What's Better Than 'Counting to 10'?

In this Attitudes UPGRADE, Dawn Wilson helps us think biblically about our anger issues.

Some things just tick me off.

Insensitive people. Liars. Bratty kids. Government overspending. Immodest women in Wal-Mart. People who stab me in the back.

In the past, when I felt my ire growing, I practiced the old adage, “When angry, count to 10.”

The only problem is, I vented a lot of inner anger in between 1 and 9. And inner anger can be just as destructive as the kind we allow to explode all over others.

Between 1 and 9, I knew I wasn’t much like Jesus.

The mishandled stress and bitterness poisoned my soul. So, what’s better than counting to 10?

Breathing … praying … forgiving … thanking.

(1) Breathing

OK… to be honest, when I’ve “counted” in the past, I slowed down and breathed. It was calming. But it needed to be more than a physical exercise. We need to be still in those moments and acknowledge the presence of God (Psalm 46:10).

Now, when a circumstance arises that threatens to tick me off, I breathe out the venom and breath in God’s prescription for peace. At that moment, I surrender to what God is doing, and yield my rights to the Holy Spirit. 

I believe this is what Jesus did on the cross. He surrendered in the Garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:39-46), already determining He would not run from the plan to secure salvation for those who would believe. And indeed, He did not come down off the cross as His enemies “encouraged” Him to do with mocking remarks (Luke 23:37).

A surrendered soul is free to experience the tough things in life with sweet, inner peace. There may be a spark of protest, but it is quickly extinguished with the grace, love and forgiveness of Christ.

(2) Praying

One of the biggest heart changes for me—an action that turned reactions into responses—was to instantly pray (Philippians 4:6; Ephesians 6:18; Matthew 5:44). To pray for my offender. To pray for strength in my temptation. To pray for God’s grace in my time of need. Prayer turns our focus God-ward.

Try that when someone yells at you and you're tempted to react more like the devil than Jesus!

(3) Forgiving

I realized that we always have a choice to forgive (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 6:14). Rather than spewing angry words and bitterness that defile others, I can choose to cover them with kindness and pour out the love of Christ. Again, my heart attitude is God-ward rather than ruled by circumstances.

Try that next time someone cuts you off in traffic ... or takes your place in line ... or gets the praise you think you "deserve." Instant grace can be difficult, but it's a sign of spiritual maturity.

(4) Thanking

I’ll admit it. This one is tough. But the Bible says we’re to be thankful in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

We thank God, not necessarily for the circumstance itself—although we might recognize how a situation causes us to stop and think and perhaps find a lesson in the pain—but that He will use even this tough thing to shape us and make us more like Christ. We acknowledge that God uses and redeems all things for His glory (Romans 8:28).

So, if it helps you, count to 10 when you’re ticked off, but don’t stop there. Practice these biblical responses—breathe, pray, forgive, and thank—and watch God flood your life with His peace.

What really ticks you off? Own your anger ... and then consider which of these biblical responses could best help you deal with it.

Dawn Wilson, founder and President of Heart Choices Ministries, is the creator of three blogs: Heart Choices Today, LOL with God, and Upgrade with Dawn. In these ministries and as President of the San Diego chapter of Network of Evangelical Women in MInistry (NEWIM San Diego), Dawn encourages, edifies and energizes women. She wrote "The Blessing Basket" in the new book, It's a God Thing. Dawn and her husband Bob have two grown, married sons, three granddaughters and a rascally maltipoo, Roscoe.

Forgiveness Is a Personal Choice

Renee Fisher's book about forgiveness encourages us to look at forgiveness from many angles, but this focus is my personal favorite.

"The only person you have control over is yourself." Fisher writes. "The only attitude you can control is your own."

Sometimes that's tough. We hurt and wish we could make others understand. But the issue is, God wants to change our hearts.

Fisher continues . . .

We can’t control what other people do, how they act, or what they feel. We can only make choices for ourselves.

For instance, Paul knew his story was less than perfect.

Before his conversion, he persecuted Christians! But he didn’t let the sins of the past stop him from becoming a mighty Christ-follower. He received the title of apostle because he wasn’t afraid to truly let God transform him. He gave his weaknesses to God and became a new man. The former enemy of Christians became one of the most influential leaders of the early church.

For I am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I’m not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church. But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me - and not without results (1 Corinthians 15:9-10, NLT).

When we beat ourselves over the head about our shortcomings, mistakes, and even what we assume to be failures, remember all those imperfect people who made it into the “Hall of Faith.” Remember those who have gone before us.

• Peter denied Jesus three times.
• Abraham slept with his servant.
• Paul persecuted Christians.
• Jonah ran away from God’s call.

You’ve made mistakes.

So have I.

But we can move forward.

Christ can transform you and me - just like He transformed Paul.

Proverbs 26:11 says, “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.” Don’t be a fool, caught forever in the trap of the same old mistakes.

You might be weak. You might be humble. But with the power of God within you, you can choose a new life.

Just look what happened to those Bible characters.

• Peter became the rock on which Christ build his church.
• Abraham became the father of many nations.
• Paul became a great missionary and wrote many of the New Testament epistles.
• Jonah went to Nineveh and helped save the city from destruction.

What’s the similarity between these men? They all had a choice, and they chose obedience.

Remember, the only person you have control over is yourself.

Sometimes God uses sin to force us to start over. Sometimes our sufferings have nothing to do with you and everything to do with others’ actions.

Ask God to help you forgive those around you who may have hurt you without realizing it. Ask God for the same measure of grace to use on yourself for being less than perfect.

God cares about you.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

God loves you because He created you and there is no one else like you.

Don’t waste his grace today.

Do you think it’s possible to forgive someone who doesn’t ask for your forgiveness back? Why or why not?

(Adapted from Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me, © 2013 Harvest House Publishers.)

Renee Fisher, the Devotional Diva®, is the spirited speaker and author of four books including Forgiving Others, Forgiving Me. A graduate of Biola University, Renee’s mission in life is to “spur others forward” (Hebrews 10:24) using the lessons learned from her own trials to encourage others in their walk with God. Learn more about Renee at DevotionalDiva.com and ForgivingMe.com.     

How to Inspire Your Daughter

Cindi McMenamin's books address topics for real women in the trenches of life. Her newest book will help moms of daughters.

"A mom starts out as the single most influential voice in her daughter's life," Cindi says, "Until the day her daughter might decide to look elsewhere for a role model."

As I watch my sons' wives raise their daughters, I'm glad to see how they are shaping these three young girls to love and serve God and people. Cindi has some ABC's for influencing daughters (and they work for sons too).

Cindi continues ...

Here are three ways that you can upgrade your influence in your daughter's life and be the one person she looks to, over anyone else, for advice, approval, encouragement and inspiration throughout her growing up years and beyond. 

A - Accept Her for Who She Is. You'd be surprised how many daughters believe they can never measure up to their moms' standards. Not feeling accepted by her mother was the most common wound I encountered as I interviewed young women to talk about their relationships with their moms.

Daughters need to know they are loved for who they are, not what they do.

In most cases where daughters didn't feel accepted, their moms were unaware their daughters saw them as critical and unsupportive. 

You can show acceptance to your daughter by supporting her dreams and ambitions even if they are different from yours. You can also show your love and support by understanding and accepting the ways she is different from you.

For example, you may be tidy and neat, she might not. You might have excelled academically, she might gravitate more toward the arts. Give her leeway to be herself and appreciate and affirm the ways she is unlike you, because those things make her unique.

B - Become Interested in Her World. Our girls will want to be around others who "get" them. We can better understand our daughters by asking them questions and listening to them or, better yet, listening to the music they are listening to.

Become involved in what she is interested in by being the driver (if she can't yet drive) or the greeter (who meets her at the door after she's spent a day or evening out), or the caller (who often asks how she's doing and what she's up to).

Be creative and find a way to take an interest in what she's interested in ... even if it is not something you would've liked when you were her age.

C - Cheer Her On, No Matter What. You and I, as moms, need to be doing all we can to build our daughters up, not tear them down. When I realized the power of encouraging words on my daughter, I began to use them more often when talking to her.  That caused her to listen more, rather than shrink away.

Through the years, I've found that Ephesians 4:29  is an excellent safeguard for how to talk to our daughters in a supportive way:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Our daughters are hard-wired to want to please their mothers and make them proud. That's why it's important that we affirm their efforts, but also let them know that it's okay to not excel at everything.  Your daughter may still be struggling to figure out what it is she does well and what she wants to pursue in life.

Give her time. Allow her to fail. And be her cheerleader every step of the way. She will want you around if you praise her more than you point out what she's doing wrong.

Which of these steps will YOU focus on in order to upgrade your influence in your daughter's life?

GIVEAWAY: Make a comment today here (or on the Upgrade Facebook page) about how you influence your daughter, and your name will be entered into a drawing for Cindi's new book, When a Mom Inspires Her Daughter. Drawing: 9-30-13.

Cindi McMenamin is a national women's conference and retreat speaker and the author of a dozen books, including When Women Walk Alone (more than 100,000 copies sold), When a Woman inspires Her Husband, and When a Mom Inspires Her Daughter, upon which this article is based. For more on her books and ministry, or to download her free article "Suggestions for Mother-Daughter Memory-Making" see her website: StrengthForTheSoul.com.

Photo in Text: Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Worship Service

Lynn Mosher blogs about how we should live as we are “heading home” to be with Jesus. I invited her to write about one way to UPGRADE our Worship.

“‘Worship service’ is more than a phrase given to our church assemblies,” Mosher said. “Worship is service to God, as the priests of old worshipped God by their tabernacle or temple service.”

She continues . . .

“The true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth;for the Father is seeking such to worship Him . . . For it is written, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, Him only you shall serve.’” (John 4:23b; Matthew 4:10 NKJV)

In Greek, one word for “worshipper” means a temple servant, or one having charge of a temple to keep it clean and adorn it. Our word “worship” is derived from the old English word meaning “worthship.”

We are all temple servants of God, doing our duty by taking care not only of the temple of the church building but also of the temple of our hearts.

Paul tells us of the highest form of worship-service we can offer God: “I appeal to you therefore, brethren, and beg of you…to make a decisive dedication of your bodies [presenting all your members and faculties] as a living sacrifice, holy (devoted, consecrated) and well pleasing to God, which is your reasonable (rational, intelligent) service and spiritual worship.” (Rom. 12:1 AMP)

Our godly service then is keeping our temples clean and unspotted by the world, adorning them with acts of service, and having a lifestyle of holy living that honors the worthship of God.

In all we do, we should “Worship and serve Him with (our) whole heart and with a willing mind” (1 Chron. 28:9 NLT).

To worship the God of creation is:

• to bow down in reverence to Him because He is worthy, acknowledging His divinity;
• to bow in humility and obedience;
• to bow to His will, His plan, and His purpose by relinquishing one’s own agenda;  
• and to bow in service to Him with one’s life, honoring Him as the One True God.

Do we seek the Lord’s Presence or His presents? Do we seek His handout or His hand? Do we always seek something from Him as the multitudes did, or do we lean upon His breast as John the beloved did, just to be with Him; to sit at His feet as Mary did, just to serve Him in worship by pouring out our thanks and tears as fragrant oil upon His body?

     How lavish is your worship of the Creator’s worthship?

Lynn Mosher lives with her hubby (since 1966) in their Kentucky nest, emptied of three chicklets and embracing three giggly grand-chicklets and an inherited dog. Lynn’s greatest passion is to fulfill God’s call on her life to encourage others and glorify the Lord with her writing.

Note: Praying woman Photo Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

A Time to Plan

I’ve always been impressed by Debby Lennick’s approach to homemaking. I asked her to share some of her expertise with us in the months ahead so we can all UPGRADE our homemaking perspective and skills. Many in the younger generation might not have the slightest idea where to begin.

“When was the last time you thought of a homemaking or Home Ec class?” Lennick said. 

Now I don’t know about you, UPGRADE Friends, but it’s been a long, long time for me. (My Home Ec class resembled this cover photo at the Saturday Evening Post!)

Lennick continues. . .

Remember cooking and sewing back in the day? Maybe you’re thinking, “I still have that apron!” Or, “That’s where I learned to cook!” Or maybe you’re thinking, “Not me then, and not me now!” Either way, let’s revisit Homemaking 101.

What does “homemaking or Home Ec” mean nowadays? It simply refers to the economy of the home. The Dictionary.com definition of economy includes “thrifty management . . . management of the resources; an organized system or method.

Home economics or homemaking class may be from the past, but the principles are for today!

It’s the management of all home resources from food to finances, from tasks to time management. For this post, I want to discuss the resource of time.

A key to unlocking successful time management is planning.

Planning - a Spiritual Side 

God role-models planning.

We see this in the Old Testament. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). In the New Testament, Jesus said to his disciples, “I go to prepare a place for you” (John14:3). 

What a relief to claim these promises! He’s planning and preparing, and everything is perfectly synced! In today’s hectic pace, this is comforting.

Planning – a Practical Side

1. Since planning is about time, evaluate by answering these questions:

• How much time does your household have at home?  
• Do you want more or less time at home?  Why?
• Is time wasted by family members spending hours and hours on electronics (TV, computer, phone, the internet)?  
• Is it routine to run in the door faced with a dirty house, barely time to scarf down prepackaged or take-out food, just to be tortured by homework then flop into bed?
• How can meal planning be improved?

2. After evaluation, make a home schedule; aim for a balance between tasks and family time. The results will please you. In my house, it gives opportunity to foster relationships through intentional time at home, less media, cooking together and playing games.

3. Learn how to sync electronic calendars with family. This will help eliminate stressful over-planning and double-booking.

4. Review your electronic passwords and PIN numbers. Not remembering or finding them can be a frustrating time waster. With your spouse and/or older kids, intentionally research and discuss strategies to safely store and access passwords and PINs. Various solutions can include apps for smart phones, cloud/sky drives, and Google research. Banks and other professional institutions can be excellent resources.

5. Make “God-Time” a top priority. Non-distractive quiet time with God is a must in our busy lives. Be intentional to make this time.

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10. 

Absorb His Presence, and then absorb life around you. Seek Him for wise time management and planning.  The result?  An awesome home upgrade!

What is your biggest struggle with home time management? 

Debby Lennick taught Home Economics at Christian High in El Cajon, California, for more than 20 years. She earned a Home Economics degree from San Diego Christian College (formally Christian Heritage College) which emphasized “economy of the home” topics. Debby is committed to women’s ministry at Shadow Mountain Community Church and has a deep love for helping others make the home a Christ-centered place for everyday family life.