6 Ways to Grin When You'd Rather Grit Your Teeth!

I met Kathy Carlton Willis at a writer's conference and was so impressed with her life, not just her teaching. She shines for Jesus! And in this Attitude UPGRADE, she shares one way we reflect God's light  too.

"Most of us deal with situations that make us want to grit our teeth on a regular basis. Or at least bite our tongues!" Kathy says. "Here are six ways you can grin with grace instead."

I (Dawn) have watched Kathy endure trial after trial over the past several years and noticed how she smiles despite the circumstances. So I’m curious how she’s learned to grin with grace instead of grimace—which is our natural human tendency. Let’s see what she has to say.

Kathy continues . . .

As I sat down to write this piece for you, I started out as an “expert.” I’m the Grin with Grace gal. I’ve studied all the grace words in the Bible. Written a book. Put together a script and performed a 7-session DVD. I should know it all when it comes to grinning with grace, right?

But before I could even organize my thoughts for this article, I received a note that derailed me. Someone cancelling a commitment with almost no notice for me to come up with Plan B. And two days ago the surgeon told me I needed surgery. So I should be doing less, not more. Here’s a perfect opportunity for me to live what I teach—am I really going to grin with grace in this situation?

What often works for me is to laugh. Yes, laugh! It releases negative energy and helps me develop a healthy perspective on the situation. It acknowledges that the problem itself stinks, but it’s not the end of the world.

It’s temporary. I’ll get past this.

And who knows, the outcome might be even better because sometimes my Plan B is God’s Plan A all along.

So I want to share with you some of the words I found in Scripture that partner with grace to help us through life’s messes. And I’m certainly an expert in that—I tend to get in a lot of messes. Some of my own making. Some that I trip into backwards, never seeing the puddle before it’s too late.

Grace partners with glory, peace, mercy, kindness, eternal comfort, and wonderful hope. Each pairing is a vital life partnership.

How do we grow these virtues in our lives so that we’re prepared when a Life Mess happens? Oh—and it’s gonna’ happen!

#1 – Mercy

"Grace, mercy, and peace, which come from God the Father and from Jesus Christ—the Son of the Father—will continue to be with us who live in truth and love" (2 John 1:3 NLT).

Ask yourself these questions:

• How do I acquire God’s mercy in my life?
• Do I need to remind myself that it’s there for my everyday needs and not just for my salvation?
• How does tapping into God’s mercy in my life help me grow closer to Him?
• How does it empower me to provide mercy to others even when I don’t feel like it?

When you pair mercy with grace, you’re equipping yourself to grin despite the life mess going on around you.

#2 – Love 

(See 2 John 1:3.) Love is like a spring—it must continue to circulate. New love coming in (from God, from others, from self), and your love flowing out. If love doesn’t circulate, it stagnates.

How is love at work in your life right now, and how does it help you receive and deliver God’s grace? 

#3 – Truth

(See 2 John 1:3.) These six virtues that pair so well with grace aren’t merely self-help strategies. They are built on a foundation of truth. God’s Word is truth.

How can you know truth and trust truth more in your Christian walk now than before? Why is truth necessary to help you grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord?

#4 – Peace

"May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace" (1 Corinthians 1:3 NLT).

Peace seems to elude us when we need it most. Like in the middle of a Life Mess.

Why do we find it so difficult to experience God’s peace? What gets in the way of peace—worry, doubt, confusion, or chaos? All of these? How can you convince your heart and mind to believe the message of peace and receive its calm assurance? 

#5 – Comfort

"Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal comfort and a wonderful hope" (2 Thessalonians 2:16 NLT).

Jesus knows us well enough to know we need a Comforter—and that is why He promised not to leave us comfortless. It’s human nature to need the soothing reassurance of a nurturing presence, especially in the middle of a Life Mess.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Are there any areas in my life right now where I could use some extra comfort?
• What best helps me experience the soothing comfort of God’s grace?
• Does anything blind me from seeing the comfort He sends or hinder me from receiving it?

#6 – Hope

(See 2 Thessalonians 2:16.) Hope is vitally important to help us through our days. Even days filled with blessings still need hope . . . but those days filled with trials . . . I don’t need to explain why we need hope during our Life Messes!

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I tend to be a skeptical person or a hope-filled person?
• What sort of light at the end of the tunnel has helped me hold on to hope?
• What happens when I’m paralyzed in a funk of dark clouds, with no sign of light?
• How can I find hope enough for even those no-sign-of-light days?

In music, grace notes are melodic and compliment the rest of the musical score. All these traits that pair well with grace are like the harmony parts, but grace is the key. Play the musical notes of these six virtues, add in God’s grace notes, and see what song develops.

If that doesn’t make you grin with grace, it’s time for you to check your heart to make sure it’s still beating!

Which of these six virtues might help you grin when you'd rather grit your teeth?

Kathy Carlton Willis writes and speaks with a balance of funny and faith—whimsy and wisdom. Not many funny girls also have Bible degrees! Kathy’s a pastor’s wife, which gives her plenty of opportunities to grin with grace. She shines the light on issues that hold women back and inspires their own lightbulb moments. Almost a thousand of Kathy’s articles have been published in books, magazines, newspapers and online publications. Visit her website, and check out her latest project, the Grin with Grace Bible Study, published by AMG Publishers.

Article: ©2015, Modified Excerpt from Grin with Grace, AMG Publishers.

Graphic adapted: Image courtesy of Feelart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

8 Questions to Ask Before You Take on a New Task

All of us have to decide whether to take on more work, a new job, more responsibilities. In this Time Management UPGRADE by Dawn Wilson, we'll just call it a "new task."

Women are expected to be good multi-taskers, but we have to know our limits. And we can't compare our limits with others' limits!

Sometimes new tasks are blessings in disguise, and I'm glad I said "yes." Other times, new tasks take me over the top and I ask, "Why, oh why, did I agree to this?"

I used to struggle when I had to decide whether to take on a new task. Whenever I was faced with this kind of decision, I immediately thought:

• Will this get overwhelming?
  
• What does God think about this?
• What would Bob (my husband) say?
• Will this crowd out things I already think are important?
• Would someone else have more time or be better equipped?
• Would this be an opportunity I can't afford to miss—something I'd regret if I said "no"?
  

Every time I asked those questions, I had to ramp down strong emotions connected with them.

It's just the way I am. I tend to start hyperventilating—long childhood story I'll skip here—but the bottom line is, I don't want to be overwhelmed with responsibilities.

But actually, those immediate questions I had can be helpful if I'm driven to examine them before the Lord and with godly counsel from others. And I have to keep in mind: we're all different.  

We have different personalities and skill sets, and we tend to handle work loads in different ways.

What God asks/allows Suzy-Q to do may be totally different from what He asks/allows me to do. What might be a headache for her might be a total joy for me. Or vice versa!

Most of us are content with Plan A until Plan B comes along. Then we wonder if we should move to Plan B. Or choose Plan C — or a fresh combination of A and B.

So how do we determine whether to take on a new task?

I think there are some important questions to ask:

1. Have you seriously prayed about the new task?

James 1:5 says we can ask for direction from God. He delights in giving us His wisdom.

It helps to spread the matter before the Lord. We seek Him not only because we want His will and He knows what is best for us, but also because we need to hear ourselves "discussing" the task with Him. Sometimes when we "talk through" the issue, we hear the answer!

It also helps to lay out the pros and cons before the Lord. That doesn't mean He won't lead you to say "yes" even if there are some cons, but you need to see both sides clearly.

2. What do you think God is saying?

Is there any scriptural counsel? Is there something you need to study out before making the decision?

Proverbs 2:6 says, "For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding" God's Word can give fresh insights.

Once when I wasn't sure about a choice, I ended up studying the topic of "time management." Another time, I studied "patience."

3. How does this new task fit in with your roles in life?

What are your God-given roles? Are you a wife? Mom? Are you single? Each of these roles have built-in limitations ... and wonderful opportunities.

And what are your functional responsibilities? These will differ from woman to woman:  employee, employer, homemaker, caretaking daughter, older woman providing child care, Bible study leader, writer/speaker, etc.

4. If married, what is is your spouse's input about this new task?

How does your spouse think this new task will impact your home? If your partner is a Christ-follower, ask for prayer and specific input. If your partner isn't a believer, ask and listen anyway. Sometimes God gives unbelievers practical wisdom, especially the husband who takes his leadership seriously.

Note: If you are unmarried and/or work in an office, can you seek an employer's, co-worker's or friend's counsel?

5. How does this new task align with your personal goals?

Does it get you closer to your goals or further away? Do you need to step outside your comfort zone? Is there a new skill set you need to learn that might make this otherwise "iffy" task more attractive?

If not, are you willing to work for the required time in a task that has no other purpose than income? (But income might be an important issue!)

6. How does this fit into your priorities for the home?

Your home is important for many purposes: relationships, hospitality, ministry, as a practical picture of God or His provision to others, etc. Will this new task help with that?

Note: If you're working outside the home, how does the new task fit into the original job you were hired to do?

7. Do you need to let something else go in order to begin this task?

Would it be possible to delegate some things to create space for the new task?

8. Would you be able to keep your life in balance after taking on this task?

The quickest way to burnout is a life out of balance.

Think about a "task" decision you need to make and apply these questions. Seek wisdom for your choices with the goal of honoring God in all things (1 Corinthians 10:31; Romans 11:36), and ask clarifying questions.

Which of these questions helps you most in deciding whether to take on a new task?

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God (with Pam Farrel), and Upgrade with Dawn. She is the Director of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego). Dawn is the co-author of LOL with God and contributed "The Blessing Basket" in It's a God Thing. She and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Graphic Adapted, Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Supporting Friends Dealing with Infertility

Laurel Shaler writes with transparency and wisdom. In this positive Relationships UPGRADE, she encourages women who struggle with infertility.

“It’s tough to share about infertility,” Laurel says. “As a woman, it’s easy to think something is wrong with me … if children are a blessing to the Lord, why can’t I conceive? I can’t speak for everyone who goes through this journey, but I know having support from loved ones helps tremendously.”

As I (Dawn) have watched friends and loved ones deal with this painful topic, I know what Laurel says is true. This is not something people should go through alone. But most of us need help to understand how we can be supportive.

Laurel continues . . .

We may never know why some couples who long for a child are not able to conceive, but we do know that God is good. He is faithful. He can still bless us, and use us to bless others.

Infertility can be a thorn in the flesh, but we know that suffering leads to hope, and hope never disappoints (Romans 5:3-5).  

So, what do you need to know in order to support your friends who are dealing with infertility? Here are a few tips:

1. We are all different.

Our reactions are all different. Some couples who experience infertility are emotionally impacted when a friend announces a pregnancy or when attending a baby shower. Some don’t enjoy attending children’s birthday parties or working in the church nursery. I personally rejoice over all of this, but we are all different.

Be sensitive to your friends who are walking down this difficult path.

Be understanding when someone has a difficult time celebrating your pregnancy or attending your baby shower or child’s birthday party. (And, I also encourage those who are experiencing infertility to try and find the joy in those precious moments, and to rejoice with those who rejoice!)

2. Be cautious with your questions.

I have been asked all sorts of questions. Examples include:

• Are you going to have children?
• When are you going to have children?
• Have you considered adoption?
• Are you trying to have children?
• Are you doing anything to prevent pregnancy?
• What about IVF?

I am sure some of these questions are based simply on curiosity, while others are pretty personal. It is always surprising to me when someone asks questions that are actually related to my intimate life.

To be quite frank, none of this is anyone’s business. It is very likely that if you are close enough with someone, they will share some of this with you.

Please be cautious with your questions and allow your friends to share with you what they want to share in their own time.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

You may think you know someone’s story. You may think you know why someone doesn’t have any children. The fact is you may not know the whole story.

I have had a number of friends who experienced secondary infertility. Since they already had one child, people would frequently question when they would have more children—not knowing they had either experienced miscarriages or that they were unable to conceive again. Infertility is not just experienced by childless couples.

God has a different plan for every couple. How can you show God’s love, pray for your friends, and be there to support those facing infertility?

Dr. Laurel Shaler is a licensed social worker and nationally certified counselor. She is a faculty member at Liberty University, and is in the process of adopting with her husband, Lt. Nicholas Shaler. Visit her website: www.drlaurelshaler.com

4 Steps to Contentment

Lina Abujamra, a pediatric ER doctor, wrote a powerful book for singles, and in this Attitude UPGRADE, she helps singles deal with discontentment. But there’s a message here for all of us!

“I like to fix things,” Lina says. “Give me a problem and I’ll give you a solution.”

I (Dawn) think most women are “fixers” at heart—part of that nurturing trait God gives us. I love how Lina uses scripture to help us “fix” a serious spiritual problem.

Lina continues . . .

Fixing things isn’t unusual for an ER doctor, and the more I read about Paul’s approach to life, the more I am convinced he’d be a great fit in the ER too.

In 1 Corinthians 7:17-24, Paul moves from the problem of discontentment to give us four simple steps for developing an attitude of contentment.

Here’s how:

1. It’s a matter of OBEDIENCE.

Consider 1 Corinthians 7:17, 24: “Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him . . . So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.”

Paul isn’t suggesting contentment as an option. He uses the active verb “let” to strongly point to the necessity of exercising our will in this matter. The verb let means “to make” or “to cause to.” Contentment is not simply a suggestion.

Accept the life that God has called you to. If you’re married, be married. If you’re single be single. But whatever you do, put your heart and mind into it and actively embrace it by faith.

God cares about your obedience. When you embrace the attitude of contentment, you are willfully showing your obedience to the Lord. It is an attitude that is based not on your circumstances being what you desire them to be, but on what the Lord has provided for you today.

2. It’s a matter of ACCEPTANCE.

I like to say it another way—want what you have. We’re so much like Eve, with closets full of stuff, but always yearning for the one thing we don’t have.

Eve had no contentment despite all God had given her. She went after the one thing she didn’t have and fell strait into the pit of sin. The only way out was God’s saving grace.

If you’re living your life with a nagging desire for the one thing you don’t have, maybe it’s time you call it what it is—sin—and confess it right now. Ask the Lord to forgive you and give you the grace to embrace the life He’s called you to live.

3. It’s a Matter of WORSHIP.

It’s time for a perspective check. This God we call “Father” is the One who called the world into existence. He is bigger than your biggest imagination of Him He is higher than your highest thoughts of Him.

He is also the God who has called you to your life as you know it. I know this to be true because God repeats different forms of the word called seven times in 1 Corinthians 7:17-24.

Your singleness is not a mistake. It is God’s plan for your life today.

Will you choose to exalt God for who He is? Will you worship Him no matter what? When you do that, you will find that contentment will come a bit easier and more naturally for you.

4. It’s a matter of ENDURANCE.

In 1 Corinthians 7:20 and 24, Paul instructs us to “remain.” To remain means to stay. To stay, when you feel like leaving, is not always easy. It takes mental toughness and spiritual tenacity … eyes focused upward … determination … grit. It takes the Lord standing by your side—which is why I love Paul’s whisper to us at the end of verse 24: “remain with God.”

With God makes all the difference. With God frees you to be who you were meant to be. With God is the answer to all your fear.

God’s presence with you is how you can remain when you feel like moving. God’s presence near you is how you can rejoice when you feel like crying. God’s presence with you is how you can remain content in the calling God has given you.

Contentment is satisfaction with God’s sufficient provision. He is adequate to meet all of your needs.

Which of these four steps to contentment would make you a more content person today—whether you are single or married?

Lina AbuJamra is a Pediatric ER doctor, author, and speaker. Her passion is to apply her life-saving, decision-making, and hope-giving skills from the Emergency Room to rescue and recover people from spiritually deadly situations. She has written two books:  Thrive: The Single Life as God Intended, and Stripped: When God’s Call Turns from Yes to Why Me? You can connect with her daily at livingwithpower.org.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of anankkml at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Out with the Ick, In with the Peace

As a writer, I’ve often wished I could exchange brains with witty, truth-gritty Rhonda Rhea. She says more with 15 minutes of humor than most people spout in an hour. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, Rhonda explains how a decluttered mind can help us grow in peace.

“O, they tell me of an unclouded brain!” Rhonda says. “How can I exchange brain clutter for peace?”

An unclouded brain. An uncluttered brain. I (Dawn) would like either one! Too much brain fog lately! Help me, Rhonda!

Rhonda continues…

I had a wrestling match with my vacuum recently. It was doing that wimpy-clean thing—you know, where you have to get down on your hands and knees and hand-feed it every little fuzz ball?

If I’m going to do that, I might as well not have a vacuum cleaner. I could just pick up the fuzz and throw it in the trash myself, right?

A vacuum that’s lost all its “suck-ocity” is not worth much. So I got the thing in a headlock to find the problem.

Hey, why are the contents of a vacuum cleaner always gray? It doesn’t matter what color your carpet is. Doesn’t matter what color dirt you’ve tracked in. The vacuum dirt is always gray. What is that?

Every once in a while I kind of wonder if I lost my mind, then vacuumed it up.

Amongst the disgusting gray matter, I found a problematic little lump of sock. Then there was that piece of string. While I call it a string, it was more like a length of yarn that could’ve been an entire sweater in another life.

I was also surprised to find what I thought was a loofa. But then I realized it was just a bunch of those little plastic fishing-line-like connectors that attach price tags to things. Who knew they could find each other inside the dark recesses of the vacuum and form their own little solar system? Weird.

At least it gave me a little reminder. When we let our minds suck up the wrong things, we can’t expect them to work the way they’re supposed to either.

We need to stay alert to emptying out the dirt clods and to filling our minds with thoughts that feed our spirits and grow our faith.

Negative, evil thoughts will find each other in the dark recesses of our minds.

And they multiply.

The next thing you know, you find yourself with a solar-system-sized problem in your thought life.

There’s so much garbage available to us. On the Internet, TV, movies, magazines—it’s accessible at every turn of the head. If we let our minds continually suck up trashy junk, we shouldn’t be surprised when we have difficulty walking out our faith-life well.

It’s not just a matter of emptying our minds. No one wants to stay empty-headed.

We don’t want our minds filled with mere fluff either.

It’s about filling our minds well. Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8-9 what we’re to feed on: 

 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

There’s a lot less wrestling with our minds when we fill them with the right things.

Less wrestling, more peace. As a matter of fact, that passage doesn’t simply say we’ll experience great peace, it tells us that the God of peace Himself will be “with” us. Remembering His presence makes all the difference.

And as far as the vacuum is concerned, I think it’ll make a difference there if I clean the thing out a little more often. Pretty sure I found a gerbil. Even though we’ve never had one.

Ready to de-clog, getting rid of anything cluttering up your mind and stealing away your peace?

Rhonda Rhea is a humor columnist and the author of 10 nonfiction books, including Espresso Your Faith and Join the Insanity—Crazy-Fun Life in the Pastors’ Wives Club. She also coauthors fiction with her daughter, Kaley Faith Rhea. Their first novel, Turtles in the Road, releases this fall with two more completed and coming soon. Rhonda speaks at conferences and events all over the country and she and her daughters host the TV show, That’s My Mom, for Christian Television Network’s KNLJ airing in mid-Missouri.

Article adapted from Espresso Your Faith: 30 Shots of God’s Word to Keep You Focused on Christ.