A Two-Handled Handle on Truth

Pam Farrel offers a Graduation UPGRADE to help parents prepare students for life success with a two-handled "Handle on Truth." She begins with this formula:

God math: PLANT God’s Word + WATER with prayer = GROWTH of SUCCESS in Life!

I (Dawn) think that sounds like a good formula for success for anyone!

Pam continues . . .

In our book, 10 Best Decisions a Grad Can Make, we walk a grad through a simple process of PLANTing and WATERing God’s Truth in his or her life.

When we PLANT and WATER the seed of God’s Word in our heart, the Holy Spirit can get our attention and guide our future.  

The Spirit’s ability to lead and influence our lives is fed by our interaction of the Truth of God’s Word. It is like a seed that starts out small, but under the right conditions it will grow to be the key to future success.

(1) PLANT God’s Word into your life consistently.

P is for PROBE. Probing is a process.

Be “a worker … who correctly handles the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15).

This is the process of studying God’s Word so it makes sense to us. A simple way to have a quiet time would be Learning to use your VOWELS:

A pastor’s wife, who is a friend of mine, shared a simple system she learned from the Navigators while she was a student in college. It’s as easy as saying your vowels: A, E, I, O, U:

A—Ask questions. Read the verse and see if you can come up with 10 questions to ask of the text.

E—Emphasize. Find definitions for key words; look up meaning of key phrases. (You will need a dictionary or a Bible dictionary, and maybe a Bible Encyclopedia.)

I—In your own words. Rewrite a paraphrase of the verse or at least a piece of the passage into your own words.

O—Other references. Use cross-references to lead you to other verses, and/or use commentaries.

U—You! Choose a personal application. The sooner you can apply the verse the better!

L is for LISTEN. Yes, listen!

“Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ” (Romans 10:17).  

Hearing other people teach the Bible and relate how it is affecting their lives encourages growth in all of us.

A is for ACQUAINT. Acquaint yourself with scripture.

“He is to read it all the days of his life” (Deuteronomy 17:19).

There is no substitute for reading God’s Word consistently. Even a verse a day will help root a life in Christ.

N is for NAIL. Nail it down.

“I have hidden your word in my heart” (Psalm 119:11).

Post favorite verses on the mirror of your bathroom or listen to praise music for easy memorizing.

T is for THINK. Think it over.

"Blessed is the one … who meditates on [God’s] law day and night” (Psalm 1:2).

Ask questions to apply The Word: “How do I live this out?" and "How does this apply to my life?”

Bill and Pam Farrel's three strong and godly graduates!

(2) WATER your relationship with God through prayer.

W is for WAIT. Wait for God.

“The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children” (Romans 8:16).

Listen by saying, “God, you go first,” and then assume the thoughts that come to mind are what God wants to talk to you about.

A is for ACKNOWLEDGE. Acknowledge your sin to God.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

T is for THANK. Thank God!

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

E is for EXALT. Exalt God!

“Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name” (Psalm 103:1).

R is for REQUEST. Request of God.

“In every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6).

PLANTing and WATERing God’s Word ensures a life UPGRADE—that “future and a hope” for our launching kids—and ourselves!

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11, NIV).

Remember: God math: PLANT God’s Word + WATER with prayer = GROWTH of SUCCESS in Life!

Do you need to do some planting? Some watering?

Pam Farrel and her husband Bill are international speakers and the authors of 40 books on marriage, family and parenting including 10 Best Decisions a Grad Can Make and 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make. The Freshman Foundation is also an interactive set of dinner and dialogue questions to prepare a grad for college. Visit www.Love-wise.com.

Graphic adapted: Image courtesy of Keerati at FreeDigitalPhotos.net. 

Need to Upgrade Your Disposition?

A woman's disposition plays a big part in the atmosphere of her home. In this Relationship UPGRADE by Dawn Wilson, we'll look at how this is true.

Yes, a husband and children have parts to play too, but if you are a woman in a home full of people, your attitudes figure in as a big part in the nurturing atmosphere of your home.

Your attitudes can either resemble a dreary, gray day  –putting a damper on everything that goes on – or a sunny, cheerful day. Attitudes permeate all the relationships in the home and office. A disposition can have great influence for good or harm.

Parents will soon discover good attitudes are "caught" long before they are taught. And attitudes can sow seeds of destruction or strength in marriages too.

Years ago, I read this story* in the book Your Marriage–Duel or Duet? by Louis H. Evans:

A young man asked a Dr. Edwards for the hand of his daughter in marriage. Dr. Edwards refused–quite a setback for a young suitor. He said, "Why can I not marry your daughter? I love her."

Dr. Edwards replied, "I think you do."

"I can support her."

He replied, "I suppose you can."

"Then why can't I marry her?"

To this, Dr. Edwards answered, "My daughter has a miserable disposition--nobody could live with her and be happy."

To this the suitor replied with great gallantry, "But you know, Dr. Edwards, there is always the grace of God."

Dr. Edwards smiled and replied, "When you are as old as I am, young man, you will realize that the grace of God can live with some people that you can't live with!"

Evans commented, "... I wonder if the grace of God lives with anyone who cannot live with other people. Paul said, 'Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him' (Romans 8:9)."

What kind of disposition enhances the home and does not tear down relationships? The disposition that reflects the Spirit of Christ. We're instructed to pattern our lives after Him (Philippians 2:5-8). Jesus had a humble spirit. A loving and unselfish spirit. We observe His strength in scripture, but also His  peaceable, forgiving spirit. He lived according to the Word of God and the will of the Father (Matthew 4:4; John 4:34; 6:38).

God wants us to have a spirit that lives according to the truth of scripture rather than being driven by feelings.

Evans made this important observation:

"Why is it that some of us are so difficult to live with? Why are some women so short-tempered, so mean in disposition? Many times it lies in the fact that we are simply God-hungry."

It's easy for women to get God-hungry. Women today have so many roles. Sometimes inner resources dwindle as we try to nurture and encourage others or just keep up with all our responsibilities. In our busyness, we forget to nourish ourselves so we will have inner strength for the demands of life. 

We feed our souls with snacks–little spoonsful–when what we really need is large scoops of God's Word.

Does God need to change your disposition? When was the last time you lingered in the presence of God for strength and sustainance?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God(with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the Director of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author ofLOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

* Louis H. Evans, Your Marriage–Duel or Duet? (Spire Books, Fleming H. Revell, 1972), pp. 47, 49.

Use Your Words

In her books, Deb DeArmond explores relationships—what strengthens them and what breaks them down. In this Attitude/Relationship UPGRADE, she asks us to consider the power of what we say and how we say it.

“If you’re upset or need something, don’t whine or complain,” Deb says. “Use your words.”

Words. Like most writers, I (Dawn) love them. And I agree with Deb's assessment about their power in relationships.

Deb continues . . .

I raised three sons in a busy household. A kindergartner, a toddler and a newborn in one thousand square feet. It could be the best gig ever on good days and unbelievably defeating on bad ones. Missed naps could create crabby kids. Meltdowns were rare, but an empty peanut butter jar or a lost toy could push even the best behaved into tantrum territory.

Little has changed. Kids are the same today.

“Use your words,” is a phrase I hear directed at young ones with a cranky complaint delivered via non-verbal communication. Pouting, sulking, whining and crying seem to be among the favorite methods to express dissatisfaction with life in the moment.

I’m embarrassed to admit I avoid young families in the grocery store checkout line. It’s that “impulse” aisle—those candy and chewing gum infused shelves right at eye level for kids. It’s the perfect storm; a melee in the making.

I recently watched a sweet mom at church remind her three year old to “use your words if you want me to listen to you.” It made me wonder, does God ever feel that way about me?

Perhaps like you, I have my moments. Times I’ve needed a nap, or a meal or maybe a chill pill—times when my communication devolves to the toddler-toned whine or the full-blown tantrum. “I’m tired” or “I was upset,” are the excuses that accompany the inevitable apology.

God’s not impressed, but He’s faithful to forgive—and He’s equipped us to do better.

Consider:

1. Words are a gift.

The Lord’s given us the ability to express our fears, our hurts, our hopes, and concerns. Among His most valuable gifts (especially when feelings run high) is our voice. Our words.

Words are certainly an upgrade over the grunt or groan of the caveman. And James certainly agrees:

“A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it” (James 3:5, MSG).

2. Words are powerful.   

God spoke the worlds into existence. Our confession that Jesus is Lord transforms us into new creatures in Christ and changes our destiny forever.

3. Words matter.

Jesus is the living Word. His words in our mouths are the mightiest communication we can create. His words change circumstances.

When life is discouraging, disappointing or downright devastating, His words give us hope: "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13, NLT).

When financial issues pile on and the numbers don’t add up, declare His words, “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19, NIV).

I’ve always delighted in words. I love finding the right ones, the perfect turn of phrase to express delight or dismay. To praise or petition.

Turns out not only does our Abba Father listen to us, He provides us the perfect words.

His words.

“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path” (Psalm 119:105, NLT).

Powerful. Effective. Always successful.

“It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it” (Isaiah 55:11, NLT).

Now, that’s quite a promise!

When have you found that declaring God’s words made a difference in your home or other relationships?

Deb DeArmond’s passion is family—not just her own, but the relationships within families in general. Her book, Related by Chance, Family by Choice: Transforming the Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships explores tools and tips to building sound relationships between moms and the girls who marry their sons, and her new book, I Choose You Today, helps couples strengthen their marriages. Deb and her husband, Ron, live in the Fort Worth area. For more about Deb, visit her "Family Matters" site.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Upgrade Your Integrity

Pam Farrel is on a mission to help people grow with God’s truth and godly wisdom. In this Character UPGRADE, she focuses on the priority of integrity.

“Sin leaves a wake,” Pam says. “Behind every selfish action is a sea of hurt and pain.”

My (Dawn's) husband used to say, "It's not a matter of whether we're selfish, but rather how selfish we are." Selfishness can erode the strongest marriage!

Pam continues . . .

Bill and I are known as relationship specialists; experts on love and romance. This means is we need to live out our love! We need to make every effort to get along, work through issues, and give plenty of mercy and grace to protect our marriage.

Because our love—and yours—is about living and leaving a family legacy.

Protect Love and Legacy: the Bible tells us this is a priority:

“Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough? Clean out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump...” (1 Corinthians 5:6-7).

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

The “A Priority” is to guard our life and protect the gift of love God gave.

God will bless your choice to keep your vows:

“He who walks in integrity walks securely…” (Proverbs 10:9).

“He stores up sound wisdom for the upright; He is a shield to those who walk in integrity” (Proverbs 2:7).

“For the Lord is righteous, He loves righteousness; The upright will behold His face” (Psalm 11:7).

 “For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 84:11).

In my newest book, 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman: Success in Keeping It Together, I share that on my desk are several items to remind me that it pays to walk in integrity.

On my desk you’d find:

1. Photos of me with Bill as well as photos of our children, grandchildren, mentees, parents—all those whose lives I would undermine if I cheated on my vows.

2. A compass given to me by a wise mentor in leadership who said, “Let God’s voice be your compass”

3. All my Bibles. Looking at God’s Word all day, every day, reminds me to be in it—and to let it impact the way I live.

4. A barnacle attached to a stone as a reminder that a barnacle cannot live apart from the stone just as I cannot survive apart from Christ, the Rock of my Salvation.

5. A frame with verses about living with integrity visible on the front, and stories of the harmful wake others left when they wandered from Christ and His plan for committed love.

6. A heart paper weight to remind me to have a whole heart for God.

7. A figurine with an umbrella on it, reminding me that life is best when lived under what I call “God’s umbrella of blessing.”

“For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield” (Psalms 5:12).

8. A turtle, because if you see a turtle on a fence post you should ask, “How did that turtle get there?

Turtles can’t climb, so someone placed the turtle on high. In the same way, God gave each of us a legacy, a platform, so God can take us down a few notches—or elevate and bless us—depending on our choices. 

“Be humble in the Lord’s presence, and he will honor you” (James 4:10).

Integrity may not be easy—but it can be SIMPLE. Guard your heart, your life, your love and your legacy.

What will you place on your desk to remind you that “those that honor God, God honors”? (1 Samuel 2:30) 

Pam Farrel and her husband Bill, are international speakers and authors of 40 books including their two newest: 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman and 7 Simple Skills for Every Man, each designed to help a person, using simple skills, to create a life that he/she will love to live, and a way to love those in his/her life. Find them at www.Love-Wise.com, where they are helping people in all their most vital relationships by intersecting God’s wisdom with people’s desire to be loving. 

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of usamedeniz at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

When Women Wonder If They Can

In this Attitude UPGRADE, Liz Cowen Furman, an author and artist who also runs a motel in Wyoming, tells how she overcame her fear and blew the doors off their new business.

“I didn’t know the first thing about running a motel,” Liz said, “But I knew we had to make it work or lose it. I was determined to NOT QUIT.”  

Do you identify with her words, like I (Dawn) do? Have you ever had something God placed in your life and you wondered if you were up for the challenge?

Liz continues . . .

After several bad managers, our family decided that if we were going to keep the seasonal motel in the family, like my Father-in-love instructed before he passed, we were going to have to run it ourselves.

Actually, my husband has a career in Denver and the motel is in Dubois, Wyoming, near Yellowstone, so that meant I was going to run it—initially with the help of my three teenage sons.

In the four years since we started, we have grown 87 percent. Several things helped us to succeed.

1. Pray!

I prayed without ceasing that God would open doors for us to use the motel to glorify Him. I prayed our guests would feel as if they were visiting our home. And I asked others to pray.

One night, alone at the motel—other than our guests—I was particularly discouraged. Dave and the boys had gone home for school to start. Missing my family, I prayed for God to show me if we were really supposed to be running this motel in the summers.

Next morning, a guest hung around until everyone left and then asked, “Liz, do you have a minute? I seem to have come to a lonely, desperate place in my life. I took this trip to see if I could figure it out. If not, well then … I am thinking of ending it."

“I noticed last night that you have found hope through your faith in God," he said. "Can you share with me how you did it?”

Holy Smokes, I was so excited! It was as if the answer to my plea was answered by this man’s question. Purpose!

We make s’mores nightly with the guests. The water bubbles by and the fire crackles low—the perfect place for meaningful conversations.

It is a bit like being a bartender. Folks will share their life story.

2. Seek wisdom.

I am on a mission to learn how to do everything better.

With my degree in plumbing from YouTube (ha ha), the classes we have taken from Wyoming Small Business Administration, and the books I have read—you must read Andy Andrews’ The Traveler’s Gift and The Noticer—I am growing my knowledge of how to run a business, how to share my faith and how to trust God more.

3. Always be in motion.

It is amazing how much a person can get done when she doesn’t stop doing.

One day a fisherman asked, “Liz, I have been appointed by the regular guests to ask you a question, can I ask you now?”

“Shoot” I replied from the ladder where I was working on the gutters.

“Do you ever sleep?”

“What?” I said.

“Well, you are out here when we come out in the morning and when we go in to sleep. We just don’t think you ever stop.”

I laughed.

The days are long in the summer. I leave my home in Denver a size 12 and come home a size 8—another perk of running your own business.

Every spring I make a list and all summer I just do the next thing.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed (sometimes daily), I go back to the list and tell myself, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).

What has God put on your heart to do for Him? Will you persist without exception to get it done? Will you seek wisdom? Will you pray?

Liz Cowen Furman is an author, artist, encourager, mentor, teacher and speaker. Writing is like the balm of Gilead for Liz. When she is not working on a book, she is writing articles and blogging. She has published three books, is a member of AWSA (Advanced Writer Speaker Association) and a graduate of Christian Communicator’s Conference. She has written humor for The Christian Pulse magazine and for AWSA’s Suicide Blog. Liz’s new Bible Study, Trusting God in Everything: A Bible Study for Women Who Wonder If They Can, releases May 20, 2015. Find it on Amazon.