Finding Peace When Regret Cripples Your Heart

Dianne Barker is a positive author with a caring heart. In this Biblical Perspective UPGRADE, she reminds us where our peace comes from when our hearts are filled with regrets.

Dianne asks, "Are you looking back on what appears to be a colossal failure?"

I (Dawn) think we all have them—regrets about our failures. But we don't have to let regrets settle into our hearts. God made a way to confident peace, and Dianne helps us understand how that can change us.

Dianne continues . . .

Looking back on failure thrusts me into a reflective mood:

• wondering where I messed up,
• how I could have made better decisions, and
• what else I could have done to get the desired result.

The cliché hindsight is 20/20 is on target.

Sadly, we don’t have hindsight when we need it—BEFORE the colossal failure.

When it does show up, we beat and blame ourselves for not handling matters better, crying, "If only!"

A friend’s wise words helped me move beyond crippling regret.

I had arrived at our Bible study feeling discouraged and defeated after giving an angry response to someone I loved. Now my friend and I would teach other women about the Christ-filled life.

Feeling like a failure, I shared the situation with my co-leader, Amy, a precious and godly young woman who loved me unconditionally. 

She knew my angry response was out of character and that I would make amends. But at this moment, I needed to move beyond the incident and focus on the lesson.

With eyes communicating love and concern, she said,

“'Forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.' If something happened five minutes ago, it’s behind.”

Learning to apply Philippians 3:13 in such a practical way changed me.

Our amazing minds do not forget, but we can choose to put a matter out of mind.

The top two reasons to forget the past: 

• It wasn’t very good.
• It’s unchangeable.

Why do we continue thinking about a disappointment that caused hurt? It’s past… unchangeable.

If we don’t put it out of mind, failure will rob our peace and joy going forward.

Maybe you had a colossal failure in a relationship. Maybe you made a devastating personal choice.

Here's how I've learned to deal with regrets:

1. Run to Jesus and confess the failure.

2. Accept His forgiveness.

3. Seek His wisdom and go in His strength to make amends, if amends are required. (Sometimes the issue is mine only).

4. Choose to put the incident out of mind and go forward giving praise to the Lord.

Our Enemy loves to berate us, reminding us of failure and pouring on regret.

Friend, it is past! Forgiven!

Actively trust in God's forgiveness, release the past to His grace, and surrender your life to walk in obedience.

King David had a colossal failure. Remember the Bathsheba-Uriah incident? He suffered unthinkable consequences for his poor judgment, but he confessed and received God’s forgiveness and blessing.

Let 1 Kings 15:5 encourage you:

“because David did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and did not turn aside from anything that he commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite.” 

Is there a colossal failure you need to get past? When the Enemy pours on regret, how can embracing what God's Word says about intentionally "forgetting" your past—your regrets—give you peace?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host, and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Word Weavers International. Visit her blog for more information. www.diannebarker.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Foundry Co at Pixabay.

Upgrade Your Fall by Falling into Him

Engaging and wise, Morgan Farr writes about biblical womanhood, homemaking and Christian living. She wants women to fall in love with the Lord. In this Spiritual Life UPGRADE, she helps us deal with things that feel out of our control.

“The season of fall is a beautiful thing,” Morgan says. “The falling feeling of failure isn’t.”

Oh, I (Dawn) know that feeling. It's like spiraling down a deep hole and wondering if I'll ever get to the surface again!

Morgan continues . . .

If you’ve been in the grocery stores recently you might have noticed that celebrating fall is in full swing.  Although the first day of fall isn’t until September 22, if you are anything like me you have probably already started decorating for the what is arguably the best season all year round. 

I recently moved from North Carolina where the spectacle of the changing seasons were just breathtaking.

There is something majestic about watching the sun break through the morning mist and sprinkle the multicolored leaves with golden light. When the show starts, I watch the leaves fall to the ground and I admire the patterns, colors, and shapes.

My boys are even picking up on the tradition, bringing me leaves with interesting marks or of notable size.  

Most people associate fall with gratitude, family, and just general warm feelings, and I think that is fabulous. Fall is definitely the time when I can see God everywhere I look. When the maroon, orange, and brown decorations come out I want to remember that the original idea behind these hues came from God. His conglomerate of rust tones and golden yellows are just a glimpse of His incredible power and provision.

As a military wife, I can tell you that I cling to the idea of God’s authority in all things.

Oftentimes this life comes with things beyond my control, things that make me feel like one of the leaves falling uncontrolled from the sky.  

This year I am going to fight against that falling feeling by remembering three things: 

1. I need a Christ-centered community to help with the falling feeling! 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says,

“Two people are better than one because together they have a good reward for their hard work. If one falls, the other can help his friend get up. But how tragic it is for the one who is all alone when he falls.There is no one to help him get up. Again, if two people lie down together, they can keep warm, but how can one person keep warm? Though one person may be overpowered by another, two people can resist one opponent. A triple-braided rope is not easily broken.”

We need to be in regular and constant community with fellow believers in order to help one another when that falling feeling comes around.

I am not talking about going to a brick and mortar ”church” building. I mean that we need an Ekklesia—a gathering of true believers dedicated to growing in Christ Jesus.

We need a community that will call one another out in our sins, pray for us in our tribulations, and encourage us in our daily walk.  

2. God is there when I feel that falling feeling!

“I was pushed hard, so that I was falling, but the LORD helped me. The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation” (Psalm 118:13-14).

God knows when things are hard.

He understands the frustration of my two year old’s tantrums and the exhaustion of my one year old that won't sleep through the night. He knows when I feel like I am falling, failing, and need His help.

All I have to do is lean into Him. He will give me strength to endure the current trials and to stand firm before them.

3. God will pick me up when I do fall!

Psalm 145:14 says, “The LORD helps the fallen and lifts those bent beneath their loads.”

Sometimes I will fall, that is the reality of living in a sinful and broken world. However, that isn’t the end.

Failure is not the end of the story.

Each year the trees shed the old leaves to make way for the new ones. God knows the load I carry, the burden that I am under. When I stumble, Christ can make something wonderful out of every fall. I only have to allow Him to do so.

The fall season is my favorite time of year because it helps me to remember to focus on the important things.

It's true. Oftentimes this life comes with things beyond our control. Fight against that "falling" feeling.

What can you do this year to help you remember God is there during your falling feelings? How can you help those around you when they feel like they are falling?

Morgan Farr is an Army wife currently stationed in San Diego, California. with her wonderful husband Brian and their two sons. Morgan is a homemaker who dedicates her free time to ministering to other military wives through Bible studies, food, and physical training. Morgan writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood at The Forgiven Former Feminist and you can find her fitness training and nutrition programs at Farr Functional Fitness.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Graham-H, Pixabay.

5 Excuses That Sabotage Personal Growth

Gail Goolsby is a professional who implements practical counsel rooted in scripture. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she offers 5 excuses that sabotage our growth and success.

“You have a calling from God—a destiny,” Gail says. "So why aren’t you moving forward? What is holding you back?”

Sometimes I (Dawn) think the person who most needs posts by my guest bloggers is ME! I recognized myself in Gail's analysis and am taking her counsel seriously.

Gail continues . . .

The roadblock to personal growth and success in life for many people is: EXCUSES.

As a career educator, counselor and life coach, I have heard multiple reasons people give to explain away their failures and lack of achievement.

Here are 5 excuses that sabotage personal growth:

Excuse #1: I don’t have time.  

People believe this answer gives permission to say no or be released from an activity they want to avoid. They may follow up the statement with details of their schedule-packed day or week or year.

“Okay,” I say. “I have 24 hours every day—the same as you do, as we all do. How should we determine the use of the time? It will pass for us all. What do you have to show for your time spent?”

No time is a common complaint in today’s fast paced world, but a real problem when used to explain lack of progress toward selected goals.

Use time for what it can do for you—not an excuse for not doing.

Excuse #2: I am too busy.

This popular justification is a twin to #1 but deserves its own mention, as it frequently hijacks rational discourse about setting priorities.

I refuse to use the word "busy" in my conversations. I think the term makes people insecure, comparing their significance to those who claim such demanding lives. What does busy really mean anyway?

I try to help clients unpack their "busy" and see what activity is worthy to keep, but reorganize. Other endeavors may need to be booted out to make room for balanced living and growth.

For both these excuses, hear God’s answer: "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12, ESV).

Excuse #3: I tried before and I failed.

Fine. That was then and this is now.

“Define failure,” I say. “Tell me what happened.” I listen carefully to help the client discover the lessons, the take-aways that can help inspire him/her to try again.

Perhaps the goal needs tweaking or releasing altogether. Together we can often find the gain from the pain of failure.

Romans 5: 3-4 (ESV) says: "Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."

Excuse #4: I am too undisciplined.

Here is some honesty, but still a cop-out.

All of us need training and new behaviors at various points in life.

When something is important enough, valuable enough, desirable enough, we find the strength and endurance to obtain the prize.

How do handicapped and semi-paralyzed individuals run races and create amazing artwork? They learn new things—hard things—by pressing through the I-want-to-quit stage. You can too.

Work hard. Be proud of your accomplishment.

Hebrews 12:11 (ESV) says:  "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."

Excuse #5: I am afraid. I need help.

Now we are getting somewhere.  

Sharing your hopes and goals with a trusted friend, counselor or coach can be the first step toward moving ahead and busting out of the failure box.

God gave us one another. His power multiplies as we combine our giftedness and ask for His guidance.

"Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Philippians 2:4, ESV).

Together we can push back the darkness and enjoy the radiant lives we have been given.

Which excuses are sabotaging your personal growth today? What action will you take to press toward the hope of your calling?

Gail Goolsby, MA, MEd, is a lifelong educator, including past leadership at an international school in Afghanistan. She and her pastor husband of 38 years live where the wind blows over the prairie in south Kansas. She counsels and coaches using God’s Word to help others learn to live well. Learn more about Gail and the services she offers at her website.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Morguefile.

The Day the Dryer Died

Deedra Scherm is a wife and parent with tremendous creativity and a sense of adventure. As she explains in this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, sometimes the challenges in our lives need some help from outside.

“A biblical man helped me with my laundry,” Deedra said, “and some other life challenges too!”

When I (Dawn) read that statement, I wondered who that "biblical man" might be! But knowing Deedra, I knew I was about to get a valuable lesson.

Deedra continues . . .

So the other day the dryer broke.  And perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if I was already caught up with the laundry loads, but I'd let a few days slip by.  

The repair part was quickly put on order. It would be almost a week before it arrived and my husband and youngest son watched the youtube video that helped them take it apart and put that glorious contraption back together.  

And then washing began.  There were clothes everywhere . . . lined up in the hall next to the laundry room, folded over the backs of every chair and spread over every couch, sitting outside the doors of the boys' room, and across every bed.

Of course, while focusing on the piles of laundry, I sort of neglected other housekeeping items like vacuuming, dusting and dishes. My house was a mess. Y'all, it was a "if-child-protectective-services-came-for-a-visit-they-might-take-your-kids-away" mess.  

I know it's just supposed to be laundry but I just WANTED. TO. STOP.

I was tired and feeling like a mom who didn't even know how to keep her house clean for her kids and family! Other people don't live like this, right? It's just laundry!

Do you ever feel like that in other areas of your life? I do. I often battle with knowing what things I think I should do and then actually being able to do them. Whether it's cleaning the house, eating better, exercising more, preparing my kids, or excelling creatively in my work. Maybe I'm just too old, or too tired, or just inadequate to tackle the job in front of me.  

I asked God to show me what I needed to learn in this area. And then I started to read and learn more about a man in the Bible who seemed to know how to "clean house."

Caleb was this guy who, when everyone else around him seemed to have trouble moving forward, he didn't. When there was something to be done, he could.

The problems of fear and fatigue and inadequacy didn't seem to slow him—even when he might have had reasons to fall back on those things.  Yep. That's what I want.

So this is what I found:

Caleb believed that when God calls, He provides.

That's it. Just fully believing that when God calls, He provides.

The story of Caleb inspires me. I saw this theme through the story of Caleb's life. I saw him facing and overcoming some of the feelings I face.

I've been applying Caleb's example to my life, and have discovered when God calls me to do something and I fully trust Him to provide, three things are true:

1) Trust Dulls the Fear of Failure.  

In Exodus, when the Israelites were freed from slavery and headed to the land they had been promised, a group went in and reported back about the land. Most all of the men felt they couldn't go in because of the "giants" there. They were afraid. But Caleb knew God was with them. He told the people, "do not be afraid" (Numbers 14:9). 

Caleb fully trusted God and that gave him the ability to move forward . . . without anxiety.    

2) Trust Lessens the Fight of Fatigue.

After the people entered the Promised Land, the land was divided up among the twelve tribes. Caleb— who was over 80 years old!—was given land that still had enemies Israel needed to drive out. Knowing this was God's calling, Caleb said, "I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then" (Joshua 14:11).

Caleb fully trusted God and that gave him the strength to move forward . . . without being weary.

3) Trust Dissolves the Frenzy of Feeling Inadequate.  

Caleb could have looked around and compared himself to others, but he didn't need to. He already knew he was "different" and there was no need to compare.

God said, "Caleb has a different spirit and follows Me wholeheartedly" (Numbers 14:24).

It's because of that difference Caleb inherited the land and was able to drive out the enemies—which, by the way, none of the others were able to do.  

Caleb fully trusted God and that gave him the ability to move forward . . . without feeling less-than.

Caleb went wholeheartedly into the land and drove out the enemy. If the others had cleaned out their land as God asked, they would have had security and peace.

Is there a place in your life that needs some attention or cleaning up? A place you have neglected? Maybe God has put on your heart a relationship that needs to be addressed. Perhaps it's a change in your work or a book that needs writing. Maybe it's a habit that needs breaking, or forgiveness that needs giving.  

What has God called you to do but fear, fatigue or comparison has kept you from moving forward?

Don't look around at others, look up to God.

Make a decision today to wholeheartedly trust God, believing, "If He calls, He will provide." Just like He did for Caleb. Set your eyes on God, and trust that He will give you strength.

Even if you are floating on a sea of dirty laundry.  

Did you identify an area of your life that needs some attention?

Deedra Scherm lives in Dallas with her husband and three boys. Between homeschooling and writing, she’s on constant watch for “parents night out” so she and her hubby can get one of those things called a date night. You can find Deedra’s  bestselling book, The ABC Bible Verse Book, and other books and DVDs at lemonvision.com or amazon.com.