Finding Peace When Regret Cripples Your Heart

Dianne Barker is a positive author with a caring heart. In this Biblical Perspective UPGRADE, she reminds us where our peace comes from when our hearts are filled with regrets.

Dianne asks, "Are you looking back on what appears to be a colossal failure?"

I (Dawn) think we all have them—regrets about our failures. But we don't have to let regrets settle into our hearts. God made a way to confident peace, and Dianne helps us understand how that can change us.

Dianne continues . . .

Looking back on failure thrusts me into a reflective mood:

• wondering where I messed up,
• how I could have made better decisions, and
• what else I could have done to get the desired result.

The cliché hindsight is 20/20 is on target.

Sadly, we don’t have hindsight when we need it—BEFORE the colossal failure.

When it does show up, we beat and blame ourselves for not handling matters better, crying, "If only!"

A friend’s wise words helped me move beyond crippling regret.

I had arrived at our Bible study feeling discouraged and defeated after giving an angry response to someone I loved. Now my friend and I would teach other women about the Christ-filled life.

Feeling like a failure, I shared the situation with my co-leader, Amy, a precious and godly young woman who loved me unconditionally. 

She knew my angry response was out of character and that I would make amends. But at this moment, I needed to move beyond the incident and focus on the lesson.

With eyes communicating love and concern, she said,

“'Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.' If something happened five minutes ago, it’s behind.”

Learning to apply Philippians 3:13 in such a practical way changed me.

Our amazing minds do not forget, but we can choose to put a matter out of mind.

The top two reasons to forget the past: 

• It wasn’t very good.
• It’s unchangeable.

Why do we continue thinking about a disappointment that caused hurt? It’s past… unchangeable.

If we don’t put it out of mind, failure will rob our peace and joy going forward.

Maybe you had a colossal failure in a relationship. Maybe you made a devastating personal choice.

Here's how I've learned to deal with regrets:

1. Run to Jesus and confess the failure.

2. Accept His forgiveness.

3. Seek His wisdom and go in His strength to make amends, if amends are required. (Sometimes the issue is mine only).

4. Choose to put the incident out of mind and go forward giving praise to the Lord.

Our Enemy loves to berate us, reminding us of failure and pouring on regret.

Friend, it is past! Forgiven!

Actively trust in God's forgiveness, release the past to His grace, and surrender your life to walk in obedience.

King David had a colossal failure. Remember the Bathsheba-Uriah incident? He suffered unthinkable consequences for his poor judgment, but he confessed and received God’s forgiveness and blessing.

Let 1 Kings 15:5 encourage you:

“because David did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and did not turn aside from anything that he commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.” 

Is there a colossal failure you need to get past? When the Enemy pours on regret, how can embracing what God's Word says about intentionally "forgetting" your past—your regrets—give you peace?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host, and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Word Weavers International. Visit her blog for more information. www.diannebarker.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Foundry Co at Pixabay.

Upgrade Your Fall by Falling into Him

Engaging and wise, Morgan Farr writes about biblical womanhood, homemaking and Christian living. She wants women to fall in love with the Lord. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, she helps us deal with things that feel out of our control.

“The season of fall is a beautiful thing,” Morgan says. “The falling feeling of failure isn’t.”

Oh, I (Dawn) know that feeling. It's like spiraling down a deep hole and wondering if I'll ever get to the surface again!

Morgan continues . . .

If you’ve been in the grocery stores recently you might have noticed that celebrating fall is in full swing.  Although the first day of fall isn’t until September 22, if you are anything like me you have probably already started decorating for the what is arguably the best season all year round. 

I recently moved from North Carolina where the spectacle of the changing seasons were just breathtaking.

There is something majestic about watching the sun break through the morning mist and sprinkle the multicolored leaves with golden light. When the show starts, I watch the leaves fall to the ground and I admire the patterns, colors, and shapes.

My boys are even picking up on the tradition, bringing me leaves with interesting marks or of notable size.  

Most people associate fall with gratitude, family, and just general warm feelings, and I think that is fabulous. Fall is definitely the time when I can see God everywhere I look. When the maroon, orange, and brown decorations come out I want to remember that the original idea behind these hues came from God. His conglomerate of rust tones and golden yellows are just a glimpse of His incredible power and provision.

As a military wife, I can tell you that I cling to the idea of God’s authority in all things.

Oftentimes this life comes with things beyond my control, things that make me feel like one of the leaves falling uncontrolled from the sky.  

This year I am going to fight against that falling feeling by remembering three things: 

1. I need a Christ-centered community to help with the falling feeling! 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says,

“Two people are better than one because together they have a good reward for their hard work. If one falls, the other can help his friend get up. But how tragic it is for the one who is all alone when he falls.There is no one to help him get up. Again, if two people lie down together, they can keep warm, but how can one person keep warm? Though one person may be overpowered by another, two people can resist one opponent. A triple-braided rope is not easily broken.”

We need to be in regular and constant community with fellow believers in order to help one another when that falling feeling comes around.

I am not talking about going to a brick and mortar ”church” building. I mean that we need an Ekklesia—a gathering of true believers dedicated to growing in Christ Jesus.

We need a community that will call one another out in our sins, pray for us in our tribulations, and encourage us in our daily walk.  

2. God is there when I feel that falling feeling!

“I was pushed hard, so that I was falling, but the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation” (Psalm 118:13-14).

God knows when things are hard.

He understands the frustration of my two year old’s tantrums and the exhaustion of my one year old that won't sleep through the night. He knows when I feel like I am falling, failing, and need His help.

All I have to do is lean into Him. He will give me strength to endure the current trials and to stand firm before them.

3. God will pick me up when I do fall!

Psalm 145:14 says, “The LORD helps the fallen and lifts those bent beneath their loads.”

Sometimes I will fall, that is the reality of living in a sinful and broken world. However, that isn’t the end.

Failure is not the end of the story.

Each year the trees shed the old leaves to make way for the new ones. God knows the load I carry, the burden that I am under. When I stumble, Christ can make something wonderful out of every fall. I only have to allow Him to do so.

The fall season is my favorite time of year because it helps me to remember to focus on the important things.

It's true. Oftentimes this life comes with things beyond our control. Fight against that "falling" feeling.

What can you do this year to help you remember God is there during your falling feelings? How can you help those around you when they feel like they are falling?

Morgan Farr is an Army wife currently stationed in San Diego, California. with her wonderful husband Brian and their two sons. Morgan is a homemaker who dedicates her free time to ministering to other military wives through Bible studies, food, and physical training. Morgan writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood at The Forgiven Former Feminist and you can find her fitness training and nutrition programs at Farr Functional Fitness.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Graham-H, Pixabay.