Focus in the New Year

Morgan Farr, who ministers with a group for military women and wives, is an inspirational and Word-driven woman of God. A great deal of her ministry revolves around being intentional. In this New Year's UPGRADE, she encourages us as we look forward to what the Lord might do in our lives in 2023.

"Nearly 80% of New Year Resolutions," Morgan says, "are abandoned by February!"

Oh, I (Dawn) believe that! Like Morgan, I have tweaked the whole concept of resolutions into something more manageable and, I think, God-honoring.

Morgan continues . . .

I learned long ago that goals and resolutions didn’t work for me.

I start strong, but then life happens, and I get frustrated.

Instead, I make a simple focal point for the year. To make that happen, I choose a word and a verse to go with it. I use that word and Bible verse to help me make choices throughout the year and decide where to focus my resources.

This is what that has looked like, practically, in the last seven years:

2016—Focus

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV).

2017—Prepare

“But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect" (1 Peter 3:15 ESV).

2018—Tenderness

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6 ESV).

2019—Forgiveness

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 ESV).

2020—Boundaries

“I will not look with approval on anything that is vile. I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it” (Psalms 101:3 ESV).

2021—Reclaim

“See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ” (Colossians 2:8 ESV).

2022—Emerge

“Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him,  rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving” (Colossians 2:6-7 ESV).

I can look back at my words and see what God was teaching me at that time.

In 2018, I had three kids, three years old and under. My husband is active duty military, so I was often solo parenting and overwhelmed. Tenderness and loving my kids well was a big goal that year.

In 2022, I was working on stepping out in faith in new ministry positions. I can confidently say that I emerged in 2022.

F - O - C - U - S

I challenge you to make a focal point for 2023 by using the acronym FOCUS.

1. Find the Issue

Play detective. Where are you struggling? What are you working towards or moving away from? What are your personal needs in the coming year? What are the needs of your family?

2. Own Your Word

Narrow down the list to what you can focus on. Instead of sticking with a word like “blessed” or “love” go to thesaurus.com and look at some of the incredible words that might help you narrow down your topic a little better. Some words are richer than others.

3. Claim Your Verse

If you already have a verse in mind based off of your word, use it!

If not, I like to use BlueLetterBible.org to search for the word or its synonyms.

4. Use Creativity

Get your verse and your word on the walls in your home. Stick it up on the mirror in your bathroom. Put it on an index card in your car. You can do this as big or as small as you like, but you are 42% more likely to achieve your goal if you write it down.

5. Start the Work

Now that you have your word and your verse it is time to live it out. As you make choices in the year and as you interact with loved ones check back on your word and verse often.

If you type “New Year Goals” into google, you'll get a shocking 5,170,000,000 results.

I have set a great many goals and resolutions over the years. Almost all of them were forgotten by spring.

The goal of a focal point is that:

• It is self-driven.
• It is small and manageable.
• It is created by your personal walk with the Lord.

What will your focal point be this year?

Morgan Farr, an Army wife, is a succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Morgan homeschools her four young children and trains her working dogs while leaning heavily on Jesus. Morgan is the Director of Publishing at Planting Roots, a ministry for military women and wives. You can connect with Morgan on all major social media channels using her handle: morgandfarr.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Simon/USA Reiseblogger at Pixabay.

Uplift Your Worship

Morgan Farr continues to amaze me by her determined mothering and ministry. In this Christmas UPGRADE, she gets personal—sharing how God taught her lessons through a classic Christmas carol, 'O Holy Night.'"People tend to love Christmas music or absolutely hate it," Morgan says. "There seem to be few people who are neutral in this debate."

Count me (Dawn) in the first group. Long before I became a Christ-follower, I believe Christmas hymns and carols played a part in drawing me to Christ.

Morgan continues . . .

I happen to be one who adores Christmas music. But this was not always the case.

Christmas of 2017, I had a breakthrough. I learned to worship more freely through the lyrics of "O Holy Night" and a rowdy two-year-old.

My family was stationed in San Diego, California, at the time. My husband was working with Naval Special Warfare and was gone more often than not. We had three children ages three and under, so my life was chaotic.

On a rare weekend when my husband happened to be home, we decided to take the kids to see a matinee of the Christmas movie, The Star.

The kids were three, two, and eight-months-old, so I wasn’t entirely sure how sitting through a movie would go.

I think I talked myself out of going twice on the way there. 

Mercifully, the only other people in the theater were a set of grandparents with their two young grandsons.

As the movie progressed, the song 'O Holy Night' played in the background. This song has been a favorite for most of my life, so I played it often in my house; but that afternoon it got a new place in my heart.

As soon as he recognized the song, my two-year-old son stood up in the aisle and belted out 'O Holy Night' at the top of his lungs.   

Listening to my two-year-old unapologetically celebrating was a moment that permanently changed the way I think of worship—and the lyrics of 'O Holy Night' were the catalyst.

Lessons from 'O Holy Night'

1. Raise Your Voice.

“O holy night! The stars are brightly shining; it is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.”

In the first part of the song, we simply call out the gloriousness of the night. Do you speak openly of God’s incredible gift to us? If not, what is holding you back?

Psalm 145:11 says,

“They shall speak of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power.”

Speak boldly of the gift that God gives us. Share the news of His glory with those around you.

2. Recognize the Need.

“Long lay the world in sin and error pining, till He appears and the soul felt its worth.”

When I share with someone about why I follow Christ, is this what I say? Without Christ, we are lost to sin, permanently separated from God.

Philippians 3:8 says,

"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ."

Do I explain that life without Christ leaves a hole that leaves me searching? Do I show with my actions that Christ is worthy of my worship?

3. Remember the Hope.

“A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.”

Jesus Christ was born, lived a sinless life, was crucified and buried, only to raise again three days later— redeeming us all from our depravity. He is the hope that generations cried out for and that we get to experience through salvation.

When I am weary of the happenings of the world, do I remember that Jesus is King of Kings and will return in glory?

4. Revel in Him.

“Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices! O night divine, O night when Christ was born; O night divine, O night, O night Divine.”

Do I worship the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords with appropriate adoration?

1 Chronicles 16: 23-25 says,

“Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples. For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.”

Am I hesitant to sing out in church or with my family on the chance that I might fumble the words or miss a note? Not anymore.

My son’s rendition of 'O Holy Night' reminded me that when worshiping our Savior, the notes don’t matter, the stumbles are forgotten.

It is the act of worshiping the Most High God with everything that I have that matters. It reminds me to focus on the incredible gift we have been given in Christ, not just at Christmas, but every single day.

This holiday season, I want to encourage you to break free of any restraints that might prevent you from fully worshipping God.

If you need an example of what that looks like, check out the children in your church. See what it looks like to approach the Creator of the universe through the eyes of a child.

After all, that is how the Savior of the world appeared on that oh, so holy night.

How can you worship him more this holiday season?

Morgan Farr, an Army wife, is a succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Morgan homeschools her four young children and trains her working dogs while leaning heavily on Jesus. Morgan is the Director of Publishing at Planting Roots, a ministry for military women and wives. You can connect with Morgan on all major social media channels using her handle: morgandfarr.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Angeles Balaguer at Pixabay.

Help Your Child Connect to God and His Word—6 Easy Steps

Morgan Farr has four children. She homeschools them and teaches them the Word and ways of God. In this Parenting UPGRADE, she explains how she helps connect her children to God, and how the Lord used a simple question to help her examine her own heart.

"Kids ask the craziest questions," Morgan says. "As a mom, answering these questions can be a challenge."

Yes, I (Dawn) remember those questions so long ago from my two sons. Sometimes they made me dig for answers, and sometimes, their questions were either convicting to me personally, or they made me pondering some aspect of parenting. Morgan's story reminded me of one of those questions.

Morgan continues . . .

Recently my oldest son—who just turned seven—asked me what God was like.

At first, I was confused by his question. I started to say that no one knows what God really looks like.

Clearly not happy with my answer, my son tried again. He asked, when I “do my God time” in the morning, what is God like?

Explaining God to a child is an incredible thing.

When you know Christ as your Savior, it is almost overwhelming to explain what God has done for you. The only way I could explain what God is like was to say that God is pure love.

Sitting and thinking about that had such a profound impact on my heart.

I want to share how to help a child connect to God and His Word—to develop a heart for God—in Six Easy Steps by sharing how I explained God’s character to my seven-year-old. 

1. Set the Stage

If you are raising children with an understanding of Christianity, then they likely know about creation and the serpent.

It is our job to help our kids to connect the Bible to their lives.

I explained that we are broken sinners, separated from God (Isaiah 59:2). I talked about the sins that I struggle with, and explained that each person struggles with sin because of the fall.

2. Tell the Truth

We cannot get back to God on our own.

Telling children the truth about our separation from God helps them understand the significance. 

Romans 3:23 tells us we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

While we do not want to shame children, helping them understand the magnitude of salvation starts with understanding of how powerless we are without Christ.

3. A Planned Provision

In his incredible mercy, God sent His only Son to die for our sins (John 3:16).

I explained to my son that God loved us enough to provide a way back to Him. This way back was not cheap or easy. In fact, it came at the cost of His Son’s life.

God loved us enough to make that sacrifice on our behalf.

What a miracle that is!

4. Secure in Salvation

Once we have accepted Christ and turned our lives over to Him, sin no longer defines us.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

We are forgiven, washed in Christ’s sacrifice.

It is crucial when telling children about salvation that we explain that sin will still happen, because of the fall. The important thing is that Christ washes us clean, allowing us to be with God.

5. Grow for God

When we understand the magnitude of Christ’s death on the cross and the gift that God gives us each day, we cannot help wanting to know more.

2 Peter 3:18 tells us to:

“...grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and forever!”

This incredible, loving gift is then the catalyst for growth in our faith.

6. Live the Life

Once a person understands sin, the separation, the gift, and the growth, the final step is to live the life God calls us to.

God has different jobs and callings for each one of us. He equips us for these callings uniquely.

Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.”

It is important to take what we have been given by God and turn around and use it for His glory.

Finally, I explained to my son that the way I see God’s love is in the way that He draws us to Him. 

• The choice to get up and spend time in the Word is a way of living the life that God called me to.
• Homeschooling, teaching my children about Jesus, and loving my husband are all ways that I live the life God called me to.

The life God called me to is an example of His incredible love for me. I spend time with God because as I look back through my life I can see God’s incredible love for me.

I want to honor Him with my life and my service.

Adults can easily fall into the drudgery of everyday work. It can be hard to see how we are glorifying God when we are scrubbing toilets or whipping noses.

But, looking back at each of the steps, I realized that God was loving me each and every step of the way.

I want to help my children connect to God—and it is incredible to me that God used a question from my seven-year-old to remind me of the importance of honoring God with my labors. And He reminded me to turn my heart to Him.

What an incredible God we serve!

Which of the six steps speaks most to your heart? Which can you use today to help your child connect to God and His Word?

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, develop her four young children, and tackle homeschool life—all while moving all over the country. Morgan believes in integrity, authenticity, and grit. Although she writes for many different publications, you can almost always find Morgan’s most recent ramblings on her blog, "Musings by Morgan."

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Marina Abrosimova t Pexels.

Infant Loss: Uplift for the Grieving Mother

Please note: This article is about losing a child to miscarriage or infant loss. While the author has been careful in how she expresses her thoughts, it still may trigger deep, painful feelings in those who have experienced this loss. Know that Morgan's goal—and mine—is only to encourage, and not bring more pain.

In this month set aside to remember those who have experienced infant loss, Morgan Farr writes this Grief UPGRADE with the desire to help grieving mothers, and also those who may need insight in helping moms process their grief.

Morgan quotes Franchesca Cox:

"A mother is never defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love that she holods in her heart."

I (Dawn) have wept with women who lost children in miscarriage or sudden death infant syndrome—and also with the babies' grandmothers! There is no easy way to comfort them, but God wants us to "mourn with those who mourn." I am glad Morgan is tackling this tough topic.

Morgan continues . . .

If you have ever lost a child to miscarriage or infant loss, my heart breaks for you. Though I now have four wonderful children, I have walked in your shoes three different times.

You are not alone in this journey.

In fact, many women have walked in our shoes—one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Throughout history, miscarriage and infant loss have been taboo subjects, but that is all changing. In the fall of 1988, President Ronald Regan designated October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. And in 2002, October 15 was named "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day."

All of that is great, but what do you actually do?

• After you have lost a baby, how do you function?
• How do you commemorate the importance of this life without being in a constant state of mourning?

I totally get that. A lot of the language used around miscarriage is ambiguous or antiquated. I struggled with it too.

In military life, acronyms are just the way we speak, so I use "EMBER" to help grieving mothers process grief—to help them remember the child they lost.

E — EXPRESS

After a miscarriage, you are going to feel a LOT of things... and nothing.

I had days where I was almost irrationally angry, days where tears poured down my face all day, and days where I felt absolutely nothing. All of those feelings are entirely normal, and it is important to express them.

This is where community comes in. Galatians 6:2 says,

"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Finding a grief support group can be a wonderful way to talk to other women that just "get it." Many hospitals offer free grief support groups. There are also nonprofits that help women during this time as well.

If you aren’t comfortable in a group, find someone you can talk to.

You NEED to talk through these emotions in a safe place where you can be vulnerable. Allow others to help you carry this burden.

M — MEMORIALIZE

You may or may not have a grave to visit due to the nature of your miscarriage and how far along you were.

• If you have a gravesite and are able to visit it and place flowers there, that can be helpful in the healing process.
• A lot of women wear a necklace or a charm bracelet that might have the birthstone of the baby.
• Some people keep framed sonograms.
• Some people plant a tree or a bush to memorialize the baby that was lost.

This is a completely personal choice—up to you.

Also, realize that how you memorialize may need to change as you process your grief.

I couldn’t look at the sonogram for months after the miscarriage, so I kept them in a drawer until the pain wasn't as bad.

B - BALANCE

After you have a miscarriage, you are often expected to get back to "normal" life relatively quickly. In many places there isn’t even time off for a miscarriage as there would be for another kind of death.

It is crucial that you check in on your system and make sure you are balanced.

• If you are struggling emotionally, reach out.
• If your body doesn’t feel right, call your doctor.
• If you have difficulty sleeping or eating, get help.

You went through something traumatic. You do NOT have to pretend like everything is ok.

You figure out what you need and make it happen.

E — ENLIGHTEN

People often don’t know how to relate to a woman who has had a miscarriage.

The problem is, they just need to be enlightened that you are still mourning and you need time.

So I am going to teach you the phrase that changed the game for me. Ready?

“I had a miscarriage _____ days/weeks/months ago; I need some time.”

If you aren’t ready for (insert any activity that you aren’t ready for here) yet, use this phrase.

Enlighten those around you about what you can and cannot deal with right now.

R — REMEMBER

Choosing how you remember your little one is entirely up to you. This is a personal decision, and you need to do what works best for you and your family.

I chose to remember the babies that God called home by naming them.

On the anniversary of the miscarraige, we have cupcakes, and we remember the siblings that my kids didn’t get to meet—using their names.

This gave me a great sense of CLOSURE, and helped me to feel like I wasn’t the only one who would remember their names.

Psalm 34:18 says,

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

It is OK to mourn. It is OK to be sad.

Using EMBER to remember and to memorialize your little one can help you heal.

Remember, our God knew each one of us before we were born, and He knows your baby too.

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life—all while moving all over the country. Morgan believes in integrity, authenticity, and grit. Although she writes for many different publications, you can almost always find Morgan’s most recent ramblings on her blog.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Callie Reagan at Pixabay.

Practice for Our Prince

To say Morgan Farr is strong is an understatement, but add two words to that, and it just about sums up this young mom's character. She is "strong in Christ." In this Parenting UPGRADE, she applies the word "practice" to parenting, and explains how we are to "practice" to the glory of God in our families."With children," Morgan says, "being present is more important than being perfect."

As a former homeschooling mom, I (Dawn) saw that truth in action almost daily. I am grateful I had the opportunity to spend those early days of childhood development alongside my children. I can attest that what Morgan says is true.

Morgan continues . . .

I had a basketball coach tell me once, "Practice makes perfect." At the time, I believed him.

But now as an adult, I realize that the truth is what was said by football coach Vince Lombardi:

"Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect”.

Parenting is a lot like coaching. We are given these people, and we are responsible for helping them learn and practice the fundamentals that will make them great in their lane.

All coaches deal with struggles and setbacks with their athletes. The way that a good coach battles this is by being present with their athlete—teaching, instructing, modeling, and retraining when they get off their groove.

Parenting is no different.

The most common complaints that I hear among fellow parents is as they deal with screen time, outside play, and teaching children to be selfless.

This raises the question:

As parents, what are we helping our kids to practice?

As I share with you how my family "Practices for our Prince," I want to remind you that I am not a psychologist, pediatrician, or counselor. I am a theologically-minded mother focused on raising my children to live for Christ.

Help Your Children "Practice for Our Prince."

1. Practice with Your Tools.

The first tool anyone ever owns is their own body.

Learning to eat, walk, talk, and control yourself is an early part of doing God’s work, even if it doesn’t seem like it! Teaching children to be masters of their body is so important. They have to be taught to eat well, rest, exercise, play, sleep, and care for their bodies well.

As a young child, the focus should be purely on play, as God created them to be that way for their own development.

However, as a child ages and the call God has placed on them becomes clear, learning to discipline their body so that they can perform optimally is crucial.

For example:

• If your child wants to be a missionary in a remote village where they'll have to haul water from a well, they will have to be able to haul water!
• If your child feels God is calling them to be a first grade teacher, they'd better have the mobility to get up and down off the ground over and over again in a given day!

Helping a child to be fit and active is easier if they understand the why, and it helps if they see YOU doing it too.

In our family, we eat well, walk, jump, run, skip, hop, dance, and even lift weights, so that we can be used exactly as God wants to use us!

2. Practice Being a Good Steward.

The next topic is by far the most commonly discussed. Kids go to school, do homework, and maybe they play a sport. The rest of the time, they are on their phone or computer, or playing video games.

The dreaded "screen time debate" is fairly simple in my mind.

If you are the parent, and you have decided what the screen time limit is, when the time is up, you simply turn off the screen!

There are a LOT of apps and devices that can help you manage screen time well. (Contact me if you need some recommendations.)

The best way I have found to talk to my kids about screen time is to draw a PIE CHART of their day.

• Fill in how much time they spend, and show that time is a gift from God.
• Teach them that we want to be a good steward of the time God has given us.
• This means no more than—fill in your designated amount of screen time here—per day.

And parents, hold to this as well. Keep YOUR screen time in check so that you are helping your child practice appropriate boundaries and maintain focus.  

Here's a Hint:

Practice Being "HANDS and FEET."

In order to encourge children to limit screen time, help them cultivate their bodies, and be present in the world.

Mark 12:31 tells us to “love our neighbor”—so get out and do it! Be the hands and feet of Christ.

• Volunteer with the church nursery.
• Go paint your elderly neighbors fence.
• Arrange to help the expecting mother on your street every week when she brings in her groceries.
• Is your church hosting a VBS? Volunteer to set up and break down.

Open your eyes—and your children's eyes—to the needs around your neighborhood, church, and local community. Lead your children by example.

Show your children what it means to work hard as the hands and feet of Christ.

3. Practice What You Preach.

This is perhaps where we can have the greatest impact of all, by praying for our children without ceasing.

• Tell them you are covering them in prayer,
• Pray for them out loud and by name, and
  
• Pray for them silently as you work.

Keep a prayer journal so you can look back and see all the ways God answered prayers with both "yes" and "no" answers. Teach your children that God’s answer of “no” is just as important as His answer of “yes”.

Finally, even with excellent practice, no one can be truly perfect. Only Jesus did that.

While we may train a child in the way he or she should go, children still have free will and sometimes they choose differently than we hoped that they would.

Pray fervently for your children, help them practice as they grow, and release them well to the plan that God has for them.

Which practice will you take up this week?

Morgan Farr is a Texas-loving, succulent-cultivating, book nerd and aspiring author. Stationed in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, this Army wife is learning to train dogs, developing her four young children, and tackling homeschool life… while moving all over the country. Morgan believes in integrity, authenticity, and grit. Although she writes for many different publications, you can almost always find Morgan’s most recent ramblings on her blog.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Filip Urban at Unsplash.