smiled at her and sat down beside her.

I didn't say a word for the rest of the time as people came by—some expressing love, some offering not-too-helpful advice, some not knowing what to say. I simply held her hand and patted it from time to time until Bob said we had to get on our way.

Later, Grandma wrote to tell me that she was the most comforted by my almost-wordless presence and the tenderness of my touch, my "little pats."

It's so comforting to me to know that Father God is always watching over us, and He sees us in our pain and understands (Psalm 31:7; 34:18; 56:8). God reaches out in love to tell us He cares. As Casting Crowns sings, "Your pain may run deep. His love runs deeper still."

We can take all our burdensome anxieties to God, because He cares for us (1 Peter 5:7).

Every need, every burden, every fear, every anxiety—take them all to God.

I like what Dr. Michelle Bengtson wrote, in The Hem of His Garment: "He's a God who stops and bends his ear to listen to our heartfelt cries." How wonderful and touching that our God listens and cares.

3. A pat says, "I'm here to tell you I appreciate you."

Like a pat on the back that says "good job," sometimes a pat can mean, "I see how you are dealing with this, and I appreciate you." Or even, "I admire you."

I've received many pats like this over the past five year as I've shared the highs and lows of my health journey

• It's encouraging to know that someone sees that you're trying to live biblically even in tough times.
• It's motivating to know that others are watching, and it matters that we persevere in courage through God's strength.

God's pats of appreciation might come to us in many ways, directly or through others—like words of gratitude from people who say you helped them through your ministry, or through words of encouragement you shared with them.

And here's another thing: the believer looks forward to a wonderful "pat" when God rewards for faith and obedience. It only begins with God's, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

4. A pat says, "I'm here to help you, if I can."

Sometimes a person who is struggling can't tell you in the moment what they need when you ask, "How can I help?"

People might go ahead and take care of some your needs (anticipating them), but their little pats can tell you they are people you might be able to count on in a pinch.

A pat can say, "I'm here to help you, if I can, however I can, whenever I can, and if you will let me."

Some words can be fruitless, but a pat—with or without words—can make you feel that a person genuinely wants to help. (I have to admit that some people may give you a little pat as a way of escaping involvement; but that's not true with faithful friends.)

And speaking of faithful friends, Father God is our Helper, our Jehovah Ezer.

Psalm 28:7 says that when we place our hopes in God, trusting Him, we find help. Our faithful Father does not abandon us, but He helps us through the difficulties of our journey (Psalm 121). When we confidently come to His throne of grace, we find the help we need and do not need to be afraid (Hebrews 4:16; 13:6).

Sometimes only a "pat" will do, but it is quite often more than enough.

When has a pat from someone encouraged you? How might you share a little pat with someone today? 

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator the blog, Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for women's teacher and revivalist, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth at Revive Our Hearts, and is a regular columnist at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in sunny Southern California, and Dawn has traveled with Him in Pacesetter Global Outreach. They have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Where's My Reward?

Susan K. Stewart is a seriously practical woman who writes books that help writers, teachers and others. I'm guessing she probably doesn't get a lot of praise; but she is a woman of excellence. In this Service and Ministry  UPGRADE, she encourages us to think about service in a fresh way.

“We know we’re called to serve,” Susan says. “but we don’t think about service as a reward. And that’s something we can cultivate.”

Hmmm.... I (Dawn) don't think I've ever truly thought about service that way.

Susan continues . . .

Anne Steele’s hymn, “Self-Consecration,” was published in 1848*. More than 150 years later, the words of the second verse are a prayer I want to not just say, but also mean.

I will resolve, with all my heart,

With all my powers, to serve the Lord;

Nor from His precepts e’er depart,

Whose service is a rich reward.

The striking part of this verse is not the resolve to serve the Lord and keep his precepts. What my heart clings to is “service is a rich REWARD.”

We know we’re called to serve. Haven’t we heard hundreds of sermons? Read dozens of books on a servant’s heart, servant leadership or service as worship?

Many espouse the idea we serve to receive a reward, whether here or in heaven.

Very few say anything about the act of serving BEING the reward.

Often we think of reward as a tangible item, like a trophy or medal.

I get a humorous picture in my mind of us standing on platforms as God directs the angels to pass out the trophies and medals.

Will there be a pizza party when the ceremony is over?

Among the many definitions of service found in Merriam-Webster Unabridged Dictionary are such things as:

• “the serving of a master,”
• “conduct or performance that assists or benefits someone or something,” and
• “the habit or practice of serving God or the acts done with that intention.”

How do these definitions apply to receiving the reward of service?

“The serving of a master.”

I don’t think any of us would question our service is to our Master, Jesus Christ. The New Testament is full of references to serving God and others. Even Jesus said He came to serve (Mark 10:45).

So we can conclude we are called to serve. God has even given us gifts to use in service to others (I Peter 4:10).

“Conduct or performance that assists or benefits someone or something.”

Service is to assist or benefit someone else.

Again, we look to Jesus for our example. Think about His first miracle, turning water into wine (John 2:1-12). Who benefited? The bridegroom who was lauded for saving the best wine for last. It’s important to note Jesus was not credited with the good wine.

“The habit or practice of serving God or the acts done with that intention.”

Should I say this goes without saying? Our service is to God.

Jesus tells us in the Sermon on the Mount to give in secret, to pray in secret, and fast in secret (Matthew 6:4, 6, 18). He tells us those who do so in public receive a reward from those who see them.

Is it too much of a stretch to think Jesus also wants us to serve in secret?

Paul tells servants to serve heartily as to the Lord, “knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward” (Colossians 3:23-24). Paul considered his reward to be the ability to share the gospel (I Corinthians 9:12-18).

Neither of these are what we modern believers have come to think of as rewards.

How then do we develop the reward of serving?

1. Consider our gifts.

If God gave us gifts to serve, we need to consider what those gifts are and how to use them to the benefit of others.

Some gifts, such as teaching, are more visible. Certainly a Sunday School teacher is using a gift that all can see to teach others. If that teacher has the edification of the students foremost that is the reward. Other gifts, like intercession, are quiet, unseen. The pray-er uses the gift for the benefit of others.

2. Go where there is a need.

Serving God and others doesn’t mean volunteering at church.

Caring for children or a loved one, going to work daily to earn a family income, or even picking up trash along a roadside are all silent service. This service certainly isn’t glamourous.

It is, however, a reward.

When a call for volunteers is made, don’t rush to heed the call. Sometimes home-grown activities are our call.

3. Pray.

Well, yes, we should pray before entering into service.

Pray that the reward will be the service itself.

Pray to serve as a God-pleaser, not a man-pleaser (Ephesians 6:5-6).

Pray with me to resolve to earn the rich reward of service.

What will you do receive your reward of service?

Susan K. Stewart—when she’s not tending chickens and donkeys—teaches, writes, and edits non-fiction. Susan’s passion is to inspire readers with practical, real-world solutions. Her books include Science in the Kitchen and Preschool: At What Cost? plus the award-winning Formatting e-Books for Writers. You can learn more at her website www.practicalinspirations.com.

* Steele, Anne. “Self-Consecration.” A Book of Hymns for Public and Private Devotion. (1848).

Graphic adapted, Trophies Photo by Ariel Besagar on Unsplash.

Christmas Doors — Invitations to Joy

In this Christmas UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson invites us to think about the doors we might open to others this holiday season.

I love to see all the pretty doors decorated at Christmas. They look so welcoming. They invite us to share together in joy.

So many are lonely, stressed, even in crisis during the holidays. We may feel caught up in our own holiday joy, but we can't ignore others who struggle to smile. Those who have no peace. Those who hurt and need encouragement.

I've thought about some of the doors we might open to those people. Here are five doors that I call "Invitations to Joy."

1. The Door of UNDERSTANDING

We show empathy and understanding when we learn to listen well.

James tells us to "be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak" (1:19, AMP).

Proverbs 1:5 says, "Let the wise listen and add to their learning." When you listen to people, you encourage them to talk, and that is fertile ground for greater understanding.

As leadership coach Becky Harling wrote in her book How to Listen So People Will Talk, "People feel more loved and valued if we are actively and attentively listening to them."

Empathetic listening is a gift not just for the holidays, but for a lifetime of ministry to those the Lord brings into our lives.

2. The Door of COMMUNICATION

The second part of James 1:19 says, "slow to speak." We must be careful what we say, but we do need to speak up.

Good communication skills can be cultivated when our mouths are full of God's wisdom. Our words are to first be acceptable in His sight (Psalm 19:14). We can then wisely pray for others and minister to them with healing conversations.

Our words must be carefully chosen to encourage others. Speak words that will build up and "give grace" (Ephesians 4:29).

Speak words of affirmation and hope, not negative, critical and destructive words. Focus on what is worthy (Philippians 4:8) to share this Christmas!

3. The Door of SERVICE

Just as Jesus came to serve, he calls us to do the same. In Christ, we are created to do good works (Ephesians 2:10), and that includes serving people.

God notes how we serve and help others (Hebrews 6:10). He praises a servant's heart.

We are to serve with humility in love. We are to use our spiritual gifts, received from the Holy Spirit, to serve others as "faithful stewards of God's grace."

There are so many opportunities to serve during the Christmas season—both in serving individuals and groups.

Serving others "opens a door" to their hearts.

Don't overlook your next-door neighbor's need, a good place to start. You might even be opening a door to sharing the Gospel; but be willing to serve, regardless.

4. The Door of HOSPITALITY

Paul instructs Christ-followers to "share with the Lord's people who are in need" and "practice hospitality".

Hospitality isn't just inviting someone into our homes. It is first a heart attitude, a disposition, of treating others in a warm and generous way.

But it is also a virtue that extends back to Old Testament times. New Testament Christians also depended on hospitality and offered it freely. Jesus and His disciples depended on hopitality as they served in ministry (Matthew 10:9-10).

Hospitality is a kingdom trait. We bring praise to God when we show kindness, especially to the needy and love others selflessly). Hospitality is an important aspect of our walk with God, and not just during the holidays (Romans 12:13; 1 Peter 4:9).

5. The Door of LIFE

We cannot change a person, but we can speak to them about the door of life—and Jesus said He is that door (John 10:7). He is the only door by which a person can enter and receive eternal life (John 10:9; 3:16). As such, the Good Shepherd is the door to the sheepfold.

The Christmas season is an opportune time to share the Gospel. Be creative in how you share. Think of ways that would speak to specific individuals—that would help them see what God was offering when "baby Jesus" came. 

Jesus was a man on a mission. He came to "seek and to save the lost," and He has commissioned us to share this Good News with others (Matthew 28:19-20).

Think about it.

Every Christmas Door is an invitation to joy.

• The joy of being heard and understood
• The joy of being encouraged
• The joy of finding needs met
• The joy of being welcomed
• The joy of receiving life

How can you open doors to people this holiday season?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Today, is a speaker and author, and the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is a contracted researcher/reviewer for Revive Our Hearts and a writer at Crosswalk.com. She and her husband Bob live in Southern California and have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Neely Wang at Lightstock.