When 'NO' Costs You EVERYTHING

Kolleen Lucariello is a funny, practical, godly woman. I've learned much from her posts and insights. In this Character UPGRADE, she points us to a woman worth emulating—and it's not the woman you might think.

"She said no. She was a defiant wife who had disrespected her husband in front of a bunch of influential men," Kolleen said."I assumed I knew all I needed to know about her."

I (Dawn) appreciate Kolleen's thoughts about this "defiant wife." She's the often-overlooked woman in another woman's story—but she had character and dignity. Her defiance was likely a product of caution and discernment.

Kolleen continues . . .

I’d skim over this wife's part in the story of Esther because that’s what I’ve always been taught. My assumptions would be challenged when I saw her name this time, causing me to pause and consider the woman who said no. 

Queen Vashti, the beautiful wife of King Xerxes, said no.  

She was married to a man who loved power, praise and partying, and referred to himself as, “Xerxes the Great” and “king of kings.” 

In the first chapter of the book of Esther, we read about the party he hosted lasting 180 days. His motive for gathering the powerful leaders from around his empire may have been to bring consolidation and gain political support. 

What better way than to accomplish this than to display the wealth of his kingdom. King Xerxes liked to show off his possessions.

One was his queen, Vashti, who was a very beautiful woman (Esther 1:11). During this time in history, she really was just a possession. Some suggest Vashti may have been the daughter of another king Xerxes had formed an alliance with.

She was his trophy wife. 

Following his big bash, the king hosted a banquet for all of the people in Susa, which lasted for seven days (Esther 1:5). During this banquet, Queen Vashti was hosting her own party for the ladies of the land in the royal palace.  

As we read in the first chapter of Esther, the drinks were plentiful, and each man could drink what he wished (1:8). Can you imagine? Seven straight days of binge drinking? 

Then, on the seventh day, when the king’s heart was “merry with wine” (1:10), he summoned his beautiful wife, Vashti, to come “to him with the royal crown on her head. He wanted the nobles and all the other men to gaze on her beauty, for she was a very beautiful woman” (Esther 1:11, NLT). 

And then it happened.  

She refused his invitation.  

When I stop to consider the circumstances, I wonder:

• Was she being obstinate? 
• Was her intent to dishonor and disrespect her husband? 
• Or was there more to the story? 

Imagine yourself in a room full of drunken men and you are the center of attention.

The men in the room may not have dared to touch her—she was, after all, the queen. But they were drunk.

Perhaps her no was a refusal to be exploited.

Perhaps it was to avoid the risk of being undressed—even with just their eyes.  

Or was her no intended to protect her husband from the shame of what could happen. 

Yes, her denial would have embarrassed the king; however, her denial also may have protected his reputation. 

And let’s not forget, she was busy! She was in the middle of hosting her own party.  

Rather than disregard Vashti’s no, perhaps there is something we can learn from it. 

Does God want us to be honoring and respectful? Absolutely. But perhaps we say yes when He knows we should say no.

God has granted us the freedom to say no to any person, place or thing that would bring dishonor to Him—or us.

The truth is, our no might be the motivation God uses to spare another from a horrible tumble into sin. It also could be the catalyst He uses to bring about His plan and purpose.

Vashti’s no opened the door for Esther. 

Without the necessary no, we may find ourselves: 

• Overcommitted. 
• Trapped in toxic relationships.  
• Overburdened financially. 
• And yes, left with shame and guilt.   

It’s quite probable that we fail to speak our no because we fear what it might cost us.

I don’t deny a no can be costly; Vashti’s no cost her everything. She lost her position as queen.

But, what if—in that moment of decision for Vashti—she recognized that her worth did not come from her position as wife to the king of kings? 

She knew she was royalty. Maybe, that’s what gave her the strength she needed to say no to his request.  

Now, what if—in every moment of indecision we face—we recognize we too are royalty and our worth comes from the TRUE King of Kings. Would that give us the strength to say “no” to what God would consider inappropriate or offensive? 

Your worth is never dependent on opinion, social status, family genealogy or your bank account. Your worth is found through your identity in Jesus Christ.  

You are royalty!

We are royalty because we are daughters of God! 

“But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12, NLT); and since we are His children, we are His "heirs" (Romans 8:17).  

Never be afraid to shout your no as you live to glorify the King of Kings. 

Regardless of the cost.  

Kolleen Lucariello, #TheABCGirl, is the author of thesoon-to-be-released #beYOU: Change Your Identity One Letter at a Time. Koleen is also Co-director of the women's ministry, Activ8Her: helping women to build confidence in leadership, become courageous in our faith, and create connection in relationship. Kolleen and her high school sweetheart, Pat, reside in Central New York. She's a mother of three married children and Mimi to six incredible grandkids. For more information about Kolleen, visit her website or activ8her.org.

Painting: "Vashti Refuses the King's Summons" by Edwin Long.

God Chose You, Sins and All!

Janet Thompson is an accomplished author of many books on many topics that point us to the goodness and faithfulness of God. In this Easter-is-coming UPLIFT post, Janet reminds us of the reason for the cross, and the joy of being chosen by the Lord for redemption from our past.

"Imagine an opportunity," Janet says, "to write your past sins on a slip of paper and nail it to a wooden cross. A symbolic visual that the purpose of the brutal crucifixion and glorious resurrection was to afford you and m, the opportunity for repentance and forgiveness!

"Yet still, we can’t imagine that anyone, even Jesus, could forgive our past."

I (Dawn) once attended a women's conference where the women did exactly that. On a file card, we each wrote some sins the Lord was speaking to us about, and then we nailed them to a tall, rough, wooden cross.

I was a spiritual mess at that point, and I remember thinking, "How many cards can I have?"

Janet continues . . .

Mary Magdalene was a woman with a tortured past. People, especially in her own town of Magdala, knew this Mary as the woman possessed by seven demonic spirits.

We don’t know what kind of life she led before we meet her in Scripture or how she became demon possessed.

Was she part of the occult or witchcraft?

Was she addicted to mind-altering drugs like opium or alcohol?

Somehow, some way, evil spirits overtook her mind, body, and soul. Evil oppressed and possessed her.

And then . . . Jesus came to town.

He saw her wretched life and took pity and compassion on her as He called her to Him, surprising everyone trying their best to avoid her. But He wanted to do something miraculous for them to see.

At the sound of His voice, all seven demons that had made their home in her body vanished. What a transformation! How could anyone deny He was who He said he was with such a dramatic example of His healing and restoring powers!

Set free from spiritual bondage and oppression, her eyes sparkled and a joyous smile lit up her face as she felt the surge of good replace evil in her spirit.

How could she ever repay this teacher and healer who cared enough about her to give her a renewed life?

She would devote herself to serving and following Jesus wherever He went, sharing her story with others living a miserable life, as hers was before Jesus. They too could overcome their past and become a new person with the help of Jesus Christ.

As she stood in the crowds that surrounded Jesus while He was teaching, she frequently told her story to whoever would listen. There’s no more compelling testimony than that of someone attesting to the bondage of living a sinful, burdened, afflicted, hellish life before meeting Jesus and then joyfully celebrating the peaceful person they’ve become.

“Look at me now!”

Mary Magdalene never wavered in her trust and belief in Jesus during his ministry, and so it was that she woefully suffered and grieved, watching her cherished teacher and healer tortured and crucified.

How could this happen to the man who gave her life back to her, who healed and helped so many?

Sunday morning after the crucifixion, Mary Magdalene knew she must go with the other women followers to the tomb where they buried Jesus to see him one more time and anoint His body with perfumes and oils after He was so brutally tortured and murdered.

But wait? He isn’t there? The stone is rolled back and the tomb is empty? Where did they take Him?

The other women ran back to tell the disciples.

Mary Magdalene, all alone and sinking to her knees outside the tomb, crying bitter tears, hears a man—probably a gardener—ask her, “Why are you crying? Who are you looking for?”

Thinking the gardener had taken him somewhere, she asks where he took Jesus so she can go get Him.

Then the “gardener” said to her, “Mary.” He called her only by her first name.

This once outcast-of-society, demon-possessed woman, who overcame her past afflictions and never wavered in her commitment to Jesus Christ, was the first person to see and hear Jesus’s resurrected body.

Then she realizes, “I have seen the Lord!”

He chose her.

Like Mary Magdalene, do you remember how it was when you first asked Jesus into your heart?

• When Jesus freed you from your past sins and spiritual bondage?
• How happy and grateful you were?

Your life radically changed. The old life exchanged for a new life in Christ.

If you suffered from effects of addictions or trappings of the past, people now saw joy on your face and a kick in your step. Your countenance was radiant and confident. You were a new creation and excited to tell everyone what knowing Jesus Christ did for you.

You’re still that new creation, so never lose your joy in Christ or tire of telling others about him.

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Colossians 1:13-14).

He chose you!

How does knowing God chose you and redeemed you encourage you today? Does His great love and mercy inspire you to tell others about Him?

Janet Thompson is a speaker and author of 20 books. Janet’s new release is Everyday Brave: Living Courageously As a Woman of Faith. She’s also the author of Mentoring for All Seasons: Sharing Life Experiences and God’s Faithfulness; Forsaken God? Remembering the Goodness of God Our Culture Has Forgotten; Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?; Dear God They Say It’s Cancer; Dear God, He’s Home!; Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter; Face-to-Face Bible study Series; and Woman to Woman Mentoring Ministry Resources. Sign up for her weekly blog and online newsletter at womantowomanmentoring.com. 

*Article includes excerpts from Everyday Brave.

Graphic adapted, courtesy of CongerDesign at Pixabay.

Pack a Travel Bag for 'Rough Road'

Dianne Barker's practical approach always makes me smile. In this Lifestyle UPGRADE, she encourages the wise choice to prepare now for any bumpy roads ahead.

"'Slow… rough road ahead.' A huge orange sign alerted me to upcoming danger," Diane says.

I (Dawn) never expected the rough road of terminal disease to rearrange all the elements of my life, but on that road, I also discovered God had already built into my life all I would need to face the struggle. Dianne's insight here is rock solid!

Dianne continues . . .

I saw the warning just in time to change direction and avoid the jagged route.

Life doesn’t afford us the courtesy of a caution sign.

Unexpectedly, we find ourselves on a precarious journey with no alternative course. If we’d just had advance warning!

• That dreaded diagnosis putting everything on hold.
• That surprise announcement the company is downsizing and we’re being let go.
• That family situation that disrupts all relationships.

Rough Road. And sometimes a long road.

A wise driver keeps crucial supplies in the car—flashlight with extra batteries, a blanket or quilt, and water.

Have you packed a travel bag for life emergencies?

My emergency travel bag is filled with God’s Word, and I began packing it as a young mom with many needs.

Memorizing Scripture related to my needs not only changed my thinking and my habits but also gave me a dependable supply of truth to navigate rough road.

Encountering a wall of worry, I relied on 2 Chronicles 16:9 to get me through it.

“For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to give strong support to those whose heart is blameless toward him…”

Skidding across a patch of discouragement, I held firmly to Joshua 1:9.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

At a mammoth pothole of impossibility, I grasped Matthew 19:26 for stability.

“But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’”

Hovering at a ravine of hopelessness, I caught hold of Jeremiah 32:17 to steer me away from the cliff.

“Ah, Lord God! It is you who have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you.”

I’ve been all those places. Had it not been for truth packed in my travel bag, who knows where I would have landed?

If you’re traveling a smooth road today, use this time to pack your travel bag with truth to carry you through the bumpy places ahead.

This will get you started.

1. God is faithful. “Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever” (1 Chronicles 16:34).
2. He will be with me. “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
3. Whatever he allows to touch my life will be for my good. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Continuing the journey, I don’t know what peril lies before me. But I know this:

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him’ (Lamentations 3:22-24).

What truths have you packed in your travel bag to give stability, courage, and hope when you encounter rough road?

Dianne Barker is a speaker, radio host, and author of 11 books, including the best-selling Twice Pardoned and award-winning I Don’t Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore! Organizing for the Maximum Life. She’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Christian Authors Network, and Word Weavers International. Visit www.diannebarker.com.

Graphic Adapted, from Road Traffic Signs.

Listen to Your Donkey!

Susan K. Stewart is practical and wise. She often sees lessons in the simplest things. In this Spiritual Growth UPGRADE, she encourages us to listen for God's voice in His Word, but also in other "messengers" He might send to us.

"Have you heard the story of Balaam’s donkey (Numbers 22)—the talking donkey?" Susan said. "Recently I dug a little deeper and learned more about the circumstances that prompted this animal to speak."

I (Dawn) have often thought this was one of the strangest accounts in the Bible. But Susan sheds some insight on this remarkable story.

Susan continues . . .

Balaam was a prophet who didn’t always put the Word of God first in his life.

Balak, king of Moab, was troubled by all those Israelites roaming in the desert, and he feared losing his kingdom to them. He decided the best thing to do was get a prophet of God to curse the Hebrews.

Balak chose Balaam.

On Balak’s first attempt to entice Balaam, God tells Balaam not to go and not to curse Israel. Balaam tells Balak’s messengers God won’t let him go, but fails to mention the not cursing part.

Balaam was partially obedient. He omitted the part he didn’t really agree with.

Balak was not a man to be stopped. He sent a second group of emissaries appealing to Balaam’s love of money. Once again, Balaam said he needed to talk to God.

We know God had already given his instructions: Don’t go. Don’t curse.

God let Balaam have his way, but God wasn’t happy about it. In fact, Scripture tells us God was angry (Num 22:22). God allowed Balaam to go with Balak’s servants; God still forbade the cursing of Israel.

The next morning, Balaam saddled his now famous donkey and rode off to Moab.

God sent an angel to block Balaam’s path to self-destruction. This angel had his sword drawn, ready for battle. The angel wasn’t bringing a message of glad tidings or joy. The heavenly creature was bringing warning and was prepared to enforce God’s command.

The donkey did what any smart creature would do: She stopped.

The donkey wasn’t being stubborn. True to her nature, she was being cautious. Why would anyone want to move forward in the path of God’s messengers brandishing a sword?

Balaam beat the creature until she spoke up.

Aren’t we guilty of not heeding God’s instructions?

How often do we think partial obedience is fine?

Too often, we, like Balaam, press forward with our plan presuming the blessing of God. Can you not see God on his throne slapping His forehead: “Didn’t I tell her not to do that?”

I’m thankful God has not chosen to send a warrior angel to stop me. I’m sure I would cower much like that little donkey did. Still I wonder, would I be like Balaam and lash out at those around me, those who try to warn me, instead of looking at the problem?

I’m afraid sometimes I’m a Balaam.

What can we do to NOT be a Balaam?

1. Listen to God.

God spoke directly to Balaam.

Oh, how many times I wished to hear directly from the mouth of God. My goodness, I’d accept an email. I like to think that, unlike Balaam, I would heed God’s direction.

2. After hearing God’s Word, follow His direction.

How many times does God speak to us in various way, but we don’t really listen? It doesn’t have to be big commandments, like don’t steal or murder. It can be a small thing, like don’t go to that town.

3. Follow God’s instructions—completely.

Too often we pick the parts we like and ignore what we don’t.

This is only partial obedience, and it can land us in a mess with only one way out—obeying God fully, which we should have done in the first place.

4. Don’t rush in as a fool.

Satan knows our weaknesses and uses them against us.

Balaam had a weakness for money and acclaim. Satan used that to get Balaam to do his bidding. He foolishly rushed to satisfy his weakness, no matter the cost.

5. Open your eyes.

Balaam was focused on his own gain, not on God’s instructions. He could only see what appealed to him: gold and fame.

He was blind to anything from God, even a sword-wielding, angelic warrior.

6. Look for God’s messenger.

God picks the way to get His message to us, and He will get his message through to us.

Balaam was so set on doing things his way, he didn’t see the godly messenger. It took the little donkey.

God uses what we will heed.

7. Stop.

We must stop whatever it is we are doing when we can’t go further. God may be blocking the way.

Stop, rethink, pause and pray.

Don’t try to keep pushing forward. Rest and seek God.

Sometimes it takes the inconsequential—like a meek, little donkey—to get our attention.

We need to listen.

When God opens the mouth of YOUR donkey, are you listening?

Susan K. Stewart, Acquisition Editor with Elk Lake Publishing, teaches, writes, and edits non-fiction. Susan’s passion is to inspire readers with practical, real-world solutions. Her books include Science in the Kitchen, Preschool: At What Cost? and the award-winning Formatting e-Books for Writers. Her latest book, Donkey Devos: Listening to Your Donkey When God Speaks, is scheduled to be released in the summer, 2020. You can learn more at her website—www.practicalinspirations.com.

Graphic adapted, courtesty of JacLou DL at Pixabay.

Is Overcoming Jealousy Really Possible?

I love how Kathy Collard Miller always goes beyond surface issues to deeper heart motives. In this Attitudes UPGRADE, she deals with the unsavory and distructive attitude of jealousy.

“I don’t understand why I didn’t get that opportunity,” Kathy said. “It’s perfect for me. God made a mistake.”

Have you ever thought that? I (Dawn) have. The ugliness of jealousy has side-tracked me from submitting to God’s will many times. I appreciate Kathy’s wisdom here.

Kathy continues . . .

I really did think God had done me wrong. From my perspective, it was obvious I should have been chosen for the responsibility.

But this wasn’t the first time I’d misjudged God’s plan.

I had to be honest with myself and recognize I had a problem with jealousy.

I wanted what others were given to do. And I wasn’t grateful for the opportunities God gave me.

One time, a friend asked me to participate in an informal survey identifying on a scale of 1 to 10—10 being the most—how much I struggled with jealousy. When I told her 10, she said, “You’re the first person to answer that.”

I was ashamed, but I became motivated to recognize the reasons for my jealousy and ask for God’s power to correct it.

When I read the Lord's perspective, I was motivated:

“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice” (James 3:16 ESV).

Since then I’ve found some truths that have helped me.

1. Jealousy seems to have a good result, but that’s a lie.

Solomon recognized that when he wrote,

“Then I saw that all toil and all skill in work come from a man's envy of his neighbor. This also is vanity and a striving after wind” (Ecclesiastes 4:4).

On the one hand, it seems jealousy is a good motivator to do better. But it only brings “vanity,” a kind of self-focus which leaves out God. Jealousy is only as profitable as trying to catch the wind. It doesn’t really bring the good results we think.

2. Dealing with jealousy is possible.

God wants every good gift for us (James 1:17). James wrote, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5 ESV).

God’s love for us is so extreme, He never wants to leave us without His power to respond in a godly way to every challenge.

When my heart becomes disgruntled with jealousy, I remind myself, “Kathy, you are not alone in this battle. God wants to help you.” Then I thank God by faith that He is ready to assist me.

I also don’t depend upon my feelings to judge whether He is being successful. Every feeling may not be destroyed, but God always empowers us to make wise choices.

3. Jealousy is related to arrogance.

I Corinthians 13:4 tells us, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.”

There seems to be some connection between jealousy and arrogance because both are the opposite of love.

Jealousy is fueled by believing we know better than God.

That’s why I thought God had done me wrong. I believed He didn’t know what he was doing. I’ve been immediately repenting of my jealousy by thanking God that He knows everything and what is best.

These three truths began to transform my thinking.

I actually am jealous less often. My thoughts more often are, “If God has chosen that person for what I’d love to do, He knows best for that person and for me. Thank you, Lord, for giving me and her your best gifts.”

It really is possible to be less jealous!

What can create jealousy in you? Which of the truths shared here is most important for your journey to overcome jealousy?

Kathy Collard Miller loves to help women trust God more through her 56 books and her speaking in over 30 states and 9 foreign countries. Her website/blog is www.KathyCollardMiller.com. Kathy’s newest book, co-written with her husband, Larry, is God’s Intriguing Questions: 100 Devotions Revealing God’s Nature and Our Motives. Check out Kathy’s Amazon author page at: https://www.amazon.com/Kathy-Collard-Miller/e/B001KMI10S/

Graphic adapted, courtesy of Robin Higgins at Pixabay.