Habits for the Rest of My Life

A prestigious writer, Dianne Barker has long asked the Lord to guide her steps, so it's no surprise she focuses on what will please Him. In this Choices UPGRADE, she shares some habits that are changing her life. Maybe they will change yours too.

"I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions in January—gave that up long ago," Dianne says. "Decisions and goals work better for me."

I (Dawn) totally agree with this. "Resolutions" are too easy for most of us to break. But making daily choices that get us closer to healthy, godly goals, and cultivating life-building habits? Now that's a good thing!

Dianne continues . . .

Scrolling through journal notes, I found a ten-year-old list of decisions and goals. I’m updating the list and calling it “Habits for the Rest of My Life.”

1. Exercise daily—body and spirit.

No excuse for missing my daily quiet time.

Why settle for my feeble wisdom to navigate this life when I have divine resources for every minute?

2. See Jesus’ face only—especially when I encounter difficult people.

I’m making this decision carefully, aware that He may provide many opportunities to test me.

3. Get a grip on my self-esteem.

Still craving approval? Get over it!

My esteem depends only on God’s acceptance—not on performance or perfection.

God has poured his life into me and chosen me for a purpose.

4. Bring every thought into captivity.

Negative thoughts are defeating. Devastating. Paralyzing. A dead-end street.

Forget trivial stuff.

How many times the Lord has said to me, “You could be praying about bigger things.”

5. Learn thankfulness.

I lost a tiny screw from my glasses. How would I ever find it in my mammoth purse?

My friend said, “Let’s thank the Lord. Now empty your purse.” Found it!

Thankfulness makes sense—since my only options are to thank the Lord or grumble.

Thankfulness pleases the Lord and makes my life better.

6. Rejoice by faith.

“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalm 118:24).

Rejoicing is a decision, not a feeling.

Discouragement has robbed me. I choose to rejoice by faith.

7. Stop wallowing in despair and wailing about my inability, and make the most of every day.

I’m encouraged by Rahab’s comments to the two spies Joshua sent to Jericho:

"I know that the Lord has given you the land, and that the fear of you has fallen upon us, and that all the inhabitants of the land melt away before you. For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea before you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites who were beyond the Jordan, to Sihon and Og, whom you devoted to destruction. And as soon as we heard it, our hearts melted, and there was no spirit left in any man because of you, for the Lord your God, he is God in the heavens above and on the earth beneath" (Joshua 2:9-11).

The Lord my God is God in the heavens above and on the earth beneath. He is my courage!

I ended the journal entry,

“Lord, I only desire to glorify you. Don’t let me waste my life. I’ve set my heart to praise, trust and obey. Fulfill your purpose in me!”

We’re almost midway through another year—a good time to adjust our goals.

What do you hope God will accomplish in your life in the coming months for His glory?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage TruckDown the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Christian Women in Media. For more information about Dianne or her ministry, visit her blog.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Geralt at Pixabay.

How to Deal with Gossip—about You!

In this Attitude UPGRADE, Kathy Collard Miller addresses the wounding of gossip, and how godly people should respond when others' words hurt.

“Dealing with people who gossip about us is so difficult,” Kathy says. “But there is a way to have peace—through godly sorrow.”

I (Dawn) have to admit: I've never thought about gossip that way. But Kathy's insight is simply amazing ... and biblical!

Kathy continues . . .

I recently learned that someone criticized me to a group of people. Although I didn’t know this group of people, I felt deeply wounded that I was misrepresented.

I wanted to lash out at the gossiping person. Then I thought of the Apostle Paul’s response to his fellow Jews who were gossiping about him.

“I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers, my kinsmen according to the flesh.” (Romans 9:2-3 ESV)

Because of that passage, I asked God to give me godly sorrow for that person—even at my own expense.

Asking myself three questions helped me have godly sorrow and peace.

1. Why might this person speak negatively about me?

The gossiping woman had been deeply wounded as a child and felt inadequate. She compared herself to everyone and always found herself lacking.

Her need to gossip, though sinning, wasn’t particularly about me. It was her sinful pattern to deal with her own insecurity. I felt offended, but being offended is because I’m believing the lie she told about me.

I truly believe most gossipers are motivated by their own broken self-image.

Most often those who listen to a gossiper can identify their motive. But even if they don’t, my worth and value is determined by God, not someone else’s words about me.

2. How can I love that gossiping person?

Although I wanted to confront that person, I was able to correctly evaluate God’s will because of the peace from godly sorrow in my heart.

Sometimes the Lord will lead us to confront that sinning person and we need to do it in love, not in haste and anger. Only seeing their broken heart and motives will give us the ability to love them for their good, not our defense.

My own sin of succumbing to the temptation of gossiping in the past helped me to forgive this woman. The Bible says we can forgive others who have hurt us because we have been forgiven (Colossians 3:13)

3. Why do I feel threatened?

That question might seem totally ridiculous, because the answer is she talked about me!

But there’s something deeper.

I felt a need to defend the halo around my reputation.

To make sure everyone knew I really am a good person.

But my peace came from knowing God is in charge of my reputation and He can defend me if He wants. Even if I go around trying to correct other people’s opinion of me, it will only cause me distress.

People choose what they want to believe. I can’t control that.

Have you been gossiped about? Have you gossiped?

• If we’re on the receiving end, we can trust God by knowing He is our defender.
• If we have gossiped, we need to ask God to forgive us and ask for forgiveness of the person we sinned against.

Either way, peace from godly sorrow will well up inside us—whether it’s the sin of others or our own.

Kathy Collard Miller is the author of over 50 books, her most recent is No More Anger: Hope for an Out-of-Control Mom (Elk Lake Publishing). She loves to speak at events and has spoken in over 30 US states and 8 foreign countries. Visit her: www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Prixel Creative at Lightstock.

Six Must-have Elements for a Successful Retreat

Freelance writer Sally Ferguson has written devotionals and for magazines, but her specialty is supplying tools to equip women. In this Ministry UPGRADE, she shares how to plan a successful women's retreat.

"In the midst of busy ministry tasks, Jesus called the disciples to time away with Him," Sally says. "Why would the CEO of a budding company take His associates away at their most crucial season? It all had to do with what’s called the bottom line."

Having planned retreats, I (Dawn) know the tremendous time and effort required, but I love Sally's biblical approach to the whole process.

Sally continues . . .

Look at Mark 6:30-46 for six essentials for a getaway.

1. The Invitation - Mark 6:31

The apostles were frazzled. They traveled, taught and tended to the needy. Jesus invited them to step away from the tyranny of the urgent and regroup.

How about the women in your sphere of influence? Are they carpooling moms, trying to make ends meet, or a part of the sandwich generation caring for aging parents and young children?

How would they respond to a weekend of R&R? How about a chance to recharge their batteries!

Invite them on facebook. Ask them in person.

Print flyers and posters. Get the word out that you are planning something special with each one in mind. Advertizing your event in multiple venues, repeatedly, spreads the message.

2. The Challenge - Mark 6:37

Jesus issued a challenge to His followers to be the vessel through which God could display His glory.

Could you cast a vision for a getaway, too?

Casting a vision helps a leadership team to plan and implement your retreat. It also refers to the challenge you set before attendees.

Will you call them to discipleship or dedication to unity? Will you challenge them to a deeper prayer life or a broader scope of servanthood?

The vision of the retreat provides a foundation on which all else can be built.

3. Organization - Mark 6:38-40

This passage illustrates that God is a God of order! (1 Corinthians 14:33, 40)

First, Jesus sent the disciples on a fact-finding mission (vs. 38). Planning women’s retreats is no different…

• How many rooms will we need?
• How many can the location handle?
• What amenities are available?
• What will it cost?
• How much time do we want to schedule away?

Second, Jesus organized the massive group (vs. 39-40). What will you need to organize?

Food for thought, food for the body and food for festivities are all important elements to a retreat.

Break down each task into smaller chunks.

• Who will be in charge of meal planning?
• Who will plan activities?
• Who will arrange transportation?
• Who will handle registration?
• Who will bring the chocolate? (Yes!)

Take it a step further.

How will you foster a sense of belonging?

Groups of seven to nine people add intimacy to a retreat; a place where everyone learns your name. It’s a place to listen to what others think about faith and to be heard in the questioning places of our hearts.

Small groups meet several times during the retreat to cultivate relationships and to pray for one another.

4. Gratitude - Mark 6:41

Jesus gave thanks for what had been given.

What happens when we show gratitude? Not only does an attitude adjustment happen, but it shifts the focus to the One who wants us to “come away” with Him.

• Include opportunities for worship in your retreat.
• Schedule outings to experience the wonderful world He created.
• Affirm each woman for the contributions she makes to your small group.
• And recognize ways others have made the experience better for all.

5. The Meat - Mark 6:41-44

After Jesus had given thanks, He broke the loaves and fed the crowd abundantly.

How will you break the Bread of Life for your women? Will it be through video, speakers or study material?

When women tell their stories, camaraderie is developed through shared struggles.

Did you notice that Jesus didn’t distribute the loaves and fish to the people? He let His disciples experience the joy of the miracle.

When you spread out responsibilities to your leadership team, more people take ownership of the event, and more people receive the blessing!

6. Prayer - Mark 6:46

And so, we come full circle and end at prayer. From the invitation to the benediction, Jesus modeled a lifestyle of prayer.

He knew it all came back to the bottom line... relying on the One who would supply all their needs.

Bathe your retreat in prayer. From conception to birth, let it be the Lord’s baby. He will show you how to nurture and raise it up to be an event that takes on a life of its own and brings praise to Him! 

Could a retreat enhance the way your group connects?

Sally Ferguson loves planning women’s retreats. Her coloring book, What Will I Be When I Grow Up? (Warner Press) and ebook, How to Plan a Women’s Retreat are both available on Amazon. Visit her website.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of StockSnap at Pixabay.

Three Steps toward Dependence

I've long admired Kathy Howard for her skill in communicating biblical thruth through creative Bible studies, and recenty she tackled a topic that is hitting many people where they live. In this Caregiving UPGRADE, she provides a fresh perspective for weary caregivers.

"Self-reliance and independence hinder our caregiving," Kathy says.

Didn't I (Dawn) say it is a "fresh perspective"? I've read many posts promoting independence for caregivers, but never one on learning dependence.

Kathy continues . . .

Caring for my aging parents demands more than I have to give. I remember one night in particular.

Voices penetrated the heavy shroud of sleep. I could hear the anxiety in Mom and Dad’s conversation, but I couldn’t make out the words.

I threw back the covers and stumbled across the hall to their room. Dad lay on the floor beside the bed. I managed to get him sitting, but I could not get his 230-pounds off the floor and back in the bed.

My husband was stirring in the other room, so I called for help. Together we got Dad back in bed.

Thankfully, the fall only caused a few bumps and bruises. But it dramatically reminded me of my limitations.

My natural bent toward self-reliance is reinforced by a culture that admires this quality.

Our culture teaches us that independence is good and dependence is to be avoided at all costs.

While true in certain instances, self-reliance and independence can hinder believers. When we face circumstances and situations we cannot control, change, fix, or conquer we are thrown off balance.

What do we do when we simply can’t do it?

There is nothing easy about caring for aging parents.

No matter how much we love them, the task demands more than we have to give—physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally. We need help from family members, friends, and health professionals.

But even that won’t always be enough.

Soak in this glorious truth for a moment: Our deficiency is an opportunity for God to demonstrate His sufficiency. Our dependence allows God to prove Himself dependable.

Within ourselves, we don’t have what it takes to tackle life’s hardest challenges, but God has more than we need.

A passage in 2 Corinthians beautifully shows us how Paul depended on God to carry him when he couldn’t go on. Paul had encountered a situation in Asia so desperate, he saw no way out of it with his life (2 Corinthians 1:8). Yet, miraculously God delivered him.

When the situation was hopeless, Hope flooded in. And Paul learned utter dependence on the One who is utterly dependable (2 Corinthians 1:9-10). 

The passage reveals that God allowed this situation to happen so that Paul and his companions would learn to rely on God (2 Corinthians 1:9).

And Paul continued to depend on God. When God chose to leave the “thorn” in his life, Paul learned the sufficiency of God’s grace. In his weakest moments, God’s power was revealed.

Paul’s weakness became a stage for God’s strength.

God also wants us to trust Him with all the circumstances of our lives—including caring for our aging parents. He longs to show us He is trustworthy, reliable and powerful. So, how can we let go of independence and learn to depend on Him?

Let’s follow Paul’s example toward dependence in 2 Corinthians.

1. Reflect on God’s past provision.

Think about all the times in your past when God has worked. Remember the times He has comforted you, encouraged you, delivered you from danger, given you clear direction for the path ahead.

Reflecting on God’s past provision and faithfulness will strengthen your future trust in Him.

2. Contemplate the scope of God’s power.

Meditate a few moments on our powerful, almighty God. The God who created the universe is not weak or powerless. He heals the sick, raises the dead, and holds the stars in place.

He can provide what you need for your daily life. Even the hardest days of caregiving.

3. Sit quietly in God’s gracious presence.

The same God who spoke the world into existence is the same God who delivered Paul. And He is the same God who longs to fill you with His grace and strength.

Linger with Him today. Ask Him to give you an awareness of His presence with you.

When we depend on Him, our caregiving role is a chance for God to demonstrate His strength in our lives. Paul expressed this truth:

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me" (2 Corinthians 12:8-9).

Caring for our parents provides ample opportunity for God’s power to work in our weakness. For God to show Himself worthy of our dependence.

Depend on Him today.

What are some other ways you can purposefully work to foster dependence on God for caregiving today?

Kathy Howard, a Bible teacher and former “cultural Christian,” now lives an unshakeable faith for life and encourages other women to also embrace real, authentic faith. Kathy is author of 8 books, including “30 Days of Hope When Caring for Aging Parents” (May 2018). Get free discipleship helps on her website: www.KathyHoward.org.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Unclelkt at Pixabay.

Tackling Toxic Masculinity

Morgan Farr is a gifted mom with a heart for biblical womanhood and manhood. There's a lot of testosterone in her home, but the Lord recently blessed her with a charming little girl. In this insightful and timely Biblical Thinking UPGRADE, she tackles toxic masculinity.

"Masculinity is under attack in the United States," Morgan says, "even within the church."

Yes. I (Dawn) have watched this attack, usually coming from those pushing a radical feminist agenda. I'm glad to see Christians addressing this issue from a biblical perspective.

Morgan continues . . .

Don’t believe me? Twitter was full of #NotAnotherMonster and #YesAllMen tweets in recent months that can give you an idea of just how poorly masculinity is viewed here in the United States.

As the mother of two young boys, the cultural climate towards masculinity is terrifying and it isn’t isolated to the secular world.

Look around your church on Sunday morning. I would be willing to bet that the congregation is made up of at least 65% females. Men are leaving the church enmasse due to the fact that we, as Christians, are trying to whitewash over gender differences in light of societal pressure.

This needs to stop. Now.

The Christian church needs to remember that God created masculinity, and it is good! It is inherently different from femininity, on purpose.

When my boys—three years old and two years old—play with my husband, it is distinctly different from when they play with me.

My boys might ask me to help them build a tower, read a book or to color. They ask my husband to "get the bad guys," play monster chase, and to “do work.” Even as preschoolers the boys know that mommy and daddy are different.

How is is then that as we get older we suddenly decide men and women should be the same? In my opinion, it comes down to the fact that it is easier to force men to become effeminate than it is to work with and celebrate the masculine spirit.

So, how do we fight toxic masculinity?

How do we encourage our boys to become strong men of God?

1. Tackle the Issue.

Do not misunderstand me. Toxic masculinity is real, but not in the way you might think. There isn’t some super-secret conspiracy passed down through generations to teach boys and men to dehumanize or devalue women.

As Christians, we know that these instances are a reaction to humankind's fall into sin from Genesis 3.

Without Jesus Christ, humans misuse masculinity—and femininity too—for their own selfish pleasures and desires.

Today’s “man” is a passive, unkempt, weak imitation of what God means for manhood to truly be.

For example, how many grown men do you know who spend HOURS each week on video games? These games call to men because they tap into the natural, God-given desire men have to explore, conquer and defend.

It isn’t just video games either. You can see this God-given desire corrupted in sports (both in playing and as a spectator), gambling and pornography. These men are searching for God and trying to fulfill a desire He gave them with all the wrong things.

In 1 Corinthians 13:11, Paul says,

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.”

Society twists and bends what it means to be a man, allowing Satan to sneak in and pull boys and men from the Christian fight with nothing more than “hobbies.”  

2. Tame Sin, Not Masculine Spirit.

Realize that we, as humans, are born sinful and broken. In light of that fact, we cannot be surprised when men and women fall prey to sin and act in evil ways.

The way we can fight toxic masculinity is by teaching and instructing our boys in the ways of the one perfect man, Jesus Christ.

1 Timothy 6:11 says, “But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.”

As the body of Christ, we have to stop trying to tame the God-given masculine spirit. All we are doing is creating weak boys with lackluster faith who end up pretending to be real men rather than fully growing into men of God.

3. Train for Battle.

Being ready to help your son, grandson or nephew grow into manhood means:

• being ready to talk about what biblical manhood is and why it matters;
• being on your knees daily for their eyes, hearts and minds; and
• being open with our boys about the issues that they will face.

Is it messy? Absolutely.

Christians need to be ready to address why our son does not watch Game of Thrones even though all of his friends do.

We need to be able to stand firm in our conviction to not spend money on just anything, but rather to be a good steward of what God has given to us.

We need to take our sons to nursing homes, homeless shelters and nurseries so they can practice serving the least of these, as Christ did.

All of these things will make them different, and they will stand out against the grey backdrop of adolescents who are busy trying to find themselves.

Instead, our boys will be found in Jesus Christ and His glory for eternity.  

How can you encourage the boys and men in your life toward Godly manhood?

Morgan Farr is an Army wife currently stationed in San Diego, California, with her wonderful husband Brian and their children. Morgan is a homemaker who dedicates her free time to ministering to other Army wives through Bible studies, one-on-one mentoring and physical training. Morgan writes about her transition out of feminism and into biblical womanhood on her blog The Forgiven Former Feminist. You can find her training programs, nutritional information and meal plans on her blog, Farr Functional Fitness.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Gerald Friedrich at Pixabay.