5 Ways to Bring God Naturally into Parenting

Sheila Wray Gregoire’s blog, “To Love, Honor and Vacuum,” often offers helpful counsel to parents. In this UPGRADE Your Parenting post, she gets to the root of spiritual influence in the home.

We want to raise our kids to love God, but it can seem awkward,” Sheila wrote. “We get scared that if we ‘push’ it too hard, then our kids will rebel.”

I (Dawn) have seen that happen time and time again. The very thing parents wanted for their children, they sabotaged with pushing. The scriptures tell us to teach and guide our children all day long (Deuteronomy 6:6-7), but it's not always easy to do.

So what’s the secret to natural discipleship of our children?

Sheila continues …

Certainly, if you push it, that can backfire; but if God is already a natural part of your life, then kids tend to see that and naturally gravitate to it.

Stress relationship, not rules. Christianity is about relationship, and when kids have that with you, and see you having that with God, it’s only natural that would spill over into your parenting.

1. Be sure God is a natural part of your life.

You can’t just “naturally” talk about God if you don’t actually know Him. Snatch moments through the day for your devotions. Join a Bible study that meets weekly. Start praying out loud there—force yourself! The more we can do these things naturally, the less awkward it gets.

If you are feeling awkward, it may be a sign not that your parenting is off but that you need to spend more time with God first!

2. Take time to talk.

You can’t expect to have deep conversations with kids if you don’t get much time with them. Limit your extracurricular activities. Plan technology-free times when you can talk—like over the dinner hour as a family.

If you know you’re growing apart from one of your kids, your instinct may be to grab hold hard. That often causes the child to withdraw. A better approach: find more time when you can just be with your child … with no agenda. Just “hang out.”

3. Do things together.

My youngest daughter and I get into the best talks when we go for walks together. Other people swear that their best conversations happen in the car.

4. Own up to your mistakes.

The best teaching times I’ve had with my girls are when I’ve messed up. That’s when I can really model God to them. Take those opportunities to offer a heartfelt apology. Model a prayer of confession when you remind your kids that you’ve also sinned against God. Ask for their forgiveness.

Let them see that confession isn’t weakness. It’s good to acknowledge our faults quickly when we make mistakes.

5. Make use of great resources.

Here are a few resources that I love:

• For Family Devotions - The vast majority of family devotionals I’ve found in Christian bookstores are, to put it simply, lame. Learning to Speak Life isn’t. Each week has a Fruit of the Spirit to work through. There are stories, role playing games, verses to memorize—even an activity to do as a family, if you so choose. There are thoughts for different ages; and it’s super easy to do without a lot of set-up.
• To Prepare Kids for the Opposite Sex - Preparing your kids to make good decisions when it comes to dating and the opposite sex has to start when they’re young. It’s not about having “the talk” with your kids. It’s about having an ongoing dialogue—multiple “talks”—that help keep the lines of communication open so they know that they can ask you anything. One of the best resources I have found to make this natural is Barrett Johnson’s The Talks (available in an ebook or paperback).
• Scripture Memory – Families use to memorize together as a key spiritual discipline. When children have a repertoire of key verses memorized, it puts them in good stead for life. I’ve written out my favorite 50 Bible verses to memorize. Try memorizing one verse a week with your family. It will make a tremendous difference!

Bringing God into conversations can feel awkward, but remember: “I’m just sharing with my kids my own heart. I’m sharing something that’s important to me.” If those things are true, you’ll find it much easier to parent with God.

How do you bring God in to your parenting naturally?

Sheila Wray Gregoire a syndicated columnist, blogger and speaker. The author of seven books, including How Big Is Your Umbrella and To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Sheila mixes humor and real-life stories to help women deal with the messy problems many of us face. She holds two Master's degrees from Queen's University, but says her real education has come as a wife to Keith and mother to Rebecca and Katie, who they homeschool and take on mission trips. Though Sheila is married to a physician, she still faints at the sign of blood! For more about Sheila, visit her website.

Graphic adapted, Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

"Financial Language' - Are You an 'Overcomer'? - Part 2

In Janice Thompson's first post about being a financial overcomer, she encouraged women to prepare for tsunami-type events. In this "overcomer" post, she addresses three issues: Disability, Unemployment and Identity Theft.

"Although these events have the potential to destroy," Janice says, "when faced with courage, they can be the catalyst to a deeper, richer relationship with God."

I'm glad Janice looked to scripture for an example of courage: to Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who emerged unscathed from the fiery flames and, as a result, caused a king to praise their God (Daniel 3:28). God can also use our testimony of financial wisdom in a watching world.

Janice continues ...

We need to learn a new financial language in a financial crisis. Again, it is crucial to search out wise counsel and trust God with that which you cannot control, especially in these three circumstances:

1. Disability

A long-term disabling event can be devastating to your lifestyle. Not only are you dealing with health-related concerns, but for many women, serious social and financial challenges as well.

Even if there has been some financial preparation, there is still a steep adjustment that has to be made.

Patient persistence is a tremendous ally in this situation. Focusing on the immediate needs of your family helps to stabilize the household. Once the transition has been made and the household stabilized, long-term needs can then be addressed.

My experience with clients who have faced this tsunami is that, as they continue to find ways to honor and respect the disabled loved one in their life, they find a deeper sense of true fulfillment and purpose in their present situation. While the circumstances may, in many cases, be irreversible, the joy and peace they evidence as they adapt to their new reality is much greater.

2. Unemployment

Unemployment can strip you of your self-worth and give way to feelings of guilt or shame. The stress of prolonged unemployment, besides being financially devastating, can lead to panic and, in some cases, severe depression as confidence begins to wane.

It is important to remember that you are not alone, nor have you suddenly lost your intelligence, skills or worth.

It is important to maintain social contact to help keep your balance in life.

Resist the urge to blame yourself or others, and focus on making the tough decisions as it relates to your cash flow needs. Food, clothing and shelter need to be your main priorities. Consider putting other things on hold as you think "survival mode" during this period of time.

Finding a job equal to what you had may not be an option, so keep your mind open to other possibilities, even if it is not your ideal.

I have seen people from all walks of life emerge form periods of unemployment not only having acquired new skills as they explored new interest, but also developing a new value system that includes both spending decisions and relationships.

3. Identity Theft

Here is another unexpected event that can instantly stop you in your tracks and turn your financial world upside down.

While a number of years ago our focus was primarily on monitoring credit fraud, this unsettling issue has now escalated into sophisticated identity theft schemes. The ability to steal publicly available information—and thereby impersonate you—is readily available.

Having personally experienced my first brush with this growing concern, I have seen firsthand how much easier it is to take proactive steps to protect yourself from identy theft than to recover from it.

• Be diligent about reviewing your credit report on an annual basis.
• For a free annual report, see www. annualcreditreport.com.
• You might also consider subscribing to a credit monitoring service for a more proactive approach.

Have you ever dealt with any of these financial tsunamis? How did God help you deal with the process of recovery or survival?

In Part Three (July 17), Janice will cover surviving the financial stresses of Divorce and Widowhood, and also, how to deal with Significant Wealth.

Janice Thompson is the co-Founder and CEO of One Degree Advisors, Inc., a comprehensive wealth management firm focused on biblically-based financial solutions. Janice is a Certified Financial Planner®, a Life Stewardship Advisor™, and serves on the Board of Directors of Kingdom Advisors. She has two married children and one grandson. She and her husband Tom live in San Diego.

Note: Material adapted from the book, Managing Your Money Maze by Janice Thompson (Revive Our Hearts, 2009).

Graphic adapted: Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ask Your Children Big-Picture Questions

As a special Father’s Day post and to help us Upgrade our parenting and/or ministry to children, I asked my friend, Nancy Leigh DeMoss of Revive Our Hearts ministry to share with us. So much of her life was shaped by the life example of her parents—especially her father. She often talks and writes about him. In 2013, Nancy wrote about a question her dad asked that helped her shape her life and ministry. *

“The scene is indelibly etched in my memory,” Nancy wrote. “I was 19 years old. My family was on a mission trip in Haiti—my parents’ (and my) favorite type of family 'vacation.'”

Reader, does this give you some insight into the type of family Nancy grew up in? This vacation is only a slice of the big picture of life and ministry her parents embraced.

Nancy continues ...

We were worshiping in a small Haitian church, sitting on hard wood benches. In the middle of the service, my dad leaned over to me and whispered,

“Honey, what are your 50-year goals?”

Now, I’ll confess I hadn’t given a lot of thought to my 50-year goals, prior to that moment. But over the next weeks, I set out to respond to his question. Of course, I didn’t know things like whether I would be married or single or what my specific ministry path would look like. But I tried to record what I wanted to be true of my life in 50 years—by the time I was 69—if the Lord was pleased to give me that many years.

Periodically I’ve gone back and reviewed the document that resulted from that exercise more than 35 years ago. It has proved to be a valuable reminder to be intentional, stay the course, and focus on the things that matter most.

While I would no doubt craft these goals a bit differently today, these are the same basic categories that I still believe are important. Even this week, in re-reading this list, I’ve been challenged to recalibrate my thinking in one particular area.

As a teen sitting in that Haitian church, 50 years seemed like an eternity away. I could not have imagined how quickly those years would pass—or how easy it would be to fritter away days, months, years—a lifetime.

Today, with less than 15 years left till I turn 69, I wish I were a whole lot further along toward these goals. I haven’t even come close to attaining all of them. But I’m confident I have grown more in these areas than I might have if it hadn’t been for my dad’s question. So for challenging me to this exercise—and for so much more—thank you, Dad!

I believe there is value in doing this kind of thinking at various points in life. And not only for yourself . . .

Don’t underestimate the potential impact of encouraging your children, grandchildren, and young friends to think through these kinds of big-picture questions.

Less than two years after I wrote these goals, on the weekend of my 21st birthday, my dad died suddenly of a heart attack.

I’m so thankful for his efforts to encourage me to live a purposeful life to the glory of God. And that he didn’t think the teen years were too young to challenge me to seek and embrace God’s vision for my future.

What questions could you ask your child, grandchild or another child you want to influence, to help shape big-picture thinking and priorities?

Nancy Leigh DeMoss is a mentor and "spiritual mother" to hundreds of thousands of women who have read her best-selling books and who listen to her two daily radio programs, Revive Our Hearts and Seeking Him. She communicates a love for the Lord and the Word that is infectious! Nancy is the author of many books, including Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free. Learn more about her ministry and women’s revival conferences at Revive Our Hearts and True Woman.

* This post is part of an article at TrueWoman.com titled “My Dad’s Impromptu Challenge.” The article includes the goals that Nancy wrote when she was 19.

Are You a Fence Builder or a Fence Destroyer?

Kathy Howard’s Bible studies invite women to go deeper into God’s Word. I appreciate her wisdom. I asked her to write an UPGRADE to help us encourage our hunger for holiness. What does “fence building” have to do with that? Hang on …

“Our neighbors are building a fence,” Kathy said. “They moved in several months ago, but until recently the property line between our driveway and their backyard was wide-open.”

You’ll likely agree—fences can be positive or negative “barriers.” While I love my neighbors, I [Dawn] am glad for the fences in my neighborhood. But there are some other fences I’d like to tear down.

Kathy continues …

I knew when the dad played catch with his three sons and I could enjoy the beautiful landscaping around their patio.

But all that began to change when I left town last week. The first thing I noticed when I got home was the sturdy wooden posts firmly planted in the ground every few feet between our yards. Within days, cedar fencing replaced my unobstructed view of my neighbors and their yard.

I’m not against suburban fences. This one will benefit them and us.

But watching that physical fence go up reminded me of other kinds of fences we tend to build, particularly between ourselves and God.

Our heavenly Father longs for intimate fellowship with us. He invites us to know Him fully and deeply. Yet a lack of holiness in our lives erects a barrier.

Since God is the epitome of holiness, He remains separate from everything sinful. Therefore, to experience deep intimacy with God, we must respond to His call to live holy lives. Amazingly, this call to holiness is also an invitation to draw close to the Holy One.

“LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous” (Psalm 15:1-2a).

Do you long for deeper intimacy with your heavenly Father? Remember, according to Scripture, a close connection exists between living a holy life and experiencing God’s presence.

In other words, sin builds barriers and creates distance between each of us and God. Holiness breaks down barriers and moves us ever closer.

So how can we tear down those barriers?

Only the Holy Spirit can transform us, but we must cooperate with Him to foster holiness in our lives. Here are a few practical things we can do:

1. Practice an Awareness of the Presence of God.

We know from the Bible that God is always with us. He sees everything we do and knows our thoughts, attitudes and motivations. Purposefully remembering this truth and disciplining ourselves to regularly think about Him will nourish holiness in our lives.

2. Stay in the Word.

The Creator of the universe has revealed Himself, His will and His ways to us in the Bible. It describes the holy life to which God calls us. But we cannot live by God’s Word unless we know God’s Word. Reading and studying the Bible will plant God’s truth in our hearts.

3. Be Proactive in Your Battle against Sin.

Sin takes root in our lives, growing and multiplying. To be holy, we must dig it out by the roots and get rid of it. Ask God to also help you recognize areas of weakness in your life so you can guard against potential sin.

Sweet believer, do you long to be embraced by the Holy One? A pursuit of holiness is a pursuit of God Himself.

Will you take some time to pray and ask God to show you any barriers separating you from intimacy with Him? Let’s get ready to tear down that fence!

Kathy Howard, the author of six books, helps women live an unshakeable faith for life by encouraging them to stand firm on our rock-solid God no matter the circumstances. Her newest six-week interactive study, Embraced by Holiness: The Path to God’s Daily Presence, encourages the pursuit of holiness and draws women into the circle of God’s holy, loving embrace. For information about Kathy’s studies and discipleship or leader helps, visit her website: www.kathyhoward.org.

Upgrade Your Toxic Relationships

Have you ever taken a whole year to focus on relationships? Kathy Carlton Willis shares some powerful insights about one hurtful kind - toxic (poisonous, destructive, unhealthy) relationships.

"This is the Year of the Relationship in the Willis household," Kathy says. "We have committed to make the most out of existing relationships, build new relationships, and upgrade our toxic relationships by figuring out how God wants us to deal with them better."

Some families have a lot of drama. But almost every family has at least one toxic, deeply frustrating relationship. The good news is, God can transform our relationships. At the very least, He can show us how to love others with the love of Jesus.

Kathy continues ...

What makes some relationships toxic? Is he or she a travel agent for guilt trips? If they insist on a long list of “ought tos” and “should dos” you’re on dangerous ground. Manipulation and shame creates unhealthy relationships.

Other times, a relationship becomes toxic when they go outside of God’s direction for their lives. It might require tough love and boundaries to prevent more relationship pain. We create boundaries in order for our toxic family relationships to be functional, for work relationships to be productive, and for friendships to be accountable.

Ask Yourself:

• How can I handle my disappointment when my toxic person chooses unacceptable behavior?
• How can I show love without condoning or rewarding the poor choice?
• What does God want from this?
• How can I share the truth in love?
• How can I release my feelings so they aren’t invested?
• How can I be okay if this is never resolved to my satisfaction?

One key is to never lose hope that they will realign with God’s principles. Keep praying. When we pray in love, and hope in love, we respond in love.

Love grows as we pray for God to show us how He loves them.

When It Can’t Be Fixed:

Sometimes, no matter what we do, the relationship is too broken, and the repair is outside our control.

• Seek discernment to know how involved to be with someone who isn’t going to be a positive part of your life.
• We can’t control the other person, but we have control over our own response. We also have control over our feelings and choices.
• We don’t have to fix everything.
• God mentions times when we are to separate ourselves from others who are toxic.
• God doesn’t expect us to connect hearts with them, when they are dishonoring Him or hurting His children. (We don’t have to hold their hands while they’re slapping ours!)
• God does want to make sure we create a loving atmosphere to encourage their return to what is right so they know there is always hope of reconciliation.
• Love doesn’t mean we roll over and play dead. It means we release them, much like the Prodigal Son, to find their way back to what God wants in their lives.

While waiting for someone to make the right choices, avoid getting worked up about their faults and flaws. Don’t focus on how disappointed you are in their self-absorption, distorted perspectives, or poor communications skills. Obsessing on their shortcomings can render you ineffective for God’s use.

In John 13:35 (Holman), Jesus says: “By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” Will you join me in making a goal to upgrade your relationships this year?

Think of a toxic relationship in your life. How can you reframe your thoughts to deal with that person in a healthier way?

Kathy Carlton Willis shines for God, reflecting His light as a speaker at writer's conferences and women's retreats, and as an author - contributing to three books and writing hundreds of columns and articles online and in print publications. She has several books releasing over the next three years, including Grin with Grace with AMG Publishers at the end of this year. She and her husband/pastor, Russ, live in Texas.

Image in Text adapted, courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net.