Finding Peace When Regret Cripples Your Heart

Dianne Barker is a positive author with a caring heart. In this Biblical Perspective UPGRADE, she reminds us where our peace comes from when our hearts are filled with regrets.

Dianne asks, "Are you looking back on what appears to be a colossal failure?"

I (Dawn) think we all have them—regrets about our failures. But we don't have to let regrets settle into our hearts. God made a way to confident peace, and Dianne helps us understand how that can change us.

Dianne continues . . .

Looking back on failure thrusts me into a reflective mood:

• wondering where I messed up,
• how I could have made better decisions, and
• what else I could have done to get the desired result.

The cliché hindsight is 20/20 is on target.

Sadly, we don’t have hindsight when we need it—BEFORE the colossal failure.

When it does show up, we beat and blame ourselves for not handling matters better, crying, "If only!"

A friend’s wise words helped me move beyond crippling regret.

I had arrived at our Bible study feeling discouraged and defeated after giving an angry response to someone I loved. Now my friend and I would teach other women about the Christ-filled life.

Feeling like a failure, I shared the situation with my co-leader, Amy, a precious and godly young woman who loved me unconditionally. 

She knew my angry response was out of character and that I would make amends. But at this moment, I needed to move beyond the incident and focus on the lesson.

With eyes communicating love and concern, she said,

“'Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.' If something happened five minutes ago, it’s behind.”

Learning to apply Philippians 3:13 in such a practical way changed me.

Our amazing minds do not forget, but we can choose to put a matter out of mind.

The top two reasons to forget the past: 

• It wasn’t very good.
• It’s unchangeable.

Why do we continue thinking about a disappointment that caused hurt? It’s past… unchangeable.

If we don’t put it out of mind, failure will rob our peace and joy going forward.

Maybe you had a colossal failure in a relationship. Maybe you made a devastating personal choice.

Here's how I've learned to deal with regrets:

1. Run to Jesus and confess the failure.

2. Accept His forgiveness.

3. Seek His wisdom and go in His strength to make amends, if amends are required. (Sometimes the issue is mine only).

4. Choose to put the incident out of mind and go forward giving praise to the Lord.

Our Enemy loves to berate us, reminding us of failure and pouring on regret.

Friend, it is past! Forgiven!

Actively trust in God's forgiveness, release the past to His grace, and surrender your life to walk in obedience.

King David had a colossal failure. Remember the Bathsheba-Uriah incident? He suffered unthinkable consequences for his poor judgment, but he confessed and received God’s forgiveness and blessing.

Let 1 Kings 15:5 encourage you:

“because David did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and did not turn aside from anything that he commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.” 

Is there a colossal failure you need to get past? When the Enemy pours on regret, how can embracing what God's Word says about intentionally "forgetting" your past—your regrets—give you peace?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host, and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Word Weavers International. Visit her blog for more information. www.diannebarker.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Foundry Co at Pixabay.

Arise from Your Past Season and Shine

Joanie Shawhan speaks truth into lives to help people see real change. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she invites us to move past our past and into a shining future.

"It was time," Joanie says, "to organize, pitch, and clean!"

When I (Dawn) first read that, I thought this would be an Organization UPGRADE. But Joanie had something far more important in mind.

Joanie continues . . .

The disarray of my physical environment was interfering with my productivity.

I’d start a writing project, but I couldn’t maintain my focus. So, I stuffed garbage bags with stacks of mail and magazines, deleted thousands of emails, shredded paper, and rearranged closets.

But decluttering my physical surroundings fell short of resolving my lack of productivity.

Maybe I needed to declutter another area.

My inner life.

Sometimes we need to arise from the dust of memories that trap and imprison us in the past.

We dwell on a history we cannot change. But Isaiah 52:2 tells us to arise and shake off the dust and remove the chains of slavery from our necks.

My word for this year is arise.

In order to walk in freedom, we need to arise and sweep away the ashes of lost dreams, disappointments, and hurts that have enslaved us and prevented us from walking in God’s best.

It’s Time to Arise FROM:

1. Regrets

We all have regrets, but occasionally we get trapped in a cycle of regret—the what-ifs.

But at the end of the cycle, our history remains unchanged. We can forgive and commit those painful events to God and receive his healing and forgiveness.

2. Failures

All of us experience failure. But if we focus on what we can learn from those experiences, we can move on.

3. Offenses

Holding onto offenses turns our focus from God, imprisoning us in a cell of unforgiveness.

Forgiveness sets us free and places the offender in God’s hands.

4. Bitterness

Bitterness can be sneaky, raising its ugly head through snarky comments, jealousy, and gossip.

We can dig out the roots of bitterness through repentance and make space for what God wants to grow. 

5. Wrong mindsets or attitudes

We can transform our minds by replacing the lies we believe about ourselves, others, and God with the truth of God’s word.

Even the apostle Paul knew the importance of letting go. He said,

One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. (Philippians 3:13 NKJV)

When we leave behind the trappings of the past, we are free to arise and walk in the present purpose and calling of God.

It’s Time to Arise TO:

1. A new level of intimacy with Jesus

We become more sensitive to the Lord’s voice in worship, scripture meditation, and prayer.

Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away (Song of Solomon 2:13 ESV).

2. Believe

Believe the truth of God’s Word.  

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free (John 8:32 NIV).

3. Thanksgiving

Gratitude arises when we are unshackled from the chains that bind us. 

He… broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
(Psalm 107:14-15 NIV).

4. Speak

Whether we speak, write, or share our testimonies, we are called to offer hope to those he has placed within our sphere of influence.

Therefore prepare yourself and arise, and speak to them all that I command you (Jeremiah 1:17 NKJV). 

5. New opportunities

When we let go of the past, we are free to move into the plans and purposes of God, fully confident of His goodness and his direction.  

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV).

We experience a greater presence of the Lord in our lives when we release past hurts, mistakes, and disappointments to God. Instead of focusing on our pain, we are free to walk in the plans and purposes of God.

Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

(Isaiah 60:1 NIV)

Where is God speaking "ARISE" to you?

Joanie Shawhan is an ovarian cancer survivor, registered nurse, speaker, and author of In Her Shoes: Dancing in the Shadow of Cancer. Her blogs and radio and television interviews can be found on her website: www.joanieshawhan.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Tyler Nix at Unsplash.

Finding the Fruit in Your Failures

Mary James’ ministry is a combination of strength and vulnerability. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she helps us deal with the “failures” in our lives from a godly perspective.

 “Perfect love casts out all fear,” Mary says, “but it is only God’s love that is truly perfect.”

Do you struggle with feelings of failure, believing the enemy’s lies? I (Dawn) rejoice in the truth: I am“accepted in the beloved” (Ephesians 1:6) and the Father receives me in Christ with perfect love.

Mary continues . . .

I’ve worked hard at my craft over the years, but those moments still come along that make me want to cringe: a slightly pitchy note, misspelled word, bad wardrobe choice, an incomplete thought or point.

This is completely normal, but it seems like the biggest bloopers occur when I am in front of the largest crowds. Anyone else? I suppose that is why public speaking and singing is such a huge fear for most people. It comes with great risk to the ego. 

I had an experience recently where “it” happened again…the blooper…well, bloopers actually. 

If it was “American Idol,” it would have been my final week.

Every ounce of me wanted to deliver my songs with the utmost of excellence, but it just didn't happen. From my perspective, I let the people down who trusted me with the task.  

Can any good come out of the moments in our lives or careers when we feel like nothing more than a failure? I believe so, if we are willing to wait on God before deciding we have run our last race.     

Over the last 15 years of ministry, there have been times when I over promised and under delivered—and vice versa. Each experience provided an opportunity to learn from the One who made my appointments in the first place. 

The internal and external critics can be deafening, but God always has the final say. 

It’s probably a little different for everyone, but there are several valuable truths that have helped me rise above the inner critic and the competitive nature of society.   

1. Take responsibility.

No one has more skin in the game than you do, so ultimately you must take full responsibility for your own growth or professional development. Whether it’s a blog, a book or a performance that falls flat, the question should always be, “What can I do to improve my craft when the next assignment comes along?”  

The comforting part is, if what you are engaged in is God’s will for your life, there will be another assignment. Watch, listen, and critique your efforts so you can become the best edition of yourself you can be. 

2. Ask, “Is my name on it?”

Though I “bloopered” that public performance and understand how to do a better job next time, it was not exactly in line with my ministry passion. Yet by walking through that door, I was able to see (once again) that not everything is a fit. And that is OK.  

I heard Christine Caine say recently, “I’ve reached a point where I don’t want to do anything that doesn’t have my name on it.” How true it is. This is where I need to be comfortable saying “no” from time to time.

3. Keep your eyes upon the Father. 

As I went forward to sing for the final time at the event—while blushing and fearful of messing up again—I suddenly got this picture of my heavenly Father calling me over to Him and saying,

"Mary, come near. Sit on my knee and please sing me that lovely song once more. I love to hear that voice I gave you." 

It occurred to me, perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18), but it is only His love that is truly perfect.  

If I take my eyes off the Lord and look to others for approval, it’s astonishing how quickly I can enter a place of fear. It is no surprise how quickly one can sink.

To the Lord, my song was sweet and imperfect and beautiful.

Within my error and anxiety, He showed me what perfect love looks like.

No experience or endeavor is one dimensional. There is much to be given, learned and received at every opportunity.

We need to grow, seek excellence, and make choices that align with our giftings, but I will say this: after 15 years of working hard, honing my craft, struggling with confidence and praying that God would bring forth a harvest from my branches, the gift (understanding) I received through that picture (visual) of me of sitting on my Father’s knee—singing to Him—is what I would deem the greatest of successes. Nothing earned, just a gentle and victorious reminder of His grace and unmerited favor.   

It’s a profound truth that if practiced will allow me to take a deep breath and simply enjoy the music.

Remember, well-formed love—God’s love—will cast out all our fears.

The fruit of our labor is not always found in how we impact others, but in how God is growing us so that we can most effectively draw others to His knee.

Failures, though never welcome, can be the very thing God uses to remind us of what matters most to Him.   

Have you taken your eyes off of Him Beloved? I trust He is waiting to hear your beautiful song as well.

Mary James is a Christian Artist, Worship Leader, speaker and writer. Through her soul-stirring music, adoption-prodigal story and transparent, biblically-centered messages, Mary is devoted to helping the broken find love, healing and abundant life through Christ. Since entering ministry, she has appeared at events with leading Bible teachers such as Dr. David Jeremiah, Kay Arthur, Sheila Walsh, Shannon Ethridge and many others. She has been recognized on a national level as a three-time Inspirational Country Music Female Vocalist of the Year and is the President of Mary James Ministries, Inc.    

Graphic, adapted from StockSnap.io.

He Came for Failures

Lynn Mosher's writing consistently motivates reflection. She encourages people to make changes so their lives glorify God - and isn't that what Upgrade is all about?

"I grieve when I fail the Lord," she says, "when my obedience lacks its first response."

Oh, how I get that. We all fail God. But I'm so glad Lynn doesn't leave us to linger in our sorrow over sin and failure.

She continues ...

But then I remember it was for failures that Christ graced a rough-hewn manger. It was for failures that He breathed His last earthly breath as He hung in disgrace for the failings of the world.

It was to a failure, one who penned the precious psalms that touch our hearts in time of need and, yet, as a man after God’s own heart, sinned and ripped apart his fellowship with the Lord, then repented and repaired it.

It was to a failure, one who had denied Christ three times, that the command of “feed My sheep” was given.

It was to a failure that Jesus gave His first greeting in the Garden of Gethsemane on that initial Easter morn.

It was to a failure who had been the foremost despiser of believers, yet became one of the greatest servants of the Gospel, the Lord blessing his ministry and his writings for all time.

I think, no, I know my greatest failure is to not give the Christ-child a place to live in my heart, in my circumstances, in all my life.

He came…

As Mary lovingly swaddled the future Sacrifice of the world, she placed Him in a trough, and there, the miracle of the manger took place: the empty manger, the vessel cradling the tiny body of mankind’s salvation, became full - full of love, full of expectation, full of holiness, and full of humanity.

With only the joyous display of heavenly praises from angels, He came, confined by the boundaries of time and limitations of a physical body.

…for failures, He came.

For me, He came. For you, He came.

But where does He go to be born and live today? In the hearts of believers.

“How silently, how silently the wondrous Gift is given!

So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of His heaven.

No ear may hear His coming, but in this world of sin,

Where meek souls will receive Him still, the dear Christ enters in.” *

Have you offered the manger of your heart to cradle the birth of the Babe of salvation? Or are you as the innkeeper, turning away the Saviour of the world, telling Him that you have no room for Him, that your “inn” is full? Do you then miss the miracle of the manger?

God still seeks His mangers … hearts willing to hold Him.

For you ...

He came!

Does your heart have room for Jesus?

Lynn Mosher lives with her hubby (since 1966) in their Kentucky nest, emptied of three chicklets and embraced three giggly grand-chicklets and an inherited dog. Lynn’s passion is to encourage others and glorify the Lord with her writing. Stop by for a refill at her website, Heading Home, lynnmosher.com.

* Christmas song quoted: Third verse of “O Little Town of Bethlehem”