How to Stop Being an Adrenaline Junkie

Joan Webb’s intentional living so aligns with my desire to make wise choices. I invited her to write this Attitude UPGRADE because she puts her finger on a big issue with so many women.

“‘You really love this, don’t you? You’re so animated when you’re busy working.’ Although my client meant this as a compliment,” Joan said, “I gagged when I heard her words.

OK. I (Dawn) will get totally honest here. Joan pegged one of my huge struggles. I live with the stress of busyness, and some of it is self-imposed. Oh, how I needed to read this! Maybe you do too.

Joan continues . . .

To me, my client’s words represented a lifestyle I’d tried to ditch. Anything that reminded me of my excessive behavior felt like a punch in the gut.

I get a high when rushing, working and finding solutions. I am an adrenaline junkie. 

What do I mean by “adrenaline junkie”? 

Experts say action-addiction is both a process and a substance addiction. We get a high when we over-do, over-rush or even over-help. As long as the chemical keeps flowing, we medicate our past or current distress. 

Incidentally, some action-addicts appear motionless at times, but their minds are racing.

Normally, hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline release when we sense there’s a threat to our well-being. It’s the “Fight or Flight Response,” and it produces a shot of energy, giving us strength to cope with frightening situations.

With this response, heart rate escalates, digestion slows and blood flow forces to our muscles. Our bodies return to their natural state of relaxation when the real or perceived threat passes. 

When we’re addicted to action, we remain in chronic stress-mode, causing damage to our bodies. 

Initially, symptoms are fairly mild, like chronic headaches and lowered resistance to colds. Eventually we can develop depression, panic attacks, gum disease, unexplained weight gain, diabetes, stomach problems and even heart disease. 

Who wants THAT?

Doctors agree there is a pandemic of action-addiction in our world today. Author Anne Wilson Schaef writes:

“What belief have we accepted that suggests that, if we are not rushing and hurrying, we have no meaning?” 

An often-effective treatment for action-addiction includes identifying and modifying our negative thought patterns. For example, modification of the above misbelief can become: I am a valuable person, even when I quit working and helping to relax.

This all reminds me of something the wisest man who ever lived wrote: "Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 4:6).

When I continually run, chase, rush after stuff—even if it is very good and helpful stuff—I whiz past tranquility in the pursuit.

What are some wise, practical things we can do to shake hands with tranquility again?

1. Pause to breathe deeply.

Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself time to think and feel again.

2. Pause to enjoy God.

Reflect on who you are in Christ! He invites you to come and find rest. (Matthew 11:28-30.)

Pray—have an unrushed conversation with the Lord. Soak in His love; meditate on what He’s said.

3. Pause to enjoy yourself … and others (without trying to fix them).

Honor who God created you to be.

If you’re an introvert, schedule a re-energizing alone-time activity. (Maybe just to soak in a hot tub. Perhaps to enjoy an overnight personal retreat.) If you’re an extrovert, schedule a re-vitalizing activity with friends, uninterrupted by to-dos and work.

And repeat these steps at regular intervals!

Ahhhh. I can feel my shoulders relaxing and that constant adrenaline surge diminishing.

What helps you become friends with tranquility again? 

Joan C. Webb is a speaker and author who has written thirteen books including The Intentional Woman (co-authored with Carol Travilla), The Relief of Imperfection: For Women Who Try Too Hard to Make It Just Right and a four-book devotional series for children. As a Life Coach who specializes in working with writers and communicators, Joan helps set people free to become who they were designed to be and from what holds them back. For more information about becoming an intentional woman, visit Joan's website. 

Changing the Way We Do Change

Julie Sanders' life is in flux right now with many changes, but in this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she explains how she stays grounded.

"One thing is certain about every woman’s life; it will not stay the same," Julie says. "Instead of being tormented by transitions and shaken by shifting seasons, sojourners learn how to change the way we do change."

Having experienced many seasons of unexpected change, I (Dawn) agree with Julie. We need a biblical perspective on change.

Julie continues . . .

Regardless of our time of life, status, or circumstances, we are all positioned for change. You may be coming out of a season of upheaval, in the midst of massive change or getting ready for transition. Still, we are taken by surprise, as if we hoped to escape it.

We fear it. Dread it. Try to avoid it. Yet, it comes.

Change can shake our foundation relationally, emotionally, physically, professionally and spiritually. How can a woman survive the waves without being overturned?

Every woman faces change, because every woman is “a sojourner on the earth” (Psalm 119:19). As someone who lives temporarily in a place, we stay for a time on our earthly home. Our lives reflect that transience in regular transitions.

Revolutions often include our loved ones, bodies, homes, professions and identity. We are sojourners and sojourners face change.

We can approach seismic shifts with three actions when the ground shakes and we feel it deep in our hearts.

1. Hold to what doesn’t change.

The Psalmist leaves no doubt about what deserves our trust:  

"Forever, O LORD, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens" (Psalm 119:89). 

God’s Word is reliable and unchanging, so we can hold to its truth when evaluating decisions and shaping plans. In God’s inspired Word we find comfort for the raw emotions of upheaval and confidence for boldness to move forward into new territory.

When all else feels foreign and uncertain, God’s Word is familiar and secure.

2. Look to the answers God provides.

Change surprises us, making feelings overflow in hot waves. Our own emotions are hard to trust. Well-meaning voices offer advice, but no one takes the place of our all-wise God who remains the sames.

His word is “a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Psalm 119:105). It helps us sort through opinions and urges.

A job change, geographical relocation, new church or empty nest begs answers from our loving Father. Instead of downcast feelings, we can hope in the God our salvation (Psalm 43:5).

3. Run to God’s plan for you.

Grief, regret and questions often accompany transition, threatening to paralyze the sojourner with an overwhelmed heart. To press on, let lesser things fall away and reach forward to God’s good plan (Jeremiah 29:11). 

Determine not to turn to the left or right (Proverbs 4:27). Instead, when facing opposition or confusion, cry out, “I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!” (Psalm 119:32) 

A sojourner may feel uncertain, opposed or weary on the journey of change, but at those moments, sojourners can take the next right step with a heart that says,

“Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it” (Psalm 119:35).

Know what will not change, look to God’s answers for your feelings, and do what God has marked out for your journey.  

We are sojourners, and sojourners face change.

What change are you experiencing in this season of your life? Are you coming out of, in the midst of, or leading up to a change? How prepared are you to sojourn through it?

Julie Sanders is a sojourner who just moved from the sweet tea South to the desert Northwest. The change collides with gaining an empty nest and leaving a professional ministry she loved. Everything will be different! She is grateful for her unchanging God and His hope-filled plans in a new season. Julie's devotional, Expectant, encourages expectant moms with truth and practical wisdom. Discover more about Julie at her blog.

Honoring Your Mom & Mom-in-Law This Mother's Day

Melissa Mashburn is known for "keeping it real" in home and ministry. In this special Mother's Day UPGRADE, she encourages us to consider gifts for our mom and mother-in-law that can't be bought at the store. 

"In this busy life we lead, it’s easy to just run right by Mother’s Day with a few flowers, chocolate and a homemade card and then check off the box that it’s handled," Melissa says. "The hard part with that is, there’s so much more to Mother’s Day than the gifts we give our moms and mother-in-law."

I (Dawn) think a key word there is "handled," as if Mother's Day is something to deal with and move on.  Melissa is encouraging us to be more intentional, respectful, thoughtful and loving.

She continues . . .

The hard part—and I’ll be the first to admit it—is that I want to claim Mother’s Day as “my day.” Chances are you do too.

Listen, we work hard all year long and need want a day for ourselves. There’s no doubt in my mind that we deserve it; but can I let you in on a secret. Your mom and your mother-in-law want that too.

It’s easy to get sucked into our own chaotic world of motherhood.

There’s the class projects, deadlines at work, carpool, practice for sports—and don’t forget the bottomless pit of laundry that miraculously seems to reappear just as you finish your last load.

Trust me, I know it’s not easy to add “one more thing” to the list. But let me share with you as a mom who is on the edge of the “empty nest” season:

Your mom and mother-in-law have been there, done that and have the t-shirt too.

They get where you are and also have an idea of what’s right around the corner for you.

Not everyone has a loving relationship with their mom or even their mother-in-law, but whether that relationship is easy or challenging, we should show honor to these important women in our lives.

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is about Naomi and her two daughters-in-law. You can read their whole story in the Book of Ruth. What I love is, in their story there’s redemption, hope and love shown,  as well as deep honor between the woman, Naomi, and her mother-in-law.

“But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God" (Ruth 1:16 NLT).

There’s so much we can learn from Naomi and Ruth, but today I wanted to take a few moments to share with you three simple ways to honor your mom and your mother-in-law this Mother’s Day.

1. Pray for them.

They are in a different season of motherhood, and it might seem like it is easy for them since they don’t have little ones running around, but chances are they actually miss it.

2. Spend time with them.

Be available to talk, have lunch, grab dinner or just spend time with them doing regular, everyday things.

3. Listen to what they have to say.

Your mom and your mother-in-law have the gift of wisdom that comes from time. Hear what they have to say, and even when you don’t always agree, show respect for their opinions.

Gifts are great and always lots of fun, but it’s not really about the gifts for your mom and mother-in-law. They probably already have everything they need anyway, so instead of rushing out for those flowers, chocolates and cards this year, why not try something different.

If you are crafty and creative, you can package it up pretty—there’s probably something crafty on Pinterest—and give her a gift straight from your heart.

What are some other ideas you have for showing honor to your mom and mother-in-law this Mother’s Day?

Oh, by the way, this post wouldn’t be complete with a great big shout out and huge hug to my own mom, Regina, and my awesome mother-in-LOVE, Brenda.

These two women bless me, encourage me, challenge me and inspire me more than they’ll ever know. I love you two! 

Melissa Mashburn passionately pursues God daily, taking her ordinary life and placing it as her offering to Him. She is an author, speaker, mom, pastor’s wife and trained communicator through CLASSeminars, with extensive background in Women’s, Kids and Volunteer Ministry. Her passion is helping women “keep it real” in their lives and ministries. Melissa is married to her best friend, Matt (22 years) and they have two adult sons, Nick & Bailey. She loves to relax with a great book and giant cup of coffee. You can find her at Melissa Mashburn: Real Women. Real Life. Real Faith.

Photo Credit © Photographerlondon | Dreamstime.com - Female Holding Potted Plants With Mother And Grandmother Photo

The Secret to Confident Mothering

Author and speaker Becky Harling impresses me as a woman who makes wise choices, and in this Parenting UPGRADE, she highlights the powerful choice to practice praising God in the home.

“Motherhood is a crazy journey, simultaneously wonderful and terrifying,” Becky says. “I know because I’ve been there.”

I (Dawn) remember those young days of motherhood. I worried about a lot of things when my boys were little. I wish I'd had someone like Becky to whisper words of peace to my heart.

Becky continues . . .

I’ve raised four kids and now have five grandchildren. While I enjoyed much of my parenting journey, I struggled with a lot of anxiety. There were days when I wondered if I would lose my mind or, worse, if I would mess up their minds.

I lived in fear that, because of me, my kids might have to spend thousands of dollars on therapy! A therapist friend of mine has a pillow siting on the couch in her office that says, “If it’s not one thing, it’s your Mother!” 

Well, into my parenting journey, I began a new spiritual practice that not only enhanced my relationship with God, but it also made me a more confident mother and strengthened my relationships with my children.

I began the practice right after being diagnosed with cancer.

If anything throws a curve ball into your parenting, it’s cancer. As I was grappling with the severity of that diagnosis, a friend challenging me,

“Becky, will you praise God for twenty minutes a day even as you walk through cancer?” 

Initially, I thought that was a lame idea! I mean honestly, I didn’t exactly feel like jumping up and down shouting, “Hallelujah, I’m facing a double mastectomy.” But, after considering my options, I decided to take my friend’s challenge. What I experienced radically changed my life.

I began INTENTIONALLY praising God daily for what He was doing in my kids’ lives and in mine.

I praised Him that cancer wasn’t catching Him off guard and that I could trust Him with our family’s future.

Trust me, there were moments when I didn’t feel like it! But as I continued, I learned that praising God isn’t just some glib hallelujah when finances are prospering, your health is flourishing, and your family is thriving.

Praising God is the intentional declaration by faith that exalts God above your life circumstances.

• I praised God for His sovereign control over the lives my children.
• I exalted Him that He loved my kids even more than I did.
• I worshipped Him as the Almighty One who was able to do beyond what I could even imagine in the lives of my kids.

As I continued, I began to notice changes. God’s presence came close and calmed my fears. My kid’s faith grew deeper and relationships grew stronger. Most of all my anxiety lessened. 

I believe this is what the Apostle Paul was getting at when he wrote,

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

From a human perspective, there are many things to worry about as a mother. But I believe with all my heart, if you will choose to praise God above your fears, your anxiety will diminish and peace will replace panic.

What do you worry most about in your mothering journey? How might praising God diminish that anxiety?

Becky Harling. Authentic. Passionate. Funny. Insightful. Becky is a frequent speaker at conferences, retreats, and other venues. She is the author of Rewriting Your Emotional Script, Freedom from Performing, The 30 Day Praise Challenge and The 30 Day Praise Challenge for Parents. Becky is married to Steve Harling and has four adult kids and five grandkids. Visit her website and blog!

Graphic adapted from an image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

You Can't Move from Broken to Beautiful Overnight

Yvonne Ortega is a survivor, but also a thriver! I know her uplifting UPGRADE story about change will encourage anyone who feels broken by circumstances.

“For years, at least five times a week, I sat at the beach with my journal and cried until my head ached and my eyes were swollen,” Yvonne says. “My mind swirled with questions: Will I ever be strong and stand up for myself? When will I feel free and peaceful? When will I laugh and enjoy life again?”

Ever struggle with those thoughts? I (Dawn) did when my husband and I faced a drastic ministry change—not our choice. I wondered if I’d ever be able to “smile from the heart” and trust people again. God was faithful. But I wish I’d known these helpful tips.

Yvonne continues . . .

You may wonder how I changed. Here are three tips I learned about change.

1. I realized “change requires hard work.”

My work included daily journaling, prayer, Bible study, Bible memory verses, praise and worship, individual counseling and a divorce recovery group.

I claimed several favorite Bible memory verses and reviewed them frequently. One was Philippians 1:6 (NIV):

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

What hard work will your change require?

2. I accepted the fact that change takes time.

I didn’t accept that fact easily, but I couldn’t rush the healing of a broken heart from divorce anymore than I could rush the healing of a broken arm or a broken leg. The healing time required patience.

The Lord brought James 5:7-8 to mind. That passage says,

“Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. You too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.”

Your broken heart may not be from divorce. It may be from the loss of a loved one, a major move in which you left family and friends behind, or a prodigal child. Be gentle and patient with yourself. Trust God to help you.

3. I celebrated each step of progress.

After I finished aggressive chemotherapy and thirty-three rounds of radiation, a friend and I drove to the beach for a few days to celebrate. My retired missionary friends let us use their beach house free of charge.

We walked on the beach in the morning and again at night and made sandcastles. We splurged on a seafood dinner and bought a Dairy Queen Blizzard for dessert. I had dreamed of enjoying a Blizzard after treatment.

When I reached the five-year mark of being cancer-free, several friends and I celebrated at a restaurant. I took a pink tablecloth, pink confetti, and a pink balloon.

What small step of progress will you celebrate this week?

Those old days of crying at the beach until my head ached and my eyes were swollen are a faint memory. Now I have fun at the beach.

On a women’s retreat this month, a friend and I collected shells, chatted and laughed as we walked on the sand. Every time my roommate and I were in the room, we opened the door to hear the sound of the waves. We felt refreshed when we returned home.

I did find happiness, freedom and peace, but not overnight.

I laugh often and enjoy life far more than I ever imagined possible. You can too.

What do you need to change in your life? What will you do this week to start the process?

Yvonne Ortega is a licensed professional counselor, a bilingual professional speaker, and the author of Moving from Broken to Beautiful: 9 Life Lessons to Help You Move Forward (paperback, Kindle) and Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer (Kindle), both available at amazon.com/books. She not only survived but thrived after a domestic violence marriage, breast cancer and the loss of her only child. With honesty and humor, Yvonne uses personal examples and truths of the Bible to help women move from broken to beautiful. Find out more about Yvonne at her website.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of foto76 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.